to much time on my hands

youll have to forgive the mystic sounding title, but i figure theres a good enough reason for it altogether. right? well more or less out of boredom i guess. ive been doin some thinking on the subject of love…yeah yeah, still a bit ticked off about last thursday, but im mostly over it. seems to be a little bit of a chink in my armor. more like a raging crack if you ask me. anyways… by this point in time of thep osting if youve been following my blogs for the past couple of weeks, youll know that i love christina, nit in the mmore passionate type love i had for kim, but mostly a friendship and respectful type love.

we had the talk and we agreed to not press it any fursther then it already has. i call bullshit on this, mainly because of my own values…and i have a complicated and tricate set of em, as well as rules that go hand in hand with one another. wierd how it all worked out….but it did!

anyways, love is an interesting topic for me…it really is. youll not find a more passionate person to talk to about love or the act of loving someone so much that youd truly die for them. lol…well, in that sense, im not that guy anymore. id at least like to have some voice in the matter regaurding when i die and by whos hand, lol.

as i was saying before, love is truly an…sob…im repeating myself. what i really want to talk about here is the fact that the asb is so twisted in a knot about whatever the fuck happened way back when, that i cant give my FRIEND a healthy drink to enjoy, with out some sort of internal hemoraging going on about if im giving her the drink because i love her, or if im simply just giving her something healty to drink because i care for her.

by this point id have thought certain staff members wouldve gotten over the past and moved on. but i guess im mistaken on that front. sad really. it really did hurt quite a bit after i left the colledge campus so i kinda vented alot on my way home. well, not vented, just kinda wished i had actually said something rather then walking out of there in a puff of angery smelling grunts. lol. i have no idea what the hell that last sentence was all about.

but more to the point is this little tid bit. its a bit wrong to tell someone who they can  or cant love. love is an emotion, a wildfire that is only tamed by the water or rain. love can burn out from time to time, but only if raged against forl ong enough a time. i can love right? or rather i should say that since this incident opened my eyes to something not before seen, i should ask permission to love someone. lol. what a luagh riot. asking permission to have feelings for a woman. that completely against my way of thinking.

i do things on a whim, noy by shedule. if im going to bring my friend a drink because i think itll help her out in the long run, im going to do it because im her friend. not some guy trying to jump her bones.

being a male is a weird thing at times. were expected to put forth our brave face and triumph over any danger that threatens our females, but at the same time when that very threat is our females, then we cant hit em because  our society is that messed up. lol. equality for all. not for the hitting thing, just because im for equality. well im tired and slightly less angery ten i was two days ago, so yeah. im guessing tommorows going to be interesting.

shouldve gotten my work book done and my chapter 1 quiz rewritten. lol.

well… im fucking tired. night all, and christina, if your readin this right now…creepy? lol…. fun times… love ya, wouldnt dream of hurting you at all. your friends need to get over whatever fear trip there on. it hurts me to see them paranoid about my feelings for ya. at this point, there purely just there. love is love. no matter how you slice it.

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