my REALLY GOOD THOUGHTS!

well, i tried writing some clumps for the ds, but no dice there. i guess im still psyched about the whole “HOLY CRAP IM ENGAGED!” part of things. and robert said it wouldnt happen, ha ha! that guys such a kidder! joking aside, this is where the hard part begins, even though its going to be a pretty simple wedding, and caasi and i have a good amount of time to plan everything from how we want the wedding to look, the music list (WHICH WILL NOT BY ANY MEANS BE CHANGED, ALTERED OR OTHERWISE REMIXED BY THE FUCKING DJ), seating arrangement, the minister (manny for sure), to where were going to live after the big day (im getting psyched about this already! hell i AM PSYCHED!)…

needless to say my loyal blogstalkers and fellow readers alike, youll probably see a lot of this kind of thing popping up in my blog. but i am EXTREMELY HAPPY about this whole hting. i used to think way back when, lol, (you remember those days right david?) i used to think i would never get a girlfriend, then i thought i owuld never get married, and now im not so much worried about those two things any more… since I AM NOW ENGAGED TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD! and the best thing about her? heres the list:

1. shes not interested in politics. maybe a little.
2. she makes me laugh, and i make her laugh… a LOT.
3. she thinks my quirks are cute, and forgives my sometimes idiotic thoughts.
4. she portable. i can jsut pick her up and go somewhere…. to… do… um… things. bow chica bow down!
5. shes listened to my bitching and complaining, and then shes mentaly slapped me out of my stupor. i thank her everyday for that.
6. she is simple to figure out, i just ask her something, and out pops the answer!
7. she has THE most awesome family. they make me laugh, a very importante thing.
8. caasi has the most beautiful voice, eyes, skin, hair, thoughts, mind, body, thoughts, feelings… she is the dream woman ive been searching for all these years, and i thank god (kinda cliche, but it defenatley works…. i could say “thank time and space for all the times i randomly flirted with her” but that would sound conceited. i think.) every minute of every hour, of every day that im with her.
9. shes got a kid, a womderful kid that i think is just the most awesome little dude in the world!

shes just that awesome, ive got to open up to her more about some of the things i worry about, fears and what not, but for now everythings just right. i thought for thel ongest time that (yeah… iiiiiits flashback time with your host, morgan “redundant man” gavin!) ((and heres the great and mighty list, of women over the years that i THOUGHT were the one… great…)):

oh god…. who was the FIRST one… oh, i remember now:

1. jackie (ticked her off for some reason)
2. jane (i was shy… too shy)
3. jen (the one with curly hair) (she was taken, but were still friends)
4. jenny (the one who was in asb for a while) (wanted to ask her out… but i didnt. weird.)
5. kim (um… yeah… kinda didnt tell her i liked/loved her… long story.)
6. patty (she kinda scared the fuck out of me.)
7. sarah (she was cool about the whole thing, but then i had to go and write the damned story… second one.)
7. heena (kinda strange, fell for both her and sarah at the same time… then i found out the truth.)
8. christina (got around to telling her, but as i recall, never got around to asking her out. shes is awesome!)
9. angela (she also scared the fuck out of me. less then patty did, since im kinda scared of short constantly pissed off people.)
10. carla (flirted with her a few times, but nothing really clicked.)

were the ones in that dream. and yes, that is the complete list as far back as i can remember. i never stalked any of them, only let my feelings blind me to the stark reality that i was being a complete jerk.

but then i met caasi lee drury, my one TRUEST love. i can still remember how we first met that i can really remember… and hse can probably tell you how we ACTUALLY first met. i complimented her on her hair, and a few hours later came by to talk to me. she asked me why i complimented her hair, and i said that it was a cool color. then we talked about common interests for a while before we found out we were each single.

then i asked if (i think it was this question) she wanted to go out sometime, and she said yes. and then it happened, our first kiss… not so much a kiss as me trying to inhale her lungs. it started out so simply, i asked her if she wanted to kiss, and she said yes. and then we made out in front of everyone… not on purpose. it just inda happened. and the rest, as they say, is history.

but i love writing the story to her, she gives me feedback which i absolutely love, and though i know she wishes id talk about her more then i do about writing, she accepts me for ME, and not what the villager mentality of the group thinks.

over time ive been able to smooth over any rough patches ive had with her fmaily in the past. from misunderstandings, to just over all trust. ive worked hard to gain the amount of trust i have with them, and i trust them as much as i trust caasi. which is a lot… but im not going to be telling them about my misadventures of dating in the past. lol. maybe when enough time passes and weve learned a bit more about each other.

there are moments that are so far and few between where everything, to me at least, just clicks into place, and the gears starting turning at the right speed for me to be able to comfortably let someone passed the starter line and actually peek inside of my mind. caasi is one of those few people that have seen me at my best, and at my absolute worst. i love her with so much of myself, my heart and soul, that the only way i can truly express it is through my works. the one song, out of all that ive written that can actually say how much i love her is this one:

existing forever and no more 

I’m on top of the world again 
no more troubles troubles me 
I’m free from my mind again 
help me understand the 
reasons why It’s happened so quickly 
and I’ll understand the times 
that we never existed but we did 

existing forever and no more 
falling out the window 
to the third floor 
I’m alive hear me roar 
I’m king again 
of my own kingdom 
let me go 
let me cry freedom 
for all of those 
that want to hear 
of the midnight ride of morgan 
yeah you heard right It’s clear 

existing forever and no more 
I’m hear and alive 
so hear me roar 
scare away the demons 
of the past 
let through 
break yourlooking glass 
I am alive 
hear me roar 

I’ll come in first 
just to settle the score 
and hunt down 
all these demons 
in my mind 
I seem to be freeing 
I am the world faster gun slinger 
I beat the army of the test 
forget those old geezers 
I’m the best 
I beat the army of the test 
don’t look at me 
like I’m not at rest 

existing forever and no more 
I’m alive so hear me roar 
existing forever and no more 
I’m alive so hear me roar 
I’m alive so hear me roar 

though they tried to stomp out the flame of life inside 
I fell the rythm coming back for me 
I’m full of pride 
but I’m not blind to the things I’ve done 
I’ve made my peace 
my time has come 

looking out the window no more 
on a rainy day 
I’ve lived through the worst of storms 
letting things go there ways 
I’ve loved the women in my life 
so much so more 
I’ve filled my mind 
with memorys 
my mind 
with scary stories 

existing forever and no more 
I’m alive and filled with love, so listen to my roar of passion 
blinding as the the flash of a gun 
louder then the exploding of ten thousand suns…

Posted via web from The mind of Morgan James Gavin

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