the following is an actual chat log with a friend in his last moments. he died misunderstood, feeling unacepted by the gorup of friends he so desperatley wanted to be accepted by. this is a real account of bradley cogans last moments before he died. my screen name is enigmatt2002, and i did my best to bring his spirits up. he is in gods hands now, he is somewhere where he will be loved for who he is as a person, and not for what he thought people percieved him as. included is a track he made me which i share with all of you.
bradleycogan is not in your Messenger List
bradleycogan: oh hey^^
enigmatt2002: hows are you doing?
bradleycogan: i started on a backround, its kinda cheery..mightood for an irony song ^^
bradleycogan: im good n u?
You have received 1 file from bradleycogan.
backround for opera.mp3
enigmatt2002: oh yeah, i learned never to give a stalker attention, or theyll never leave you alone. so you just do what might stop thel ittle bugger
enigmatt2002: you give him an overload of attention
bradleycogan: who stalked ya?
enigmatt2002: uswins brother
enigmatt2002: fun little guy
bradleycogan: uhhh…who is that?
enigmatt2002: never mind that, but rest assured that people all over htep lanet are getting a really good glimpse at his true character so to speak
bradleycogan: thats not good…
bradleycogan: i have a dilema..
enigmatt2002: nope., but its the only way i could think of to get his ass to stop it already
enigmatt2002: whats the delemna
bradleycogan: that reminds me theres this guy everyone hates at school
bradleycogan: but i want to b his friend
enigmatt2002: so basicly everyone hates me?
enigmatt2002: just go out and say it man
bradleycogan: no, not u , ur cool
enigmatt2002: oh awesome
bradleycogan: his name is scott
bradleycogan: but like everyone is mad at me for being his friend
enigmatt2002: did he used to date caasi? or is he the troll looking bugger
enigmatt2002: screw what they think man
bradleycogan: yea, that one
bradleycogan: the one who used to date cassi
enigmatt2002: like i said, screw what they think.
bradleycogan: really? yaaaay aww i could hug ya
bradleycogan: im just torn, cause like my brother is mad at me cause he hates him
enigmatt2002: look, you were a chick at one point right? what does you female intuition tell you? i know your now a man, but im taking this to the core of your being.
bradleycogan: ….umm i choose to be scotts friend cause i mean hes too awesome to let them tell me who muh friends r
enigmatt2002: do what you think is right. hell, you got a one up on us guys, because of that intuition
enigmatt2002: there you go
bradleycogan: actually i dont
bradleycogan: women think im repulsive cause i don’t come complete with a package deal
enigmatt2002: you have just answered your own question. being scotts friend is not a social crime
enigmatt2002: so? theres more to being a dude then just a penis,
bradleycogan: but its sad how many people find me unnatractive cause of it
enigmatt2002: dude… personally?
enigmatt2002: i thought you were a beautiful woman…
bradleycogan: like no one takes the time to know me..
enigmatt2002: and i thnk your a cute guy.
enigmatt2002: im straight and engaged.
enigmatt2002: lol, sorry, i hit the panick button there
enigmatt2002: but its true
bradleycogan: tbut i am.. a guy…but thanks^^
bradleycogan: but like no one gets to know me.. they see the outside and run
enigmatt2002: yeah, i know how hard that is, talk to david, hes got some stories about me. bradley, you have to look past what people see you as,
enigmatt2002: and focus on what you want personally
enigmatt2002: do you want happiness?
enigmatt2002: do you want to feel loved?
bradleycogan: the reason ppl hate scott tho is for sumthin stupid, like i don’t know why ppl don’t forgive him
bradleycogan: i do..
enigmatt2002: do you want acceptance despite whatever short comings people think you have?
bradleycogan: but i never will
enigmatt2002: never say never
bradleycogan: i don’t but the world does
enigmatt2002: fuck the world.
enigmatt2002: and if literally possible,fuck the world.
bradleycogan: its not, cause nobody could ever see me that way..im like a monster
bradleycogan: rawrs at the world
enigmatt2002: a beast? a creature? an unknown? a loser? a degenerate? dont think like that bradley, never think bad about yourself. i want you to promise me this. make a bond with scott
bradleycogan: oh ok
enigmatt2002: become his friend and say to the gorup mentality “YOU ARE MENTAL! I DONT NEED YOU!”
enigmatt2002: take that inner monster that you think people see you as and create something with it!
bradleycogan: ppl hate scott too but for different resons, but still there so insignificant, that i don’t see why ppl hate him
bradleycogan: ppl r stuppid
enigmatt2002: there is no greater bond then friendship, and even in the blackest depression, there will ALWAYS be a sliver of light. grasp onto that lsiver and rip that depression a new one. thats the spirit!
enigmatt2002: people, though intelligent, lack the common sense to see past what they dont understand, and grasp the bigger picture.
bradleycogan: yea, friendshiop is all i got, cause no one rally takes the time
enigmatt2002: do what i do, write, express yourself through song, story, and video
bradleycogan: to love me for who i am
enigmatt2002: if they dont love you for who you are, then find people who will.
bradleycogan: ive tried
enigmatt2002: i want to ask you something.
enigmatt2002: who do you know you are?
enigmatt2002: you know who you are
enigmatt2002: people will only get interested in the parts of you they see themselves in and nothing more.
bradleycogan: the world doent take the time to want to know me..
bradleycogan: im weird
enigmatt2002: then make the world know who the real bradley cogan is!
bradleycogan: i do..
enigmatt2002: youre weird?
bradleycogan: they choose not to see
enigmatt2002: im weirder, i write stories about the dream dimension, i sing under the bridge, i growl and roar and boast and say stupid things.
bradleycogan: brb dishes
enigmatt2002: DAMN YOU, DISHES! lol, ill be right here.
bradleycogan: i cant do this anymore dude
bradleycogan: i cant will myself to live among these horrible shallow assholes
enigmatt2002: dont kill yourself.
enigmatt2002: death is not the end, but neither is it the answer.
bradleycogan: y am i so hated
bradleycogan: y do ppl claim to accept me, then run from me when i try to show them who i am
enigmatt2002: because people fear what they do not understand. they want to be able to understand something, that way they can feel like they have conquered something more. but the real thruth of them atter is that they do not understand themselves.
bradleycogan: i gotta go… nobody understands.. to them i was only a burden
bradleycogan has signed out. (11/4/2009 10:51 PM)
enigmatt2002: and so they build up walls of suspision around themselves, and spread false lies to the ignorant, unaware that they are damning themselves in doing so as well.
enigmatt2002: i uderstand perfectly.
enigmatt2002: call me anytime you feel like talking.
bradleycogan: i don’t want to die. but i don’t want to live eithetr
enigmatt2002: do you like reading?
bradleycogan: um so ugly
enigmatt2002: if you feel like you need a escape i can do my best ot provide you with one.
bradleycogan: no one wants to set me free
enigmatt2002: to first set yourself free, you must wade through the toughest challnger to you. yourself. you must wrestle with your darkness and beat it into submission.
bradleycogan: so i wiil have to if they wont
enigmatt2002: do you like to read?
enigmatt2002: im asking you this, because if only for a moment in time, i can help you out,
bradleycogan: copuld you help me by one thing
enigmatt2002: i like to write stories. im on the 6th chapter of a book im writing, as a way to temporarly escape my own depression.
enigmatt2002: i will not kill you bradley.
bradleycogan: find someone who likes ppl like me, who actually cares…and give them my email..
enigmatt2002: i will do this
enigmatt2002: no problem, thats what friends are for right?
bradleycogan: why do ppl only like me as a woman
bradleycogan: things would b diffrent if i was normal
enigmatt2002: you are normal! do not let anyone tell you different.
enigmatt2002: you are as normal as myself
enigmatt2002: you are a healthy human being.
enigmatt2002: are you not?
bradleycogan: so many will claim, but never back their story
bradleycogan: im jaded
enigmatt2002: you have a heart that beats, lungs thatp rovide oxygen, and a brian that works.
bradleycogan: i have a disfigured body
enigmatt2002: but you have life in you. your body is not disfigured, nobody is difigured.
bradleycogan: why would people trade a beutiful soul, for an average soul that happens to be beutiful only on a level of flesh
enigmatt2002: you altered your body, according to your own desires.
bradleycogan: too bad im no one elses
enigmatt2002: all souls are beautiful, all humans are beautiful, despite what people may think about you, you are a wonderful man.
enigmatt2002: hrm. i might be able to fix that, my fiances sister is single, shes a bit shy, so give her time to warm up to you.
enigmatt2002: shes really into making movies.
bradleycogan: shure she wont run from me
enigmatt2002: she could use someone to make sound tracks for her movies, im sure.
bradleycogan: im too ugly
enigmatt2002: no your not ugly.
bradleycogan: its hard to beleive
enigmatt2002: stop that! stop thinking your this creature thatn o onel ikes.
bradleycogan: but its true
enigmatt2002: in other words, stop being a morgan.
bradleycogan: u got sum1 tho
bradleycogan: i got no one
enigmatt2002: i do, but only because i beleived in my abilities.
bradleycogan: i have none
enigmatt2002: it was hard for me
enigmatt2002: you have someone,
bradleycogan: y for you your a real man
enigmatt2002: i may be able to produce sperm, but i am no where near ready for life outside these four walls.
enigmatt2002: remember what i said?
bradleycogan: but is truth, no one likes me
enigmatt2002: having a penis, doesnt make you a man. what makes you a man, is in your heart and your mind.
bradleycogan: thats why i fell like a monster
enigmatt2002: then use that monster to create, make it work for you, tune your music to the monsters roar, and let him be your muse.
enigmatt2002: trust me, it works like a charm.
enigmatt2002: i used to be depressed myself.
bradleycogan: i don’t want to be a monster
enigmatt2002: i used to think that i would find no one, that all women would either have boyfriends or not be interested.
bradleycogan: im just ugly is all
enigmatt2002: then dont, sepreate that monster from yourself and turn him into a swauve debonaire
enigmatt2002: your not ugly! stop saying that!
bradleycogan: but they make me fell like it
enigmatt2002: they made me feel like i wasn othing as well, and look where that got me? absolutely no where! i had to pull myself up by the boots straps and trudge on throug hthe shit, and the anger, and the suicidal thoughts, and the hatred before i realized that i was someone unique unto myself. and that what you need to do right the fuck now bradely, pull yourself up from this fun youve got yourself in and march on through the slings nad arrows of everyone elses self depreciating remarks.
bradleycogan: i took my meds maybe the sadness will go away..
enigmatt2002: they got you down deep didnt they?
enigmatt2002: they hurt you in such a way that you no longer feel like living amongst the evil of society.
bradleycogan: i took double what i was supposed to im afraid
enigmatt2002: . dont be. like i said before, death isnt the end, but neither is it the answer.
enigmatt2002: i want you to call me on my phone, and talk to me for as long as you are able to.
enigmatt2002: and then do the same thing the next day, and so on and so forth until you feel your able to go on with talking to me.
bradleycogan: i fel lazy a tired
enigmatt2002: call me bradley,
enigmatt2002: i have my phone on me right now.
bradleycogan: m uncepted
bradleycogan: a rally tired
enigmatt2002: i accept you for you and nothing less
bradleycogan: no no knows thewhole me
enigmatt2002: bradley cogan, if you die on me tonight, i post the last chat log you ever participated in to let every one know how it all went down.
enigmatt2002: if you die on me ill never forgive myself,
enigmatt2002: i want you to make yourself throw up. drink a lot of water and then stick your finger down your throat and throw up.
enigmatt2002: what that will do is get rid of the medicine in your stomach waiting to be digested.
bradleycogan is typing a message.
bradleycogan: my lips fell tingley
enigmatt2002: yeah they do that… its al ittle weird at first.
enigmatt2002: you still there?