well, its that time again, i dont really know what time it is… probably somewhere around 9:00pm to be honest here. i only have half a beer on me so lets get this thing over with shall we? wow… there just bleeding harry potter dry arent they, hell i cant seem to keep from looking at the tv while writing this. which is really kinda surprising. anyways, whats the most pressing issue on my mind… well, i gota be honest with you all on this one.its still the little chat i had with heena. yeah yeah, i know the deal by now, but she really has widen my perception of things. really. i dont know why i should care about her at this point in time, but maybe its her connection to my past at vvc. so strongly is she connected that its hard not to want to try and reason things out with her. but since i know just how much ive hurt her, my only real options are to leave her alone or slowly over time build up trust with her. lol, thats a funny thought. cause i only have a year to do that, and already im just beggining to realize everything happening around me. that being said i can honestly say that this little connection theory of mine really does have no weakness or flaw. in theory if my connection to her, meaning how ive interacted with her in the past, is strong and true, that would pretty much mean that im connected to everyone shes connected to just by association. wich really does boggle the mind after a while. bummer, she really kinda cute. anyways… moving on, second most pressing issue on my mind, is probably the fact that ive been noticing how much influence each member of the gorup actualy has on who allies with who and what. lol, yeah yeah. by this time, youve probly figured out that im either a sociopathic idiot or just plain drunk…. after half a beer? cmon people, get real. so here goes, first off uswin, being pretty much the grandaddy elder of the group, pretty much has all the respect, even though hes not much of a people person. probly stemming from the simple fact of hows hes interacted with the world. next notch down on the totem pole would more or less be bill, same reason, only except bills more friendly on some aspects, although sometimes i cant figure him out. bills just bill. after him would be david and chris, seeing as how they bring the 360 or wii whenever the situation clarifies for it. please note that im not really trying to get them into something, im just thinking aloud. after the sega bros, would come brian quin, medicine woman. the one thing is that hes got more of a lead on uswin then at first realized. more or less due to his charismatic personality. which at times is entertaining, but most of the time its kind of a pain when hes focus is on trying to tear me down. after brian would be, mostly at the same level, darryl. i like him more then i do brian of course as well as the others, since i do have more one on one time with him, and the fact ive met his folks and jammed and sparred with him. plus he kinda reminds me of bobby in someways. all of em good. after darryl would come sean, which i do respect, but lately hes been getting in my face about somethings that im not too happy about. there are a couple of others then at the bottom is me. i dont care too much about my place with in the group itself, ive gotten used to them teasing me about varios things. but all in all im happy that ive got them as friends. lets see here… well, i cant really chat much more about stuff. considering the fact the its pretty f***ing draining having to widen my scope of mind jsut to remind myself that my interactions with the world aorund me do indeed have consiquences. frankly, im rather tired of the whole thing, hell im even tired rite now if writing about something that shouldnt matter to me but does. but then again, thats life for you, you live and learn, sometimes you gotta make a u turn and try to fix things the best you can. if you dont, youll regret it the rest of your life. ive too many regrets as it is. in the end i keep wondering if my friendship with sarah was just adrema after all. no… it wasnt. but sometimes i wish it were. and what is me acting normally anyways? i dont think ive ever been normal at all.