Ok folks, a few weeks ago I linked you all to a Yahoo article that was about real costumed crime fighters, as well as shot out my own opinions about the matter. Well, today’s not really that much different, new site, new Heroes, and some interesting Tech along with it. You can find the link to their site here. But what really tickles my goat, is the fact that their team comprises of a giant, a stilt runner, a shield wielding ventriloquist, a brawler and circus performer. On to the fun stuff. I have to admit that the costumes they came up with are pretty good, I’ll copy paste the pictures here as well as some interesting thoughts on each. Mind you, I’m only doing this because for some reason, everything seems a bit more interesting whenever I think of the movie Kickass. But let’s face it folks, when some knee jerk idiot gets changed into dimensional portal wielding bad ass, these guys will be put to shame.
Think the Batman impersonators from “The Dark Knight”, only a bit more colorful.
Ok, first up we have the brawler, otherwise named Bulldog Jack: First up, I want you to notice something. The sketch really won’t do the actual thing any justice, because let’s face it, the dude will look nothing like a bulldog, but I guess that’s not what hes going for. In his profile, it says that he’s a brawler, pretty simple stuff, you go somewhere you beat thugs up. Simple stuff, like I said once before. I don’t think there is anything in this image that suggest the guy can be of any help in other areas. But we don’t really know what his skill set is. Could it be this guy can do more then beat people up, say the word “Bub” at the end of sentences, and smoke stogeys while wondering about his amnesia stricken past? Wait… I’m thinking James Logan from X-Men. moving on.
Next up, we have Collisian, his image is above this text. Now in HIS profile, he actually has a known skill: Computers! Yay! It also says he’s 7’11. That’s seven feet eleven inches people. Let’s hope he doesn’t have one of those dinky lap sized laptops. Seriously, that would be a bitch to type on. Okay, besides the huge size and tech skills, it says he has a kind heart. Well duh. Of he does. I mean, if anything I don’t think he’s goin to be ripping up tiny villages and grinding our bones to make his bread. Also, he’s 500 pounds. Me thinks a tad bit heavy for the whirly cups at Disneyland. Originally when I saw his profile, I thought he was at least over 30, but than again, much like everything else in the stupid planet, looks can be decieving. With that said, we’ll move on to my personal favorite!
The Grim Jester. The name fucking says it all folks, the Grim Jester. I can’t think of a more clear likeness than an Emo birthday clown Livejournal blogging while doing balloon animals. But all jokes aside, the dude is well, here’s his profile, awesome with the name, he’s a acrobat… with body armor…. complete with Jester hat. Simply put, wow! Plus five epic points for the puffy shirt. I forget the proper name, so let’s just stick with puffy shirt for ever! He’s 6 feet tall and 200 pounds of pure, unadulterated, crimefighting, childrens birthday party rocking… stuff. What? WHAT!? Moving on! I’m sure that GJ’s jumping skills will help out the team in the long run. I’m just giving em shit because it’s my blog. The fucking Grim Jester. Wow! Awesome name! Dude’s ot a fucking bullwhip! Hell’s to the fucking yeah! He’s gonna get all “Temple Of Doom” on criminals asses! This guy’s also walks stilts. But not like our next guy! Da Da Da! Here’s the stilt runner in a cycling uniform and matching head set. Otherwise known as the Spring Heeled Flash! Look, I know these guys are working on their team building, timing, special move set, and/or creepy, yet campy one liners. But this guy takes it all in stride. Once again, I am an equal opportunity humourist. Let’s hold nothing back and have the results speak for themselves. Right? Damned straight. So, this guys profile is the basic run and gun kinda deal. Not that he packs any heat. But he packs bright shiny lights to distract the Rednecks while the others (Namely Bulldog Jack, ARF! Sorry, that’s RUFF MOTHAFUCKA, RUFF!) beat the unholy tar out of them. Basically, he one part of a two part distraction, and that other part? Coming up! Ah the vVntriloquist! Without the creepy puppet, the idiotic tux, or the stupid comedy specials aring on Youtube. Though we will, inevitabally, see what this woman is packing that makes me wonder if she somehow uses her tech to make guys think their dicks are talkin to them. Could be usefull in certain situations. Anyways, on to my opinion of this mighty voice throwing thrill seeker! We already know that there is tech out there that allows only the person in the path of the condensed soundwaves to hear the actual sound right? Well, that’s her dealio. I assume the tech she packs in that shield is nothing more then an enlared version of the super hearing aid that’s advertised on latenight TV. That tech also acts as a shield. I assume she has a mike hidden somewhere that’s hooked up to the little darlin, so that’s not really any big whoop.
Oh yeah, forgot her profile. And her alter ego’s name is Volumocity. Kinda makes it seem like she’s a pixie’s giant robot piloted by little people, Don’t it? Well at anyrate these guys, along with the other four, are going to be patrolling whatever city their going to be patrolling.
What I’m waiting for is their big drawn out drama to unfold once they start doing their thing. I smell a reality show! WHOO HOO! Can it be on Fox? Can we vote for who stays and who gets the boot? Please!? Can Simon Cowell be the leader? HELL’S TO THE FUCKING YEAH!