things to know… or how i learn to hate the oscars, beauty pagents, pagent moms, foxnews, ect.

Lately a lot of things have been tripping me out lately. Not the Occupy movements, not the olympics, not even the things that are supposed to be there for me on a regular basis. I’m talking about the whole stupidity of the whole universe.

“But Morgan!” You may exclaim unexcitedly or with any sort of interest, “What the fuck man, are you high?”

No. I am not. Just highly caffinated. YAY, I spelled the word right! I GET A COOKIE! OM NOMS! That cookie was rotten to the core, souless, and without any actual merit to its Existence. much like Fox News and Beauty Pagents. 

Why bring those two things together? Why the fuck not. They insult the average Americans intelligence by presenting an image of a parent forcing their kid to go through an emotionally disturbing and psychologically altering Hell, and through those kids living vicariously through whatever false glory the kid gets. And the best part of it all is the emotional abuse some of the parents dole out on thier kids if, God forbid, they lose a paggeant.

They say that school yard bullying is the worst type of them all?
I heartilly disagree. It’s the Pageant Moms insistence to the three year old, who would rather be eating a sucker, that if they don’t smile when the Judge is looking at them, that they’ll get tied to the radiator and santa will give her more than just a dirty look.

I really don’t get this, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all for building up a kids mental image to believe in themselves, to strive to become someone who will contribute to society in a meanigful way…

But a children’s beauty pageant? Aren’t there Child Labor laws that prevent this kind of whoring out of todays youth by forcing them to do an really awkward rendition of Swan Lake while that person stands in the back, looking all wide eyed and frantic, like at any moment, THEIR dream of doing this is going to be ruined… All because the kid spun, and was standing on two feet.

This is why there is an age limit to drinking.
This is why there is an age limit when you become an adult.
This is why there are age limits all across the board.
And yet there aren’t any in place for putting the kids through the emotionally disatisfying experience of pageantry. It should be at least at an age where the kid can understand the complexity of ballet, or singing.

Not spitting out the first thing that pops to mind like some demented version of Charlie Sheen if his life were one big coke fueled musical.

I would actually pay to sit through whatever disaster that turned out to be. In the end, it would be a shit load more educational than whatever mindless psuedopsychosis these greedy, fame hungry, overly controlling parents put their toddlers through.

Soccer? I’m cool with that.

Football? Totally awesome.

Early acting? Yes indeedy.

Pageantry? You might as well sign your kids up to be a Hells Angel, or even a Vagos member at that point. 

Look, I know there are many, MANY view points on this subject. Many of them, like my own, very, very useless and entertainingly optimistic… Or not. the point I’m trying to make here is that there should be a age limit for almost everything except the freedoms that we are given, both as countrymen and women, and as human beings as well.

And if that means, for some god awful reason, working at Faux News, all because you were a pageant kid and have no other talent besides smiling, looking pretty, and interrupting people to the point where they go insane… Nancy Grace, the horse that replaced her, and the creature from the black lagoon that will eventually replace HER… Then by all means, go for it.

Also… meh to the Oscars. Friggin ego strokers.

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