pretty name… aint it? six syllables. three names. sixteen letters.
now think about what that name means to you, personally. what memories spring up because of it?
are they good or bad?
of loved ones from the past?
what colors does it bring up? red? blue? green? black or white?
to me… it brings up both good and bad memories.
to me, that anme doesnt remind me of any loved ones, past, present, or future.
to me, that name draws the colors of pink, blue, white, yellow, black, and grey.
to me, it brings up scars that go way deeper then just the skin.
its both a pleasant and horrid feeling of dread.
its been exactly exactly three hundred and twenty one weeks since the last time i have said those three names together out loud. it has been exactly one month since ive thought about her. seen her in my dreams or nightmares, sang a song that didnt remind me of her in some way. its been exactly nine minutes since ive day dreamed about her.
this woman has unintentionally ingrained her image into my memory.
she will be part of my past.
she will be part of my present.
she will be part of my future.
i dont write this out of spite, or sad feelings. more or less because i have to talk about it at some point. in the past, ive written about all the aspects surrounding our very limitedi nteractions, my feelings towards her, hers towards me, and the consequences that resulted in a deep misunderstanding.
the friends that ive had, that were friends of hers as well in someway, have left me at one point or another. and we have never spoken since the day of my accident. i have spent countless hours obsessing over the countless angles, the contrived idiosycracies around our history. and yes, whether or not kimberlee likes it, there is history. and yes, that history will fade away when all those who have us in their memories pass away. ourselves included.
the woman i had known, not really the person she truly was to her close friends and family, but the person i knew was hypnotizing in both image and voice. and through knowing her i did many great things. and osme stupid ones as well.
where ever she is, whomever shes with, and whatever she has done with her life must be amazing. her kids, if she has had any by this point will have some of her finer points, and some of her more undesirable ones as well.
kimberlee ann kelly is a beautiful, amazing woman with intelligence, grace and dignity in all that she was, is, and ever will be.
its quite the shame we never became friends, and stayed in the awkward strangers phase of things. i highly admired her, at one point devolped fast evolving feelings for her that got me into more trouble then i actually like to think about.
eventually, i was able to overcome those feelings with great pains.
it was love that i felt for her.
thats all. BUT, always one there somewhere, someone misunderstood my intentions, and things grew a little bit chaotic. they were misunderstood because of the way i dressed, looked, and acted.
we spoke exactly ten times. we looked at each other exactly twelve hundred times at different points and through various means. it bugs me a little less around this time of year. and what happened the years we both attended the same college gradually fades fromm my memories.
all things, good, mundane, or bad, eventually do come to an end. and the ripples they create eventually do soothe themselves back to normalcy. no editing tonight.