Everyday I’m shufflin’

Everyonce in a while, I have a glass of wine, sit down, and write a blog. The only decision i have to make now a days, is to which blog branch I’ll post it to. the past few days are somewhat of a blur… well, today, I’ll be talking mostly about the jessica, or whatever else passes my mind. But, everyonce in a while, I just need to write something down as part of a ongoing plan not to go batshit crazy and launch a ball of iron into the sun and wait for hell to wash over me. Today is no different from the others.

First off, the search for dates is my weak point in the chain of what I like to call, my skill set. I’m a charmer, not really, every relationship i’ve ever had, I have mostly blundered into, or it might’ve been just timing and placement of me and the woman in question.

Trust me, I’m a doctor. With three arms. 

For a week and a half, I haven’t left the house, or even ventured out of my room much save for doing the htings that need be doing. Like feeding the horses, taking care of max, the cats, cleaning, eating and so on. today is the first timme I’ve actually felt like going into the world and going somewhere that wasn’t laden with dick jabbing ex girlfriends or unneeded things that made me feel as if I were on the price is right half the time.

Trust me. I’m the wolf. That is hyper.

things I would just love to rant about:
Juan Francisco Beltran. A pedophile.
Jessica Demello. My exgirlfriend with a penchant for being like rocky balboa facing off against a giant dong.
My ex fiance, Caasi Drury, who now believes that the matrix is real.
My search for a date with that usually ends with my being in a relationship with some chick. tis greatness.
Kim K. A haunting visage of a one time and one sided love that was purest in its own way but fell flat.
Kimberly Scwinn. A woman on OKCupid with a busy schedule that I am having a, So far, one sided conversation with. Love it.

there are many things that I could concievably rant and rave about. but to be honest, I just havent felt the need. Maybe I’m entering what people call the “Oh shit i just dumped someone” phase of things, wherein I reflect on what the fuck I was thinking about when I wrote the words “I am breaking up with you.”

Or the fact that I now have a penchant for creating Capture the flag levels for a game no one of any relevance still plays. I find it relaxing and helps me gain some insight onto what the fuck i’m going to do next.

I seem to overload myself with things, that, at the time, make perfect sense to work on for a while. but then, as is always the case, I get bored with them! Need to start using those more often. !!!!!!! there you go. I get bored and want to do other things. 

I need a change of pace, as I fear i might slowly being going insane. That’s what the writing is for right? To vent my various frustrations in the internet where every bob, jim, and dick tracy wannabe does it. Tis life, love, and hatred all at one time.

i’m going to open up, just this once, aboutsomething I don’t really talk about that much. MY familial life. Yay for fucking you.

At home, I’ve sworn on many time before, not to EVER talk or write about what’s going on in the household besides my own freakishly entertaining boredom. Well nuts to that I dare say! We’ve two exchange students, three at the moment for one odd reason or another, and one of them is gratifyingly inert as to our perception of him. He goes about his ways, unknowingly cause one set of strifes after another, and as I am rarely around to witness this genuine evolution of a human turnip, I hear about it from my mother.

I love it. Not. I can only say for certain that at one point, I actually started listening, and realized to the sheer horror of my natural intellect, that she was being driven batshit crazy by the relatively small incidents that have built up over time. and as my duty of the loving son, I listen, give feedback, and generally just try to shito ut a happy feelings cake.

Well, all that listneing and I feel as if I had listening to the mewling anecdotes of a driveling homeless person who’s suffered a traumatic brain injury or two. This is my opinion, and I for one, and tired of people complaining about it. fuck off you anal retentive prats and come back when you’ve the class to sit and read what i’ve put out for the masses! The rest of you, you’re very welcome.

My mother, though an intelligent person of severely great ambition, is at the peak of losing her mind because of this students antics. I fall on the balance beam of not caring and caring just enough to remember that I didn’t care to begin with, but not that I’ve started caring about not caring enough to care, I end up writing a paragragh with the word care written more times than I… well, you know… to admit. 

For other topics, I have NEVER dated a black woman. Why use labels? Why not, If I had simply stated that I have never dated a woman, i would be forced to call bullshit on myself and promptly end it right there. Black women are the mysterious breed of female that intrigue and beguile me more so than even the most beautiful woman. Tis true. I would go so far as to say I have never ventured into the strange fields of interacial dating because I feared a mass of angry black men would beat the crap out of me for even thinking of dating their women. Well nuts to them. i’m thinking of dating their women. 

That last paragraph, sounded slightly racist. I’m not even sure how to progress from this topic, but to grind it into the ground. with the time I have, I managed to do so. 

Previously mentioned, I’ve favored the colors of Black and white, polar opposites in the spectrum, revealing both the dark and mysterious nature couple with the pure and clean curiousity I sometimes exhibit. 

There was point in that, I just wanted to get that out of the way.

okay, here goes the crazeh train.

Lately, I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking. and believe me, thinking for me is like snails haaving sex to sped up disco music. It’s disturbing at first, and then you realize what the fuck is actually happening and get over it. Well, for a while I’ve been in and out of of it with these weird as fuck hours of mine. I’m trying to get better, but stay with me here. I stay up during the time when everyone else in the house is asleep.


Yeah, I thought so too.

Anyways, these dreams are super freakeh, like the stuff YOU usually have, only except really fucking weird. And coming from me, it IS REALLY FUCKING WEIRD. I’m too lazy to list off any examples, but… it’s fun.

Next topic! Yay! I sometimes get the feelings that my body is trying to kill me in my sleep. Shit happens right? Like this afternoon I woke up with my hand near my throat, and I found myself strangely depressed, which isn’t that usual considering the crash rate when the effects of the coffee wear off on me, leaving my normally happy demeanor ripped apart and whats leftover is a slightly down and out personality with a little hint of boredom to it. Weird right? Of course it is.

Now the thing I really try to avoid is taking two gulps of coffee after my first time around. The first time is awesome, the second time the effects wear off faster. Also,  LOOK AT ME IMMA BIRD! FLIBBITY FLAP! Sorry, had to get the exclemation points in there somewhere so this thing didn’t start reading like some emo kids journal. 

Right, the maps I’ve been making. Need to get some screen shots up and running you know?

so yeah, I guess you could say i’ve been distracted

Holy shit i’ve got a lot on my plate! fuck editing at this point. first things first, the juan thing was a fucking disaster at the end of the run. with jessica fucking complaining about mixed feelings about the fucking pedophile being put behind bars. and a few days later that shit causes the rest of the family to drop that ball faster than somethingelse dropping something else. who the fuck cars anymore!? NO ONE. 

So in combination with that little bomb, the fact i was sick as hell, and various other factor, I broke up with her. of course, she got pissed, I mean, what the fuck was I trying to fool myself into thinking would happen? rainbows and fucking unicorns? the damned relationship wasnt going anywhere fast, and i’m fucking disappointed in myself for thinking that i could actually stand the stresses of being with that owman any longer. 

my cat is giving me the evil eyes.

so thats over and done with, and four days later im searching for the next girlfriend. so far, the search isn’t going that well, but everything now a days is just hit or miss. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve even talked aobut hte whole jon and christie thing that I presumably don’t really care about it. Sad as it is, that’s just life.

in the meantime, I’m getting back into map making for ut goty, old game, but it givesm e osmething to do during the hours of hte night and the morning im awake while everyone else is sleeping away in happy dream fucking land. I did this to myself really, i just kept on pushing hte hours of sleep back until, tadah! I’m a fucking night owl. which in my own opinion isnt a bad thing, its just that there’s not really much to do or many people to talk to at around 4 or 5am. suuuucks.

in other news, im slowly an stickily vamping up the amount  of myspace friends i have again..

oh dont hate me just yet… now hate me.

okay, for those of yo utuned in, im fucking hyper. i wish i were getting some ass, but thats besides the point entirely. for those that are following this blog outside of the usual methods, i am single again. no longer attatched to the daft and bewildered eyes of some slightly dick pokerish woman, nor a emotionally drained man,free at last, free at last, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY free at last!

but can we REALLY call what ive been in for the last 6 months a relationship? can we really? in certain aspects, yes. we can. but in other aspects, and follow the bouncing ball on this one folks, because lets face it, poking my dick every once in a while and then doing it again after i told her not to, and not really GOING anywhere as such. yes we did hang out at the joneses, eat a few meals outside the complex, and go square dancing. twice. but that was the extent of our relationship to be honest. it was either travel troubles, worrying about being outside the complex after dark, or some other reason which at this point, i am ENTIRELY too lazy to get into.

folks, i mean this with the greatest respect a guy can have for a exgirlfriend at this point. this last relationship tops the list of crappy relationships ive had in my life. yes. we did have fun, we did make some memories, and in most cases, we DID, past tense, love each other. 

but as with everything good and gooey in the world, we fought a lot. argued, debated, she wanted my attention when it was directed at something much more important, like oh say, getting little ones calmed down for the night. and best yet, and ive been REALLY patient with this one, she is constantly on her phone talking with a friend who, according to her, doesnt have any friends. except the one calling her. 

now, this is a rant. im frustrated, this is the internets where freedom of speech is a valuable thing and i should not be afraid to use it to vent my frustrations the only way i know how. so suck it.

the ting was, it was starting to fall apart LONG before i noticed it was falling apart. like three months into the relationship. right after the jon/christie drama, she started nit picking me about my job. according to her, it’s not a REAL job. what is a REAL job? sign waving? texting all day? trying to balance the level of crazeh that slaps your mind sore every waking moment of your life?

im a published writer. 
i shoot, edit and produce videos.
i am head of three companies, one of which was founded by the joneses.
if anything, SHE needs to get a real job, stop bitching about how shes worried about money and learn to fly out of the fucking nest instead of relying so much on the charity of others.

am i pissed? yes. you couldn’t tell already? im super pissed. the night it happened, i wanted to write, the next night same hting. it HAS taken me THREE/3/TRES daysto write this fucking thing, thats how pissed i am about this whole thing.

the horrid thing about it? I thought it was going to work, that eventually something was going to change, either through her volition, or my own. but nothing. nothing changed, nothing grew, it was a relationship dud.

It was pretty much a rerun of the same episode relationship wise, and im not throwing all the blame on her,  it was partly my fault for not trying hard enough or some other bullshit like that to help shred myself to at least give her a fighting chance.

the juan thing was the straw that broke the camels back though. we worked SO FUCKING HARD ON THAT SON OF A BITCH! We gift wrapped that asshat for them in the disks, so her family, after stating they wanted in, backs the fuck out after i give them the evidence which makes me question why the fuck were doing this shit, if NOTHING EVER GETS DONE!

At least tell me the reasons why youre backing out, dont just push the job back onto me without much a reason. and to top it off, jess thinks that praying going to help change juans behaviour. its not. melissa and i tried to tell her that, explain to her in a way that made sense, but no. something got through, but it was fucking guttersniped.

the thing i REALLY dont get about the women i get into relationships with is this, the ones that ARE visibly interested in me, I pass them over, admittedly with the most insane reasoning that maybe i’ll find a better packaged one out there. only to find out that the better packaged ones are the deluxe models with a few screws loose.

is that being a fair and unbiased view point? fuck no it isnt, this isnt a news blog, im venting my fucking frustrations here, you expect fair and unbiased, go watching fucking fox news where they lie out their fucking asses to help the republican party with whatever they need help with.

the point of the matter is that the relationship was sick, weak, and it needed to be killed off at some point. do i feel guilty because of what the effects might be on her, a little guilty. but on the other hand, fuck it. i need to look out for my own sanity first and foremost, and if shits not working out, and im not talking about getting it on every time were together, then somethings gotta give. fuck editing.

Well, I guess I should update you… AGAIN.

Lately, a lot of things have been going on folks, a lot of things. I’m not just talking about the regulat humdrum crap that filters through your head every once in a while. But the actual stuff that really does bug the shit out of you from time to time. See, those of you who’ve stuck with me since the beginning, through the spaces where I said fuck it to writing blogs about stuff thats annoyed me, (More or less some stuff or some one), or anythign else that pissed me off to the point where I was caps lock raging, i thank you. i really do.

But, today’s a bit of a new day for me. I’ve been doing some thinking, about what I really want to do with my life, not in that “oh you’ll figure it out some day.” or the oh so fun “YOU’RE JUST A LAZY ASS!” kinda feeling… Actually I don’t know what the hell I want to write about. I mean, yes, I do have massive talen, but I also lack incredable focus to make sure that talen isn’t being fucked away like a crack addled frog or something like that.

Blogs, videos, and whatever else decides to pop my way are sometimes just the dullest… can’t believe that’s actually a word… dullest things to me. its only when I sink my teeth into something that excites me to no end that I really start to have fun. And don’t get me wrong here. I love writing. Gives me something to use to piss people off that have, at one point or another, pissed me off on some level.

Anyways, you people love consistancy right? RIIIIIGHT. yes you do. because i say so, that’s why. Anyways, there’s this dick named Juan beltran who is a hebe/pedophile. dont believe me? i’ll upload screen caps to show you. i really will, and believe me, this jackhole has whatevers coming ot him in the following days. 

now obviously, we all hatep edophiles, hebephiles, and whatever else that intells. but this douchebag really set off my alamrs in a way thatm ore or less begged me to check him out on a more thorough level. i do believe that i’ve already talked about this guy and the whole yadda yadda in my other blog, so I’ll just skip over that whole thing. 

the really interestign thing here is that we made contact, not via sock or anything like that, but just by sending him a direct email that stated, quite literally “in person or not at all.” weird huh? you’d think that he’d justb e as wary to make contact as we were to just end this little charade once and for all… But no, we played with his head al ittle bit. and in the end, its going ot work out just right. 

after all, what is the perfect plan without a little risk involved? the plan was pretty straight forward by any comparison, gain his trust, set up a meeting, trap him, call the cops and keep him still of his own free will till they knocked on the door. 

pretty fucking straight forward. but that got all fucked up when he got skitterish on us, deleted one of his two profiles, thato ne with all the really juicy stuff on it, and with the account of his, all the posts he made in regards to that. i am not the least bit concerned because i saved the shit out of the operation by saving the profile page. pretty simple stuff. wont go into it.

the point being, we’ve gone code red. we had two plans available to us that i thought up. the first was the afore mentioned “trap and treat” strategy. the second was just oging balls to the wall fast on speeding this whole thing up, getting the evidence together, and then calling both the VVC campus police and hte regular ones. Like there’s a differrence? 

so far, everythings within the acceptable perameters. plus, if he ends up deep sixing his other account or blocking us all together, we’ll just keep at the “sink the ship” method. metaphors… fucking love them.

my one and only qualm with the whole thing was that Juan has mental retardation, its a mental disability that regresses the mental age of the person by a random set of years. in this case, he is at the point where hes got the mind of a tenager in the body of an adult. which does create some unique problems of its own. 

at anyrate, when i first found… i talked about this already. skipping it. soon. Very soon. I am VERY happy with what we’ve accomplished. 

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