Okay… So the Oscars are coming up,m and like everyone else wwith a more fucked up pulse than that of either Charly Sheen, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards,, or even god forbid R, I despise the ego stroke fest that it has become. It’s a testament of time when you consider that all the big hitters of these years have been movies that take our favorite movie monsters, and turn them into simpering, whiny, emotionally damaged versions that only appeal to twelve year old girls, scenemo kids with more brightly colored hair than any one of the Beatles acid trips, lonely house wives, or Glenn Beck., Because honestly, most characters tearful cries for help arem ore real than one fat cell on that fuck nuts body.
but I’m getting behind myself, because myself is waiting for the big one. And by big one, I’m talking whatever hatred decides to spring up today. So What should spur my ranting more than ego stroking Oscar statues? Emozombies. Glampires. Wherethefuck wolves. And Snookie. I fucking Hate Snookie. Or is it snicker? I can’t tell the difference now and Day because I’ve been awesome at catching things that fucking annoy the hell out of me worse then a David Crosby reunion.
Because David Crosby isn’t a band. He’s a Quadruple Amputy with less forgiveness than a horde of midgets hanging out on the set of Wizard of Oz. And that shit just fucking rocks no matter who the shit you think you are. I’m not really sure if I’m trying to kill the old “Ripping hollywood A New One” Post, but apparently, It’s working.
Back to things that Anger me. Pageant mothers. Dance Mothers. Drama Parents who force their own broken dreams down their already emotionall deranged kids throats in an attempt to make them “Listen” and “Behave” in a way that makes them think that its normal to Falcon Paunch a fat kid and expect little ripples on his flab to form.
Yes, I used “Paunch” Instead of “Punch”! Why!? WHY DO YOU QUESTION THAT WHICH YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! FALCON….. PAAAAUUUUNCH! On a sidenote, I almost put Nipples instead of Rippkles. which, in hindsight, would’ve been fucking hysterical, because nipples forming on a fat mans flab from Falcon Paunching him in the side would be the MOST epic jump in evolution ever.
I just forcefully farted. No! *Dramatic Pose* I…. FALCON FAAAAAAUUUUGHTED! Doesn’t have the same effect. Seriously though. I find that all awards shows are based on the whole basis of “Ha! I have a shiny thing and you don’t!” Premise.
Also, I will not fall into the “I’mma make myself look weak while exerting my power over you!” Thing because fuck you, that’s why. I’m not going top pull any punches today, I’m irritated because I was watching a bootleg of “Warm Bodies” And expected Zombinja fights out a giants ass that was both ON fire and shooting fire out of its nose! Instead, I got a negaverse version of Romeo and Juliet, once again tailored to the tweenaged girls of the world. WHY DO THEY RUIN OUR FAVORITE MONSTERS!?
Before I go any further, I’d like to vent my hidden frustration Nuke on a very personal subject.
Crazy Women. More than that, Crazeh Single women in the high desert. There are a lot of these creatures out there. i love em to death, and hope to one day trap a speciment for experiments involving dinner, movies, and ravaging love making that’d make even Zeus, Toony Danza, and Spongebob shit out their manliness in the ever present trauma that, fuck yeah, I tore them apart.
I don’t know why, but my profile picture kinda looks like a mutated vagina. But… Yeah, Fuck the Oscars.