Because I sure as FUCK don’t qwop to qwop, and even QWOP doesn’t qwop to qwop those, dirty little anal snakers! and I’m not just talking about men, women can be anal snakers too! i don’t even know what the fuck ana snaking is! Anywho, this drunk blog brought to you by budlight, the King of beers for some fuckin reason, I dunno! have you heard about the fucked up homeless people hanging around my work place? i tell ya’ thesel ittle sumbitches are annoying as all fuck! seriously, all they ever fuckin do is get drunk, pan handle, and talk about shit other homelessp eople are doing! and the worst of em is this one long haired fucker, don’t know his name, don’t care too, but the point being, he’s lucky I don’t straight up pop him in the face for all the bullshit he’s been spewing. Likely a donald trump supporter, because they’re both orange, they both smell like they’ve had one too many turns in the tanning bed, and more or less because fuck em both.
I dated his sister for a while and now that little twerps (She’s a year older than me, but by some fucked up circumstance, she would up doing a shit ton of drugs with this other ass hat named Dave cook, who’s either the nicest little fuck head i know or the most psychotic, happy and psychotic are a fine fine line… Have a fine line. i don’t care.needless to say, little bastard fuckin showed her the way of the meth head, or pot head, almost said poot head, but that’s just a canadian pot head! Woot! anyway, I almost banged her, almost. Wanted to, but something was always keeping me from doing it. something integral. Like integrity, I dunno, don’t care, moving on!
So, for one reason or another, my dating life is absolute shit! seriously, I mean, I don’t mind that its shit, but its shit for a reason. either through my own doing, or something else. I’ve only got so much time before the beer and a half, (not red Stripe this time around takes ahold.) what the fuck was I talkin about? I dunno, I try not to make these make too much sense, or else my mind goes into snooze mode, and thats just stupid for everyone involved.
Okay, let’s talk work. As if you didn’t know, I’m a sign waver. Author, blah blah blah, I’ve told you all this before. this is actually the first time I’ve been able to do a drunk blog in a while! woot! the apple sauce twins are fucking awesome! I dunno know who the apple sauce twins are, but you can bet your bottom dollar, that for whatever reason, I’d be tapping both their asses right now… Or not. Maybe I’m not good enough for dating. I mean serious dating… did I ever tell you about Kim? I didn’t? Well, holdo n to your collective Colostomy bags, because we’re throwing those things at… Someone. I dunno…. Publishing this.