Dear Daniel Keem

Hello, I am drunk. I don’t know why this makes a lick of sense, but bear with me, it gets better. In fact, let’s drop all the pretense of what you think this blog is going to be about and put it as plainly as possible: A stream of thought, wandering, wad of brain shit, that might as well be used for something useful, like a vlog script, which it will be. the very fact I’m wasting thirty seconds messing around with my fan because  it fell on the floor, and then continuing on with this blog, is a testament to whatever the hell I was originally writing about. I don’t know, fluff and filler maybe? It’s really hard to tell with these things.

Hey folks, welcome to a drunk blog, where it’s not as dumbass as my other drunk blogs, but at the same time, and off and running thing where I post something every once in a while to feed the starving baby known only as this blog. We all that I’m not a big hit getter, it’s just a fact, if I do get known, it’s only through injury, being an idiot, or trying to impress a trio of people that might never give me the time of day.

In fact, I’m more interesting in venting my thoughts then anything else, and if my progress on anything has been a sight for sore eyes, well, I’ve got news for you, the ramp up about talking about actual topics is going to take a while. I titled this Dear Daniel Keem, but at the same time I stopped trying to talk to him a while back, but I’m already too invested in the writing of this sentence to change the title header. I think I have a career in not doing anything great, but then again, if you truly think about it, my progress is a slow earner, it pays off in the long run, and if you keep ati t, you eventually get somewhere in life.

I have nothing to say to Daniel at this time, I’m just trying to t get through the nerves of writing a blog in the firstp lace. It’s been such a long time since I’ve written a log, either through my ability to annoy the shit out of people, or just plain lack of tagging, it’s pretty interesting to watch the stats pile up on any given day. Hell, I get excited when just one person views my blog, even for one minute, that’s all I seem to be good for. One minute of viewing, or reading, before people just get bored and move on to someone more entertaining. In actuality, I don’t really give a crap about that kind of thing. It might be because of whatever is wrong with me, or my level of self confidence, or anything like that, I just am really lonely. yup, fuck it, we’re already at the point of no return, let’s continue on with htis bastard of a blog post already.

In fact, I don’t know why I flail around the internet thinking I’m some hot shit when really, it’s more or less hit or miss. with writing, no one really reads anything, they just buy a copy, read a few pages, and then say, “Hey, great job! couldn’t finish it!” And I’m thinking, well, shit, that does indeed hurt. Because people are selfish creatures. I’m not going to stop writing because I’m a hopeless idiot stuck in a self hating loop of degrading drunken stupors doing hand stands on rickety chairs and hoping for dear god something falls through.

More beer.

I avoid real talks, because I’m ignorant of the ways of the world, and if you’ve read anything of mine in the past and haven’t gone into a coma from the first few sentences, congratulations, you brave stupid bastard, your world is far more sadder than it should ever be. I’m going to keep writing this out because I’m eventually going to get to the real talk, and that will be the real shit, not this pandering shit that seems to pile out of my mouth for no real reason. In fact I don’t think I’m a real person, just some figment of everyone else’s imagination, driven to physical interaction with the outside world because of whatever the fuck reason I need to be. A sad mopey bastard angry at himself over shit that no longer matters and simply scraping away at his own sanity until something comes around and shoots him dead.

That’s what I honestly think about myself. My life has not panned out the way I want. I’m angry, depressed, for miles away from a set of train tracks should the need arise when I no doubt become a homeless vagrant. Because I will not live as a fucking homeless person. I don’t even give two shits if that’s actually what happens, killing myself the first chance I get should that ever happen.

And yeah, shit just got real, maybe I should stop? Nah, what’d be the fucking point? Everything I try to do ends up as a fucking failure to produce any income, I don’t know how to get a job, I’m avoiding relationships because no one wants my mother as their mother in law, or maybe I’m just a horrible boyfriend?  I did not think we were at that stage already, god damned, this IPA works fast….I’m bored.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s either clowns or dogs with bad hair…

So I’m left with this empty feeling in my stomach, it’s not a nice feeling but apparrently, it’s a feeling none the less. So recently, I’ve been made aware of #Clowns suddenly becoming more creepy and in your face than usual, normally, I wouldn’t care so much, because shit, clowns are horrifying in their own way, but to put it bluntly, they’ve become the talk of the town, and apparently, causing chaos around the world by acting the famous Pennywise.

Only, instead of turning into a brown boogery thing and screaming “THEY ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE!” at random passerby, they… Actually just stand there, with balloons, a knife, and sometimes just run at you. There was a Clown threat in #applevalley but that scary bastard was dealt with in a right proper fashion.

At first I thought the clown situation was just a one off joke, reported by This Week tonight for the hell of it, but this thing is for real?

Seriously? Are we actually dealing with a more psychotic version of clowns? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know, and I don’t care to know. but the weirdness of the situation is just that maybe it’s just a weird trend that started on 4chan, or reddit, or just a group of wide spread skype friends going nuts?

Who the fuck knows…

Also, how bout those dogs, huh? Man they’re having a bad hair day.

I’m not focused.

I’ll have a thought, and poof! It’ll be gone! I used to be this way a lot more, but that was when I was drinking redbull, which I am right now! Just a shit ton of the stuff! I don’t care if this gets hits or not, most of my stuff doesn’t anyways, but hey! That’s the beauty of blogging anyone can write a bunch of stuff, and if it gets known!
Fuck yeah!
Just fuck yeah! and the struggle kind of continues!

Lately I’ve been doing a shit ton of streaming on Liveme, and it’s pretty fun, starting to grow a regular fan base, running out of ideas though. but it’s just really strange,, as there are a bunch of weird people on there, and it kind of freaks me out just a bit. But hey, anything to grab those diamonds, BTW if  you grab four million something odd of them, you get 20K for all your hard work, but you can only withdraw 600 a day, which, granted, is fair, but at the same time, you have to fucking grind every single day of every single hour, and it can get exhausting! I mean, I only do it for a few hours, but there are peeps out there that just get that shit done like no tomorrow! and yeah, my minds a bit scattered among the fucking hundreds of different projects I have to complete, but eventually, I’ll get them done! and published!

And then I can get them into the “DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT” folder that I have set up, because there is a bunch of it and I am just frustrated as all hell with the whole writing thing. And the discord thing, about ready to just delete the server and move on from it, but people love it, and if they’re inactive, great, fine, dandy, I’m not going to spend valuable time trying to keep together something that keeps breaking worse and worse, can’t really trust the mods not to fuck things over. But I guess everyone just joined as a joke and when shit just went wrong repeatedly, fewer and fewer of them came back. Which, you know, is fine, it was a thing I enjoyed doing, and now…
Not so much. I guess it really depends on what’s on my mind over time. If it get’s to be too much, I can always just hand it over and be like, “Bro, done with this bullshit.” Because I kind of am, it’s lost it’s luster for me, and I always need to have something in front of me that interests me or else I just plain as hell get bored with it. Are there groups of people that’d like t’see that thing get deleted, they’re sure are! Will I just let the thing float there like a bloated corpse? Meh, why not. If people join, they join, and I’m a bit over trying to maintain it myself.

But people love it, so who am I to try and screw up their happiness. I’ve actually made so many friends from it, but at the same time, it’s just a chillaxed server, really is. I get lonely at times, and than I start bitching about things that I’m either ticked at or have no use for anymore. but that’s just how it goes, day after day. Did you know that I got 30 bucks for helping my mom out at her second to last day? Seriously, 30! Woot! that’s more money  than I’ve made doing youtube for 12 fucking years! And now i’m trying my hand at live streaming?

I’m already up to 45K likes, but the real challenge is getting them diamonds, that’s where the hell it’s at! but there’s so much micromanaging of the small details! Dear god! you’ve got to keep track of a lot of bullshit for a long time and mimic what others are doing! but I am making a name for myself, which is… Great I suppose, all i have to do is keep my nose to the grind stone and burn that fucking data! that’s great if I had a fucking job that payed regularly, but for the most part, I just make pennies on the dollar and i can’t even get game play footage anymore because I fucking gave my second ps3 away like a fucking dumb ass! Because you want to know what’s a great idea to follow through on!? Every single fucking thing I’ve ever done in my fucking god damned life because what the fuck!? What the fuck!? Seriously, I’m asking you!

But than again, no one’s going to leave a comment because who the fuck cares about answering some basic fucking questions on a blog? Seriously, if people do answer, it’s usually some ass twat making a smart ass comment or bringing up the fucking past or anything like that! I’m just sick and tired of being treated like a fucking curiosity, like, “Oh, look Martha, there’s a monkey flinging poo!”
“Yes Reginold, how quaint!”

Are you fucking kidding me!? I feel like every time I get two steps ahead, some fucking dumb ass harasses me about Kimberlee ann Kelly! And I really don’t want to talk about her! I don’t! I’ve written all I could from every angle about the woman, and that name haunts me to no end!

The Curse of Kim decides and deems that I’m not ready for even the stupidest of interactions because some ass twat on the net has fucked me over. When did I get so fucking ridiculous!? Did I really think this fucking plan of mine was going to work out!? Did i!?

god fucking damn it I’m so pissed about a bunch of things that don’t make any sense, and for the first time in a long time, I’m venting my frustrations because I can barely hold a fucking thought of action for long enough time before fucking off, and hoping to god someone else holds my fucking hand, because what the fucking hell else am i going to do with my fucking time!?

I could go insane, yeah, that’d work wonders, and prove my grandparents right about their intonation that I need to be S.E.D. from the age of fucking FIVE YEARS OLD BECAUSE I WAS TALKING LIKE THE OTHER KIDS MY FUCKING AGE! God fucking damn it! I’m raging right the fuck now because my life is an eternally revolving door of fucking bad luck! Whoopi!

Um…. What was I talking about again? I forget… today I had some pizza and walked home, so it was a pretty great day!

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