Intelligent Title for a dumb fucking post.

Now that we’ve cleared up the intent of this thing, let’s make one thing perfectly clear, I’m a dumbass, and you’re a dumbass. By which I mean, there are things about which we know plenty, things in which we know not so much, and things in which we know absolutely nothing at all.
It’s all right, there’s nothing wrong with that, especially since 95% of our knowledge base comes from shouty, day glow traffic cones pretending to be something they aren’t. Fuck you donald Trump.
That being said, it’s been a minute, I’ve not found any time to make a quick post, or put some serious thought into what I’d like to talk about. And drunk blogging is out of the question as well, since no matter what, the quality of my works is just going to be crap when drunk blogging. There’s literally nothing of quality in those things. And I think I ACTUALLY included them in the book I … Don’t think I published. there was a shit ton of work put into the book, and for some fucking reason, it just up and vanished on me. Along with several hundred other little projects i had going on at one point or another.
I dunno, sometimes I think having a job is the greatest thing in the world, because money, and being able to afford things, and other times, I’m like, great, this shit again. because as hard as I work? I can never seem to get ahead, like, it’s the strangest thing in the world. Last week I was at a 104% rate, which was great, but my dailys are sucking ass, 95,81, 84, nothing above a hundred unless I’m caffeinated out of my fucking gourd and just completely in my Zen state of being… kind of frustrating. But it ALWAYS comes down to numbers, not the struggles, not the advancements, not anything.
“If you don’t make those numbers, just going to be one of those days!”
The bottom line is always more important than the needs of the individual, which is kind of sad when you get down to it, but at the same time, one of the tips that I learned from a PA, was to not let this job define who you are.
But it’s kind of hard to do when you don’t know who you were to begin with. Or maybe it’s just the motion of it all, the way things could and often do change at any point in time, and you just have to go with the flow, which is a mentality that I’ve adopted many times over the course of my life!
I got distracted and forgot what the fuck I was writing about, I know that to you, it’s just a millisecond between paragraphs, but I’ve spent the better part of ten minutes trying to dry my hands and figure out why my hands still kind of felt like crap. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just a thing of mine, but I fucking hate distractions, they’re… just so unneeded, just stay focused on the goal, and work towards that end… i’m sure whatever it was I was going on about had some importance to it… Maybe, it’s hard to tell anymore.

Working at Amazon is a bit… interesting.

Yes, I’m gonna bitch a little about Amazon, just some much needed stress relieving, that’s all. I still love you BABEH! Anyways, one fucking thing that bugs the utter shit out of me is the popping of bubble wrap. There’s piffing, and then there’s people that squeeze the fucking shit out of that stuff like there’s both crack and money inside of it.
And, I get it, I really do! Trust me, Popping bubble wrap is fucking amazing, almost like having an orgasm and it’s literally a fucking release of air. But then again, you have the asshats that stare at you WHILE they’re popping the stuff, like, really dude?
Are you trying to tell me something? Am I going to be sleeping with the fishes? Am I part of a bubble wrap based civil war and you know what’s really going on? Did the PA’s tell everyone to just stare me, right in the fucking eyes while you slowly squeezed the shit out of the poor thing, only relenting after that oh so satisfying POP? I mean really, if you want to give me a hug, go for it, just…. just don’t treat me like you do the bubble wrap every chance you get, because… well, there’s another way of ending the bubble wraps pathetic existence.
Stabbing it with the box cutter, and the piff noise is so much more depressing. Because it almost sounds like something screaming their last, and I’m thinking to myself, “OH GOD YES!” because when the bubble wrap wars start between the Poppers and the Piffers? box cutters will be the unfortunate victims of their own hubris!
And I’ve forgotten what theu tter fuck I was talking about, sorry, random booger or something, I dunno.
Working at Amazon is easy enough.
The works easy.
Pay’s amazing.
So what’s the biggy?
i’ll tell you.
The fucking Rate system they have in place, and it’s fucking ridiculous.
Okay, when I first started working there, the rate was around 319 items, and that’s reasonable, right? Because we’re there for about 8 hours normal and 10 hours if there’s MET, and 12 hours if we vote for the 4/10, which I guess is cool, but it all averages out, I’ll have to check the latest numbers, but you get the idea, right?
Anywho, so there’s a group rate and an individual rate, not saying fuck it, ers has the individual rate, and vegantarians have the group rate, and we have to hit those numbers on the daily, between 65% and 100% is the magic number, and those dailies average out the weekly, but the way the numbers are crunched is based around three different theories, but they all mean the same thing:
1. Size of the box scanned
2. Recieving V Sorting
3. Number of scans total

So using those three things, they knock out the number, and it’s not an issue. The issue is that what we receive is usually a mix throughout the day, and I’ve begun noticing a pattern, in the beginning is mostly receive, towards the middle is a 50/50, and towards the end is mostly sort.
Not to mention there’s a thing called cherry picking, which is when people only take the boxes that are good and large numbers, which fuck the rest of us over. Because from what I’ve heard, the higher ups both condemn and silently promote cherry picking at the same time depending on how it’s affecting the bottom line. Not to mention it fucks the rest of us over.
There’s an easy way to fix this, and I’ve mentioned it to the higher ups, make a group rate based on the overall Sort/Receive of an entire line, therefor eliminating the Cherry Picking situation all together, because no matter the box picked, it all goes towards the Line Rate, and everyone gets to do their thing.
There are also those that like to scan something, then talk for minutes on end, then scan something again just to keep that TOT timer from screwing them over. Whihc, hey, more power to them, but at the same time, not only does that screw their rate over, it fucking slows down the amount of work getting done. we’re there to work, not chit chat about shit that doesn’t matter. If it affects how much work you’re getting done throughout the day in a negative fashion, fucking don’t do that shit. No place for it.
because when they don’t do THEIR work, we end up having to carry their asses. And the FC’s only a year old, so the higher ups are still trying to optimize the best ways to make everything work together. Another thing that feeds into the cherry picking is the individuals strength. Because you got the following ages groups:
18 to 29 – these guys and gals kick ass all over the place, but there IS a habit of spending more time talking than working.
30 – 49 – my age bracket (I’m 34), we tend to be a bit more focused on our work, not talk so much, and knock out the majority of the things the 18 – 29 miss.
49 – 69 – they tend to talk and cherry pick because their strength ain’t what it used to be. In a way, it does make sense, but it’s still doing a thing that goes against the grain.

Anyways, I’m starting to spin my wheel just a bit, so I’ll end it on a positive note, the higher ups are always taking feedback, ideas, and other things to their higher ups, and in turn trying to figure out the best way to make those things happen.

Worker placement is also a thing, but meh, not interested in writing this anymore. Anyways, just wanted to knock something out, have a good one!

… fun.

Nother day, nother dollar, new ride situation for Wednesday knocked out, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about, however, a few other thoughts have popped up, nothing major, just some small things.

The fact that my ride mates wanted me to drop some bars on the way to work kinda drained me, in a good way i suppose, it’s been awhile since I’ve knocked something out, but it felt good to cut loose.

I’ve got a few bits of unused footage I might upload, or not, I dunno. But work was alright, nothing too hectic, just tired from the day I suppose.

Something popped into my mind, if butterfly’s could scream like howler monkeys, would that make the flight of flocks of monarchs less beatific to behold?

My brains not working right. Gonna tag and post this. No featured pictured.

Dear Amazon

Since i’ve been working for you for almost a month now, (almost said a Moth, mua ha ha… Why is evil laughter needed!?) I’ve noticed a few things, and I’ve learned a few things:

  1. Your facilities need a way for people to see the sky when working. Hear me out, I’ve done some thinking on this one, at first I was like “Make the cieling a window into our souls!” but then I realized how fucking stupid that sounded and went with the OBVIOUSLY super better awesome of building an FC with the ceiling being covered in large screens, those screens would be connected (Hardwired of course, if you did wifi signal, it’d be easy enough for any assfuck with a whitehat training program to stream porn 24/7 and wouldn’t THAT be fucking amazong?) into a series of upwards facing cameras that would capture the transitions from night to day, giving your FC a future look that’d remind people of HARRY FUCKING POTTER!
  2. Let’s talk about Jams, those fucking things that stop work flow and piss people trying to get their rate up for whatever the fuck reason. Okay, the robosorts y’all have lining the place are fucking amazing, I feel like if you wanted to, y’all could make a prize grabber game that actually doles out the prizes. Anyways, that aside, the problem with the sorter is that it spews out products left and right, and I get that we’re supposed to be fast as fuck boi, but we’re only human, and people can only move so fast, or get distracted by yapping to their friend about the tentidildo they just scanned.
    The problem is the conveyors themselves, they just keep bringing stuff on down like an extra crazy episode of the prize is right, if y’all implemented an AI subsystem that would involve a few sensors here or there and stop at around 12 totes, wait for ten of em to be cleared before sending the next 10 down, you’d find that the sorter stops happen less frequently, and products get to their customers more.
  3. The Rate system, oh my fucking god, this one I have the biggest gripe with. I don’t mind the rate system itself, that fine. what I have a problem with is the fact that in the beginning, I’d be trying to knock out my rate, first thing in the afternoon shift, and suddenly I get waterspidered, which, hey, happy to help out where I can, but at the same time, when the rate system in UR is the determining factor of who stays and who goes, and you never know if you’re going to get waterspidered or not, it gets a bit mindbreaking trying to keep a balance on things. I get that URA’s need to break a certain package amount in order to make rate, but couldn’t the people who decide who gets waterspidered in the first place make it every other day with people they haven’t used?
    Again, all this was explained to me, and I get it, just throwing some quick questions out there. That’s all.
  4. Pre shift and post lunch group huddles need to be a bit more engaging. I get that we’ve got work to do, and I get that everyone’s going to be batshit tired after lunch, but make those huddles a bit more engaging, entertaining, and eye catching. I’m not saying hire and fire Chris Angel on the spot, but hey, that’s be one hell of a MIND FREAK. Anyways, this comes from day after day of watching and struggling to hear the peeps upfront talk about the same things and no one really pays much attention.
    I get it, they’re boring as hell to go through, but at the same time, put some damned spit shine on that sumbitch and make it sing! It’s almost heartbreaking to hear them tap on the mic a few times, beg someone to come lead stretches, and begin with a prepped announcement that reads like a GI82 crapping out graphics for World of Warcraft.
    Announcements are important, and it’s rather unfortunate that people would rather yap their heads off then pay attention to what the higher ups are talking about.
  5. The fucking Vest colors. Orange, Yellow, Neon, Green, Red, and Black. Sometimes pink. This one is a bit of a clusterfuck for those who can’t tell the difference between close, but different colors. Yellow, Neon, and Green. Did you know that there are a crap ton of clashing color combos? They’re pretty fun to mess around with, and I’m sure y’all chose the schemes you did because they offered the most visibility. Anywho, that’s all I wanted to get off my chest for now.

An actual blog! Yay?

First off, fuck you morning wood. You cantankerous bastard. Seriously, you wake up, your dick’s hard, and there’s the cat like, “FUCKING PLAY TIME BITCHES!” and before you know it, your dong’s turned into a very much attached fun time sprinkler. God help you if you have high blood pressure.

Lately, I’ve been working on these pipe cleaner men/creatures, whatever, and I’m pretty decent at making them, nothing fancy, just something to do in my spare time. My problem is when that hobby becomes  a regular thing, just it overcomes you, and you feel like you ABSOLUTELY have to do it., Why? what’s the point?
I mean, yeah, it’s something to do, keeps you anchored, and plus, you get to work on your crafting skills, (1 pipe cleaner needs twenty redstone, a skull, two coal, and dyed wool) but at the same time it’s like if you get TOO good at it, you might want to start selling them, and that’s a whole nother bag of worms right there.

Or not, because it might not be about the pipe cleaner guys themselves, and more about the time it takes to make one. and it does take quite a bit of work to make one the way I like it. True I could just take 7 pipe cleaners and knock out a basic bitch model like that, but where’s the challenge in that? If anything, I’d like to knock out something that I can be proud of, something that I can be like, Yep, I made that shit, took me a while to do, but I made it.

Because this is going to sound weird, but to me, when I make one of those little guys, to me, it’s like I’m creating life, but they aren’t TRULY “Living” until I add something, a little bead, a coin, a ring, something with some history or value, or some weight to it. Not physical weight, but metaphysical, something that attracts the energies of the universe to it. In that regard, I don’t like trying to pop out one everyday, because then, in my mind at least, it reduces the value of the creation. They become less of a unique thing, and more of a “Well, I’ve got some many orders to knock out, so I might as well mass produce these little shits” And that’s not something I want to happen.

Do you ever have something that you’re passionate about, that you love or loved to do so much that it just becomes second nature to you? Same, i love creating things, working with my hands, bending the materials to my will and watching that creation take shape, whatever it may be. I used to write books, then I started working for amazon.

Here’s the thing, writing books takes an ENORMOUS amount of focus, and daily sessions to knock out a book. Working for Amazon, and dealing with as many of the distractions I do, utterly makes that impossible to do. So, I stopped writing them. It came down to a question of “Where should I place most of my focus? What’s the most pressing thing in my life right now?” And, well, that answer for me was keeping my job. Unfortunately, that meant having to let go of the one thing I cherished beyond everything else. The ability to create, to write, to make stories.

So, these pipe cleaner men, these “Liory” are my way of continuing to create stories. Stories only I will know how to truly read, because each one is unique, each one has immense value to me, and from my very soul, I brought them into the world. Seems kind cheesy when you put it that way, but you know what?
I’m a cheesy kind of guy! 😀 I need a book shelf or something to put these little guys on. Hanging on my lap is fun and all, but I need to find a way to display them better.

At the end of the day?

We all get the fuck out of there as fast as possible, love Amazon to death, really do, but there’s only so many boxes, yellow, grey, and white color schemes, and listening to submarine like sirens blaring before you start thinking about those final three minutes of the night.

I need to blog about work more, and I will. Also, dating coworkers is a big fuck nah. I don’t want to chance, are there gals there that catch my eye? Of course, will I personally persue them? Nope. Look, I get it, love is in the air, and when you’re spending nearly 40 to 50 hours in a warehouse with people, connections are made, bonds created.

There’s a reason dating coworkers is a cautionary tale, cause if you date someone a bit higher up above you, and things don’t work out? That’s a big fucking spot that can potentially screw you over long term.

But, at the same time, if things do work out? Much love to you both, I hope things work out for yall. Myself? I dunno, the future is like water, it can exist in all four states, solid, liquid, gas, and plasma. It is ever changing, and sometime,aybe, my stance will change.

It’s a pretty competitive environment, but it’s all to improve your work flow, I’m already two times faster than I was when I first started, so evolution.

Lunch thoughts. I have none.

Alrighty, what the fuck will I come up with?

Not much. Amazon is… well… Amazon. Works decent, hours are nice, and while it’s a bit stressful at times, the experience over all is very much worth it.

There are a few things I’d change if I could, but for the life of me, I can’t really think of anything important.

My mix, redbull, cold brew, and monster works pretty well in keeping me focused on the work, and I’ve got plenty of peeps to talk to at breaks and lunch.

Anywho, I’m pretty much done with this thing at the moment, …need more food in my gut. Lol.

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