Dear Amazon

Since i’ve been working for you for almost a month now, (almost said a Moth, mua ha ha… Why is evil laughter needed!?) I’ve noticed a few things, and I’ve learned a few things:

  1. Your facilities need a way for people to see the sky when working. Hear me out, I’ve done some thinking on this one, at first I was like “Make the cieling a window into our souls!” but then I realized how fucking stupid that sounded and went with the OBVIOUSLY super better awesome of building an FC with the ceiling being covered in large screens, those screens would be connected (Hardwired of course, if you did wifi signal, it’d be easy enough for any assfuck with a whitehat training program to stream porn 24/7 and wouldn’t THAT be fucking amazong?) into a series of upwards facing cameras that would capture the transitions from night to day, giving your FC a future look that’d remind people of HARRY FUCKING POTTER!
  2. Let’s talk about Jams, those fucking things that stop work flow and piss people trying to get their rate up for whatever the fuck reason. Okay, the robosorts y’all have lining the place are fucking amazing, I feel like if you wanted to, y’all could make a prize grabber game that actually doles out the prizes. Anyways, that aside, the problem with the sorter is that it spews out products left and right, and I get that we’re supposed to be fast as fuck boi, but we’re only human, and people can only move so fast, or get distracted by yapping to their friend about the tentidildo they just scanned.
    The problem is the conveyors themselves, they just keep bringing stuff on down like an extra crazy episode of the prize is right, if y’all implemented an AI subsystem that would involve a few sensors here or there and stop at around 12 totes, wait for ten of em to be cleared before sending the next 10 down, you’d find that the sorter stops happen less frequently, and products get to their customers more.
  3. The Rate system, oh my fucking god, this one I have the biggest gripe with. I don’t mind the rate system itself, that fine. what I have a problem with is the fact that in the beginning, I’d be trying to knock out my rate, first thing in the afternoon shift, and suddenly I get waterspidered, which, hey, happy to help out where I can, but at the same time, when the rate system in UR is the determining factor of who stays and who goes, and you never know if you’re going to get waterspidered or not, it gets a bit mindbreaking trying to keep a balance on things. I get that URA’s need to break a certain package amount in order to make rate, but couldn’t the people who decide who gets waterspidered in the first place make it every other day with people they haven’t used?
    Again, all this was explained to me, and I get it, just throwing some quick questions out there. That’s all.
  4. Pre shift and post lunch group huddles need to be a bit more engaging. I get that we’ve got work to do, and I get that everyone’s going to be batshit tired after lunch, but make those huddles a bit more engaging, entertaining, and eye catching. I’m not saying hire and fire Chris Angel on the spot, but hey, that’s be one hell of a MIND FREAK. Anyways, this comes from day after day of watching and struggling to hear the peeps upfront talk about the same things and no one really pays much attention.
    I get it, they’re boring as hell to go through, but at the same time, put some damned spit shine on that sumbitch and make it sing! It’s almost heartbreaking to hear them tap on the mic a few times, beg someone to come lead stretches, and begin with a prepped announcement that reads like a GI82 crapping out graphics for World of Warcraft.
    Announcements are important, and it’s rather unfortunate that people would rather yap their heads off then pay attention to what the higher ups are talking about.
  5. The fucking Vest colors. Orange, Yellow, Neon, Green, Red, and Black. Sometimes pink. This one is a bit of a clusterfuck for those who can’t tell the difference between close, but different colors. Yellow, Neon, and Green. Did you know that there are a crap ton of clashing color combos? They’re pretty fun to mess around with, and I’m sure y’all chose the schemes you did because they offered the most visibility. Anywho, that’s all I wanted to get off my chest for now.

One thought on “Dear Amazon

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