1. Thestral Gina
Gina Thestral has a long history of shooting destructive, city destroying lasers beams out of her vagina when she’s on her Period. this causes great concern for the U.S. military who dispatches a close knit group of Science Friends to stare at her crotch for long periods of time and scribble nothing on a clipboard while grunting incoherently amongst themselves.
Meanwhile, John and Gary are about to have some sexy time when Frank and Jessica interrupt them with news that a goats in the kitchen, but when investigated, it’s not a goat, its SATAN, and he needs gas money to fill his 1788 Buick grand Conquistador.
God and Terrence are fist fucking the Cactus Warriors of Sential 8 when CAPTION FALCOHN makes an appearance and blocks the whole screen with a big ass paragraph about the time he knitted a sweater out of blue yarn, instead of his favorite red yarn.
2. Balance of the Quinox
Lead Designer Trim Slim Mgrine who heads up the team for Syper, an improved version of viagra with the almost immediate effect of causing people’s penis’s to explode whenever they think Donald trump is neato, has been having strange visions for the past eight days whenever Jennifer from HR is on her break eating a Sesame Bagel with Hot cheetos.
In these visions, he’s punching his father, but his father is a moose named Ted, and there’s a hunter named bill, and a dog voiced by a dead comedian named Ruffass. Ted tells Trim the balance of the Quinox is fast approaching and also to nail the hot Mail lady, Nancy, a recently retired School lunch lady at the up and spry age of 95 five, before the next sunrise, or he’ll have spastic Smurf Shit Syndrome, which will bring about the election of a man with little oxygen in his skin.
Meanwhile, his wife of two hours, Trandy, is having an affair with herself, because she’s Bipolar and Gender, a condition that results in her reproducing assexualy and punching the resulting evil twin clone baby daddy in the dick till he takes a bottle of Syper, thinks donald trump is neato, and his head exploads, cause he was kind of a dick anyways.
At the local zoo, a bunch of intelligent kangaroos commit Zooicide in a hyperviolent ritual to summon the Snake Demon Estrix the tiny dicked one, a foot long garden snake with two minutes to live if it doesn’t consume half a ton of Viagra ever five minutes.
The local Zoo keepers are at a loss to explain this so they are forced to summon, CAPTION VEINY JOHNSON! who decides to explain why Spiderman stole his back story by robbing his uncle Ben and doing the Running Man causing him to have a heart attack.
There are no morals to any of these, and I have now wasted many minutes of my own life bringing these literary atrocities into being.