And I’m easily distracted and frustrated by those distraction, it’s the mosti rritating thing in the fucking world… I mean, really! Like, the greatest thing you have to do in the world right now is talk to me, right as I’m getting in the fucking mindset to get something going? Is it that pertinent that oyu interrupt me with your meadering bullshit!?
Don’t mind the fact I’m trying to knock something out, or get a semblance of some kind of focus, don’t bother realizing that osmetimes I’m way the fuck to tired to try and get an idea from my mind to pen and paper, don’t try to get it through your fucking head that sometimes, my work life sucks the creativity straight from my soul, and when I do have an ounce of inspiration, your immediate and wonderful reaction is to straight up pop in and bother the shit out of my focus, because now I’m focused on what it is YOU want to talk about or do.
Frustrations aside, everything’s going well, applied for conversions a few weeks back, so just waiting on the word from HR about what’s going to be the next step to take. Haven’t really gotten around to editing or writing anything really… Something I need to look into.
Just that, sometimes I get caught up in the most random bullshit…
I just don’t know how to describe it, yeah, I get it, this seems a bit like complaining, or whining, or whatever. But after a while? It become all you know how to do, yes, I agress there are better bloggers out there who have a much more positive thing going on, from cupcakes, to book reviews, to everything else, but y’all liked this blog for one reason or another, and I’m still at a loss as to why.
Maybe it’s a different thing altogether? Maybe I’m cool?
Self reflection aintone of my stronger points, because I’ve been made fun of, or poked fun at for so long, that my bar for being angry at random things when I should be feel ling something else has fallen so low, thati t doesn’t affect me?
I dunno anymore. i’m having a hard time focusing on things, and it’s not the caffiene, just stressed out about life in general.
Yes, I’m working.
Yes, got a roof over my head.
Yes, money in the account.
But, still don’t have a place of my own, and that bothers me a little bit., just a little bit, and even though at my age, I should’ve already taken care of this, I still haven’t. I tell myself things are going to work themselves out, but unless I put those words into action, nothing’s going to change as far as I know. So that’s what I need to focus on, getting my ass in gear.
So, ’nuff of that depressing bullshit, today’s a new day, and the sun will rise again in the morrow! I’ve got skills, I just need to organize those into actuality.
This has now taken me three days to write, just so you know, this part is COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE from the others, though I don’t see how that really makes a difference if there’s nothing separating the parts from each other… kind of like a suprise birthday clown.
Anyways, I’m slowly but surely just knocking this out, and one day, hope to publish this fucking thing…. I’ve got three minutes to write whatever stupid fucking thoughts I got, since nothing’s of great importance at the moment, I guess I can talk about work? Why question what I already know to be true? i’m slowly getting my shit together, and all parts start out the exact same, therefor, my computer takes top priority, so, I need a new CPU, Higher RAM, a capture card, new office chair, new camera, and boom, I’m good to go! Who knows? Might even spring for the bonus package, because god damn it, sometimes I just want to post a video!