Where everything just seems to be going right and then one step in the wrong direction and it seems like the world went flat for half a second?
Yep, that’s the kind of thing that snapped to me. For some reason, this is the only thing I can think about, my black out drunk episode, not sure about all the peices in what order they go to, but I tell you what, it was a fucking scary as hell thing to go through. The loss of time, the wondering when I get to go home, that uneasy feeling.
Thank fully, I was on FB Live during the thing, so the peeps there had my back and got in touch with the right people. I don’t know why exactly I’m so focused on this, maybe te facination will go away after a while, and slowly boil into something else for a while, or maybe it struck a nerve with me on such a level that for the moment, this is the only thing I CAN write about?
I don’t know, I hate not knowing the sequence of events, or why it happened. All I can peice together are bits and peices of fuzzy memories as my brain tries like fuck to fill in the gaps about what happened. And I’m guessing writing about it, for me at least, is the only way I can work out the details.
And yet, there are those who don’t wnt me to talk about what happened, like not talking about it’s going to make the whole thing just up and disappear. Like it never existed!?
I can’t figure it out at the moment, still all kinds of fuzzy. Not the waking up in the hospital with patches, needles, and tubes going into every which hole, and feeling the sting of things that shouldn’t be in there.
Nor of the lonliness I felt waiting for anyone, Doctor or nurse to come check in on me.
True, I was on my best behavior, just kinda sat, slept, or watched T.V. while everything was processed or worked on. My blood was drawn, I was questioned, had three different nurses, so I must’ve been three around three shifts, or maybe it seemed like three shifts.
The questions were just the same three or four, just repeated in a number of different ways.
“How are you feeling?”
Better then I was when I first came in.
“Do you want to hurt yourself or anyone else?”
No, and no.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
I’m fine, I could use some water.
“Were you trying to kill yourself?”
No, I wasn’t.
Should I be a bit more shaken up? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve always been a bit on the calmer side when trying to figure out all the peices and seeing how they fit together.
As a kid, my friends and I would always come across old circuit boards, either in the trash or in weird silvery plastic bags. We’d always take a fascination in the way the boards had all these little chips and transistors, to us, they looked like tiny cities, and I’d spend hours just looking at all the little configurations trying to see what was what even though I had no clue what anything was called.
We came across old TV’s that’s been thrown out in the fields near our elementary and high school, and like any other kid, we’d throw rocks at ’em just to see ’em pop out like if we were making popcorn.
I remember one itme when Bobby and I came across this old style big screen TV, you know the ones? That looked like they could be from the future? Anyways, Bobby figured out that if we took a screw driver and took the little silver things out of the whole, we could really see the insides of it.
So, we did that to every abandoned TV we found, just spent time taking old tech apart.
I’m always facinated with technology now a days.
That aside… I dunno.