I’m gonna get back to happy.

I haven’t been for a while. I love a woman that is on a break from dating and relationships so I have to just be patient, or pretty much just say fuck it to patience and get laid, because, hey, I’ve never had a hoe phase in my fucking life, and my roommates are pretty damned dominating , so this shit has been fun to deal with.

Especially since fact that nothing’s making any sense, i’m hurting inside, not to sound like an emo boi, or whatever the fuck that sentiment is, but at somepoint, I should be allowed to get back to happy right? i mean, there is a point to all this?
This crazy ass insanity that was 2012 for whatever the hell reason there is.
Not to mention being single for three years is a kind of downer, especially when I see everyone falling in love and meeting people all the time, and I look at my own situation and htink, is it really that easy to find your person?

Or maybe she’s just a toxic person that I need to steer clear from?
But I haven’t given up yet, because of some dumb semblance of hope that shit will work out.
No means no.
Maybe means no.
I’ve yet to get a yes out of this woman for pretty much anything.
I keep trying, she keeps saying no, so now I think she hates me or something, and it’s tough as hell, or maybe she’s banking on me just being a complete idiotic for her, but that wouldn’t make much sense, would it?
I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and every week I’m losing that spark that drove me in the first place.
Or maybe there’s nothing wrong, it’s all in my head, and I’m merely going after the person I’m least compatible with out of some suicidal theory that if my heart breaks enough it’ll stop beating and I can get the fuck out of this seemingly never ending nightmare, so I put myself through emotional hell to justify it with the paper thin reasoning that…
Fuck it, just… None of it matters, or maybe it does, and I’m just struggling under the weight of the subconsciously put upon negativity that I’ve been used to for all this time, because I believe that normalcy for me, is never achieving the happiness that I so deserve and desire, so just when I’m at the cusp of something amazing, I fuck myself over in the most amazing of ways.

I need to stay focused on the positive, remain calm, believe in the path I’ve chosen, not give up, and keep the faith strong.
Through god, all things are possible, and even if it doesn’t seem like it, even if it doesn’t seem like it’s even possible. i’ll get back to happy, or maybe I’m already there, but due to the slightly toxic environment I’ve chosen to live in due to just the fact this place is what I’ve …

I don’t want to lose her…
Too many people are counting on me abandoning her,

Fuck their expectations.
I know I’m on the right track.
This is my way back to happy.

Author: Morgan Gavin

Author, Youtuber: YT/dr3arms, Universal Receiver at Amazon, all around chill guy, I talk about trendy things and mocha lott- LIES! I talk about whatever I want. Lol?

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