WTF

Morgan:
Cherish not the thought of horribleness, but strangle the fear pillow of dixon 9… where shit scrawled on walls never updates nor shrinks in the face of adverisity! I am green, but I have a blue mask and face it not to the east.

The Shitposting Hermit:
what

Morgan Gavin:
Trust the god of the green, for the Bue is not True, and the Red must end the blood streak of the tenth moon!

King:
whaat???

Morgan Gavin:
for what dream may shit upon the nightmare of others, for does not good strangle the fears of evil while the dreams are infants? Still screaming to the assignments of failed glue sticks? That which dreams not of the elvel ten, that which screams the blood moons of the florf may not Grasp even the strandiest strands of the Golden Strands of psychobabbli! FEAR THE FEAR PILLOW! As it smothers the courage that no not of the courage blanket that covers the fear pillow! thomas the Train is an agent of the Nightmares of police! for what hidden tension lay beneath that smile, so innocent, so benign, for only a psychosis of pikagirl pokeworld! Pika pika pika pika! Tenth level NOOOOOOOT, Noot noot noot, TO THE FUCKING TWITLONGER or was it q? maybe it was seven? Or twelve? Or maybe flower? Potato? It’s potato.

The Shitposting Hermit:
fear pillow… what

Morgan Gavin:
what if pokeballs were secretly waffle irons? HOW DARE YOU GRILL THAT PICHU!

King:
shut your soul

Morgan Gavin:
You shut yours! The tenth moon of the second ring will shut it for you! We scream out at the deliverance of the Fear pillow, we scream and shed the feathers of darkness to embrace our inner Emo Robot!

thy_undying: The crimson king will rise from its crypts

Morgan Gavin:
For the Emoji movie will be withus, no matter the cost of our very souls! Shall the abandoned Emoji of broken Nokia phones haunt us to our very graves and beyond!? The Crimson king doesn’t hold a fucking candle to the emoji movie. our Lord and savior! Beyond the edginess of My Name J.E.f.f… Justice Education Fantastic Four

thy_undying:
the candle will burn the oozing mold from those cursed emojis

Morgan Gavin:
the ooze will scream in repulsion as the Grim Iron Reaper will without its fart of reverance for you, BEWARE THE FART OF REVERANCE FOR YOU WILL DRAMA ALERT YOU PANTS! epidermis be sworn!

The Shitposting Hermit:
what the hell

Morgan Gavin:
Don’t fear the shittier poster!

thy_undying:
the sharp edge of the scythe, will cut the weak from the soil

Morgan Gavin:
for the Undying will love the forliving with the furious batter ram of syco the wunderhound! May his eternal butt sweep be our undoing! for the Fear Pillow will smother everything that the Courage blanket hates, and the evil screams by swept unto the old mans rug of determination… ALL WILL FAIL THE SANS TEST OF NO MERCY!

The Shitposting Hermit:
praise KEK. brother!

thy_undying:
The love for the undying will be long forgotten in the deep depths of hell

Morgan Gavin:
The Kermit Eternrnal Kevil

thy_undying:
undone by those beyond our grasp

Morgan Gavin:
The Kevil will be more evil than Evil or kevin combined, for their Paint cans of mercy will condemn the souls of the wet bandits to a sacrificial alter of blood letting and glitter bombs!

thy_undying:
the rug will be lifted out from under

The Shitposting Hermit:
“wet”… “Bandits”… why the fuck? what the fuck is an wet bandit

Morgan Gavin:
Are you ignorant of the plight of those left Home alone?

thy_undying:
the bandit will fall, trip upon his own feet, kneel down to a blood God

Morgan Gavin:
The micromachines of depression lead to the flame thrower of defiance, while the spider and hair gel of fear and rasping death will cling to your face, never letting go, as the nail of self preservation drives itself into your foot, giving you the tetnus of shame!

thy_undying:
The spiders and their vast webs, pulling the strings from behind

Morgan Gavin:
And fans of grime will blow the feathers of desolation unto the unwilling, there, they will be tripped and flung into the forboding basment of freezing, it will be there that the Kevil will hold the falling iron of the Rapture to your face, and leave amrk of shame and lo, thy Fear Pillow will shame you to know end in your ignorance of filth and degradation! FOR THEE SHALL INHERIT NONE BUT THE SACRIMENT OF THE TWELVE GODS OF BAD SEQUELS AND SHAME YOUR POOPCORN SHATTING WAYS. NOOT NOOT MOTHERFUCKER

The Shitposting Hermit:
the twelve gods of bad sequels are best gods. i unironically worship a meme god

thy_undying:
Raptured beyond saving, with a pillow case over what remained of their pride. The popcorn pops when the fat man sings.

Morgan Gavin:
I AM THE FORSAKEN MEMESON, DELIVERED BY THE MEME GOD TO CRAMP THE STYLE OF FURRIZORDS

thy_undying:
A song of death, to who gained the right they asked in the end of days.

The Shitposting Hermit:
chin chin the god of darkness. kek the god of creation and jakepaulus the cancer god

Morgan Gavin:
And lo, the seventh sigil be lit by the nightlight of leg cramps, and screams shall know not the ways of man, as the digital download and micro transactions shall bleed various bank accounts dry of their illgotten gains, so sayeth the Memson, of thy crushed candy

thy_undying:
All will kneel to a lie spoken by the unjust. Rain their wallets, and goods upon the crushed souls(edited)

The Shitposting Hermit:
J-I-N-G-L-E-J-A-N-G-L-E… Jinglejangle!!

Morgan Gavin:
And those with ashes upon their darkened souls will shutter the skeletons of legions past, the Ashen o

thy_undying:
The Legions might is flawed, with loyalty questioned and irrational choices. The keeper of the gate remains unfazed. They are here calling a name

Morgan Gavin:
Lead not those into temptation, but scream apart fro mthe hidden horrors that scream of rolling out, and may the Gumminess Bear, its wailing screams and death wails as it quivers and bounces, its death whale calling to a finite desperation… May the relevance of the hate fox know only the clown ad the cynical gnome, or may we forever be haunted by the Finaff King, his many colored hair and twirled mustache becoming and horrendous fan fiction, to which our souls know only death and damnation!

His mem, hs legend live on in the second adpocolypse, brought to a fidget spinning end by the fire addicted, clown themed, cynical gnome, who knows all secrets, and drinks of the Gi Feyuel, which burns as brightly, knowing only the souls of the tormented may truly bring him closer ot the ultimate fruition of hell unleashed, the chains only cursed links melted together in a serious knot of confusion of tubes powered by the hell cats of grumpiness!

thy_undying:
Gummy bears decapitated, on the executioner’s block. A laugh, a grin, by the spectators. Wailing arms in the air. The gods witness this event, such strong hatered for the demons which mask in candy. Chocolate rivers run dry. The canes of candy hanging the unworthy.

Morgan Gavin:
Spread the link of the chaos meme, and suffer the riches, piled onto the weight of your mind, infested by the fear pillow and smothered of oxygen by the creative curses of the irrelevant through which known shall ever know of the Trumpism and the he will not divide us chant, that through the tenth kingdom of hellish insanity shall we ever known the Con Khan Network and scream out Shatnered memes through which none are truly safe, or hath been cursed by the Druidic Ethereal fallicies which plague only the Over Watched butt of the Tracer! Can no leage of Legends stand to the trials and trails of the Roadhog, fermented meat, left in the sun and smothered with the defecation and diseased drool boiled to a thick soup that only the Sithian dungeons can keep twisting in the winds!?

And lo, again, in the ninth kingdom of the Golden Sunmoon, the desert sands will shift to the Snow of Jons and Garfields, his eternal tormentor and consumer of lasagna, a strange mystical treat created through the grinding and smashing of meath and tomotos, pa plague infested book of faces, called only to activate when the Necronomicon of passwords is forgotten, and thy Google of youTubian failures may enter a hack and slash game of Keemcynical proportions!

thy_undying:
Tracing the fingers which cling onto the images of laughter or to be silly. Kingdoms melt away in the wind when the legends speak of cheap tricks. Such decay when they sing of sunshine and rainbows. The Snow of john indeed knows nothing. Swining a sword at the dead that walk. Such a fool he be. In the frozen seas, the Slash man threw his axe upon the soaking puddle. Such thunder, echoes into the horizon. Necronomicon spreads the images across the landscape, infesting the wicked. Our backs ache by the hollowed. The lost.

Morgan Gavin:
Cursed by none, wanted by all, the curse of the Fear Pillow and the Abomination of the Universe, the Puppy Monkey Baby, the unwanted one, the freak of genetic tampering, science cursed by the evils of the four chans of old, back to the before days, the lords of cinder and repentance knowing no mercy as the tenth sign and sigil of the Adpocolypse lords a destructive force of unrecognizeable proportions upon our souls, driving us to the brink of insanity with its very presence!
A purge of anger, a purge of violence, a purge of bad memes, forced into existence against their will, taken flight and form against their creators shall rummage through the everlasting cursed forms of physical sentience, coding of ones and zeroes, twos and threes shall form and reform into the creations upon which none hath asked for and yet all shall scream unto the blind fires of old, “Have ye mercy!?” And the kings of Memes and their Memesons shall scry unto the unfortunate few, “Leggo my eggo”\

thy_undying:
Abominations plagued puppies they be. Crawling, dragging its frail limbs. The cinder is warm, unrelenting. An unstoppable force. They stand idly by, whilst the purge is upon us.

Morgan Gavin:
And thine eggo shall have been let go, as millions of pictures, doctored to initiate a fourth purge into the tenth kingdom shall unleash a torrent of sad depressed bookface pages, a slew of unwarranted and unwanted criticiysm for the hattering of the tenth reality plague, no, they shall see their works mocked and made to be as flickering shadows, that which screams for a lack of a better word, the “Sleepless in Seattle” Brought forth by the army of Sean Connerys appearing into the Ranks of Jeopardy, and the Nicholas Cages in wooden bear costumes, infiltrated by the beehives of shame and disbelief, shall go to the center of madness, and none shall know if their works are truly good or not, as the quality of dimensions presented there within are none but predetermined fixtures into the horrid flaws of humanities core values.

The Shitposting Hermit:
sean connery is best

Morgan Gavin:
And none in the Ninth kingdom of the golden sunmoon shall know which way to go, and instead, use a flawed apple maps to take portrate videos, which shall piss the resto f us off, as we send forth the Memesons and Memefathers of old to the eighth kingdom, where a peanut butter jar with an oft repeating loop of time, in which a silent Leonardo Dicaprio shall be mauled by a bear while declaring himself the king of the world, but his world shall sink, and he shall claim for a rose to never let go, but the roots shall know only the dampened sunlight and the weak nutrients, and hath let him has a tiny golden statue after so many years.

thy_undying:
Eggs crack upon the orbiting bowl, in the centre. Caged the Nicholas in a confined space. A lost of control, independence. A hound at the rattled cage, “Woof”. No one is a hero in this sorrow tale, only those who believe themselve to be whole.

Morgan Gavin:
To seek the plains of madness, they shall travel through a demented real of misery and bad remakes, infested with flaws and sins, which only a select few shall truly understand the tone of mockery and satire, to the seventh kingdom of the foolish and repository of badly over used memes, the mynameisjeff shall scry only to those of souls most ripped fresh fro mthe bloated carcasses of dementors, where thy harry potter fanship shall burn with fury as no more scrolls of magical boy wizards are fraught with fanservice, and no shipping of boy wizard verus dark forboding shall happen. For only the rule of law shall scry them to the Anime Weeabu culture shock that Anime is not a Cartoon, but rather a sacred art unto which only the Hehachi Miazaki Clan shall rise to be the king of fighters!

No, they shall too be plagued by the cloned failure of the two, and the rise of the Sean Cagery shall be born, weighed down by the anger and confused chaos that only seems possible in a twisted nightmare realm, in which no one shall truly know what the fermented rage pillow covers they are saying, nor if they are truly good or not. Maybe, the souls of the twisted ones, the animatroni shall see an end to the fictious misrepresentations of those lost and damned, and soon, the eternal war of spite and greed shall seek to be of a never ending end, and the rule of fine dust shall be imposed, but none shall ever really know what the fuck is actually going on!

thy_undying:
Isenguard is a large fortress beyond our reach. Cannot be seen by consaulting maps. No King or Queen of Potter. A boy is not lost in the anime. Wizzard laws brake the rules of men, decieving the wise. “Ho ho ho” the fat man sits upon his wooden throne. Twisted by madness.

2021 in retrospect

A few things really.I know I’m kinda boring on FB but that’s fine with me, I’m kind of invisible on the whole “Let’s post shit to feel better but end up pissing one or two sad people off” scale, and I try not to buy into the fact that Social Media on the whole is meant to keep people angry and posting. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Social Media platforms, on the whole, are like babies.

Everyone likes babies. They’re the most neutral things on the planet, and it’s just like there are no bad dogs, just bad people who train them to be that way.

Facebook can be seen in a bad light, and it often does, but so can everything else when people don’t really understand.

Maybe it’s just me, but I try to see the good in people, regardless of their past, and it’s the same with the internet, it’s simply a tool, and how we use it and what we receive in turns of feedback determines how we continue to perceive it.

I was live the other night on tiktok, as I usually am, and occasionally I get cohost requests from kids, who for the most part are just being kids. True, most of the time I just hope their parents are walking by with a rolled up newspaper so they can get a smack on the upside the back of they head, but I just let them get what they want to say out of the way, most of the time it’s a few low level insults and I don’t react to it (Thank you twitter and COD community for years of emotional brutalization, assholes. :D) and then they disconnect and I simply go on like nothing happened.
And for those wondering, the spread is 99% adults, 0.5% puppets, and 0.5% random kids requesting to go live with me out of random chance. I don’t seek them out, ever.
I forgot where I was going with this, but as long as the person feels like they did a good job, in terms of how they feel using the tools at their disposal to accomplish the job they take on, they should get papa johns pizza.
Haven’t had papa johns pizza in a minute, I usually order from Dominoes, since they’ve got that sweet sweet 5 dollar pizza coupon I take advantage of and it’s pretty cool on that. Anyways, there was this squirrel I saw running across the street a while back, and I just forgot about it until this point in time, which is okay I guess, anyways, I do free readings on my lives, and it’s kind of bled into everyday things, cause a few people at work have requested them and I’m fine with that, doesn’t happen too often, and it’s been mainly people I’ve hung out with that request them.
I’ve had one or two people be a little concerned about my intent, but I pretty much tell em I just shuffle the deck, read the cards that pop out, and if it connects, it connects. If not, no biggie, it’s just a card game to me anyways. But I can understand on some level both the concern about the supernatural aspects of it as well as the need to get some kind of direction on what to do. I don’t take it to the level of fake readers where they simply spout off some rainbow out the ass, sunshine screaming from the nostrils, disney song and dance routine out the crotch, blow smoke out the nipples romance thing, I just read the cards to them and give it to them straight.
I still keep strong in my faith, still read the bible, and still contemplate what it actually is my purpose in life really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m a magnet for broken people just looking for some level of connection, those that seemingly isolate themselves, who feel sometimes out of place in some level, someone to identify with, maybe that’s my purpose, why I chose “The Doctor” as my nickname as a Learning Ambassador….
Maybe that’s why she’s holding on so tightly, despite our true time together having ended long ago… Anyways, the years 2018 to 2021… have been an experience for me. I’ve had to put a lot of things and people behind me, and accept things that I never thought I’d have to both about myself and about those I thought were my friends.

I realize that a vast majority of people I met at LGB8 won’t really think about me too much, that’s fine, after all, time marches forward, we meet new people and move on with life, and I have a difficult time letting go of people as well, and I’ve had to do that with folks that I had developed deep connections with, and had great conversations, and through these people, and they know who they are, I realized that I, and they, are merely a temporary presence in each others lives, we are meant to be stepping stones in our journeys of personal growth and become stronger for it.

I have been taught some hard lessons, and have had to make huge sacrifices, and some choices that can never be undone.
I have learned that, and this lesson comes from the Gavin side of the family, harsh but true, unless you add value to yourself, no one will ever want you to be in their lives, because they will have no reason to aspire to be as happy as you are, or happier. If you have little in terms of wealth or material possessions, you have little to no value in the eyes of society. It is only through the acquiring of such things can you ever be a part of a group. Those that cannot acquire said wealth or property or make progress in their own lives on their own to the satisfaction of others are to be abandoned by the wayside and forgotten about.
My Dad didn’t teach me that, my mom neither, it’s just been my personal experience growing up with a crippling sense of dread at the fear of rejection that has taught me this, that and because of what I’ve posted in the past, that those who try to crave their own path and believe what they will instead of following the lead of others will to be cast aside.
I have had to overcome a lot of things to get to this point of comfort with myself, and the thought of going back to that level of negative self talk is absolutely not worth it. It was that level of thinking and isolation, and dealing with those who’d think less of me that forged me into the hard worker I am today, I had to go through basic training at Great Lakes to forcibly break myself so that I could figure out what wasn’t working and what was to get here.

Did it have some damage left over? yes. But am I much better person than I was back then? Of course.
My time with Amazon further enforced what I taught myself, that I am inherently valuable to myself, and through my self evaluation and sense of self worth, I could better be of service to others. Through that hard work and that urge to be better, I have made a few true friends and a few people that still require my help till they find the next step in their lives.

I have loved fiercely and truer then I ever have, and I will never regret knowing them because of those results. I have learned to say no, to reject that which doesn’t work for me, and to stand up for myself.

I am looking forward to what 2022 brings, and where I go from here, we only live once, and love many times, it is only through expression of our passion and love that we can truly appreciate the gifts that others have brought into our lives. Harsh lessons and uncomfortable truths are what fire the steel of our souls so that we may better forge ahead and steel ourselves for the wrought iron the world will throw at us.

Are those smithing puns doing anything for you?
Happy New Years, much Love to everyone, friends past, present and future, near and far, known and unknown, and lest you forget, I love you all.
And no, I am not depressed, I just don’t post that often, get distracted by shiny things, and have a weird sleep schedule.

When is the next Dorikame Book coming out? honestly don’t know.

When is my next album coming out and will I half ass it? Soon, and maybe.

Am I single or taken or engaged? That will be revealed.

Am I happy? Are these sarcastic answers answering the question you want answered?
Will I do a reading series for FB? LOL…. I dunno…

Do I still have feelings for her? Men never fall out of love, we really do not, I don’t think there’s a person alive who can truly say that they’ve run out of love for another person. All we can do is wish them happiness and luck in whatever they choose to do with their life. Love is love after all.

Well, hey there!

Tiktoks, writing, and love, what else is there in life?

Emotional roller coaster!

I need to talk about this.
I don’t care if someone pulls me aside and goes, “Heeeeey buddy, I saw that thing, why’d you post that thing?”
Because posting about the thing is my way of pushing through my own insecurity about creating content, and for the longest time I never really cared what anyone thought about my content, it didn’t have any direct affect on my life.
I never thought my words or actions had any actual effect on peoples emotions or thoughts, and now, that I have been at Amazon for nearly two years at this point, have forged bonds and friendships. stealth relationships, and had romantic interests, (And yes god damn it I WILL talk about love, because why the hell wouldn’t I?) as well as created this weird as hell Matrix of random connections all up and down the chain of command at Amazon, from GMs, AMs, to PAs, KBS, PS, WS, and AAs, like, holy fucking shit, it’s been a trippy as hell experience, I’m finding myself at a weird stand still.
The point is this, I’m perfectly aware, I KNOW. Truly, I do KNOW where things stand on every level, and I’m trying to balance everything out in my head before I do anything.
Because I’ve been put through what feels like a 36 round championship title fight, been knocked down with a metaphorical punch to the chest and had a ten count to get the fuck back up.
I read somewhere that happiness and sadness unlock or enhance certain aspects of our psychology, happiness boosts up our creativity and sadness enhances our ability to analyze situations, whatever they may be. In order to get to the root problem of this whole thing, I needed to get to that point where my heart felt like it was dropping into a bucket of ice.
Not through conscious choice, but as a matter of the natural cycle of the seven stages of grief, I’ve been through the worst of it, and I nailed it down to the basic. The failure of not taking action, of overthinking, of seeing a straight line and deciding to let the journey curve and twist and pop up and down.
Though I do have hope that reconciliation can happen, I myself can not take any steps towards it, it’s not that I don’t want to, trust me, I do, but I’ve forgotten a very important lesson, that if you chase a squirrel, that little bastards going to dart the hell away each and every time.
However, if you’re patient, and stay very still, and feed the other birds and squirrels at the park, eventually, that squirrels going to want some of that goodness.
By the way, I AM talking about squirrels.
I create stories, songs, lyrics, and Tiktoks, because indirectly, subconsciously, they are messages or adventures for those that want, or need to hear them.
And not being able to be blunt about this is killing me, seriously, I’d much rather be upfront then have to dance around this thing.
I need an apology. I don’t care what channels I have to go through to set up to get one for what went down, but I will get one.
I think that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
I can forgive a lot, but that? That needs to be rectified, resolved.

Tiktok’o’clock!

That aside, I have reached 7k on Tiktok, so I’m getting close to my goals in terms of numbers, if I hit 10k, I can apply for the creator fund, which means I’ll be able to make some spare change with some of these vids. Which means, I’ll have to find some of the freakier stuff on there to duet or stitch.
I also need to do some more dances, and I’m always down to appear in others Toks, Snaps, Instagram posts, and so on, I’ve never been shy about that kind of thing. I have a few ideas for skits and whatnot, I want to run a few ideas across a few people and see what can be done to make those ideas happen.
Because I’ve got some really cool ideas for a cross platform series!
My largest issue that needs to be worked on is collaboration momentum, the more I do something the easier it is for me to knock it out of the park. It’s just that first initial jump into something that bothers me a little bit.

Music and the Muse!

Music wise, I’ve got three or four ideas for albums that I want to try out, I’ve been doing a ton of crooning tracks for a while, some skit tracks, one or two country tunes, a ton of rap, some tracks with back ground vocals, and some with lyrics to them.
Which I need to get back to doing the ones with lyrics because those are by far the absolute best ones, while the freestyle are OKAY for the most part, I need to find a hook, a way to bring it back in.
I do have a few of those floating around, but for the most part, I’m mostly a story teller, there needs to be a progression in the lyrics, moving forward on a journey.
It’s actually a mental requirement of mine that for a tracks lyrics to really have that OOMPH that I need a muse, which, for a while, I had… have… had… basically, a connection to the lyrics that feels amazing when I get out there to belt it out. thing is, for a while now, that spots seemingly open, as far as I’m aware, since the previous muse wasn’t feeling it anymore.
It’s this connection that allows me to dive deep into my emotional well and brings out the best in what I can do, if I’m inspired, I can just knock it out.
Although, it’s not like anyone can fill out an application for “Morgan’s Muse!” and nail the spot. This has to be a connection that I personally feel, intensely. Specifically, has to be a woman, sorry guys, just the way I’m wired when creating, and there has to be a spark that’s lit when I look into her eyes, like a fireworks display going off in the center of my mind.
Love is the most powerful of emotional connections out there, and if there’s a spark of that, and it hits me deeply, then you’ll know as well, it’s a rare thing, when it hits the CORE of your soul, lights that fire in you, and makes you feel a thing or two about a thing or two because that’s what brings you happiness.
Am I open to repeats? Sure, always happy for that kind of deal, something familiar a return to comfort and warmth, of a souls fire and forging of a reconnection that might’ve been thought lost.
The next album is going to be called “Heart’s Desire” I’ve had the album cover done for quite a while now, but the connection that was behind this has kinda frayed at the edges, but I’m still going to press through with it. I feel uneasy about the album cover, as it involves some old art work I did of a past… current… connection…
That aside, I recently made a track called “She who I’d call queen” from a set of lyrics I wrote, that song is only 1/4 of the lyrics and I’m going to knock out the other three quarters tonight, I might have to redo the original track, since the vocals are a bit on the soft side at the start. But I REALLY don’t want to. I’ll see what I can do about getting an app or two that’ll be able to raise the main vocals a little bit.
I think there’s a bit of magic to how I’ve been able to knock these tracks out, because there is LITERALLY no planning whatsoever, I just grab some coffee, pick a beat I haven’t used before and just go for it. Sometimes it works out, other times I need to do it a few times before I’m satisfied, but people seem to enjoy it.

Sexy Chocolate and the handsome potato!

I get way too excited about things sometimes, like to the point where I get nervous and giddy and everything ends up falling apart, it’s not that I intend for these things to happen, just the way it is, kind of like expecting a surprise birthday party and finding out that well, HOLY CRAP it’s a single person, with a cupcake, and they haven’t yet lit the candle, and they’re just standing there like, WELL, this is indeed a thing!

The point I’m trying to make here is this:
Dear sexy chocolate, come get this handsome potato. OH MY GOD JUST CAME UP WITH THE PERFECT TIKTOK. I need chocolate and a potato.

Author’s Block

Writing wise, I was working on a small side project called Sogno Della Dinastia: Bianco e nero, which translates to “Black and White” I began writing it on Twitter a while back and it somehow fizzled out, it was an interesting concept.
Another series was some romantic thing, IT WAS BALLS OUT AMAZING!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF PURE FICTION, ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS OR PERSONS IS… MOSTLY COINCIDENTAL, I’M INSPIRED BY MANY THINGS AT MANY POINTS IN TIME. I TAKE THOSE THINGS AND MAKE AWESOMENESS WITH IT.

Here’s a few snippets:

Even without speaking, She was telling him she wanted him too. She sighed heavily at the start of shift, the weight of the world seeming to press down on her.
He knew something was going on.
She later stopped in front of him many times, hoping he’d take notice.
He did, each time.
He smiled, for he knew she was nervous, that she wanted to tell him how she felt.
It was okay, he felt the same way too.
After all, that’s what true love was, the ability to communicate without actually talking.
It was in the little things they did while around one another.
They were in love, and the whirlpool of their journey was winding them into tighter and tighter circles.
She paused, mimicking an actions he’d seen him do many times over by putting her index finger on her pulse, just behind her jaw.
He noticed everything, his heart pounding. Still he remained composed. He loved her, after all.
When her brown eyes met his green, there was always something magical.
She needed to be sure. She didn’t want to be hurt again, she wanted to trust him with her heart.
Her mind flashed back to the first time they argued, and though she’d deny being afraid it’d happen again, she let that moment inflict a moment of fear.
He understood perfectly, he always had. He knew perfectly well that she needed to be the one to approach him.
For her to initiate the conversation, and let it flow from there. She knew he was talkative, that given half the chance he’d talk her ear off the whole day.
She also knew he followed any rules she put in place.
He sighed heavily, knowing the issues they both faced. Both were nervous, both wanted the same thing, both had problems with starting the conversation.
She’d be hesitant.
He’d talk too soft.
She wanted him close again.
He wanted her close as well.

Today was another day, and though opportunity was striking, it could also mean a shift in direction they were both headed, if everyone else had their say.
With more and more people chiming in, it seemed impossible for them.
Or was it?

He would try again, the universe seemed to be against him, maybe he had everything wrong, the fires of passion he used to have were slowly dying, he needed to remind himself of what drew him to her constantly.
A few people said she was just using him for the way he made her feel, but in a way, if she was happy, he was happy.
If her happiness meant he needed to step up and be her man…
He’d need to change his approach. He was nervous, terrified, unsure of the possible change.
He liked how he was, but she needed something more from him, she needed to see his flirty, romantic, seductive side he’d sometimes show without knowing it.
She liked that side.
But, how to bring it out again?

It was the next day, she was staffed in the same place as before.
She was excited.
Anxious.
She was sure how the day would unfold, but she was sure that no matter what, he would be hers as she once knew him.
She loved him. She wanted him.
He wasn’t like any of the other men.
He was kind, caring, had actually taken the time to get to know her instead of casually flirting and disappearing when she turned him down.
He’d gotten to know her friend, and was always curious about her life.
She was hesitant at first, offering sometimes blunt responses.

Then he’d done something no other man had done before, he started sharing his work with her.
Giving her small handmade gifts, little things that he’d cobbled together out of other things. Hair ties, bracelets, little golden rings studded with diamonds.
He told her she was his muse, that he had feelings for her, but he didn’t want to rush the friendship.
He’d been so patient with her, and let her know when she’d hit his limit.
He was understanding and forgiving beyond what any other person would be.
He had his faults, everyone did, but he more than made up for them in other ways.
She had to hold tight to him when he thought he had done something wrong and tried to pull away, she reigned him back in, and in doing so, sealed for herself, a place in his heart and mind.
They had been through so much, and yet so little at the same time. She tested him, time and again, with little things in little ways.
Both direct and indirect.
He recounted little details about her, rarely mentioned moments that had passed, small conversations and more.
He paid more attention to her then she realized, and without realizing it, began to let her guard down around him, letting him know more and more about herself that she’d have otherwise kept secret.
She dropped little hints here and there, small, sometimes obvious, moments.
She wanted him.
He wanted her.
She was tired of small moves, tired of him beating around the bush, she wanted him upfront and to the point.
He was staffed in the same place again, but something was different.
He’d been working two different areas at the same time over the past couple of days.
When one area wasn’t busy, he’d work the other, and vice versa. She looked at him, casually going about his day, he looked at her as well, they each knew somehow.
Everyone around them was putting pressure on him to move on, to forget about her, and for a while, it seemed as though he was about to.
She knew he was persistent, but he had his moral compass. She liked that, it was something else about him that was different.
He was genuine.
He’d spend a majority of the shift in her area, keeping her company since there was no one else, small conversations here and there. Nothing major, just small things to pass the time.
When the conversation had run dry, he’d play a few games with her, normally, she’d refuse.
Not today. They played four games before it was obvious they’d be locked in ties each time. She wanted him to move closer, to stop dancing around what he was after.
What she was after, he’d been resistant, but for the right reasons.
Her friends had done their parts.
For a while, he’d forgotten the one thing that drew her towards him, to be genuinely himself. The new clothes helped some, but she wanted him. Almost craved him, her heart beat loudly in her chest, and somehow, he could always tell.
He disappeared for a while, she thought he’d left again. A while later, he came back, a spring in his step that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
For the first time in a while, they had a deep conversation. He then presented her with another gift, one she thought she’d never get.
He obliged with no hesitation, putting the small object in his back pocket.
She walked down the line just a little, and reassured herself that this was going to happen, she just needed to drop slight hints again.

He’d left for break, one of her friends waiting for him at the spot he’d usually be at.
He was too smart, so he approached and went straight to the point.
They talked at length about his attraction towards her, and the situation, as well as, an ever slight hint he caught.
He was enamored by her, he explained, she charged his creative battery like no other woman in there could.
The friend listened carefully, he was playing a cautionary part.
He knew he’d be able to piece everything together.
Later, when she and the friend were talking, he let it slip, just loud enough for him to hear, and he instantly heard it, processed it, and was comforted by the fact that he had been right all along.
He just needed to stay on the right path, follow the advice given.
After shift, he gave her the gift, and during the time they had before they left, she looked at him repeatedly, long eye contact, she was nervous, but then again, so was he, but he was there, calm, collected, confident. They talked for a little while, before they parted ways.
At least, he thought she left, but was pleasantly surprised when she hung back a little to see if he was following her, when he saw, he caught up rather quickly, he knew she had hung back just for him.
Still, he’d stopped at the stairs while they continued on.
She looked back a second time, and it was that second time, telling him he knew for a fact she wanted him.
Tonight she told herself, was a very good night.

She was in tears, for so long he had been the kind gentle soul she had known and loved secretly, but lately he had been cold, distant, sometimes brash without meaning to, she disliked him for those things.
At the same time, he had never lied to her, he’d been direct.
Over the passed week, something changed within him, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was almost as if something that was there, wasn’t anymore. As if he had left his anger, resentment, and inner demons behind.
There were small moments, where the two had shared mysteries or small moments.
Private thoughts, or past memories.
He’d always try to carry the conversation, fail, but sometimes on the rare occasions, it would be all day.
He liked talking of the deeper things, the romanticizing of the soul.
She loved his willingness to goof around.
The higher ups found it charming, he was one of their favorites. He didn’t understand why, he’d always tell them she helped out immensely.
Tonight however, felt different.
Tonight he’d notice her do something he’d never seen.
She had slipped away, just for a few minutes.

He looked at her, forever entranced at this secret side of her, and for a few minutes, he acted as her guard, keeping an eye out for those that might disturb those few precious moments.
He kept an eye out for work, and worried that there were eyes on her at all times.
she returned shortly, and excused herself. for the first time in a long time, they held meaningful eye contact. and in that instance, the connection reignited, not as intense, but it was there.
For everything everyone was telling him, he stood fast, present, the warmth, returned.

Memories of innocence

Ever since then I’ve wanted to experience that feeling all over again, that feeling of being complete. I thought I had it with Ashley, and for a while, I did. Then, for the longest time now, I haven’t.

Okay, this is going to be something.
Actually, no, let’s just jump right the fuck in, no dancing around the topic, no farting around, we’re doing this shit and DAMNED BE THE CONSEQUENCES!
We’re talking love, romance, flirting, and all things I find to be either incredibly easy, or just down right hard depending on how long I hesitate before actually speaking and that just causes a cascade effect where the thoughts just fucking flip out on me like,
“Hey, you’re actually kind of-“
“LOOK AT THE PENGUIN!”
At that level.
I’m not sure th reason for the hesitancy, I know for certain that it feels like the words are there, but my mouth won’t form the words.
Or maybe it’s something simpler:
Fear of rejection.
If rejected twice already, then the probability of being rejected a third time is pretty high, or maybe on a subconscious level I’m reading the social cues being put out.
Or maybe it’s the cues I think are happening but in reality it’s not.
All I can know for sure is that it’s really hard guessing intention just based on eyes, and eyebrows alone.
Which SUUUUUUCKS.
But, at the same time, affords some practice in noticing the details.
Kind of.
black women are absolutely stunning to me for some reason, maybe it’s just that I’m looking for a change of pace, or maybe dating someone outside my skin tone of splotchy peach mixed with sunburnt tomato has been appealing to me for the longest time?
I dunno why it is.

I guess my earliest exposure to the idea of dating a black gal (This is normal thinking for me on the regular. Sometimes you just have to let it out.) was back in middle school, back in San Jose, not middle school, High School?
Yeah, high School.

Okay, so there was this bomb ass BBQ place just smack dab between my house and Oak Grove high School, no… wait, Davis Minor Intermediate School… Was it OGHS? Hard to recall specific details.
Anyways, this place was AMAZING, it was Black owned (do I capitalize Black? Do I not? well, no squiggly red line, so I guess so.) run by this elderly dude… What was his name!?
Gus? Stanley? Pete? Paul? Robert? Dan? David? It was probably Gus… We’re going with Gus.
So, Gus was similar height to Nigel, but the dude was fucking stacked, try to imagine four body builders sharing one of those full one body suits at the same time, and you’ve got Gus.
Anyways, Gus made THE BEST FUCKING RIBS imaginable.
He also had a daughter, named Bridgette, I was… what, 5’9 in middle school? So she was a few inches shorter then me.
But, my bois, my awesome lads?
She was gorgeous, I imagine she still is to this day. Wish I had kept up with her.
Anyways, she had this wild hair that wouldn’t stay combed down, so she just let it do its own thing, and it was a unique experience to watch what it decided to do from the day to day.
Coil factor on a scale of one to ten?
Between a 3 to 4. There was a bit of a twist to it, but for the most part, it looked like it was always going after a few birds.
Skin tone? Best way to describe it… Her tone was as if a glass of chocolate milk were made with a mix ratio of 40% chocolate syrup, with a dash of caramel.
Her eyes a really deep brown, almost black. Her irises had a ring of grey right around the pupil, which I was always curious about, never got around to asking.
Her build was average, nothing too fancy.
She was kind of dorky, which I had a thing for back then, so it fit pretty well.

Anyways, almost everyday, after school I’d walk her back to the store (I think it was high school… Not sure of the year, BUT I do remember that it was during the either Fall or Spring.) and we’d just talk about random things, I had no clue about flirting back then, I was just friends with someone.

So, whenever dances came around, I’d always go by myself since I could never really get up the courage to ask someone to go with me, so it was just a common thing for me to go to the school dances by myself and just do my own thing.
It became something of offline meme.
This one dance those, winter formal, I did the same thing, and Bridgette was at the dance as well.
It was during one of the slower dances that a group of her friends asked me to dance with her, and I said sure, why not?
She was wearing a pink dress, not too puffy shoulders, her hair was still wild, but she had it in a pony tail which worked in her favor.
Can’t remember the perfume, but I remember the scent perfectly, it was sweet, sugary, tropical, with a hint of Lilac and rose. It was amazing!
So, I ended up dancing with her the rest of the night, it was almost like I felt this pull towards her.
During…. what was the song playing at the time!? DAMN IT.
Boyz to Men, I can never remember the song…there was this one line, “I’ll be there for you”
But she pulled me in close, and rested her head on my shoulder and I remember feeling her heartbeat against my chest.
I didn’t think about it for the longest time, but looking back, knowing what I know now, I must have made her night. Even when the music stopped, we just kept on dancing, every once in a while she’d look into my eyes, just simply smiling, she had a gorgeous smile, it completely lit up the room.
Her eyes were bright, scary bright, as if they weren’t even real, but I felt her warmth, there was mass, weight, presence!
She must’ve been the happiest girl at the dance, because she didn’t let go of me for a full three seconds after I had of her to get to the bathroom, kind of funny.

Ever since then I’ve wanted to experience that feeling all over again, that feeling of being complete. I thought I had it with Ashley, and for a while, I did. Then, for the longest time now, I haven’t.

It’s not something common, like I look into a gals eyes and just instantly fall for them, there has to be a real connection in order for me to get worked up about a gal. A visceral and thorough understanding and almost magnetic pull towards her that subconsciously drives me towards her, as if the warmth of a campfire were just underneath my heart whenever she’s around!
There has to be a look in her eyes, that one look. Not something that screams “Fuck me”, but it’s the subtelest of tells, something that I can only pick up on if she’s close enough to where I can see the iris pattern.
A look in her eyes that silently asks, “If we could be together, would you want to?”
That “If” part. The almighty heartbreaking hypothetical question.
It’s her way of letting me know that “yeah, there’s interest, but you’ve got to meet me halfway. you’ve got to let me know what’s going on at your end, what are you looking for? Will you let me know? I might not be available now, but I will be eventually, so please remember this moment.”
That’s the look that snags my attention, that’s the look that strikes a chord on the strings of my heart.
For that woman, I’d gladly face a thousand armies, I’d conquer any obstacle I could to make her happy.

If there’s one thing I’ll never regret, it’s dancing with Bridgette and seeing those beautiful brown eyes with the ring of grey, how they shown so bright, even in the darkness of that gym and the occasional flash of the DJ’s lighting rig.
That look is universal.
So, single women, if you catch me looking into your eyes, just know I’m reading your irises, trying to find that one specific look, the slight growth in your pupil, the way the light dances off the lens, the flare of silver on the outer edges.
Love is love, regardless of the situations we find ourselves, and though societal norms may prevent us from acting upon the natural subconscious impulses we’ve learned to tame, just know it’s alright, whatever situation you’re in, everything will work itself out eventually.

Getting my attention is easy, keeping it is easy, but firing up the kiln of my creativity? That’s extremely hard, and keeping those fires lit, even if indirectly? Damn near impossible.
After all, all you have to do is reach out, and I’ll be there.

Those eyes, how they do hypnotize.

Looking into them, see how they spark
Like getting lost in a hurricane of feeling
Love, loss, joy, confusion, happiness, apathy, lust
Overbounding with love like instant sparks
A flare of joy rocketing into the sky

Love, lofe, and fuck all

If you went to get a bar with some friends in the car
Did you not feel that bird in the sky
Looking at us like ants in the wind
Tumbling, stumbling, till none ended or could begin?
A confused motley crew of two in the afternoon
The wind howling as Mr. Crowley played that cursed violin
To get in with no sin to the bowling alley with glowing pins
To smell the choking smoke, see the dimly lit rows of souls
Lined up for the 9 pounder to strike like lightning to metal in the night
A simple creed to thee to save ye from covid19
To breathe freely with lungs not yet squeezed tightly
To travel from tavern to tavern with friend and unknown foe
Lantern clutched tightly by white knuckled hands,

The glow of the sign, the buzz of neon,
The muffled laughter waiting just behind the door
Oh memories of yesteryear, fleeting thoughts of that cold crisp morn
To sing a rhapsody so melodious and sweet!
Catching the eye of some lass from across the room
Eyes meeting, heart beat increasing,
Across the room from two sides you meet
Mind racing thoughts of words too sweet
A fleeting thought, dispelled by friends encouraging
A lass of beauty blocked by a friend with envy in her eye

“Are you here to enjoy the night? Or take a flight of fancy?
“Of fantasy y’seek with me girl for one nights passion I do forbid, but hearts be true I’ll justify to admit.”
Your eye locked on hers, and hers on yours, two hearts beating in time, two souls eagerly prowling.
A moment’s thought, you lean in cleanly, your words convincing,
“My intent t’was only a mere glance, from that glance a chance perhaps at romance with the lass behind ye.
If I were to be honest, and honest I be, I’d gladly face the fire of a hundred dragons just for a few moments conversation with yonder lass so sweet.”
Away you lean, and passed the friend, towards the woman who caught your attention,
A few words exchanged, laughter for a while or two, a number exchanged, a memory created through and through.

But you wake, a dream as it might be, to find that lass next to you, happily sleeping.
Again you awake, you heart turned heavy, tis but a dream, there be no lady.
Social Distancing, masks, gloves, and PPE.
Stay at Home Orders, everything closed for the time being.
No gatherings, no pubs, no movies, nothing. Home to work, work to home, home to sleep, and sleep to dreaming.

Final thoughts?
Fuck you Covid19.

Welcome to 2020, I’m your host, Dan Rather!

I talk about things, work, friends, projects, that kind of thing. Your kind of thing!

Holy shit, if he does NOT make that joke, I’m going to be so pissed.
So, how was your New years? Like mine, uneventful, kinda like the rest of the holidays, but I do have some slight changes to the usual programming. Annnnd that’s right… I keep forgetting that I have this thing, and rather than use  this  platform ot vent my various complaints and or treasures, I choose to instead post pointlessly bad videos and tweets that go unnoticed for a while and now I’m sad.
But, not anymore, thanks to the power of Arabian fucking coffee.
Yup.
It’s gon’ be like that today.
Anyways, I’ve been working my as off at amazon and aside from the ride situation changing for the better, apparrently, I now have a group I hang out with, well, I’ve got several groups I hang out with, but one more consistantly than the others. The weird thingis, I dunno how it all, oh wait- Yes, yes I do.
Think it might’ve been during that wonky period of time where I’m just extra flirty or something, happens every once in a while. But I just told this one gal, V, that I didn’t know what it was about her, but I liked her. And it’s true. There’s something about her I can’t put my finger on, but it’s there.
Anyways, I think I met her friend, A, first, and we had a quick conversation about something or other, then after shift, I talked her V, and then after that I introduced myself to I.
Weird thing is, thanks to I’s  wanting to hang out after shift, I now have a group of peeps That I hang out with after shift. Which is refreshing, but at the same time a bit worrying. Now, don’t get me wrong, these women are fucking amazing, and I’m really thankful I’m friends with them.
Just old paranoias and what not.
The reason I flit from group to group has something to do with a fear of rejection if interest in a gal is expressed, and then it just becomes slightly awkward, so I subconsciously fade away for a few weeks to let things cool day and act as if it’s just normal.
It’s the built up anxiety of repeated rejections and the knowledge and slight annoyance that that’s just going to be a part of things. And I really love working for Amazon.
But it really is a small town unto itself, so there is lies the problem, or, I don’t think it’s a problem, just something I’m slowly but surely pushing through.
2020 is going to be a new year, I’m no longer attached to Ashley, though the memories are bittersweet, they are slowly fading into the hazy fog that is the past.
Though I don’t believe I’m ready for dating, my subconscious has other ideas, and I’ve been noticing slight changes in my behaviour that supports that theory.
At the same time, I really do need to have some kind of social life, so if hanging out with friends after work is the way to do that, who am I to complain?
Besides, love is love, though it might be unreliable, love always finds a way. And just like every Jurassic Park movie, love is the T-Rex that will fuck yo sadness up in terrifying and hilarious ways.
Well, might as well dive into this. Or not, I’m still trying to sort everything out myself, but I think my problem is I over think things, and sometimes, I just need to dive into the deep end, and say “Fuck logic, I will enjoy mustard and toast at the same time!” Or maybe that’s my subconscious way of trying to deflect from the realization I might just have feelings for someone, and I’m slowly ramping up to asking them out.
The weird part is that it won’t be over a dating app. Which is just a fucking thing of its own.

That aside, I’ve started working on weird little pipe cleaner figures I like to call Piplaeners, why? Well… I don’t know why, but there awesome, and I’m slowly world building with every one that I create. Let’s see if I can pull a few up.80831662_471927350176422_7036172946527748096_n80900903_834241123681085_7729425855453069312_n80811702_2546410082263326_6814933365725069312_n80697408_3717571861618355_8067890323717619712_n80272528_590025335152853_5579368598624796672_n80357608_2566402456747613_7203153398026207232_n

I really like making these. They honestly don’t take that long to make and I’ve gotten down to a science, but so far, I’ve got the Golden King, The Red Queen, the Cursed Prince, the Queens Guard, and Dequadra.
Haven’t figured that one out yet. And it’s my newest work too! I’m also working on a massive one and I’m still planning out, and with every Piplaener made, I discover new ways of making them sturdier, I might actually have something going here!
Kind of exciting when you think about it!

Youtube’s still a thing, and I’ve now got a podcast going, which, I should really get cracking on the next episode, god I’m so bad at procrastinating…

Technology! it’s a good thing!

Or… maybe not, it all depends on what you’re looking for. Really, look, I get it, you’re looking for quality, meme producing content, or you might be a blog snob, but fear not, for I give zero fucks, and you my friend, are in the right place after all! Sometimes i wonder if the things we think about are the things we should be focused on,. Lemme explain y’all something, right?
Okay, so the things we focus on aren’t exactly the things we need to focu on at the moment, because there are tons of other things going through our heads at any one point in time, it’s a combination of douche fuckery that’s both entertaining and dissuading at the same time, and I get it.
You have a set schedule and limited shit to do, but for me, something that might need to be focused on is suddenly and irrevocably distracted by some idiot wondering into my field of view or just a dumb ass random action which will invariably cause a mediocre avalanche or other things and…. well, nothing will get done.
I’m starting to think I might have ADHD, or maybe my blank mind is so zen that, well, I float like a butterfly and fuck like a bee…
Wait, that’s not how that saying goes, but fuck that, let’s move on to whatever random and mind fumblingly dumb bull shit we seem to have forgotten about or moved onto today, shall we?
Because that’s the law of averages, and sometimes, you just need  that fluff and filler to vacuum out the smarter shit in your life.
Those who know me and have had conversations with me while I’m in my unfiltered or unfocused state, kind of like a flashlight with courgettes, or however that words spelled, will no doubt have had one of those moments, where nothing makes senses, but at the same time, you’re like, well, this is different, let’s give it a go!

And that’s what I’m all about, the random ,the mystifying, the weirdly dumb and sometimes funny. Because while yes, I could do what the rest of the world likes, and follow one stream of thought or another on how many fucking selfies I need to take with various filters colors or stupid manufactured bull shit, that’s… not what I’m about. I can’t handle all that prep just for a single picture that will invariable be ignored by the majority of social Media addicted brain slugs that crawl among us, hidden in their own ethereal covens of giggles coffee, and tiny mustaches. I have a BEARD DAMN IT!

And that beard is like a sex magnet, if… that were only the case and I could stay focused long enough to actually try and be a sex magnet.

Let me tell you about the God of All Things, Randy. that was a weird as fuck segway, but I swear, everything will connect on a level you never saw coming, and this is why I continue to only get a few interaction on my blog at a time.

Randy is a magician at what he does, but lemme tell about something else entirely, why? Because I take a few weeks to finish blog posts for some reason, and my cats keep doing the thing, oh shit! I forgot to get the laundry started, annnnnd that’s now a thing.
but more then that is the concept of loving who you are or what you are.
Males?
We got the dick ball combo, nothing wrong with that, that’s just how we’re built.
The Ladies?
Y’all got boobs, vagina, and the uterus, which, in all honesty, put y’all one step ahead of us… I think.
Okay i’m going to talk about this, because I’m kind of tired of the whole mentality that guys are taking a step back in media, cause we’re riding the same wave as you girls, and y’a know what? it goes around the sun, and no matter what, Furbies are still fucked.

They truly are fucked in the head, little adorable creatures that for no real reason will start yapping their plastic asses off because that’s EXACTLY what I want to hear in the middle of the morning, that sweet sweet release of, “ME LOVE YOUR SOUL!”

Yeah, that’s kind of fucking priceless right there. THIS IS QUALITY CONTENT PEOPLE! Like and subscribe if you feel the need to validate my existence, which I know you don’t!
Because free will is willingly free, or we’d all be paying a subscription fee, which I think we already kind of do, since you know, Amazon Prime and all of that, but that’s neither here nor there, I use a lot of the same sayings from time to time don’t I?
Shit, now i’m a bit self conscious, but there’s smoke and fire, sometimes you’ll find a hobo whacking it with lighter while smoking a soggy cigar.
Why?
Cause that’s how this shit sometimes rolls y’all!
We got to keep it real, or virtual, because sometimes what’s being read or written isn’t really what’s being said. Because then we’d all be taken way the fuck too literally and there’s nothing wrong with that, if you can call that living.
Actually, on the topic of living, is there such a thing as too much living? I think there is, like, really living. Cells multiplying more than they should, but relatively speaking, I think that’s just called cancer.
But why is cancer called cancer?
doesn’t that feel a bit ironic for peeps who are Cancers via the astrological sign, who get cancer, and they’re like, “Well, HA!?” And that just sets up the whole domino effect of what ifs by comparing similar words to similar situations, all though I could be wrong about that.

god, I miss just being about to write whatever comes to mind, because then it’s such a freeing experience, you don’t have anyone tripping balls in your general direction and yes, I know!

this was such a promising blog post, and then the stinginess of the topic went away and I started being myself!

How fucking weird is that!?

Anyways, I’ve just reached 1030 words totals on this thing. Time to post for no reason.

 

Love, love, love

I’m going to unlock a stupid door.
Why’s it stupid?
Because for the longest time I’ve tried shutting it, and there’s no point in trying to resist holding the stupid door shut.
So, let’s talk about love, and just like that, we’re off to the races!

First off, I don’t believe in the societal boundary that love in the workplace won’t work, It’s kind of a dumb thing.
Maybe people just want to fuck and forget?
Maybe they don’t?
Maybe they want something, anything, really something that’ll keep them from losing their damned minds, and love’s pretty much the only thing that’ll do the trick.
Weird thing is, no matter what corporate Earth tries to dangle the sharp stabby stick of “This is my truth, not THE truth” in front of us, we can’t help but be human, and… want to fuck. I mean, c’mon, that’s just human, mammalian nature to want to meet someone that knocks it out of the park for you.
The reason why it’s so weird for me to talk about is because of my history with it. When I’m in love, I’m the happiest, greatest person in the world (Or  it seems that way to me.), when I’m out of it, it’s almost like there’s a part of me missing, almost like a secret shame that I’m not in a relationship.
Also, my self confidence because shit for some reason.
Love is one of those things that can either make or break a person, almost like the reason you’re doing those things, the reason you’re trying to accomplish those tasks, even if they originally were started of your own gumption, while in love, that other person because almost the sole motivating factor.
Is it because we’re trying to impress them?
Or is it just a matter of personal accomplishment, like, “I did this great thing, do you love me more for it?”
It’s kind of strange when you think about it.
Or, at least, it’s strange for me to think about it, almost like I recoil from it, almost.
Well! That’s enough bitching for one post.

Oh, Shadow, where art thou?

So, yesterday was an adventure in what the fuck.
What’s this!?
An actual blog about actual things, not just random bullshit!?
FOR SHO MOTHAFUCKAS, FO SHO.
Anyways, I was Water Spidering for Universal Receive, and at the start of shift, one of our PAs, Starlight, tells me that a new guys going to Shadow me and I get to show him the ropes.
Yes! I love it when peeps Shadow me, meaning I get to teach people! This is going to awesome!
So,  I introduce myself, and the day goes smoothly, I tell him about picking up Prep, taking care of Transship, Down Stack, Palatalizing, where to put AR and NYR Prep, whether to use a Cage or U boat on certain lines because of the support beams, and we get to work.
I think everything’s going great and he gets pulled aside for another task, because hey, that happens, happened to me, and I was thrown into the deep end and had to ask a lot of questions in order for me to get my bearings, but once I did, I just knocked everything out.
So, I’m knocking things out left and right, and on occasion my Shadow pops around to ask the occasional question and  I do my best to answer him.
But then I notice something, every time I ask him to help me out with something, he asked if he could use the restroom, I think nothing of it, because as a Water spider, you don’t have to ask to use the restroom, you just go, do your thing, then come back.
Five or ten minute would pass before I see him again, and at this point, I starting to get just a little annoyed with him.
Juuuuuuuust a little.
So instead fo talking to Starlight about the issue, I think that I should try and nudge him along, so next time we’re collecting prep, I ask him how he feels about rate and recieving, and since he’s 18 and just out of High-school, he says meh, to most of it, so I ask him if he enjoys Water spidering, and he says that he’ll do it if he’s asked.
I have to remind myself of how I was at 18 in order to refrain from going verbally full bore on the kid, so I gently tell him that if the PAs, Problem Solvers, and AMs see him knocking things out left and right, that they’ll want to use him more. Anyways, gotta get ready for the day. I’ll finish this up in another part.

Work stuff.

Alrighty! Nuff feelin’ sorry for myself, or at the very least being scared to just do my thang. Because I’m adorable like that.
Update: I was called in HR on Tuesday (which is my Monday) and I knew exactly what the gal, E, was going to ask me about. She’s a very pleasant woman, had a pretty good conversation with her.
Right off the bat, she asked me what I thought I was in there to talk about, I offered two scenarios that could be possible, the first was about a guy that had lost his cell phone, so I directed him to Loss Prevention, the second being my live stream.
She smiled, and I zeroed in on that and gave her all the relevant information, from what inspired the plan, to the motivation, to the topics discussed, the series of events, my time at the hospital, how much I had drank, if I planned on doing that again, and so on.
Apparently, I had answered most of her questions.
She then asked a very interesting one, which caught me off guard.
“Why did you feel the need to do this?”
Live stream?
Post to the group?
Enjoy my weekend in my own home?

So, I gave E a very brief summary of my time on the internet, form Vine, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, myspace, that kind of thing. When I mentioned the group, she smiled slightly again, and again, I zeroed in on that.
So, I talked a little about my posting there, and she said I should try reducing my online presence, which… I understand to a degree.
After a moment or two, I talked about how as an Employee of Amazon, even if I’m off the clock on at my own place, I’m still representing the company, to an extent.
And then she said that what I had done wasn’t very Amazonian, “Was it?”
————

On that note, and after having some time to reflect on the events, I’ve got some final thoughts:
1. What I create on my own time, as long as it doesn’t put myself or anyone else in danger, is my business, if I need to put a disclaimer, I’ll do that.
2. As long as you’re respectful to HR, and give them the information they need, they’ll be respectful to you, it’s pretty simple.
3. I’ve lost the thread of whatever I was working on before I switched gears and began working on something else.
4. The only thing that matters in this world are the lessons you learn and in the ways you positively implement them.

Sorry for the long post, might be a while before I make another one of these. Just really needed to get this out of my system.
———–
The deaths on Amazon site floors really is shocking to hear about, my sympathies to the friends and families affected.
Yeah, that guy complaining about being on his feet all the time, feeling drained?
Good god man, enjoy the positives, everyone’s feet hurt, it’s called fucking gravity.

Okay, I can do this.

For those expecting some kind of massive reveal, or brightly written article about dumb ass photo filters, Y’all can stop right the hell there, cause I ain’t that guy, in fact, if I were to say anything, I’d think that whatever words I’d come up with would be a product of a heavily distracted mind, already discontent with the way the natural world seems to thrive on honey basted bullshit.
And yes, I’m talking about that fucked front page, where everything seems to be driven by the idiocy that we’ve inherently created by gradually dumbing ourselves down intellectually and wow, intelligent, insightful dumbassery already.
You know, sometimes I even surprise myself? And yet, here we are, still on this planet with our souls clearly enraptured by the use of intelligent and worthless paragraphs which are clearly nothing more than fluff for what few informational sentence words your brain eyes are mind reading!
Yes, fuck your expectations!
fuck them hard!
Like… really fuck them hard.
You… naughty expectations.
Anyways, I had a bit of a weird weekend, and yeah, I’m going to talk about this, or at least continually fluff shit up because that’s what I’m good at! I say a lot without saying much, and maybe this is just a product of my already distracted mind as I repeat shit I’ve written before?
Fuck it, we’re going live with this.
Apparently, a Florida woman stabbed a man with a squirrel.
Let that shit sink in.
Getting stabbed.
With a fucking squirrel.
Do you know how fucking monster you have to be to pull that off?
As we all know, squirrels, along with most other small, adorable, nut stealing woodland critters are f lobby and not prone to let anything touch them…
This world… It’s people… With a squirrel.

Fucknuggets.

Some days aren’t great, but I ain’t about to fuckin talk bout that shit, let everyone talk about that shit, Imma talk about… well, now I can’t rightly say, or maybe I can, but I don’t want to, so I might not be able to say what I was about to say before the moment where I could’ve said something about something else but now, this is just a recurring loop of broken ideas and stupid logic.
Everyone has stupid logic.
Even birds.
Yes birds, birds have stupid logic.
Not like stupid human logic, but stupid bird logic.
Squirrels are just fucking stupid, regardless of level of intelligence. But don’t discount sharks.
Fuck sharks.
And spiders.
And clowns.
Actually, fuck any and all combination of the three of those things, because any and all of them are just bad.
really bad.
So bad it makes you think that no matter what, you’re about to find out some shit that don’t make sense, but desperately need to because in a way, Earnest Hemingway did not drink enough.
But then again, stupid Squirrel logic infects everything we do on a level never before seen.
I have not zoomed out.
Not, I have zoomed out, don’t ask why I haven’t zoomed out, maybe I was zoomed in?
Maybe I wasn’t? Maybe I couldn’t be zoomed out or in to save my life, or maybe there’s a need to be more zoomed in than out in this day and age where being zoomed in has more an impact meaning than one would assume.
But you know what they say about assuming things, right?
That donkey’s shouldn’t speed.
Or drive. But they do anyways, because there asses, and they’re a danger to you and me on the road.
Ass Zooming. that’s assuming they know how to drive using those clods hoppers of a hoof on their feet.
But they only have one hoof between all four feet.
Well, they might be transformers.
Hey, we live in a day and age where anyone can be anything or any gender they choose.
I once dated a woman who identified as a ketchup bottle.
Which made sense in a weird way, a way I leave to your imagination, because that’s the kind of logic we’re dealing with here today.
Stupid squirrel spider shark clown bird logic.

We aren’t alone in the universe?

We aren’t the only living things in the universe?
Our kind and loving god, in his many forms has more than one pet project?
Well shit.
Time to Naruto run.
So, aliens are real, which means Roswell actually happened, and that what no blimp.
So… fuck it.

I try to self motivate, caffeine usually helps out, gets me ready and pumped for the day, and sometimes chatting with Nigel or Gonzo helps out a bunch. But those chats are rare.

Annnnnd that was disappointing. So, let’s knock this out, or something, because now i’ve got shit piling up in my brain pan that’s worth venting about or something, and yes, fuck the time and dates about when the various part of this fucking thing were updated, because if there’s one thing I love, IT FUCKING INCONSISTENCY. Or incompetence.
Maybe incontinence?
Continents?
Fuck it, inconsistent incompetence incontinence stricken continents.
So, basically, a bunch of disorganized, dumb fucks who can’t control their shitting forming a country.

I know what companies going to skyrocket to the top!

Anyways, Peak 19 is here, and so are new hires, and THERE ARE A TON popping into work everyday, and some of them are memorable, and others are… well, slightly less memorable.
Yesterday, for instance, there were a few Day 1’s trying to open their lockers, Helena and… the other one, wish I’d gotten her name. Anyways, Helena was a bit more memorable because… just holy shit, she just was, they were both having trouble opening their lockers so I helped them out.
nothing special, just something to help them along, y’know?
First gal, Helena, short black gal, based on her energy level, I’d say between 18 and 24, thin frame, glasses, gauges in her ears, frosted tips,  short hair, I’m guessing she works in In/Outbound.
Second gal, didn’t get her name, roughly the same description, no glasses, either Caucasian or Latina, no gauges, just a bit shy,  they were both awesome.
The reason why I say they were both memorable is because there was something unique about them, something interesting, eye catching, a character unique to themselves.
True, there are tons of people I work with that are memorable, each with their own traits that stand out from the rest of the crowd, and I might start talking about them more, because… I don’t know, I seriously need to start blogging more…
Seems like the safest route, or at least, I’m thinking it’s the safest route for me to keep my own energy up.
But the reason the second gal was so interesting was she asked what my gmail was… normally, no one would bat an eye, but she… something caught her eye.
Kinda interesting in a way.

Outside of that, things are going well, because of Peak the managers popped into every department to make sure every part of the place was staffed to account for what I’m assuming is the safe guarding of productivity, so I was placed on 2nd floor Jackpot, and told to singulate the unsingulated. Which is less a really horrifying sex act involving two hornets nests and a pile of half melted Lego bricks and more making sure that the work pops in lengthwise, with no side by sides, and the stickers facing up.
Which, first time around, didn’t know what I was doing, the second time, nailed it LIKE A BAWS.

First half score: .20 percent, only a hundred boxes made it through. I have a feeling that it would’ve been a bit lower had I made sure all the stickers were up. But that’s a REALLY good score, considering the second half was 200 boxes, and I was thinking, dudes and dudettes need to step up their game. So, I’m predicting I might get staffed there again for either first or second half, depends on what’s going down.
One of the newer Jammers, Gonna call her D, who was staffed in the Singulators, got bored of it. She’s used to popping about, talking, doing her own thang. I dunno, kind of disappointed, but Jamming’s not for everyone, are the benefits to Jamming? Yeah, you get to learn about another aspect of the FC that you had no clue about.
Is it draining, yes.
But is the trade off worth it?
Fuck yas.

Everyone starts off White Badge, no exceptions, no matter where they staff you, everyone starts in the basics and then you work your way up. For me, it was receiving, I worked my ass off, got booped to Water spidering, worked my ass off there and eventually knocked out an application to Jam team, made the cut, learned the lay of the land rather quickly, learned a few other aspects, kept motivated, kept knocking out work. Caught the eyes of the peeps that needed a few good workers, and so on and so forth.
Will I eventually knock out Learning Ambassador? Yes, I want to, love teachings others, filling up their intellectual gas tanks with the rocket fuel of the gods!

Eventually, I want to make P.A, but I’m kind of hesitant about it, you see, being PA means early starts and late stops, meaning I’d have to find someway of getting to work earlier, not to mention data management and information analytics. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for all of that, and my shit was on point when it came to knocking notes down during the three day course.
But i needed that information to sink the hell in. Passing the class, not what I’m interested…. actually, yes. I need to stop taking the easy route and stimulate my brain in a way to the point where I feel fulfilled, I feel motivated and excited to try and light up some part of my brain with new information. Because at the moment, I’m just focusing on the physical part, and like any body, there are two sides, the central nervous system and the physical body. One can’t function without the other, ain’t possible, you can either be a really strong dumb ass or Stephen Fucking Hawking.
But to get the best of both worlds?
Y’need to be a really strong Stephen Fucking Hawking.

One more thing, so in regards to the above mentioned really strong Stephen Hawking, there’s a massive dude, named Mark, maybe eight or nine years older then me, the dude is fucking ripped, like diamonds edge ripped, ripped so hard he looks like a PS1 character made physical manifest. The later years, not… just shut the fuck up.
The dude’s a PA and really fucking ripped, the best of both worlds, so he’s just… fucking ripped.

Okay, in regards to an earlier part, Yes, Jam is awesome, y’get some tech on the floor, stay mobile, and get shit done.
Can it be an isolating thing? Yes.
the point being if you keep yourself motivated, occupied, focused on something during the down time, then you can knock it out like a snapped fart in an elevator.

Masturbation is healthy.

Well, with a title like that, you’re sure to be wondering about all the amazing smart sounding bullshit about to flow from the intelligent and sophisticated parts of my head, right?
Right!?
No.
This is called Mindcicles.
Not Mindlopedia.
Y’want smart shit, go somewhere else.
You came here for my dumb ass and whatever insanity flows from my weird ass toes.
As the title states, Masturbation is a healthy thing, both male and female species do it.
How the fuck do birds masturbate!?
WHY IS THIS A QUESTION I’M ASKING!?
It is a release of built up fluids in the body, and also pretty fucking fun!
But more importantly, it’s a reset button, it’s a way for the body to just chill the fuck out and sometimes, it’s a very much needed thing.
Is there such a thing as too much masturbation?
Is there a comparison between such words and either a wet piece of beef jerky or block of Swiss cheese?
Yes.
And that answers that question.
But, it is healthy, and sometimes, other people can help you masturbate.
Hopefully, they don’t have you cornered.
Unless you want them to corner you.
You fucking freak.
It also helps you get to sleep faster, and gets you more focused. Why?
Because you don’t have that urge that punching you in the fun zone going, “Oi, mate! get yer’ fahcking hands down ‘ere and play wi’ meh!
Just remember, there’s a time and place for everything.
that time and place will always be when your alone and need to get the job done right.
Like using a monster truck as a golf cart.

I keep forgetting I have this thing

Annnd Apparently I suck at keeping this blog updated, so… Yeah? Maybe? I don’t fucking know, lmao.
So, let’s just dive right into the kibbles and bits, rather than the dick and shaft. Cause that would hurt both parties involved somehow.
So, what’ have I, the Glorious (Not glorious, just kinda normal) person been up to?
Writing a short story, originally wanted it to be a bit longer, but whatev’s, called, “Another Day and No VTO” it was supposed to be a satire about working in a Amazon Warehouse, the location being called WTF8 and it sometimes delved into some deep level shit.
Dementia, mass shootings, and sex assault. But those were the dark little bits.
On upside we had haunted robots, Hunger Games styled Candy Parades, Sentient furbies, and shit just going absolutely nuts on occasion. I was ramping up the crazy, and at the end of each part, had a poll with different options so people could vote on which one they liked that most.
It went pretty well, I’ve got all the files saved, so I might just slap that together and publish it as is.
Or not, I haven’t decided yet.
How I usually write is there’s usually a “Source”, a motivation so to speak that pops from a place or group, with the source, everything’s peachy, without the source, the project’s pretty much dead in the water.
Anyways, outside of that, everything’s going good. Can’t complain. I’ll do my best to keep everything updated, not rely on FB so much.

Can I tell you something?

I’m shy.
I know, I know… Let it sink in.
I’m normally a talkative person, at least, I was a talkative person, then I had the accident, and… well, everything kind of shifted perspective.
Everything except one aspect of my life.
Writing, it’s been the one thing I can always come back to in case anything ever falls apart of if I need to vent, because off the internet, I don’t feel very powerful.
Even on the internet, I’m not some kind of Demiinfluencer, or star, or anything like that. I’m just me.
All I have are my stories to occupy my time with, and that’s it.
Seriously.
I used to think that all I needed was a bit of luck and persistance and things would work themselves out and for a long time, that’s exactly how I thought, I’m not exactly proud of the results, but I can say that for whatever reason, I have the skillset I do, because I persisted in writing.
Maybe it’s because I have a from of control over whatever happens, or lack of control if I get too deep into the story itself?
Or maybe it’s a god complex?
You know, where you can make or break anything with a few simple keystrokes?
Authors complex, or something, outside of writing, I’m just me.
And, through a lot of self reflection, a bunch of accidents, relationships, a fuck ton of sex, and more than one time where I’ve gotten blackout drunk, or been roofied, I’ve gotten to where I am… Whereever that is.
I’ve got a lot of victories on the board, but for some reason, they don’t feel like victories, they feel like just another day, another step forward, another clank of the gears in the great clockwork of the universe.
I mean, I feel appreciated at work, and sometimes at home, and for a while, I used to feel appreciated on the internet, and in some cases I still do.

Maybe I just want someone to love now a days.
Yeah, I think that’s it.
I need someone to love, someone to come home to and talk about my day and not feel like I’m about to be over taken by some inconsequential thing.
I thought I had that with Caasi, Ashley, and Sarah, and Amy.
Amy was a sweet woman, still is. Just… I wish things had worked out with her, I was actually making real progress with her, and… I just took too long.

There it is, the thing that’s bothering me.
Things taking too long. Maybe patience, or being too patient is the problem? I need to act, need to make impulsive, but smart, decisions! I need to get out there and make short work of supposedly long decisions! I need to put myself out i nthe sun and learn to live with whatever ashes it makes of me!
But… I’m too cautious.
Ever since the accident.

Ever since the accident, survival is the only thing that matters, everything else, including finding love, is secondary…
Kinda sad.

Dear short women.

As you know, being short or tall has it’s advantages and disadvantages.
Keeping the ass hats away with bad vision is one of them.
I would like to think smaller boobs meaning less back pain would be another one, but then again, it’s a matter of perspective. More importantly, I would like to believe that science has been lying to us all and their are actually two brain halves, one in each breast. this explains why women in general are considered smarter than men.
Because we too have a second brain, it’s just rather unfortunately placed, and we keep sitting on them from time to time.
that being said, as a tall man, or Stretchy Boi as one would phrase it, it’s come to my understanding that Short woman plus Tall man equals Relationship goals. mainly because I’d like to think, and I’m just being blunt here, and I’m quoting a friend here, “That tall man dick just fills more.”
If I am mistaken, please let me know.
Yes, I will talk about the sex organs, whatever’s on my mind, because even though there are things that need pictures of cupcakes, exotic locales, or trips to where ever the fuck, I’m not one of those types that randomly douches it up because “Clickbaiting” means having to lie to you about how awesome I am.
So sirs and Madame’s, I’m treating you, yes YOU, like the beautiful intelligent persons you are and not having bright colorful pictures every two words.
They are pretty, they are fun.
I am neither.
I’m much better than them.
Suck it http://www.travelbanana.org.
You ass.

Right, talking about short women, meh, I really don’t like staying on topic, Short women are the shit, all women are the shit, y’all keep humanity going, no matter the height, because love is love. And We all know what’s at the base end of love, right?
Oh yeah, a shit ton of fuckin’.

But hey, we’re all adults here, and everyone has their things.
Some people like to fall in love, other’s want to love a sad clown in an iron lung.
Because there are people with a void of darkness in their hearts.
OMG THE CUPCAKE TRUCK IS HERE!
Fucking love me some cupcakes.

Let’s talk about our DREAMS!

What if I told you, that I had a Notebook style dream about a woman in love with a Sandman enlisted in the Armed forces and the dream ends with her declaring her love for him, arms wrapped around him tightly as he slowly disappears into the winds?
Your first thought would be, “Annnnnnd now I’m crying.”
Your second thought would be, “Sand between the boobs.”
And your third thought would be, “Wait, if he’s made of sand…. Did… Did they just have sex?”
And good sirs and madams, the answers to those thoughts, theories, and questions you never knew needed asking or answering would be yes.
I cried too.

More ridiculous than that is the FB group known only as “https://www.facebook.com/events/448435052621047/” Or 1.1 million people storm Area 51 to slap some alien cheeks. What the “Clapping” involves leaves little to the imagination, but I assume it involves ramming things into other alien things as revenge for all the constipated red necks claiming it’s them thar aliens done with what all that there probing!
That’s what I’m guessing anyways, people have weird kinks when it comes to sex, and yes, I do talk about penis in vagina, vagina on penis, or where ever you like to stick where ever into wherever because we’re human, sex is a thing, and I’m not about to be virtually brow beaten by some lonely chick I’ll never meet into not talking or writing about the very thing that’s kept our literally fucking species going on.

I’ll talk about whatever god damn it! Including the previously mentioned clapping of alien cheeks and questions about sand storm sex, BECAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF PERSON I AM! And as erotic as both scenarios sound, there’s the after effects of those scenarios!

For instance, if she takes a shower later on, does losing those particulates hurt the sandman? Or does he just thwip those things back into his form? Will the produced baby not be able to enjoy swimming? Will the other kids start bullying him or her by throwing glasses of water at his or her crotch and start calling them Sandick or sandtits!? Instead of Sandisk.
Because my humor is working multiple levels here!
more importantly:
If after years of enduring torment, will the sand baby morph into a mass shooter like Sand man or Sand woman, using their own body to murder those who tormented him? Not by slowly grinding away at their screaming forms, but just by straight up launching his or her fist at super speeds from the top of their heads down out their ass?
Hey, darkest timeline here.

Or will the kid turn out alright and have to be REALLY careful during puberty?
These questions about human/Desert hybrid physiology are fucking important!
Continue laughing.
Seriously, it’s humor.

But the dream was pretty sad, but satisfying, it hit all the right notes, and would’ve made for a god damned awesome movie, the questions asked, the motives behind the actions taken, the morally ambiguous sex scenes which mainly involve her, him, or the Apache helicopter rolling around in a pile of sand, while Beach boys blasts in the background?
Tear jerking… In ways.

I wish to god I was in a relationship. To love, be loved, share moments of hot steamy passion and dumb debates over whether to get the regular spicy sushi or the super spicy sushi, the quiet moments in between the sporadic conversations where we’re both in our own little worlds, only to be snapped back to the present by a brush of the hand?
The point of this post is that time is fleeting, life is fleeting, memory of the truly important moments is what keeps us going, pressing for something more, something better than what we had previously, and to always push forward, even when the task in front of us seems daunting, confusing, or down right pants shittingly terrifying.

Let’s talk about women in the lead for the moment and the disconnect I feel… Not a bad thing mind you, just… a bit left field, and this has NOTHING to do with sex… That I can tell.
Okay, take your average action movie, you know the thing:
1. Bad ass male lead.
2. Damsel in distress.
3. Asshole trying to do a bad thing.
4. Comic relief that’s more or less ignored until a crucial part of the movie.
5. Guy get’s the girl, which one, meh, don’t care.

Now, reverse the PHYSICAL and MENTAL genders involved. I get that Trans is a thing, but we’re not talking about that right now.
How much more likely are you to see that movie? how less likely?
Interesting in either case.

Moving forward:
Let’s talk about the E-girl that was deleted from life by her creepy ass boyfriend.
Let’s talk about the fact that this asshole slit her throat then posted pictures of it on Instagram, where it took a total of 72 hours for the site itself to take the account AND the photo down?

What the fuck?
First, Le Unpacking of the many levels of bullshit.

I’m no fan of E-girls.
Let me repeat that, very clearly:
If you are an E-girl, or claim to be an E-girl: You have zero self confidence in yourself in face to face situations to the point where you have to exploit yourself to get attention.
You may say that you have self confidence, but really, all your actually doing to running with the grain on the stereotype that E-girls are just a low grade version of Cam-girls, and fuck them too, because of the same reasons.

That being said, when I was 14, I have had friends that were E-girls that have tried to push their BS on me, and I was like, “Why be my E-girlfriend when I’m right in front of you?” Then they looked at me dumb, like I just farted in their pudding or something.

If you are a man or woman 18 or over in a relationship with someone 18 or younger: Fuck you, you creepy mother fucker.
The moment I turned 18 was the moment my then girlfriend broke up with me for the logical reason of, “Well, you’re an adult, and I’m still 16, so goodbyes!” and I was totally fine with it.
Sad, but totally fine with it,BECAUSE i KNOW THE LAW YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
The dude was 21, in a relationship with a 17 year old e-girl, and when they met up, he straight up murdered her and posted a picture of her corpse on Instagram.
What the flying utter fuck is up with people?
We up to some crazy fucking bullshit now a days, and we’re at the point where Mass Murder, Children living in cages, kids being shot, White supremacy being our Presidents go to move, and YouTubers being absolute shit to their kids are normal.
Now, we’re at the point where teen girls are being killed by their creepy ass 21 year old boyfriends.
Like, god damned, the cycle of crazy never fucking surprises me, but god fucking damn it! This is why y’all should be careful.
This is why parents always have more than one girl, because they KNOW there’s a chance of one of the darling little angels doing something incredibly stupid and ends up getting killed.
This is why boys are a slightly safer bet. Kind of, boys are pretty fucked up as well.

Now, for a latte cleanser. I present: A fucking potato.

Image result for fucking potato

So, yeah, last night had this dream…

I’ve got nothing except love.

For some reason I always get weird when talking about love, not in the sense that it becomes perverted self inflation of how ginormous my dick is, because… that would be a gross use of power, also, physiologically, every large dicked man has a constant fear of having a heart attack caused by getting aroused, look it up, straight up fact.
Speaking of big dicks, the dude with the largest dong measures in at two fucking feet.
My question:
Does he go to Hentai cons? because people would fucking love that shit.

Anyways, today is one of the random, “Meh, I knock one out” days, I’m not active enough to garner new followers, but just active enough to keep the ones I have, and honestly, I don’t check the numbers anymore. Why? I don’t care about them, if I continually check the numbers to see how I’m doing, then I fuck myself with anxiety, and I don’t need that shit in my life again.
I get it now, when people say they turn off social media and what not, they try not to focus too much on it, because that’s just how shit is, you live, you learn, you get excited about nothing in particular, and then you move the fuck on.
I wish for the love of god it were that easy with me.
I kind of hate all my socials with a average sized dick passion. Yes, we’re floating back to that shit, because why the fuck not?
Anyways, to make matters interesting, works been going good, this MET is kicking my ass something fierce, but I’m sticking with it, with the knowledge and passion knowing that sometime in October, I’ll get converted, and with any luck, won’t have a ride situation that’s not going to fuck me out of 600 fucking dollars a fucking month just to get two and from work.
Look, I get it, you got out before they got you out, and you’ve got bills and shit to take care of, but how the fuck come I’ve got to be the one to do that, when clearly, you’ve got the scratch to do that on your own. Fuck, if I’m paying you 600 a month for rides to work and back, that I might as well move in with you, because that right the fuck there is rent levels of money and Jesus fucking Christ.
But at the same time, they’re my friend, and “Do the right thing” is ringing in my head. But momma didn’t raise no sucker, and I know when I’m getting fucked over, friendship or not.
And even when they get back in, it’s still gonna cost me 200 a week to get a ride with them, even when they’ve got their own money coming back in? Citing, gas, oil change, tires, blah blah blah when the fuck did I become responsible for MORE then just gas? Yes, the wear and tear and all that, but at the same time, at the end of each month, after taxes, rent, and gas, I’m essentially getting paid HALF of what everyone else’s is getting to take home. And I’m back to 900 a month instead of 2200 a month, so this is my main fucking gripe right there.

Yeah, we’re friends through thick and thin, but the moment you’re back at work is the moment I’m finding a better ride situation.

Well, I’m annoyed. Maybe.

There’s something to be said about being annoyed.
Maybe it’s the fact I personally have no fucks to give?
Or maybe it’s because there are so many shit titles to great articles that everything’s either “OMG SO INSANE!” Or, “Donald Trump’s NOT going to like this!”
who give’s a fucking shit about that kind of thing, not to mention I got a auto generated spam email from a ‘Hacker’ AND… it’s STUPID, MILDLY INCONVENIENT, and I keep losing track of when I have the caps lock on… Kind weird how that whole thing plays out. But, rather then get into a whole idiotic rant about how the whole of the idiotic world can go fuck itself with ten cactus patches, I’m going to tell the world at large to go fuck off with this inane idiotic bullshit that simply pops up.

Okay, guess I know what I’m focused on today, this should be fun. I’m not that worried about things that annoy me as much anymore. After going through what I’ve been through, not much bothers me anymore. Do I sometimes get confused? Yes. Do I forget shit all the time?
Of course.
Do I give idiots the time of time simply because they’re idiots?
Not all the time, but everyone needs to feel special at one point.

Point being, cycle of stupid repeating itself, over and over, minor changes, blah fucking blah.
Or maybe I’m just irate over something that’s out of my control, and my writing this out is the only way I feel like I have some as-semblance of control?

I honestly don’t know. It’s almost like I forgotten how to be myself since meeting so many people, and maybe it’s a bit confusing because I haven’t had the opportunity to figure myself out yet?
I mean, I have, to a point, though not to the point where I can simply be myself. Well, I can be myself to a point, I’m kind of a people pleaser, but I need to step up the protesting bit…. I like pop-tarts, they’re pretty cool. Sometimes I’ll just snack on them, two at a time!

Work related stuff… So, yeah.

for two reasons this is going to suck, this first being I’ve got a blister on my middle finger, which ironically enough, is a big “Fuck you!” to myself while I attempt to write this. The other, simply put, is that I don’t update this enough.

Work is going fine, though people are getting antsy about conversions, with Inbound getting the first picks, the newest guys having priority, and time moving forward for those almost dangerously close to not making  the guidelines for conversions, it’s easy to see why.
Myself?
Meh, I figure I’d just not get excited over it just yet, I just need to keep check my email to see what’s going on, and even then, I know  that it’s just a matter of time. I have 0.5 points, no write ups, my rates been great, and I have a good report with nearly everyone at work. So, maybe I’m good?
Fuck it, I am.
Everything that’s been told to me so far, we’re in the running for it, so why bother worrying about a thing in the fog you can’t see? Seriously, until the thing is right in front of you, and you can see it’s a thing, no need to worry, just keep on keeping on!

The last couple of shifts have been pretty interesting, I’ve been shadowed by one of the week 1’s, Gilbert, a former Chef for 20 years. Gil is fucking amazing, quick learner, pick’s up on thing’s fast, is a bad ass motherfucker on all accounts, and pretty much the shit now that I’ve trained him in the art of WaterSpidering. He and I get along great, and we’ve got a wavelength going on, every once in a while I’ll pop him a tip or two, but the man’s intelligent, he’s not a kid, so I treat him like a man, and we’re both better off for it.
I’m kind of thankful that he was assigned as my shadow, I can get kind of lonely WaterSpidering, so these passed few days have been a blessing in disguise, you know?

Anyways, I’ll talk with Y’all later, just wanted to keep things rolling with this. Spend nearly 100 on a blog, damned well be using the fucking thing, am i right?

There comes a point where coffee tastes bad.

This has nothing to do with that, but it has something to do with taste.
Let’s get something out of the way here, I’ve not had sex in nearly two years.
Yes, this might be the thing we’re talking about here, my lack of penis in vagina activity.
Nope, no regrets.
I’m not going to go off, fuck it, yes I am, because in my self love journey, I’ve been to some strange as fuck place, and… I dunno how I feel about the whole thing.
The sex part, when I was having it regularly, was amazing? I dunno. I only ever finished once, and that took an amazing amount of time, and a lot of focus.
Yes, I’m an easily distracted sex machine.
No, you can’t plug your phone in my ass to charge it.
Yes, I’m very well aware that’s a kind of fetish.
No, I do no want to receive “The Power of Zues” through my ass.
No, I’m not into that kind of thing.
Look, point being, I need to get laid, but in this day and age where any attempt to either get some or get love is a frightening ordeal, because, at any point point, either you or that one super bitchy girlfriend of yours can just up and claim I’m harassing you. The very moment I detect something off, that’s it, I’m cutting myself off from talking to you, and will only engage if absolutely needed.
Now, I know how to treat women with respect, I know how to behave myself, and would much rather things develop organically as opposed to, “Well, time to fuck and see what happens.” Being a guy now a days is… to be honest, a confusing experience in everyway possible.

The basis of the Metoo movement is to make sexual assaulters pay dearly for their crimes against whatever gender their creepy little mitts are wriggling towards. That’s it, and then for a long while, it seemed like every guy was fair game, and men bounded through the tall grass like majestic walruses, “OORPH”ing their way towards a better and brighter future, only to be stopped in t heir tracks by a false claim of grabbin’ some boob.
And trust me, I get it, I truly do, Y’all have put up with enough of guys weird bullshit from the dawn of time, and the damn finally burst, and men were like, “Oh…. Well fuck.”
Now that the tables have turned, so is the dating scene steps, where it’s usually the women who have to initiate Ye Ol’ Dating Ritual.

Which, hey, more power to you.
It’s just a terrifying, scary, nightmarish, and dick shriveling level of anxiety that gets built up into the core of men’s souls wondering whether or not they should go ahead and make a move on Susie Sunshine or be left in the cold icy grip of the Night King, otherwise known as whacking off.
And let’s talk about that for a second, really. Because now there’s a law in Texas, about to pass, that states that men are legally not allowed to whack off, on the premise that it’s killing unconceived children. So, our physiological need to expel built up waste is now under attack in Texas.
Because, really, that’s all that is if it’s not being used to make babies, waste.  Like, really?

I get it, the reproductive rights of women in terms of abortion has been a hotbed of WTF for a long time, with them main question of the debate being, “When does life begin? At the moment of conception, or the moment of birth?”

Well, my answer is this: Until the heart fully develops and starts pumping and the brain develops to the point where the growth stops being a growth and starts being a little human, that exact moment is when life begins. Of course, I have no authority over what women do with their bodies, I can only give my thoughts on the matter and leave it at that.

Anyways, getting back to what I was talking about, dating…. Actually, it’s around 2:27 and I’ve got to get ready for the day.

Fuck, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog…

Although, what the hell is a proper blog post? Is it a collection of like minded thoughts?
Because, you know, if that’s the case, than I am properly fucked. I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of like minded thoughts, just a bunch of confused bullshit that people are like, “HA! Shweet.”
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with being in a world in which my channel flippy brain gets confuzzled halfway through a thought and decides that buttercream screaming butterflies are the perfect valentines day gift, for the person you REALLY fucking hate.
And, you know, I’m not blind to my underuse of exclamation points, really!

Today I want to talk about love. And Workplaces.
And amazon.
And the holy shit storm of why either their a good thing or a bad thing, or maybe I’ll just continually switch topics, because I’m a rebellious bastard and you love me for that.
“Today, we’re talking puppies and the monster trucks who love them. Way too much.”
Yeah, so strap in for some enlightened as fuck shit, because this god damned thing is filled to the brim with swearing and clown beastiality referees. I meant to write that.

Yesterday, we got put in 5S, and me being me, I began to draw, something I do to pass the time. One of my friends then asked me a bunch of questions, some personal, others not, most I can’t remember, but she was cool.
Then my other friend, Karen, Who I think might have a crush on me? I don’t like to assume anything anymore, I just leave it up to the winds of chance and whatever seems to be going on that day to figure shit out, also talked to me about my drawing, and we got to talking for a while, and it was a pretty good conversation, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and you fucking hate the fact I’m not giving you the deets!
Well, I can’t remember the deets, so we’re pretty much in the same boat here.

Anyways, i leave to go to the bathroom, come back, and I get snagged into Water Spidering, which is indirect work, but still critical, for Prep… And for about 40% I would say, I knocked things out of the park, I kept tote lines going, swept, moved pallets and cages, just in general, was an amazing beast of burden. Or unburdening, that’s like an Anti-Donkeh, right?

There was this one woman, really tiny, like, ridiculously small, looks almost like a kid, but she isn’t. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s got an amazing smile, which, hey, bonus points for getting her to smile! Anyways, she’s a sweet person, much luck to her in whatever she chooses to do in life.

Meanwhile, i’m apartment hunting, I’ve got my eyes set on a place or two, as well as the bedding needed to make sure I conserve as much space as possible, and was kind of blown away by the fact there’s a triple bunk bed, like, holy shit people! A triple bunk bed! that’s like witnessing a majestic Unicorn horn fuck a leperchaun right through the face, while the little fuckers barfing gold bars! I mean, yeah, it’s a bunk bed, but a fucking triple!?

Jesus fucking christ.

Oh, I also made my first communion.
Every once in a while I’ll still upload a video or two, but I haven’t been as interested in it. Growing my channel has become annoying as fuck, and I just decided, fuck it, not going to bother. I are there people who’ll enjoy my stuff? Maybe, I’ll never know.. I get just a bit depressed thinking about it, too many trolls, or algorithms or whatever, or maybe I just upload bad content, fuck if I know or care anymore. While there are peeps out there, my hearts just not in it anymore. That’s the long and short of it now a days. My hearts not in making vids anymore, and it’s not making me any money, so why should I bother?

Yeah, there was for the enjoyment of it, but constant criticism about the whole thing has whittled away at my enthusiasm for it, and until I get my own place, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get back into it. Things change over time, needs change,

It’s been a minute or two, hasn’t it?

So, let’s dial back the weird as fuck shit for a second and talk about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, why?
because obviously, what’s happening with me is INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER WEIRD BULLSHIT I KEEP COMING UP WITH.

That was way too many Caps in the sentence, I seriously only meant to have the infinitely in caps and nothing else.
Okay, so I’ve been working the night shift at Amazon again, which is AMAZING, because for the first time, I’m not completely screwing the pooch, my rates up, I’m regularly talking to hot chicks with no intention flirting with them (kay, I lied, maybe a little. Come on, they’re hot chicks!), I made friends with a Little Person, and he is AWESOME, and almost everyday, EVERYDAY, there’s been a shortage of work because of how great both Day and Night shifts been.

But therein lies the problem, Amazon keeps hiring on new people, despite the lack of work… So does this mean we’re looking at another Mass Hire/Fire situation, where after a few months, they’re going to let us go? hopefully not, took me long enough to snag this one again.

The reason I’m asking, is because there was a strange announcement at stand up, part of one of the programs they’ve got set up, to transfer to other locations, and I’m starting to understand why now, but at the same time, I’m not going to worry about it. Or should I?

With the increasingly apparent lack of work coming in, and more early leaving times, maybe we’re doing our jobs too well? Or is it that there’s going to be a new Cross dock location opening up soon, so more work is being sent over there and we’re being left with the overflow? I dunno, but it is a bit worrying to say the least. And I’m just spinning my wheels here on the subject, there could be a whole bunch of things I could be getting wrong here…

Anyways, nuff about that!

What else is happening?
Oh, right!
For about a week or so, my brain’s been stuck on the idea that fish are naked.
And they are.
But, my best bud Blake pointed out they aren’t.
Know why?

They’re dressed to the gills!

I know, completely stupid, but it’s the best connection i’ve made, but really. Fish are naked.
also preordered MK 11, I’m not great at fighting games, but I’ve been wanting to play Mortal Kombat again for some time, and 11 seems like a pretty good jumping point. There are a few characters that are Rushers, Zoners, and just plain Combo machines, so it’ll be cool to fuck around in practice mode to try and knock something out. 
I still haven’t finished Skyrim, I think I’m nearing the end of the main story, which is great, since in each Bethesda free roam game, I manage to kill off nearly all the not needed NPCs in the first go around, find the exploits, become suped up, and go on a in game murder spree the likes THAT instance of the game universe has never seen.
Smash Brothers still has my attention, mainly for the multiplayer aspect.
Splatoon 2 simply got boring.
Brawlhala has its moments.
I don’t bother with Onigiri anymore. Soon as it got to the “O NOEZ ANIME GIRL IN TROUBLE!” Trope, I stopped playing. I dunno know I’ve got trouble getting passed the whole “Strong Female Protagonist” thing, I personally think it’s great. Maybe it’s just a displacement of the previously natural story telling gender roles? where the male was the strong one, the female was the smart one, and the villains were just dumb asses with too much time on their hands and not enough porn?
Shit, I think that’s what Evil’s problem is just in general.
They can’t get laid, i mean, sex solves all the worlds problems, if just temporarily.
But, I’ve noticed the change myself in my own editing of Sogno Della Dinastia, with Divertenti Della Amuleto focusing on the female main character, I kind of have to make that shit work out, and so far, it’s doing a pretty good job of it.

speaking of writing, and snapping back to work, whenever there’s been a lag of work and I’ve had some time, a pen, and some scrap of paper laying around, I’ve drawn a quick picture, and started scribbling notes on it like a madman. Story plotting is kind of relaxing, breaking away from just standing there, feels like I’m recharging my batteries or something of the like.
So far, I’ve knocked of two of the little darlings:
”Azmael and the Chest of the Forever Coaled”
”Felix Hogbuny goes on Vacay”

Fun little exorcises.
Lets see, what else?

Oh, right, mah carpool buds, Paul, Joseph, and John.
Paul I’ve known for a while since Peak ‘18, great guy, passionate about work, we connect amazingly. Paul’s also a Gamer, which is awesome, since I like gaming too, and we sometimes talking about gaming. Yes, that was a dumb sentence. No, I’m not erasing it. Yes, you’re stuck with it. He’s got an amazing family, and really, that’s all I’m saying on that front.
Joseph? Also a great guy, has a faster sense of humor, good taste in music, likes to ask me random questions, and overall, he’s got a lot going for him! He too, Kicks the ass at work. That was worded weirdly. Joseph is… hard to explain exactly. He’s super intelligent, and I think it might be the super coffee wearing off at this point, but, yep, super intelligent. We all work well together, yeah, definitely the coffee wearing off.
John? Super chill guy, doesn’t say much, but doesn’t really need to when at work or when it’s just us carpooling. When the Turtles are carpooling? different story all together, the dude quips amazingly. We get along amazingly, and i’m going to have to write more about the other two just to give them all equal page time…
I call us the Turtles because we each encompass a different personality type.
Paul’s definitely Leonardo.
Joseph’s Donatello.
John’s Raph, he’s got a little bit of fire in him.
And I’m Michelangelo. Why? Mikey’s been my favorite. Also, I’m writing the post, so I’m Mikey.

Whatelse? Nothing of note, just been doing my own thing… Yes, I’m cutting this short.
Why?
The super coffee is wearing off, and I’m kind of getting bored of writing the post, plus, I’m hungry. Oh, so fucking hungry for breakfast. Not to mention, the more I write, the more I’ll have to edit. Peace!
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