2021 in retrospect

A few things really.I know I’m kinda boring on FB but that’s fine with me, I’m kind of invisible on the whole “Let’s post shit to feel better but end up pissing one or two sad people off” scale, and I try not to buy into the fact that Social Media on the whole is meant to keep people angry and posting. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Social Media platforms, on the whole, are like babies.

Everyone likes babies. They’re the most neutral things on the planet, and it’s just like there are no bad dogs, just bad people who train them to be that way.

Facebook can be seen in a bad light, and it often does, but so can everything else when people don’t really understand.

Maybe it’s just me, but I try to see the good in people, regardless of their past, and it’s the same with the internet, it’s simply a tool, and how we use it and what we receive in turns of feedback determines how we continue to perceive it.

I was live the other night on tiktok, as I usually am, and occasionally I get cohost requests from kids, who for the most part are just being kids. True, most of the time I just hope their parents are walking by with a rolled up newspaper so they can get a smack on the upside the back of they head, but I just let them get what they want to say out of the way, most of the time it’s a few low level insults and I don’t react to it (Thank you twitter and COD community for years of emotional brutalization, assholes. :D) and then they disconnect and I simply go on like nothing happened.
And for those wondering, the spread is 99% adults, 0.5% puppets, and 0.5% random kids requesting to go live with me out of random chance. I don’t seek them out, ever.
I forgot where I was going with this, but as long as the person feels like they did a good job, in terms of how they feel using the tools at their disposal to accomplish the job they take on, they should get papa johns pizza.
Haven’t had papa johns pizza in a minute, I usually order from Dominoes, since they’ve got that sweet sweet 5 dollar pizza coupon I take advantage of and it’s pretty cool on that. Anyways, there was this squirrel I saw running across the street a while back, and I just forgot about it until this point in time, which is okay I guess, anyways, I do free readings on my lives, and it’s kind of bled into everyday things, cause a few people at work have requested them and I’m fine with that, doesn’t happen too often, and it’s been mainly people I’ve hung out with that request them.
I’ve had one or two people be a little concerned about my intent, but I pretty much tell em I just shuffle the deck, read the cards that pop out, and if it connects, it connects. If not, no biggie, it’s just a card game to me anyways. But I can understand on some level both the concern about the supernatural aspects of it as well as the need to get some kind of direction on what to do. I don’t take it to the level of fake readers where they simply spout off some rainbow out the ass, sunshine screaming from the nostrils, disney song and dance routine out the crotch, blow smoke out the nipples romance thing, I just read the cards to them and give it to them straight.
I still keep strong in my faith, still read the bible, and still contemplate what it actually is my purpose in life really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m a magnet for broken people just looking for some level of connection, those that seemingly isolate themselves, who feel sometimes out of place in some level, someone to identify with, maybe that’s my purpose, why I chose “The Doctor” as my nickname as a Learning Ambassador….
Maybe that’s why she’s holding on so tightly, despite our true time together having ended long ago… Anyways, the years 2018 to 2021… have been an experience for me. I’ve had to put a lot of things and people behind me, and accept things that I never thought I’d have to both about myself and about those I thought were my friends.

I realize that a vast majority of people I met at LGB8 won’t really think about me too much, that’s fine, after all, time marches forward, we meet new people and move on with life, and I have a difficult time letting go of people as well, and I’ve had to do that with folks that I had developed deep connections with, and had great conversations, and through these people, and they know who they are, I realized that I, and they, are merely a temporary presence in each others lives, we are meant to be stepping stones in our journeys of personal growth and become stronger for it.

I have been taught some hard lessons, and have had to make huge sacrifices, and some choices that can never be undone.
I have learned that, and this lesson comes from the Gavin side of the family, harsh but true, unless you add value to yourself, no one will ever want you to be in their lives, because they will have no reason to aspire to be as happy as you are, or happier. If you have little in terms of wealth or material possessions, you have little to no value in the eyes of society. It is only through the acquiring of such things can you ever be a part of a group. Those that cannot acquire said wealth or property or make progress in their own lives on their own to the satisfaction of others are to be abandoned by the wayside and forgotten about.
My Dad didn’t teach me that, my mom neither, it’s just been my personal experience growing up with a crippling sense of dread at the fear of rejection that has taught me this, that and because of what I’ve posted in the past, that those who try to crave their own path and believe what they will instead of following the lead of others will to be cast aside.
I have had to overcome a lot of things to get to this point of comfort with myself, and the thought of going back to that level of negative self talk is absolutely not worth it. It was that level of thinking and isolation, and dealing with those who’d think less of me that forged me into the hard worker I am today, I had to go through basic training at Great Lakes to forcibly break myself so that I could figure out what wasn’t working and what was to get here.

Did it have some damage left over? yes. But am I much better person than I was back then? Of course.
My time with Amazon further enforced what I taught myself, that I am inherently valuable to myself, and through my self evaluation and sense of self worth, I could better be of service to others. Through that hard work and that urge to be better, I have made a few true friends and a few people that still require my help till they find the next step in their lives.

I have loved fiercely and truer then I ever have, and I will never regret knowing them because of those results. I have learned to say no, to reject that which doesn’t work for me, and to stand up for myself.

I am looking forward to what 2022 brings, and where I go from here, we only live once, and love many times, it is only through expression of our passion and love that we can truly appreciate the gifts that others have brought into our lives. Harsh lessons and uncomfortable truths are what fire the steel of our souls so that we may better forge ahead and steel ourselves for the wrought iron the world will throw at us.

Are those smithing puns doing anything for you?
Happy New Years, much Love to everyone, friends past, present and future, near and far, known and unknown, and lest you forget, I love you all.
And no, I am not depressed, I just don’t post that often, get distracted by shiny things, and have a weird sleep schedule.

When is the next Dorikame Book coming out? honestly don’t know.

When is my next album coming out and will I half ass it? Soon, and maybe.

Am I single or taken or engaged? That will be revealed.

Am I happy? Are these sarcastic answers answering the question you want answered?
Will I do a reading series for FB? LOL…. I dunno…

Do I still have feelings for her? Men never fall out of love, we really do not, I don’t think there’s a person alive who can truly say that they’ve run out of love for another person. All we can do is wish them happiness and luck in whatever they choose to do with their life. Love is love after all.

Welcome to 2020, I’m your host, Dan Rather!

I talk about things, work, friends, projects, that kind of thing. Your kind of thing!

Holy shit, if he does NOT make that joke, I’m going to be so pissed.
So, how was your New years? Like mine, uneventful, kinda like the rest of the holidays, but I do have some slight changes to the usual programming. Annnnd that’s right… I keep forgetting that I have this thing, and rather than use  this  platform ot vent my various complaints and or treasures, I choose to instead post pointlessly bad videos and tweets that go unnoticed for a while and now I’m sad.
But, not anymore, thanks to the power of Arabian fucking coffee.
Yup.
It’s gon’ be like that today.
Anyways, I’ve been working my as off at amazon and aside from the ride situation changing for the better, apparrently, I now have a group I hang out with, well, I’ve got several groups I hang out with, but one more consistantly than the others. The weird thingis, I dunno how it all, oh wait- Yes, yes I do.
Think it might’ve been during that wonky period of time where I’m just extra flirty or something, happens every once in a while. But I just told this one gal, V, that I didn’t know what it was about her, but I liked her. And it’s true. There’s something about her I can’t put my finger on, but it’s there.
Anyways, I think I met her friend, A, first, and we had a quick conversation about something or other, then after shift, I talked her V, and then after that I introduced myself to I.
Weird thing is, thanks to I’s  wanting to hang out after shift, I now have a group of peeps That I hang out with after shift. Which is refreshing, but at the same time a bit worrying. Now, don’t get me wrong, these women are fucking amazing, and I’m really thankful I’m friends with them.
Just old paranoias and what not.
The reason I flit from group to group has something to do with a fear of rejection if interest in a gal is expressed, and then it just becomes slightly awkward, so I subconsciously fade away for a few weeks to let things cool day and act as if it’s just normal.
It’s the built up anxiety of repeated rejections and the knowledge and slight annoyance that that’s just going to be a part of things. And I really love working for Amazon.
But it really is a small town unto itself, so there is lies the problem, or, I don’t think it’s a problem, just something I’m slowly but surely pushing through.
2020 is going to be a new year, I’m no longer attached to Ashley, though the memories are bittersweet, they are slowly fading into the hazy fog that is the past.
Though I don’t believe I’m ready for dating, my subconscious has other ideas, and I’ve been noticing slight changes in my behaviour that supports that theory.
At the same time, I really do need to have some kind of social life, so if hanging out with friends after work is the way to do that, who am I to complain?
Besides, love is love, though it might be unreliable, love always finds a way. And just like every Jurassic Park movie, love is the T-Rex that will fuck yo sadness up in terrifying and hilarious ways.
Well, might as well dive into this. Or not, I’m still trying to sort everything out myself, but I think my problem is I over think things, and sometimes, I just need to dive into the deep end, and say “Fuck logic, I will enjoy mustard and toast at the same time!” Or maybe that’s my subconscious way of trying to deflect from the realization I might just have feelings for someone, and I’m slowly ramping up to asking them out.
The weird part is that it won’t be over a dating app. Which is just a fucking thing of its own.

That aside, I’ve started working on weird little pipe cleaner figures I like to call Piplaeners, why? Well… I don’t know why, but there awesome, and I’m slowly world building with every one that I create. Let’s see if I can pull a few up.80831662_471927350176422_7036172946527748096_n80900903_834241123681085_7729425855453069312_n80811702_2546410082263326_6814933365725069312_n80697408_3717571861618355_8067890323717619712_n80272528_590025335152853_5579368598624796672_n80357608_2566402456747613_7203153398026207232_n

I really like making these. They honestly don’t take that long to make and I’ve gotten down to a science, but so far, I’ve got the Golden King, The Red Queen, the Cursed Prince, the Queens Guard, and Dequadra.
Haven’t figured that one out yet. And it’s my newest work too! I’m also working on a massive one and I’m still planning out, and with every Piplaener made, I discover new ways of making them sturdier, I might actually have something going here!
Kind of exciting when you think about it!

Youtube’s still a thing, and I’ve now got a podcast going, which, I should really get cracking on the next episode, god I’m so bad at procrastinating…

Technology! it’s a good thing!

Or… maybe not, it all depends on what you’re looking for. Really, look, I get it, you’re looking for quality, meme producing content, or you might be a blog snob, but fear not, for I give zero fucks, and you my friend, are in the right place after all! Sometimes i wonder if the things we think about are the things we should be focused on,. Lemme explain y’all something, right?
Okay, so the things we focus on aren’t exactly the things we need to focu on at the moment, because there are tons of other things going through our heads at any one point in time, it’s a combination of douche fuckery that’s both entertaining and dissuading at the same time, and I get it.
You have a set schedule and limited shit to do, but for me, something that might need to be focused on is suddenly and irrevocably distracted by some idiot wondering into my field of view or just a dumb ass random action which will invariably cause a mediocre avalanche or other things and…. well, nothing will get done.
I’m starting to think I might have ADHD, or maybe my blank mind is so zen that, well, I float like a butterfly and fuck like a bee…
Wait, that’s not how that saying goes, but fuck that, let’s move on to whatever random and mind fumblingly dumb bull shit we seem to have forgotten about or moved onto today, shall we?
Because that’s the law of averages, and sometimes, you just need  that fluff and filler to vacuum out the smarter shit in your life.
Those who know me and have had conversations with me while I’m in my unfiltered or unfocused state, kind of like a flashlight with courgettes, or however that words spelled, will no doubt have had one of those moments, where nothing makes senses, but at the same time, you’re like, well, this is different, let’s give it a go!

And that’s what I’m all about, the random ,the mystifying, the weirdly dumb and sometimes funny. Because while yes, I could do what the rest of the world likes, and follow one stream of thought or another on how many fucking selfies I need to take with various filters colors or stupid manufactured bull shit, that’s… not what I’m about. I can’t handle all that prep just for a single picture that will invariable be ignored by the majority of social Media addicted brain slugs that crawl among us, hidden in their own ethereal covens of giggles coffee, and tiny mustaches. I have a BEARD DAMN IT!

And that beard is like a sex magnet, if… that were only the case and I could stay focused long enough to actually try and be a sex magnet.

Let me tell you about the God of All Things, Randy. that was a weird as fuck segway, but I swear, everything will connect on a level you never saw coming, and this is why I continue to only get a few interaction on my blog at a time.

Randy is a magician at what he does, but lemme tell about something else entirely, why? Because I take a few weeks to finish blog posts for some reason, and my cats keep doing the thing, oh shit! I forgot to get the laundry started, annnnnd that’s now a thing.
but more then that is the concept of loving who you are or what you are.
Males?
We got the dick ball combo, nothing wrong with that, that’s just how we’re built.
The Ladies?
Y’all got boobs, vagina, and the uterus, which, in all honesty, put y’all one step ahead of us… I think.
Okay i’m going to talk about this, because I’m kind of tired of the whole mentality that guys are taking a step back in media, cause we’re riding the same wave as you girls, and y’a know what? it goes around the sun, and no matter what, Furbies are still fucked.

They truly are fucked in the head, little adorable creatures that for no real reason will start yapping their plastic asses off because that’s EXACTLY what I want to hear in the middle of the morning, that sweet sweet release of, “ME LOVE YOUR SOUL!”

Yeah, that’s kind of fucking priceless right there. THIS IS QUALITY CONTENT PEOPLE! Like and subscribe if you feel the need to validate my existence, which I know you don’t!
Because free will is willingly free, or we’d all be paying a subscription fee, which I think we already kind of do, since you know, Amazon Prime and all of that, but that’s neither here nor there, I use a lot of the same sayings from time to time don’t I?
Shit, now i’m a bit self conscious, but there’s smoke and fire, sometimes you’ll find a hobo whacking it with lighter while smoking a soggy cigar.
Why?
Cause that’s how this shit sometimes rolls y’all!
We got to keep it real, or virtual, because sometimes what’s being read or written isn’t really what’s being said. Because then we’d all be taken way the fuck too literally and there’s nothing wrong with that, if you can call that living.
Actually, on the topic of living, is there such a thing as too much living? I think there is, like, really living. Cells multiplying more than they should, but relatively speaking, I think that’s just called cancer.
But why is cancer called cancer?
doesn’t that feel a bit ironic for peeps who are Cancers via the astrological sign, who get cancer, and they’re like, “Well, HA!?” And that just sets up the whole domino effect of what ifs by comparing similar words to similar situations, all though I could be wrong about that.

god, I miss just being about to write whatever comes to mind, because then it’s such a freeing experience, you don’t have anyone tripping balls in your general direction and yes, I know!

this was such a promising blog post, and then the stinginess of the topic went away and I started being myself!

How fucking weird is that!?

Anyways, I’ve just reached 1030 words totals on this thing. Time to post for no reason.

 

Oh, Shadow, where art thou?

So, yesterday was an adventure in what the fuck.
What’s this!?
An actual blog about actual things, not just random bullshit!?
FOR SHO MOTHAFUCKAS, FO SHO.
Anyways, I was Water Spidering for Universal Receive, and at the start of shift, one of our PAs, Starlight, tells me that a new guys going to Shadow me and I get to show him the ropes.
Yes! I love it when peeps Shadow me, meaning I get to teach people! This is going to awesome!
So,  I introduce myself, and the day goes smoothly, I tell him about picking up Prep, taking care of Transship, Down Stack, Palatalizing, where to put AR and NYR Prep, whether to use a Cage or U boat on certain lines because of the support beams, and we get to work.
I think everything’s going great and he gets pulled aside for another task, because hey, that happens, happened to me, and I was thrown into the deep end and had to ask a lot of questions in order for me to get my bearings, but once I did, I just knocked everything out.
So, I’m knocking things out left and right, and on occasion my Shadow pops around to ask the occasional question and  I do my best to answer him.
But then I notice something, every time I ask him to help me out with something, he asked if he could use the restroom, I think nothing of it, because as a Water spider, you don’t have to ask to use the restroom, you just go, do your thing, then come back.
Five or ten minute would pass before I see him again, and at this point, I starting to get just a little annoyed with him.
Juuuuuuuust a little.
So instead fo talking to Starlight about the issue, I think that I should try and nudge him along, so next time we’re collecting prep, I ask him how he feels about rate and recieving, and since he’s 18 and just out of High-school, he says meh, to most of it, so I ask him if he enjoys Water spidering, and he says that he’ll do it if he’s asked.
I have to remind myself of how I was at 18 in order to refrain from going verbally full bore on the kid, so I gently tell him that if the PAs, Problem Solvers, and AMs see him knocking things out left and right, that they’ll want to use him more. Anyways, gotta get ready for the day. I’ll finish this up in another part.

Work stuff.

Alrighty! Nuff feelin’ sorry for myself, or at the very least being scared to just do my thang. Because I’m adorable like that.
Update: I was called in HR on Tuesday (which is my Monday) and I knew exactly what the gal, E, was going to ask me about. She’s a very pleasant woman, had a pretty good conversation with her.
Right off the bat, she asked me what I thought I was in there to talk about, I offered two scenarios that could be possible, the first was about a guy that had lost his cell phone, so I directed him to Loss Prevention, the second being my live stream.
She smiled, and I zeroed in on that and gave her all the relevant information, from what inspired the plan, to the motivation, to the topics discussed, the series of events, my time at the hospital, how much I had drank, if I planned on doing that again, and so on.
Apparently, I had answered most of her questions.
She then asked a very interesting one, which caught me off guard.
“Why did you feel the need to do this?”
Live stream?
Post to the group?
Enjoy my weekend in my own home?

So, I gave E a very brief summary of my time on the internet, form Vine, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, myspace, that kind of thing. When I mentioned the group, she smiled slightly again, and again, I zeroed in on that.
So, I talked a little about my posting there, and she said I should try reducing my online presence, which… I understand to a degree.
After a moment or two, I talked about how as an Employee of Amazon, even if I’m off the clock on at my own place, I’m still representing the company, to an extent.
And then she said that what I had done wasn’t very Amazonian, “Was it?”
————

On that note, and after having some time to reflect on the events, I’ve got some final thoughts:
1. What I create on my own time, as long as it doesn’t put myself or anyone else in danger, is my business, if I need to put a disclaimer, I’ll do that.
2. As long as you’re respectful to HR, and give them the information they need, they’ll be respectful to you, it’s pretty simple.
3. I’ve lost the thread of whatever I was working on before I switched gears and began working on something else.
4. The only thing that matters in this world are the lessons you learn and in the ways you positively implement them.

Sorry for the long post, might be a while before I make another one of these. Just really needed to get this out of my system.
———–
The deaths on Amazon site floors really is shocking to hear about, my sympathies to the friends and families affected.
Yeah, that guy complaining about being on his feet all the time, feeling drained?
Good god man, enjoy the positives, everyone’s feet hurt, it’s called fucking gravity.

Fucknuggets.

Some days aren’t great, but I ain’t about to fuckin talk bout that shit, let everyone talk about that shit, Imma talk about… well, now I can’t rightly say, or maybe I can, but I don’t want to, so I might not be able to say what I was about to say before the moment where I could’ve said something about something else but now, this is just a recurring loop of broken ideas and stupid logic.
Everyone has stupid logic.
Even birds.
Yes birds, birds have stupid logic.
Not like stupid human logic, but stupid bird logic.
Squirrels are just fucking stupid, regardless of level of intelligence. But don’t discount sharks.
Fuck sharks.
And spiders.
And clowns.
Actually, fuck any and all combination of the three of those things, because any and all of them are just bad.
really bad.
So bad it makes you think that no matter what, you’re about to find out some shit that don’t make sense, but desperately need to because in a way, Earnest Hemingway did not drink enough.
But then again, stupid Squirrel logic infects everything we do on a level never before seen.
I have not zoomed out.
Not, I have zoomed out, don’t ask why I haven’t zoomed out, maybe I was zoomed in?
Maybe I wasn’t? Maybe I couldn’t be zoomed out or in to save my life, or maybe there’s a need to be more zoomed in than out in this day and age where being zoomed in has more an impact meaning than one would assume.
But you know what they say about assuming things, right?
That donkey’s shouldn’t speed.
Or drive. But they do anyways, because there asses, and they’re a danger to you and me on the road.
Ass Zooming. that’s assuming they know how to drive using those clods hoppers of a hoof on their feet.
But they only have one hoof between all four feet.
Well, they might be transformers.
Hey, we live in a day and age where anyone can be anything or any gender they choose.
I once dated a woman who identified as a ketchup bottle.
Which made sense in a weird way, a way I leave to your imagination, because that’s the kind of logic we’re dealing with here today.
Stupid squirrel spider shark clown bird logic.

We aren’t alone in the universe?

We aren’t the only living things in the universe?
Our kind and loving god, in his many forms has more than one pet project?
Well shit.
Time to Naruto run.
So, aliens are real, which means Roswell actually happened, and that what no blimp.
So… fuck it.

I try to self motivate, caffeine usually helps out, gets me ready and pumped for the day, and sometimes chatting with Nigel or Gonzo helps out a bunch. But those chats are rare.

Annnnnd that was disappointing. So, let’s knock this out, or something, because now i’ve got shit piling up in my brain pan that’s worth venting about or something, and yes, fuck the time and dates about when the various part of this fucking thing were updated, because if there’s one thing I love, IT FUCKING INCONSISTENCY. Or incompetence.
Maybe incontinence?
Continents?
Fuck it, inconsistent incompetence incontinence stricken continents.
So, basically, a bunch of disorganized, dumb fucks who can’t control their shitting forming a country.

I know what companies going to skyrocket to the top!

Anyways, Peak 19 is here, and so are new hires, and THERE ARE A TON popping into work everyday, and some of them are memorable, and others are… well, slightly less memorable.
Yesterday, for instance, there were a few Day 1’s trying to open their lockers, Helena and… the other one, wish I’d gotten her name. Anyways, Helena was a bit more memorable because… just holy shit, she just was, they were both having trouble opening their lockers so I helped them out.
nothing special, just something to help them along, y’know?
First gal, Helena, short black gal, based on her energy level, I’d say between 18 and 24, thin frame, glasses, gauges in her ears, frosted tips,  short hair, I’m guessing she works in In/Outbound.
Second gal, didn’t get her name, roughly the same description, no glasses, either Caucasian or Latina, no gauges, just a bit shy,  they were both awesome.
The reason why I say they were both memorable is because there was something unique about them, something interesting, eye catching, a character unique to themselves.
True, there are tons of people I work with that are memorable, each with their own traits that stand out from the rest of the crowd, and I might start talking about them more, because… I don’t know, I seriously need to start blogging more…
Seems like the safest route, or at least, I’m thinking it’s the safest route for me to keep my own energy up.
But the reason the second gal was so interesting was she asked what my gmail was… normally, no one would bat an eye, but she… something caught her eye.
Kinda interesting in a way.

Outside of that, things are going well, because of Peak the managers popped into every department to make sure every part of the place was staffed to account for what I’m assuming is the safe guarding of productivity, so I was placed on 2nd floor Jackpot, and told to singulate the unsingulated. Which is less a really horrifying sex act involving two hornets nests and a pile of half melted Lego bricks and more making sure that the work pops in lengthwise, with no side by sides, and the stickers facing up.
Which, first time around, didn’t know what I was doing, the second time, nailed it LIKE A BAWS.

First half score: .20 percent, only a hundred boxes made it through. I have a feeling that it would’ve been a bit lower had I made sure all the stickers were up. But that’s a REALLY good score, considering the second half was 200 boxes, and I was thinking, dudes and dudettes need to step up their game. So, I’m predicting I might get staffed there again for either first or second half, depends on what’s going down.
One of the newer Jammers, Gonna call her D, who was staffed in the Singulators, got bored of it. She’s used to popping about, talking, doing her own thang. I dunno, kind of disappointed, but Jamming’s not for everyone, are the benefits to Jamming? Yeah, you get to learn about another aspect of the FC that you had no clue about.
Is it draining, yes.
But is the trade off worth it?
Fuck yas.

Everyone starts off White Badge, no exceptions, no matter where they staff you, everyone starts in the basics and then you work your way up. For me, it was receiving, I worked my ass off, got booped to Water spidering, worked my ass off there and eventually knocked out an application to Jam team, made the cut, learned the lay of the land rather quickly, learned a few other aspects, kept motivated, kept knocking out work. Caught the eyes of the peeps that needed a few good workers, and so on and so forth.
Will I eventually knock out Learning Ambassador? Yes, I want to, love teachings others, filling up their intellectual gas tanks with the rocket fuel of the gods!

Eventually, I want to make P.A, but I’m kind of hesitant about it, you see, being PA means early starts and late stops, meaning I’d have to find someway of getting to work earlier, not to mention data management and information analytics. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for all of that, and my shit was on point when it came to knocking notes down during the three day course.
But i needed that information to sink the hell in. Passing the class, not what I’m interested…. actually, yes. I need to stop taking the easy route and stimulate my brain in a way to the point where I feel fulfilled, I feel motivated and excited to try and light up some part of my brain with new information. Because at the moment, I’m just focusing on the physical part, and like any body, there are two sides, the central nervous system and the physical body. One can’t function without the other, ain’t possible, you can either be a really strong dumb ass or Stephen Fucking Hawking.
But to get the best of both worlds?
Y’need to be a really strong Stephen Fucking Hawking.

One more thing, so in regards to the above mentioned really strong Stephen Hawking, there’s a massive dude, named Mark, maybe eight or nine years older then me, the dude is fucking ripped, like diamonds edge ripped, ripped so hard he looks like a PS1 character made physical manifest. The later years, not… just shut the fuck up.
The dude’s a PA and really fucking ripped, the best of both worlds, so he’s just… fucking ripped.

Okay, in regards to an earlier part, Yes, Jam is awesome, y’get some tech on the floor, stay mobile, and get shit done.
Can it be an isolating thing? Yes.
the point being if you keep yourself motivated, occupied, focused on something during the down time, then you can knock it out like a snapped fart in an elevator.

I’m giving myself ten minutes…

Fuck, I thought I had a lot more time than just ten fucking minutes to get a god damned post out, but that’s what happens when you schedule pretty much consists of Eat, sleep, work, repeat, and trying to find time to get something enjoyable done is a fucking nightmare when it takes someone a long ass time to get their asses where it needs to be when it needs to be there, but that’s life, right? when life gives you lemons, you get lemon aid, or Lemo Naid. The worlds lamest spy, just stands there, watching you, like you did something wrong, occasional taking a puff out of a Sherlock Holmes looking ass pipe and just… staring.
but shit… gotta go, lot is happening, wish I had more time…

We need to talk.

Alrighty folks, let’s talk a bit about not getting dicked over, or at the very least, putting up with it up until a certain point, yes?
So, I’m paying a friend 600 a month for rides to a from work, and before you say it, yes, I agree, it’s a completed fucked price.
But we’ve been friends for a long ass time, and I’m doing the right thing by helping him out.
That being said, let’s do the math.
Normally, I would’ve gotten paid between 2,200 and 2,500 a month, depending on Overtime.
that’s around 15/16 bucks an hour, pretty sizeable chunk of change right there, y’know?
My two main expenses:
Rent: 500
Rides: 600
————
1,100 a month for both.
we’re down to 1,100/1,300 a month.
That is a sizeable chunk.
That equates to about 1 and 300 a week total.
THAT is MEtroPCS money.
That is fucked.

Now, I’m down for the rent, that’s no biggy, it’s an evil fart cloud I can live with.
the 600 a month for rides that normally would’e run me around 120 a month?
Where’s this money going?
Gas, oil changes, and wear and tear.

Why the fuck am I responsible for this?
Because, we’re friends, and I’m doing the right thing… And I need a consistent ride to work, and he’s very consistent and worth the expense, and we’re good friends.

That last thing? The friendship? That’s what’s holding this thing together, and despite what everyone, including myself thinks about the arrangement, which I was able to bring down from 800.

So, “I’m doing the right thing by helping out a friend.” has become my mantra.
I’m doing the right thing by helping out a friend.
I’m doing the right thing by helping.
I’m doing the right thing.
Friendshippudden.

I’ve got nothing except love.

For some reason I always get weird when talking about love, not in the sense that it becomes perverted self inflation of how ginormous my dick is, because… that would be a gross use of power, also, physiologically, every large dicked man has a constant fear of having a heart attack caused by getting aroused, look it up, straight up fact.
Speaking of big dicks, the dude with the largest dong measures in at two fucking feet.
My question:
Does he go to Hentai cons? because people would fucking love that shit.

Anyways, today is one of the random, “Meh, I knock one out” days, I’m not active enough to garner new followers, but just active enough to keep the ones I have, and honestly, I don’t check the numbers anymore. Why? I don’t care about them, if I continually check the numbers to see how I’m doing, then I fuck myself with anxiety, and I don’t need that shit in my life again.
I get it now, when people say they turn off social media and what not, they try not to focus too much on it, because that’s just how shit is, you live, you learn, you get excited about nothing in particular, and then you move the fuck on.
I wish for the love of god it were that easy with me.
I kind of hate all my socials with a average sized dick passion. Yes, we’re floating back to that shit, because why the fuck not?
Anyways, to make matters interesting, works been going good, this MET is kicking my ass something fierce, but I’m sticking with it, with the knowledge and passion knowing that sometime in October, I’ll get converted, and with any luck, won’t have a ride situation that’s not going to fuck me out of 600 fucking dollars a fucking month just to get two and from work.
Look, I get it, you got out before they got you out, and you’ve got bills and shit to take care of, but how the fuck come I’ve got to be the one to do that, when clearly, you’ve got the scratch to do that on your own. Fuck, if I’m paying you 600 a month for rides to work and back, that I might as well move in with you, because that right the fuck there is rent levels of money and Jesus fucking Christ.
But at the same time, they’re my friend, and “Do the right thing” is ringing in my head. But momma didn’t raise no sucker, and I know when I’m getting fucked over, friendship or not.
And even when they get back in, it’s still gonna cost me 200 a week to get a ride with them, even when they’ve got their own money coming back in? Citing, gas, oil change, tires, blah blah blah when the fuck did I become responsible for MORE then just gas? Yes, the wear and tear and all that, but at the same time, at the end of each month, after taxes, rent, and gas, I’m essentially getting paid HALF of what everyone else’s is getting to take home. And I’m back to 900 a month instead of 2200 a month, so this is my main fucking gripe right there.

Yeah, we’re friends through thick and thin, but the moment you’re back at work is the moment I’m finding a better ride situation.

Work related stuff… So, yeah.

for two reasons this is going to suck, this first being I’ve got a blister on my middle finger, which ironically enough, is a big “Fuck you!” to myself while I attempt to write this. The other, simply put, is that I don’t update this enough.

Work is going fine, though people are getting antsy about conversions, with Inbound getting the first picks, the newest guys having priority, and time moving forward for those almost dangerously close to not making  the guidelines for conversions, it’s easy to see why.
Myself?
Meh, I figure I’d just not get excited over it just yet, I just need to keep check my email to see what’s going on, and even then, I know  that it’s just a matter of time. I have 0.5 points, no write ups, my rates been great, and I have a good report with nearly everyone at work. So, maybe I’m good?
Fuck it, I am.
Everything that’s been told to me so far, we’re in the running for it, so why bother worrying about a thing in the fog you can’t see? Seriously, until the thing is right in front of you, and you can see it’s a thing, no need to worry, just keep on keeping on!

The last couple of shifts have been pretty interesting, I’ve been shadowed by one of the week 1’s, Gilbert, a former Chef for 20 years. Gil is fucking amazing, quick learner, pick’s up on thing’s fast, is a bad ass motherfucker on all accounts, and pretty much the shit now that I’ve trained him in the art of WaterSpidering. He and I get along great, and we’ve got a wavelength going on, every once in a while I’ll pop him a tip or two, but the man’s intelligent, he’s not a kid, so I treat him like a man, and we’re both better off for it.
I’m kind of thankful that he was assigned as my shadow, I can get kind of lonely WaterSpidering, so these passed few days have been a blessing in disguise, you know?

Anyways, I’ll talk with Y’all later, just wanted to keep things rolling with this. Spend nearly 100 on a blog, damned well be using the fucking thing, am i right?

Fuck, I’m so god damned sore.

I’m back, I guess. Okay, so fuck it, I am back, but for good fucking reason! I’m fucking sore as fuck because they need their fav water spider to collect all the shit, do all the things, and basically be the annoying as fuck voice of “WAKE UP!” because these ten hour shifts?
Oh my god, let me tell you about these fucking ten hour shifts OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN BARELY GET A POST OUT WITHOUT GETTING FUCKING DISTRACTED BY SOME ANNOYING AS SHIT THING!

But let’s head back to then ice, friendly neighborhood of what the actual fuck.
So, I’ve got no problem helping out where I’m needed, I knock out the rate for the week, I’ am beautiful to help out where I’m needed, go do the things, knock everything out, but yesterday!?
Yester-fucking-day?
There were just four of us. Fucking four.
And one of us had to get audited, or something like that, so it’s all good.
But, holy shit.
We needed that woman, to help ease our burdens, I mean, yeah, three of us knocked that shit out like no tomorrow, and we did get a lot of things done, but it seemed every five minutes we were switching between Down Stack, Tetris, tote Inject, Work Inject, ATAC sweeping, Prep sweeping, Tote boosting, and everything else, and after hour 6 I was just waiting for the damned thing to go balls up!

I ain’t mad, just how I write, and it was a bit stressful you know? But, with my friends, Co-Workers, and a shit ton of caffeine, I knocked the day out and repeatedly kicked it in the balls. I woke up, so woke, and so fucking sore, holy fucking shit, I wished to fucking god, they just let me receive that day, because I was in so much pain from the last two hours of it all, I mean, four lines went into AGL, and god damned, people needed to work the fuck faster, I get it, y’like to talk, talking’s great, but at the same time, the reason we went into AGL in the first place is because there were people there who simply just did not give a shit, or were picking only the good boxes!

Like, really?
Fucking really?
I’m out there, busting my ass, taking every single fucking box that passes by my station, and you, like a fuck nut, need to next level cherry pick that shit? What the utter fuck!
I had this one gal, tiny, adorable, and … just the sweetest thing ever, tell me to get her a golden tape wrapped box, and I’m in the middle of making sure the damned line gets some fucking space on it, I’m thinking fuck no, get back to work, let me do my thing!
But, I’m not a dick, so I did the perfectly balanced, I simply moved the box to a place on the line that wasn’t so crowded.
I mean, someone else got the box, of course, and her friend was laughing her ass off, but I had work to do, so I did it. If I’m working, I’m focused on that work only. I don’t take shit from no one, and if there’s a perfectly great reason why you want to do things a certain way, I am more than happy to let you do your day, but let me know and I’ll make sure that you do your thing, that way, both our days are amazing.

Outside of that, I had a pretty standard day, got a lot of work done, stayed focus, talked to people when the work flow was a little low, but over all, I stayed busy. Today’s the final boss of the week, so I’ve got to make double my usual mix, I’m getting better at saving my money, and I’ve set a budget for myself, so I’m getting enough together for a deposit, which has been a bit hard, but I’m knocking it out, still need to find a decent place, and save up about four more weeks, so 550/week, that’s about 1,600 to 2,100, enough for the deposit, and a buffer zone for other expenses as well. So that’s the goal… 2,100 in the account. If I can save up that much, I’ll be golden, and won’t have to worry about much.

Well, that’s enough from me, despite how everything reads, I’m having a lot of fun during this mini-peak, and Prime Day is popping around the corner, so it’s good practice for when things heat up again, I’ll just be happy to have my Sundays back… dear god, I’m so fucking tired…. But, hopefully, when I’ve got my own place, I’ll be happy as shit, and be able to post vids again without hesitation…

Fuck, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog…

Although, what the hell is a proper blog post? Is it a collection of like minded thoughts?
Because, you know, if that’s the case, than I am properly fucked. I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of like minded thoughts, just a bunch of confused bullshit that people are like, “HA! Shweet.”
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with being in a world in which my channel flippy brain gets confuzzled halfway through a thought and decides that buttercream screaming butterflies are the perfect valentines day gift, for the person you REALLY fucking hate.
And, you know, I’m not blind to my underuse of exclamation points, really!

Today I want to talk about love. And Workplaces.
And amazon.
And the holy shit storm of why either their a good thing or a bad thing, or maybe I’ll just continually switch topics, because I’m a rebellious bastard and you love me for that.
“Today, we’re talking puppies and the monster trucks who love them. Way too much.”
Yeah, so strap in for some enlightened as fuck shit, because this god damned thing is filled to the brim with swearing and clown beastiality referees. I meant to write that.

Yesterday, we got put in 5S, and me being me, I began to draw, something I do to pass the time. One of my friends then asked me a bunch of questions, some personal, others not, most I can’t remember, but she was cool.
Then my other friend, Karen, Who I think might have a crush on me? I don’t like to assume anything anymore, I just leave it up to the winds of chance and whatever seems to be going on that day to figure shit out, also talked to me about my drawing, and we got to talking for a while, and it was a pretty good conversation, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and you fucking hate the fact I’m not giving you the deets!
Well, I can’t remember the deets, so we’re pretty much in the same boat here.

Anyways, i leave to go to the bathroom, come back, and I get snagged into Water Spidering, which is indirect work, but still critical, for Prep… And for about 40% I would say, I knocked things out of the park, I kept tote lines going, swept, moved pallets and cages, just in general, was an amazing beast of burden. Or unburdening, that’s like an Anti-Donkeh, right?

There was this one woman, really tiny, like, ridiculously small, looks almost like a kid, but she isn’t. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s got an amazing smile, which, hey, bonus points for getting her to smile! Anyways, she’s a sweet person, much luck to her in whatever she chooses to do in life.

Meanwhile, i’m apartment hunting, I’ve got my eyes set on a place or two, as well as the bedding needed to make sure I conserve as much space as possible, and was kind of blown away by the fact there’s a triple bunk bed, like, holy shit people! A triple bunk bed! that’s like witnessing a majestic Unicorn horn fuck a leperchaun right through the face, while the little fuckers barfing gold bars! I mean, yeah, it’s a bunk bed, but a fucking triple!?

Jesus fucking christ.

Oh, I also made my first communion.
Every once in a while I’ll still upload a video or two, but I haven’t been as interested in it. Growing my channel has become annoying as fuck, and I just decided, fuck it, not going to bother. I are there people who’ll enjoy my stuff? Maybe, I’ll never know.. I get just a bit depressed thinking about it, too many trolls, or algorithms or whatever, or maybe I just upload bad content, fuck if I know or care anymore. While there are peeps out there, my hearts just not in it anymore. That’s the long and short of it now a days. My hearts not in making vids anymore, and it’s not making me any money, so why should I bother?

Yeah, there was for the enjoyment of it, but constant criticism about the whole thing has whittled away at my enthusiasm for it, and until I get my own place, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get back into it. Things change over time, needs change,

It’s been a minute or two, hasn’t it?

So, let’s dial back the weird as fuck shit for a second and talk about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, why?
because obviously, what’s happening with me is INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER WEIRD BULLSHIT I KEEP COMING UP WITH.

That was way too many Caps in the sentence, I seriously only meant to have the infinitely in caps and nothing else.
Okay, so I’ve been working the night shift at Amazon again, which is AMAZING, because for the first time, I’m not completely screwing the pooch, my rates up, I’m regularly talking to hot chicks with no intention flirting with them (kay, I lied, maybe a little. Come on, they’re hot chicks!), I made friends with a Little Person, and he is AWESOME, and almost everyday, EVERYDAY, there’s been a shortage of work because of how great both Day and Night shifts been.

But therein lies the problem, Amazon keeps hiring on new people, despite the lack of work… So does this mean we’re looking at another Mass Hire/Fire situation, where after a few months, they’re going to let us go? hopefully not, took me long enough to snag this one again.

The reason I’m asking, is because there was a strange announcement at stand up, part of one of the programs they’ve got set up, to transfer to other locations, and I’m starting to understand why now, but at the same time, I’m not going to worry about it. Or should I?

With the increasingly apparent lack of work coming in, and more early leaving times, maybe we’re doing our jobs too well? Or is it that there’s going to be a new Cross dock location opening up soon, so more work is being sent over there and we’re being left with the overflow? I dunno, but it is a bit worrying to say the least. And I’m just spinning my wheels here on the subject, there could be a whole bunch of things I could be getting wrong here…

Anyways, nuff about that!

What else is happening?
Oh, right!
For about a week or so, my brain’s been stuck on the idea that fish are naked.
And they are.
But, my best bud Blake pointed out they aren’t.
Know why?

They’re dressed to the gills!

I know, completely stupid, but it’s the best connection i’ve made, but really. Fish are naked.
also preordered MK 11, I’m not great at fighting games, but I’ve been wanting to play Mortal Kombat again for some time, and 11 seems like a pretty good jumping point. There are a few characters that are Rushers, Zoners, and just plain Combo machines, so it’ll be cool to fuck around in practice mode to try and knock something out. 
I still haven’t finished Skyrim, I think I’m nearing the end of the main story, which is great, since in each Bethesda free roam game, I manage to kill off nearly all the not needed NPCs in the first go around, find the exploits, become suped up, and go on a in game murder spree the likes THAT instance of the game universe has never seen.
Smash Brothers still has my attention, mainly for the multiplayer aspect.
Splatoon 2 simply got boring.
Brawlhala has its moments.
I don’t bother with Onigiri anymore. Soon as it got to the “O NOEZ ANIME GIRL IN TROUBLE!” Trope, I stopped playing. I dunno know I’ve got trouble getting passed the whole “Strong Female Protagonist” thing, I personally think it’s great. Maybe it’s just a displacement of the previously natural story telling gender roles? where the male was the strong one, the female was the smart one, and the villains were just dumb asses with too much time on their hands and not enough porn?
Shit, I think that’s what Evil’s problem is just in general.
They can’t get laid, i mean, sex solves all the worlds problems, if just temporarily.
But, I’ve noticed the change myself in my own editing of Sogno Della Dinastia, with Divertenti Della Amuleto focusing on the female main character, I kind of have to make that shit work out, and so far, it’s doing a pretty good job of it.

speaking of writing, and snapping back to work, whenever there’s been a lag of work and I’ve had some time, a pen, and some scrap of paper laying around, I’ve drawn a quick picture, and started scribbling notes on it like a madman. Story plotting is kind of relaxing, breaking away from just standing there, feels like I’m recharging my batteries or something of the like.
So far, I’ve knocked of two of the little darlings:
”Azmael and the Chest of the Forever Coaled”
”Felix Hogbuny goes on Vacay”

Fun little exorcises.
Lets see, what else?

Oh, right, mah carpool buds, Paul, Joseph, and John.
Paul I’ve known for a while since Peak ‘18, great guy, passionate about work, we connect amazingly. Paul’s also a Gamer, which is awesome, since I like gaming too, and we sometimes talking about gaming. Yes, that was a dumb sentence. No, I’m not erasing it. Yes, you’re stuck with it. He’s got an amazing family, and really, that’s all I’m saying on that front.
Joseph? Also a great guy, has a faster sense of humor, good taste in music, likes to ask me random questions, and overall, he’s got a lot going for him! He too, Kicks the ass at work. That was worded weirdly. Joseph is… hard to explain exactly. He’s super intelligent, and I think it might be the super coffee wearing off at this point, but, yep, super intelligent. We all work well together, yeah, definitely the coffee wearing off.
John? Super chill guy, doesn’t say much, but doesn’t really need to when at work or when it’s just us carpooling. When the Turtles are carpooling? different story all together, the dude quips amazingly. We get along amazingly, and i’m going to have to write more about the other two just to give them all equal page time…
I call us the Turtles because we each encompass a different personality type.
Paul’s definitely Leonardo.
Joseph’s Donatello.
John’s Raph, he’s got a little bit of fire in him.
And I’m Michelangelo. Why? Mikey’s been my favorite. Also, I’m writing the post, so I’m Mikey.

Whatelse? Nothing of note, just been doing my own thing… Yes, I’m cutting this short.
Why?
The super coffee is wearing off, and I’m kind of getting bored of writing the post, plus, I’m hungry. Oh, so fucking hungry for breakfast. Not to mention, the more I write, the more I’ll have to edit. Peace!
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My thoughts about working for Amazon

NOTE TO THEE: I originally wrote this while I was STILL working for them, it’s still relevant, and I’m trying to clear up my drafts, and I don’t delete any posts. what was written then, is still relevant today.

Dear god, it has been a while since I last posted, hasn’t it? Well, here I am, so let’s get this shindig out of the way! I’ve been working for Amazon for little under two months at this point, and I’m going to rant a little bit.

The hours are long, the work is simple, and since it’s ULTIMATE DEATHMATCH SPACE BATTLE EPIC PEAK SEASON ALPHA 2018!!! We’re under tremendous pressure to knock out as many packages as possible.
Dick joke, or work joke… YOU decide.
Anywho, the atmosphere is relaxed, friendly and jovial, and there are plenty of ways to keep yourself entertained throughout the ten hour shift, talking WHILE working, arcade machines in the break room, watching tv, eating, and working. They’ve even got a work based waterslide that only the packages can use! See? fun for the whole working class family! The inside of the place where I work has the design scheme of what the inside of a robotic hard boiled egg might look like, white and yellow, and it’s a maze of pillars, poles, conveyors, tape lines, barriers, and machines all over the place, it’s pretty amazing how everything fits together.

At the heart of it all, you’ve got the varying departments working in concert with each other, for simplicity sakes, I’m using abrievs bruh, abrievs, but you’ve got IB, OB, ID, OD, UR, and a few other bits and bites, each section is like it’s own little city, with it’s own little mayor and it’s weird, fun, and all that jazz. I’m in Ur, which is fun, kind of, it keeps me busy, entertained, and I get to watch other people occasionally slack off while the lines packed to the gills, but fuck them, we’re a team.

Like I said before, the work’s pretty fucking easy, and the only way to not have smooth sailing is to NOT PAY FUCKING ATTENTION, because there’s a big fucking thing right in front of your face, two of the, really, that’s telling you where each thing is going, and it’s the simplest bit of fun in the world. You’re essentially paying the easiest game of lasertag in the world, and that’s pretty much it.

That being said, the pay’s great, the options are shweet, plenty of ways to grow and climb up that ladder. The only thing some of the weaker willed people couldn’t get their heads around was the long work day, it’s only long if you pay attention to it, and it’s not like you’re bolted in place. You need to get some water? Go get it. Need to relieve yourself? Do it to it, in the restroom, obviously.

There are couples in the place, and there are plenty of chances to find love or friendship in the place, but I’m not there for that, I’m just there to work, get paid, and go back to work some more. But, humans being social creatures, finding friendship there is one of the mandatory things that happens whether you want it to or not. I’ve made plenty of awesome friends, and I’m getting the hang of things, and with the arcade machine (I LOVE THAT FUCKING THING.) I’m finding ways to keep myself entertained, I wanted to start writing again, I can probably do that during my lunch, since that seems to be the thing that’s on my mind the most.

That’s one of the weird things though, Amazon, the work afternoon, evening, night, and early morning tend to sap your creativity, or energy, so you have to wonder this: When something takes up most of your day (For good reason, you’re there to work, not fuck around, fun as it is, it IS still a job site.) I’m left wondering if I’ve got the time and energy to continue my own writing projects, after all, those are the things that’ve kept me going the longest, and I’ve thought about that very thing…. It’s all about finding a balance I suppose, one that I’ll eventually find.

There are a few gripes I have, those are far and few between, for the most part everything works as it should. For the most part. As with any tech, there are moments when things don’t work as they should, or things just go dark (Not the place, just bits and pieces of small level tech, mostly due to human error), and there are a few ways they could help improve the workflow a bit better.

As much as I want to continue, I’m reminding myself that discretion is the better part of valor.

Bottom line: Hours are excellent, pays good, plenty of room for growth, ways of keeping yourself occupied, friendly atmosphere, every level works easy AF, and blast past the goal markers, and it’s pretty cool over all!

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