Well, hey there!

Tiktoks, writing, and love, what else is there in life?

Emotional roller coaster!

I need to talk about this.
I don’t care if someone pulls me aside and goes, “Heeeeey buddy, I saw that thing, why’d you post that thing?”
Because posting about the thing is my way of pushing through my own insecurity about creating content, and for the longest time I never really cared what anyone thought about my content, it didn’t have any direct affect on my life.
I never thought my words or actions had any actual effect on peoples emotions or thoughts, and now, that I have been at Amazon for nearly two years at this point, have forged bonds and friendships. stealth relationships, and had romantic interests, (And yes god damn it I WILL talk about love, because why the hell wouldn’t I?) as well as created this weird as hell Matrix of random connections all up and down the chain of command at Amazon, from GMs, AMs, to PAs, KBS, PS, WS, and AAs, like, holy fucking shit, it’s been a trippy as hell experience, I’m finding myself at a weird stand still.
The point is this, I’m perfectly aware, I KNOW. Truly, I do KNOW where things stand on every level, and I’m trying to balance everything out in my head before I do anything.
Because I’ve been put through what feels like a 36 round championship title fight, been knocked down with a metaphorical punch to the chest and had a ten count to get the fuck back up.
I read somewhere that happiness and sadness unlock or enhance certain aspects of our psychology, happiness boosts up our creativity and sadness enhances our ability to analyze situations, whatever they may be. In order to get to the root problem of this whole thing, I needed to get to that point where my heart felt like it was dropping into a bucket of ice.
Not through conscious choice, but as a matter of the natural cycle of the seven stages of grief, I’ve been through the worst of it, and I nailed it down to the basic. The failure of not taking action, of overthinking, of seeing a straight line and deciding to let the journey curve and twist and pop up and down.
Though I do have hope that reconciliation can happen, I myself can not take any steps towards it, it’s not that I don’t want to, trust me, I do, but I’ve forgotten a very important lesson, that if you chase a squirrel, that little bastards going to dart the hell away each and every time.
However, if you’re patient, and stay very still, and feed the other birds and squirrels at the park, eventually, that squirrels going to want some of that goodness.
By the way, I AM talking about squirrels.
I create stories, songs, lyrics, and Tiktoks, because indirectly, subconsciously, they are messages or adventures for those that want, or need to hear them.
And not being able to be blunt about this is killing me, seriously, I’d much rather be upfront then have to dance around this thing.
I need an apology. I don’t care what channels I have to go through to set up to get one for what went down, but I will get one.
I think that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
I can forgive a lot, but that? That needs to be rectified, resolved.

Tiktok’o’clock!

That aside, I have reached 7k on Tiktok, so I’m getting close to my goals in terms of numbers, if I hit 10k, I can apply for the creator fund, which means I’ll be able to make some spare change with some of these vids. Which means, I’ll have to find some of the freakier stuff on there to duet or stitch.
I also need to do some more dances, and I’m always down to appear in others Toks, Snaps, Instagram posts, and so on, I’ve never been shy about that kind of thing. I have a few ideas for skits and whatnot, I want to run a few ideas across a few people and see what can be done to make those ideas happen.
Because I’ve got some really cool ideas for a cross platform series!
My largest issue that needs to be worked on is collaboration momentum, the more I do something the easier it is for me to knock it out of the park. It’s just that first initial jump into something that bothers me a little bit.

Music and the Muse!

Music wise, I’ve got three or four ideas for albums that I want to try out, I’ve been doing a ton of crooning tracks for a while, some skit tracks, one or two country tunes, a ton of rap, some tracks with back ground vocals, and some with lyrics to them.
Which I need to get back to doing the ones with lyrics because those are by far the absolute best ones, while the freestyle are OKAY for the most part, I need to find a hook, a way to bring it back in.
I do have a few of those floating around, but for the most part, I’m mostly a story teller, there needs to be a progression in the lyrics, moving forward on a journey.
It’s actually a mental requirement of mine that for a tracks lyrics to really have that OOMPH that I need a muse, which, for a while, I had… have… had… basically, a connection to the lyrics that feels amazing when I get out there to belt it out. thing is, for a while now, that spots seemingly open, as far as I’m aware, since the previous muse wasn’t feeling it anymore.
It’s this connection that allows me to dive deep into my emotional well and brings out the best in what I can do, if I’m inspired, I can just knock it out.
Although, it’s not like anyone can fill out an application for “Morgan’s Muse!” and nail the spot. This has to be a connection that I personally feel, intensely. Specifically, has to be a woman, sorry guys, just the way I’m wired when creating, and there has to be a spark that’s lit when I look into her eyes, like a fireworks display going off in the center of my mind.
Love is the most powerful of emotional connections out there, and if there’s a spark of that, and it hits me deeply, then you’ll know as well, it’s a rare thing, when it hits the CORE of your soul, lights that fire in you, and makes you feel a thing or two about a thing or two because that’s what brings you happiness.
Am I open to repeats? Sure, always happy for that kind of deal, something familiar a return to comfort and warmth, of a souls fire and forging of a reconnection that might’ve been thought lost.
The next album is going to be called “Heart’s Desire” I’ve had the album cover done for quite a while now, but the connection that was behind this has kinda frayed at the edges, but I’m still going to press through with it. I feel uneasy about the album cover, as it involves some old art work I did of a past… current… connection…
That aside, I recently made a track called “She who I’d call queen” from a set of lyrics I wrote, that song is only 1/4 of the lyrics and I’m going to knock out the other three quarters tonight, I might have to redo the original track, since the vocals are a bit on the soft side at the start. But I REALLY don’t want to. I’ll see what I can do about getting an app or two that’ll be able to raise the main vocals a little bit.
I think there’s a bit of magic to how I’ve been able to knock these tracks out, because there is LITERALLY no planning whatsoever, I just grab some coffee, pick a beat I haven’t used before and just go for it. Sometimes it works out, other times I need to do it a few times before I’m satisfied, but people seem to enjoy it.

Sexy Chocolate and the handsome potato!

I get way too excited about things sometimes, like to the point where I get nervous and giddy and everything ends up falling apart, it’s not that I intend for these things to happen, just the way it is, kind of like expecting a surprise birthday party and finding out that well, HOLY CRAP it’s a single person, with a cupcake, and they haven’t yet lit the candle, and they’re just standing there like, WELL, this is indeed a thing!

The point I’m trying to make here is this:
Dear sexy chocolate, come get this handsome potato. OH MY GOD JUST CAME UP WITH THE PERFECT TIKTOK. I need chocolate and a potato.

Author’s Block

Writing wise, I was working on a small side project called Sogno Della Dinastia: Bianco e nero, which translates to “Black and White” I began writing it on Twitter a while back and it somehow fizzled out, it was an interesting concept.
Another series was some romantic thing, IT WAS BALLS OUT AMAZING!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF PURE FICTION, ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS OR PERSONS IS… MOSTLY COINCIDENTAL, I’M INSPIRED BY MANY THINGS AT MANY POINTS IN TIME. I TAKE THOSE THINGS AND MAKE AWESOMENESS WITH IT.

Here’s a few snippets:

Even without speaking, She was telling him she wanted him too. She sighed heavily at the start of shift, the weight of the world seeming to press down on her.
He knew something was going on.
She later stopped in front of him many times, hoping he’d take notice.
He did, each time.
He smiled, for he knew she was nervous, that she wanted to tell him how she felt.
It was okay, he felt the same way too.
After all, that’s what true love was, the ability to communicate without actually talking.
It was in the little things they did while around one another.
They were in love, and the whirlpool of their journey was winding them into tighter and tighter circles.
She paused, mimicking an actions he’d seen him do many times over by putting her index finger on her pulse, just behind her jaw.
He noticed everything, his heart pounding. Still he remained composed. He loved her, after all.
When her brown eyes met his green, there was always something magical.
She needed to be sure. She didn’t want to be hurt again, she wanted to trust him with her heart.
Her mind flashed back to the first time they argued, and though she’d deny being afraid it’d happen again, she let that moment inflict a moment of fear.
He understood perfectly, he always had. He knew perfectly well that she needed to be the one to approach him.
For her to initiate the conversation, and let it flow from there. She knew he was talkative, that given half the chance he’d talk her ear off the whole day.
She also knew he followed any rules she put in place.
He sighed heavily, knowing the issues they both faced. Both were nervous, both wanted the same thing, both had problems with starting the conversation.
She’d be hesitant.
He’d talk too soft.
She wanted him close again.
He wanted her close as well.

Today was another day, and though opportunity was striking, it could also mean a shift in direction they were both headed, if everyone else had their say.
With more and more people chiming in, it seemed impossible for them.
Or was it?

He would try again, the universe seemed to be against him, maybe he had everything wrong, the fires of passion he used to have were slowly dying, he needed to remind himself of what drew him to her constantly.
A few people said she was just using him for the way he made her feel, but in a way, if she was happy, he was happy.
If her happiness meant he needed to step up and be her man…
He’d need to change his approach. He was nervous, terrified, unsure of the possible change.
He liked how he was, but she needed something more from him, she needed to see his flirty, romantic, seductive side he’d sometimes show without knowing it.
She liked that side.
But, how to bring it out again?

It was the next day, she was staffed in the same place as before.
She was excited.
Anxious.
She was sure how the day would unfold, but she was sure that no matter what, he would be hers as she once knew him.
She loved him. She wanted him.
He wasn’t like any of the other men.
He was kind, caring, had actually taken the time to get to know her instead of casually flirting and disappearing when she turned him down.
He’d gotten to know her friend, and was always curious about her life.
She was hesitant at first, offering sometimes blunt responses.

Then he’d done something no other man had done before, he started sharing his work with her.
Giving her small handmade gifts, little things that he’d cobbled together out of other things. Hair ties, bracelets, little golden rings studded with diamonds.
He told her she was his muse, that he had feelings for her, but he didn’t want to rush the friendship.
He’d been so patient with her, and let her know when she’d hit his limit.
He was understanding and forgiving beyond what any other person would be.
He had his faults, everyone did, but he more than made up for them in other ways.
She had to hold tight to him when he thought he had done something wrong and tried to pull away, she reigned him back in, and in doing so, sealed for herself, a place in his heart and mind.
They had been through so much, and yet so little at the same time. She tested him, time and again, with little things in little ways.
Both direct and indirect.
He recounted little details about her, rarely mentioned moments that had passed, small conversations and more.
He paid more attention to her then she realized, and without realizing it, began to let her guard down around him, letting him know more and more about herself that she’d have otherwise kept secret.
She dropped little hints here and there, small, sometimes obvious, moments.
She wanted him.
He wanted her.
She was tired of small moves, tired of him beating around the bush, she wanted him upfront and to the point.
He was staffed in the same place again, but something was different.
He’d been working two different areas at the same time over the past couple of days.
When one area wasn’t busy, he’d work the other, and vice versa. She looked at him, casually going about his day, he looked at her as well, they each knew somehow.
Everyone around them was putting pressure on him to move on, to forget about her, and for a while, it seemed as though he was about to.
She knew he was persistent, but he had his moral compass. She liked that, it was something else about him that was different.
He was genuine.
He’d spend a majority of the shift in her area, keeping her company since there was no one else, small conversations here and there. Nothing major, just small things to pass the time.
When the conversation had run dry, he’d play a few games with her, normally, she’d refuse.
Not today. They played four games before it was obvious they’d be locked in ties each time. She wanted him to move closer, to stop dancing around what he was after.
What she was after, he’d been resistant, but for the right reasons.
Her friends had done their parts.
For a while, he’d forgotten the one thing that drew her towards him, to be genuinely himself. The new clothes helped some, but she wanted him. Almost craved him, her heart beat loudly in her chest, and somehow, he could always tell.
He disappeared for a while, she thought he’d left again. A while later, he came back, a spring in his step that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
For the first time in a while, they had a deep conversation. He then presented her with another gift, one she thought she’d never get.
He obliged with no hesitation, putting the small object in his back pocket.
She walked down the line just a little, and reassured herself that this was going to happen, she just needed to drop slight hints again.

He’d left for break, one of her friends waiting for him at the spot he’d usually be at.
He was too smart, so he approached and went straight to the point.
They talked at length about his attraction towards her, and the situation, as well as, an ever slight hint he caught.
He was enamored by her, he explained, she charged his creative battery like no other woman in there could.
The friend listened carefully, he was playing a cautionary part.
He knew he’d be able to piece everything together.
Later, when she and the friend were talking, he let it slip, just loud enough for him to hear, and he instantly heard it, processed it, and was comforted by the fact that he had been right all along.
He just needed to stay on the right path, follow the advice given.
After shift, he gave her the gift, and during the time they had before they left, she looked at him repeatedly, long eye contact, she was nervous, but then again, so was he, but he was there, calm, collected, confident. They talked for a little while, before they parted ways.
At least, he thought she left, but was pleasantly surprised when she hung back a little to see if he was following her, when he saw, he caught up rather quickly, he knew she had hung back just for him.
Still, he’d stopped at the stairs while they continued on.
She looked back a second time, and it was that second time, telling him he knew for a fact she wanted him.
Tonight she told herself, was a very good night.

She was in tears, for so long he had been the kind gentle soul she had known and loved secretly, but lately he had been cold, distant, sometimes brash without meaning to, she disliked him for those things.
At the same time, he had never lied to her, he’d been direct.
Over the passed week, something changed within him, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was almost as if something that was there, wasn’t anymore. As if he had left his anger, resentment, and inner demons behind.
There were small moments, where the two had shared mysteries or small moments.
Private thoughts, or past memories.
He’d always try to carry the conversation, fail, but sometimes on the rare occasions, it would be all day.
He liked talking of the deeper things, the romanticizing of the soul.
She loved his willingness to goof around.
The higher ups found it charming, he was one of their favorites. He didn’t understand why, he’d always tell them she helped out immensely.
Tonight however, felt different.
Tonight he’d notice her do something he’d never seen.
She had slipped away, just for a few minutes.

He looked at her, forever entranced at this secret side of her, and for a few minutes, he acted as her guard, keeping an eye out for those that might disturb those few precious moments.
He kept an eye out for work, and worried that there were eyes on her at all times.
she returned shortly, and excused herself. for the first time in a long time, they held meaningful eye contact. and in that instance, the connection reignited, not as intense, but it was there.
For everything everyone was telling him, he stood fast, present, the warmth, returned.

Old post from….. I dunno when.

It’s finally off the ground, re-titled, “Evolution of a Blogger”, covering posts from 2008 to 2016, and it’s hovering around 898 pages at THIS point. Good god, it’s FINALLY happening! See, I told you it would happen eventually, People Who Didn’t Believe Me! So far it’s taken me a total of 18 hours just getting everything into its own little place, and there is a LOT of spelling errors, grammatical corrections, punctuation problems, not to mention unnecessary text in places there shouldn’t be to be corrected, not to mention the separating of the posts themselves, making sure the titles of the years months blog post is indexed correctly in that years months table of contents, and just holy shit…. Just holy shit this is the first of four MiniBosses that I’m up against.
I came up with this idea while I was still attending Victor Valley College, and I’m thinking of adding my Facebook Notes to the collection as well, but I don’t want to go overboard, Nah, I don’t think I will.
Other Projects in the pipeline.
I’m scouring Blake and I’s old chat log archive from yahoo messenger for any kind of short story and just random blurb that’s interesting enough to qualify as a short story, and so far I’ve manage to track down the book summaries, the TRUE beginning of the fourth book, a detailed synopsis of book three, 7 or 8 short story ideas, and there is so much more to go! Not to mention my own short story collection here on Facebook as well, in fact, I was about to get started on writing a post on wordpress when I remembered a short story I had written for Maddie K. called “The Ugly Pumpkin” that was total badassery, true, it only had a few parts to it, but I remember having so much passion for those kinds of stories, where there was a real person by whom I was inspired to write a story, to use them as a muse, that energy behind it!
Plus, Halloween was right around the corner, so that story ended up being pretty cathartic for a number of reasons.
Using Createspace.com to make a beach out of a mountain range.
But, So far? I’ve managed to knock out a number of titles on Amazon using a fun little site called Createspace.com, it’s fast, easy and free to use! Best of all? you have the option of either a 35% or a 70% Royalty on all of your titles, multiple avenues of distribution, they don’t force you to pay them to pay for publishing, but rather, give you the option to pay for a professional to design your books cover, not to mention the ability to publish Music CDs or DVDs from their site as well!
Here are my published works, complete with links!
Wrath of Puppy Monkey Baby (Everyone loves this one for some reason.)
Messages to a Really Bad President (Still need to get rid of the old version)
The Debate of Factions (Bush Era Politics and Smoke Monsters)
The Six Strings of the Highlanders Guitar (Story about Family…. a REALLY Fucked up family.)
Songs of the Soul (My big ass book of lyrics) Manliest Diary in the world (Literally a diary for boys.)
One Shots — Army of the Incomplete (A Collection of Short Stories I’ve written over the years.)
And if you search up Dorikame on Amazon, you’ll most likely see these, written by Blake Frazee and myself and published using Xlibris, and for future reference, we will be using Create space for the Revamp of the first book, titled “Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change, Liory King Edition” with additional content, a deeper story-line, and just… better everything mixed in with the original book y’all love so much! We will also be using the Createspace platform for A slightly touched up version of Broken Omen as well as for books 3 through 10 of the Dorikame Saga.
The Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change
The Dorikame Saga: Broken Omen
Everything will be made available to be purchased in eBook format as well for Kindle or whatever y’all have. This includes everything that I’ve written, ever, in the entirety that I’ve been on the internet as far back as I can find it. you remember how I was talking about “EoaB” Or Evolution of a Blogger” being the first of four Mini bosses that I’m tackling?
Well, here are the other three planned projects that qualify in order of size:
Minion Level:
270 Separate
One Shots – Lost and Forgotten
The Brothers Dorikame – Lost Legends
War of the Holos
Masla’s Revenge
Normal Day
Shadow Heart
Rage of the Puppy Monkey Baby
Infinite Web
Miniboss Level
working title:
Okay, Cupid, tell me a love story
Diary of the Mad Twitter
Final Boss Level: Sogno Della Dinastia (Books 1 through 10)
The Dorikame Saga (Books 3 through ten)
My invisible Facebooking…
I am well aware that I haven’t been on Facebook as much as I probably should have, but at the same time, I’ve been more active on twitter and YouTube, I haven’t been sharing my vids from YouTube as much lately because… For no real reason, really. Sometimes the videos are short, stupid, and have no purpose, and other times, I really do have things that are of relevance. I’ve missed out on whatever weirdness is playing out here, partly because I really… just don’t care about that kind of thing, partly because I’m very busy with before mentioned list of projects, writing, compiling, editing, formatting, publishing, that kind of thing, and partly because I just have better things to do. Yes, one could make the argument that could kind of make me a soulless irritating bastard for not liking whatever “cat on a roomba” GIF you uploaded in response to someone making a tart comment about a picture of you eating McDonald’s in an ugly sweater while your boss was wearing a lampshade, drunk off their ass at an office Christmas party that no really cares about anymore, but that’s your problem.
Look, i love y’all, I really do. I’m just incredibly busy knocking these things out left and right. And while, yeah, internet drama is fun and all, after a while you just notice the same repetitive pattern of weird useless BS that repeats itself with a different flavor every time. Is it important? Of course, because it affects you or those close to oyu, or offends or excites you in one way or another. Is it worth investing your time in if you grabs your eye? Hey, you do you, if that makes you happy, go for it.
Personal Evolution
At the same time, we should take a long hard look at how we’re spending our time, and ask ourselves these following questions: Are we using it to the best of our ability? What productivity will come of it? Will we learn or practice a skill or trade from it? Will others find enjoyment out of it in their own ways?
If the answer to all or most of those questions is yes, then by all means, go for it. Do what is important to you, if in the long run, you find yourself in a corner, just do what comes naturally to vent off the steam, get back to your happy place, and move forward. I see this all the time on twitter, teens and young adults getting mad about things from days or weeks ago that they just found out about, and doing their best to try and find a way to make said person feel like an idiot about it. Yeah, to some extent, it’s important for John “I keep my kids imprisoned” Whatshisfuckface to be called out on his bullshit, but if you keep your focus on the stuff that makes you angry? Then I have to ask you, “Why are you so focused on it?” Why focus on the anger and resentment and the fear that will nail your self confidence to the floor and never let up?
I ask these questions, because for the longest time, I was that teen, then young adult, and now that I’ve had some time (Two months, lmao, thank you Great Lakes Naval RTC, you taught me many a thing.) to REALLY think about everything. Every single thing that brought me to that point. I thought about what it was that everyone’s so very angry about, what we’re all so happy about, what makes the world go round and round, and I think I’ve found the answer.
Why we’re angry: We’re angry because of the things we can’t change but want to change. We’re like ants trying to push a ping pong ball up a little mole hill. Individually, a single ant cant do much, but with the support of others, we really can push that ping pong ball over the hill, and get the change we want. Why we’re so happy: Because of the many different celebrations in our lives, celebrating that which elevates us or makes us feel good about ourselves or others is very important, (No shit). Love, birth, discovery, recovery, rehabilitation, reaching our destination on whatever path we hold dear? All of those are reasons to be so very happy!
What makes the world go round: Love, joy, progress, forward momentum that never ceases. We are a collection of people, each of us facing a variety of directions, often times, the directions we face are different from those right next to us, and vice versa, and it may seem like the directions anyone of us is facing, is backwards to another person, but regardless of what direction we are looking towards, we always face forward. Am I stating that every path or facing direction is a healthy one? Nope. Am I stating that one group of people is right over another? Nope. All I’m saying is that the journey forward can face any direction it wishes, and whether or not the destination is good or bad is just another determining factor in our own personal evolution’s.
Big ass thank you to everyone in my life that’s helped me, influenced me, that We’ve talked, conversed in one way or another, or we interacted a few times. All of you are truly amazing people, and believe me, I’ve tried coming up with a list of peeps, trust me, but there are too many to name and I just don’t want to snub anyone or have y’all feel left out.
Peace.
——————–
Update:
I’m now working at Amazon full time, having become a blue badge, things are getting interesting, and I’m pretty happy, I’m guessing this post was written way the fuck in 20…18, had to re-read some of the stuff. Anyways, things are good, God, I really need to get all of those drafts posted.
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