Fuck, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog…

Although, what the hell is a proper blog post? Is it a collection of like minded thoughts?
Because, you know, if that’s the case, than I am properly fucked. I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of like minded thoughts, just a bunch of confused bullshit that people are like, “HA! Shweet.”
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with being in a world in which my channel flippy brain gets confuzzled halfway through a thought and decides that buttercream screaming butterflies are the perfect valentines day gift, for the person you REALLY fucking hate.
And, you know, I’m not blind to my underuse of exclamation points, really!

Today I want to talk about love. And Workplaces.
And amazon.
And the holy shit storm of why either their a good thing or a bad thing, or maybe I’ll just continually switch topics, because I’m a rebellious bastard and you love me for that.
“Today, we’re talking puppies and the monster trucks who love them. Way too much.”
Yeah, so strap in for some enlightened as fuck shit, because this god damned thing is filled to the brim with swearing and clown beastiality referees. I meant to write that.

Yesterday, we got put in 5S, and me being me, I began to draw, something I do to pass the time. One of my friends then asked me a bunch of questions, some personal, others not, most I can’t remember, but she was cool.
Then my other friend, Karen, Who I think might have a crush on me? I don’t like to assume anything anymore, I just leave it up to the winds of chance and whatever seems to be going on that day to figure shit out, also talked to me about my drawing, and we got to talking for a while, and it was a pretty good conversation, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and you fucking hate the fact I’m not giving you the deets!
Well, I can’t remember the deets, so we’re pretty much in the same boat here.

Anyways, i leave to go to the bathroom, come back, and I get snagged into Water Spidering, which is indirect work, but still critical, for Prep… And for about 40% I would say, I knocked things out of the park, I kept tote lines going, swept, moved pallets and cages, just in general, was an amazing beast of burden. Or unburdening, that’s like an Anti-Donkeh, right?

There was this one woman, really tiny, like, ridiculously small, looks almost like a kid, but she isn’t. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s got an amazing smile, which, hey, bonus points for getting her to smile! Anyways, she’s a sweet person, much luck to her in whatever she chooses to do in life.

Meanwhile, i’m apartment hunting, I’ve got my eyes set on a place or two, as well as the bedding needed to make sure I conserve as much space as possible, and was kind of blown away by the fact there’s a triple bunk bed, like, holy shit people! A triple bunk bed! that’s like witnessing a majestic Unicorn horn fuck a leperchaun right through the face, while the little fuckers barfing gold bars! I mean, yeah, it’s a bunk bed, but a fucking triple!?

Jesus fucking christ.

Oh, I also made my first communion.
Every once in a while I’ll still upload a video or two, but I haven’t been as interested in it. Growing my channel has become annoying as fuck, and I just decided, fuck it, not going to bother. I are there people who’ll enjoy my stuff? Maybe, I’ll never know.. I get just a bit depressed thinking about it, too many trolls, or algorithms or whatever, or maybe I just upload bad content, fuck if I know or care anymore. While there are peeps out there, my hearts just not in it anymore. That’s the long and short of it now a days. My hearts not in making vids anymore, and it’s not making me any money, so why should I bother?

Yeah, there was for the enjoyment of it, but constant criticism about the whole thing has whittled away at my enthusiasm for it, and until I get my own place, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get back into it. Things change over time, needs change,

Too many #s

#Update time:

Not #much #to #tell, added #more to flesh out the #story, put more of an #emphasis on #Sarah’s #storyarc rather than Morgan’s, because #Divertenti #Della #Amuletto really is about Sarah’s story.

That’s how I wrote it way back when I first #chortled it into a myspace blog, and that’s how I’m focusing it now.

Does it mean that the series will continue on that path?

#Unfortunately, no.

Much like my actual #friendship with Sarah, by the time Sogno Trono rolls around, Morgan and Sarah’s friendship deteriorates by the third #book.

Is it hard for me to get through the first two books without having some #reservations about not altering the overall story so that they remained friends?

Yes, most likely.

The way #everything #twists and #turns, the way friendships #bloom, their #roots spreading outwards and yet at the same time, interweaving back to their #homebase again, that’s what the book series is about.

As an #author, and in some screwed up way, a self historian, I must keep things as they were when the #series was first written, but somehow #enliven it to be something more #powerful.

Is there an overall #message?

Not to my #knowledge, maybe others will find it in their reading. If there is, when this is finally #published and released in its entirety, whatever message #you may think it is, please let me know. Or not, sometimes, the best message is one of #mystery, the #unknown.

I do know this for a #fact:

#Sogno Della #Dinastia is my #Magnum #Opus, I have never #wavered from that fact. I do not #purport it to be some #lifechanging #experience that will bend the minds of all who read it into some higher plain of #existence, nor would I ever think of it as some kind of #religious experience or #hidden #political movement.

There are hidden #truths from a #single #perspective, there are in your face #exaggerations, and some mind numbing #bullshit that you somehow wind up floating through, but by the end of it, you find yourself in a different place than you were before. In #small unknown ways, whatever they might be, in whatever #fashion they show up.

I am #continually #passionate about this, a work of both #love and regret, of forced #personal growth, and god fucking damn it, if this gets big, if this becomes something more than #realistically it’s ever supposed to be, than so be it.

If it remains #small and #unknown, #unread, #unpopular, or unpublicized, so be it.

I do know this: I will have #readit, #editedit, and #engorged myself on the feast of utter #batshit insanity that is the hugeness of the #undertaking I have ventured on, and god fucking damn it, I’m taking a sledge hammer and a stick of dynamite to this titanium #mountain and one day at a time, turning it into a #sandy #beach #paradise.

The beauty of using different headers!

I knocked out a pretty sizeable chunk of work today, and for the longest time, I struggled with trying to keep everything organized, until I discovered the FUCKING MAGICAL DREAMLAND I NEVER KNEW EXISTED, called the Headers 1 through 4.
Oh.
My.
fucking.
God.
I use the following system:
Header 1 for the title, Forward, and table of contents.
Header 2 for individual book titles
Header 3 for M/D/Y/T (month, day, year, time)
Header 4 for just a few hours ahead of wherever I marked header three.

And it’s a fucking god send. i’ve been working in Word since 95, and I JUST FIGURED THIS MYSTICAL BULLSHIT OUT! where the fuck’s Hagrid, cause its time he told me i’m a fucking wizard for figuring this out.
Expecto Mycodis!
Ooh! Awesome idea:
Take Harry Potter, the Matrix, and Tron, and blend them all together. No particular reason, just finding something to do with my time at the moment.
Anyways, I’m happy with the way things are turning out, they’re doing alright by me! More updates later, also started pulling together a character list, and I know THAT’S going to be a giant pain in the ass, I know I have another notebook floating around that has MOST of the information in it that I can just transcribe, but I have no clue where that thing is.

1,148 pages thus far

chances are I’m probably going to be splitting that up into three books, three of four. As much as I want to keep working on SDD, and I will, there’s just so much to catalogue, I once did a character count, a kind of roll call, a few years back and I tallied up 144 of the little bastards, just all kinds of fun!
But that’s the total page count AT the moment, without any editing, and I’m pretty happy about that, because it means that I have, at some point, taken the writing thing pretty seriously, and that’s doing something right.
I already know how i’m going to do it as well, since the first four books in the series aren’t that meaty (between 25 and around 100 per book, though I do believe TAC treks in in the 250 page range.) and there’s a lot of plot holes and such that I might just leave as is, since it then allows me to write smaller stories from those plot holes IF I wanted to…
basically, Imma be busy getting this shitbag transformed into a gold and diamond ring.

Editing old projects…

It’s like a trip back in time. And I used to be incredibly annoyed at the prospect of working on old projects,, but a few years later, because of my increased patience, I find it relaxing, and Sogno Della Dinastia is definitely one of those projects you DON’T want to rush… Even though I tried multiple times.
I think i’ve previously stated that between this and The Dorikame Saga, Sogno Della dinastia was going to be my Magnum Opus, my ultimate work, because i’ve put so much of myself into it, I’ve spent so much time, editing, writing, adding to it, that no matter what happens next, i’ll still have editing progress, and that’s all that matters.
The first chapter, “Umore de l’amuleto” Takes me all the way back… Just the memories attached to it, where I really started to hit my stride, where everything simply started to grow.
The beginning of my long standing love affair with coffee, and it’s all worth it. Every bit of frustration ever. Just wanted to do a short piece… Got my editing done for the day.

On a side note, still have to get my Book’o’blogs knocked out. Still kind of pissed about having all the work I’ve done so far just up and fucking vanish on me multiple times, and no matter how many times I’ve tried looking, I just can’t seem to find my old myspace blogs, god damned those things were amazing… Although I do believe that I’ve imported MOST of them of wordpress… I’d have to hunt around for them some more…

Writing can be harsh with a broken heart.

Self motivation is what keeps me going, self motivation to punch through whatever is slowing me down, selfm otivation to prove that I can knock something out each and everyday, even if it’s just adding a little bit more to the part I’m working on. It’s tough, harsh, and unbelievably hard to pull off, but somehow each day, with a cup of joe and a blaring playlist of Happy Hardcore music, i’m able to get both a little ifction written, as well as a blog post about whatever the fuck I’m feeling at the moment.

And at the moment? i’m feeling great… Not really. I’m stuck in a quagmire of slow thoughts turned exhaustion, I write about being tired, I become tired, bored, and start to yawn, and there goes the day.

I’m punching through this as much as i possibly can, because how else am I going to get through writing. To me, at least, the worst enemy you can have is yourself. Because, as you know, your own brain is actively working against you every step of the way, trying to slow you down, trying to make you sluggish in whatever you try to accomplish, and right now, my brain is slowly but sure tryng to keep me from accomplishing my goals. Which can be an incredib;ly frustrating feeling.

Especially when you’ve got a book of blogs and other things to knock out which I will. I’m tired of not working on that thing, I’m tired of not pulling though on the one thing that’s been haunting me for such a long time. And yes, It is a very dull, boring, and exrutiating process, and I sometimes think I won’t be able to stand on my own two feet, but god fucking damn it, I need to make this happen, I don’t want to be stuck at my parents house forever, and it’s incredibly draining on my self confidence, because I’m feeling up then down, and it fucks with you, it truly does screw with your head.

I know I can get through this massive headache, i know that it’s just a matter of time before something launches me forward in life, and I NEED to start writing about what’s going through my mind instead of just dancing around the topic like I’m afraid of what the consequences are going to be. Yeah, posting on Facebook can be lethal because of FB politics, but at least here? Here, oi can roar to the mountains and back about whatever the fuck is own my mind and try my damndest to get through the day.

Motivation is key in anything we do, and it’s only those moment where we falter that we’re truly happy for what we’ve accomplished with our lives. I need that happiness more than ever right now! not that i’m complaining, well, fuck it, I am, I’m not going to sit idly by and let others just roar whatever the fucks going on in THEIR lives and cast me into the fucking flames of perdition to whomever the fuck they want and i’m just stuck here like I’m useless and powerless to say whatever the fuck I need to to get through the dya, I need to vent, I need to destress, and right now?

donald Motherfucking Trump is a cuckolded dumpster fire on wheels, that shit stained motherfucker is screwing everything up and NO I don’t need to post specifics, because why the fuck would I do something incredibly boring as point out hte fucking prom baby abortion he has been to our allies and enemies! I Donald trump is the kind of guy that would fuck his own daughter than separate her from the family, just so no one can claim incest.

donald trumps a fucking traitor to this country, I don’t give two fucking shits what you think or feel, the mother fucker is treasonous and we all know, the Republican party just won’t admit to shitting on the floor because they know that the moment they do, the fucking moment they DO, that their chances of getting another Republican in office just slimmed down faster than a starving kid in the fashion industry.

fuck you, you know that shits real, and that’s why it’s so god damned dark.

Donald trump is the abortion the country needs to happen. Let me rephrase that, the country needs to have an abortion and remove this fat, orange, tantrum throwing, pants shitting, face rash having shit bag forcibly removed from office as fast as fucking possible!

And no, I’ve stated this in the past, if the fucktard hadn’t been in bed with Putin, and he’d run an honest campaign, and hadn’t shit all over himself on Twitter, then maybe MAYBE THE 80% OF THE COUNTRY WOULDN’T BE PISSED OFF!

So far, my first “Miniboss” Project is 898 pages long.

So, I’ve been working on a giant ass book of blogs for a few weeks now, …. Dear fucking god, I had NO idea what level of asshole I was back in the day, I mean, yeah, there were quite a few eff ups here and there, but GOD DAMNED was I mistaken at just how many fucking idiocies I wrote into my own lexicon of spoken word.

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