OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

It’s either clowns or dogs with bad hair…

So I’m left with this empty feeling in my stomach, it’s not a nice feeling but apparrently, it’s a feeling none the less. So recently, I’ve been made aware of #Clowns suddenly becoming more creepy and in your face than usual, normally, I wouldn’t care so much, because shit, clowns are horrifying in their own way, but to put it bluntly, they’ve become the talk of the town, and apparently, causing chaos around the world by acting the famous Pennywise.

Only, instead of turning into a brown boogery thing and screaming “THEY ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE!” at random passerby, they… Actually just stand there, with balloons, a knife, and sometimes just run at you. There was a Clown threat in #applevalley but that scary bastard was dealt with in a right proper fashion.

At first I thought the clown situation was just a one off joke, reported by This Week tonight for the hell of it, but this thing is for real?

Seriously? Are we actually dealing with a more psychotic version of clowns? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know, and I don’t care to know. but the weirdness of the situation is just that maybe it’s just a weird trend that started on 4chan, or reddit, or just a group of wide spread skype friends going nuts?

Who the fuck knows…

Also, how bout those dogs, huh? Man they’re having a bad hair day.

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