2021 in retrospect

A few things really.I know I’m kinda boring on FB but that’s fine with me, I’m kind of invisible on the whole “Let’s post shit to feel better but end up pissing one or two sad people off” scale, and I try not to buy into the fact that Social Media on the whole is meant to keep people angry and posting. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Social Media platforms, on the whole, are like babies.

Everyone likes babies. They’re the most neutral things on the planet, and it’s just like there are no bad dogs, just bad people who train them to be that way.

Facebook can be seen in a bad light, and it often does, but so can everything else when people don’t really understand.

Maybe it’s just me, but I try to see the good in people, regardless of their past, and it’s the same with the internet, it’s simply a tool, and how we use it and what we receive in turns of feedback determines how we continue to perceive it.

I was live the other night on tiktok, as I usually am, and occasionally I get cohost requests from kids, who for the most part are just being kids. True, most of the time I just hope their parents are walking by with a rolled up newspaper so they can get a smack on the upside the back of they head, but I just let them get what they want to say out of the way, most of the time it’s a few low level insults and I don’t react to it (Thank you twitter and COD community for years of emotional brutalization, assholes. :D) and then they disconnect and I simply go on like nothing happened.
And for those wondering, the spread is 99% adults, 0.5% puppets, and 0.5% random kids requesting to go live with me out of random chance. I don’t seek them out, ever.
I forgot where I was going with this, but as long as the person feels like they did a good job, in terms of how they feel using the tools at their disposal to accomplish the job they take on, they should get papa johns pizza.
Haven’t had papa johns pizza in a minute, I usually order from Dominoes, since they’ve got that sweet sweet 5 dollar pizza coupon I take advantage of and it’s pretty cool on that. Anyways, there was this squirrel I saw running across the street a while back, and I just forgot about it until this point in time, which is okay I guess, anyways, I do free readings on my lives, and it’s kind of bled into everyday things, cause a few people at work have requested them and I’m fine with that, doesn’t happen too often, and it’s been mainly people I’ve hung out with that request them.
I’ve had one or two people be a little concerned about my intent, but I pretty much tell em I just shuffle the deck, read the cards that pop out, and if it connects, it connects. If not, no biggie, it’s just a card game to me anyways. But I can understand on some level both the concern about the supernatural aspects of it as well as the need to get some kind of direction on what to do. I don’t take it to the level of fake readers where they simply spout off some rainbow out the ass, sunshine screaming from the nostrils, disney song and dance routine out the crotch, blow smoke out the nipples romance thing, I just read the cards to them and give it to them straight.
I still keep strong in my faith, still read the bible, and still contemplate what it actually is my purpose in life really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m a magnet for broken people just looking for some level of connection, those that seemingly isolate themselves, who feel sometimes out of place in some level, someone to identify with, maybe that’s my purpose, why I chose “The Doctor” as my nickname as a Learning Ambassador….
Maybe that’s why she’s holding on so tightly, despite our true time together having ended long ago… Anyways, the years 2018 to 2021… have been an experience for me. I’ve had to put a lot of things and people behind me, and accept things that I never thought I’d have to both about myself and about those I thought were my friends.

I realize that a vast majority of people I met at LGB8 won’t really think about me too much, that’s fine, after all, time marches forward, we meet new people and move on with life, and I have a difficult time letting go of people as well, and I’ve had to do that with folks that I had developed deep connections with, and had great conversations, and through these people, and they know who they are, I realized that I, and they, are merely a temporary presence in each others lives, we are meant to be stepping stones in our journeys of personal growth and become stronger for it.

I have been taught some hard lessons, and have had to make huge sacrifices, and some choices that can never be undone.
I have learned that, and this lesson comes from the Gavin side of the family, harsh but true, unless you add value to yourself, no one will ever want you to be in their lives, because they will have no reason to aspire to be as happy as you are, or happier. If you have little in terms of wealth or material possessions, you have little to no value in the eyes of society. It is only through the acquiring of such things can you ever be a part of a group. Those that cannot acquire said wealth or property or make progress in their own lives on their own to the satisfaction of others are to be abandoned by the wayside and forgotten about.
My Dad didn’t teach me that, my mom neither, it’s just been my personal experience growing up with a crippling sense of dread at the fear of rejection that has taught me this, that and because of what I’ve posted in the past, that those who try to crave their own path and believe what they will instead of following the lead of others will to be cast aside.
I have had to overcome a lot of things to get to this point of comfort with myself, and the thought of going back to that level of negative self talk is absolutely not worth it. It was that level of thinking and isolation, and dealing with those who’d think less of me that forged me into the hard worker I am today, I had to go through basic training at Great Lakes to forcibly break myself so that I could figure out what wasn’t working and what was to get here.

Did it have some damage left over? yes. But am I much better person than I was back then? Of course.
My time with Amazon further enforced what I taught myself, that I am inherently valuable to myself, and through my self evaluation and sense of self worth, I could better be of service to others. Through that hard work and that urge to be better, I have made a few true friends and a few people that still require my help till they find the next step in their lives.

I have loved fiercely and truer then I ever have, and I will never regret knowing them because of those results. I have learned to say no, to reject that which doesn’t work for me, and to stand up for myself.

I am looking forward to what 2022 brings, and where I go from here, we only live once, and love many times, it is only through expression of our passion and love that we can truly appreciate the gifts that others have brought into our lives. Harsh lessons and uncomfortable truths are what fire the steel of our souls so that we may better forge ahead and steel ourselves for the wrought iron the world will throw at us.

Are those smithing puns doing anything for you?
Happy New Years, much Love to everyone, friends past, present and future, near and far, known and unknown, and lest you forget, I love you all.
And no, I am not depressed, I just don’t post that often, get distracted by shiny things, and have a weird sleep schedule.

When is the next Dorikame Book coming out? honestly don’t know.

When is my next album coming out and will I half ass it? Soon, and maybe.

Am I single or taken or engaged? That will be revealed.

Am I happy? Are these sarcastic answers answering the question you want answered?
Will I do a reading series for FB? LOL…. I dunno…

Do I still have feelings for her? Men never fall out of love, we really do not, I don’t think there’s a person alive who can truly say that they’ve run out of love for another person. All we can do is wish them happiness and luck in whatever they choose to do with their life. Love is love after all.

No other way to say it.

There seems to be a major disconnect, not the kind of disconnect that makes you think of a missed connection, or a frayed wire, but the kind of disconnect that makes one wonder what the shit is going on.
The old saying, “The family that plays together, stays together” Is very true, but what about the opposite effect?
In a three member family, Ma, Pop, and son, there’s a long standing dynamic that the family bond is supposed to be the strongest one, that no matter what, they have each other to rely on.
But what if one member of that family turns incredibly bitter over time, for whatever reason, and that bitterness turns into a form of control, what then?
How are the other two members of that family supposed to deal with that bitterness, wherever it may come from.
Is there a point later on down the line where enough’s enough?
That’s what I thought of the Lego Movie 2.

I have blogger’s anxiety.

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry here, like for a REALLY long time I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write. I was worried that whatever I was going to write wasn’t going to be trendy or funny, or catch people’s eyes, not to mention that the pressure of social media to be trendy or cute, or whatever the fuck is happening in the world is almost too much.

So I trapped myself in the world of fiction, I put myself there for so long that I no longer felt like I had anything else to write about in the real world, where as in the past I was BOLD, brave, reckless, ready to offend and not give two shits about whatever it was I was oging to go off about. That route made me somewhat popular, but at the same time it had me worried that I was going to offend the wrong people with my words. MY FUCKING WORDS.

In truth, my parents kept interrupting me whenever I was writing something down, almost to the point of being a super coincidental annoyance. I Guess that’s my biggest gripe about blogging, I want to start there and work my way out, because it’s super hard for me to stay focused, and sometimes I need to talk about what’s bothering me. After all, this IS morgansmindcicles.wordpress.com right? RIGHT!?

I love my parents, I REALLY really do. thing is, I’m a writer, writing is what I love to do. It’s my morning bread and butter, it’s the thing that makes me want to reach my arms in the air and fist fuck the sun until it explodes! I don’t consider it a good blogging experience until I’ve written about ten to fifteen paragraphs, which also explains my publishing speed when it comes to Sogno Della Dinastia. brb.

Thing is, mother fucker…. every single god damned time…. No wonder I have fucking anxiety. God that coffee is fucking weak as shit! Anyways, I dunno where my anxiety is stemming from, but I do know for a fact that I’d likje to punch the air so hard it creates mini black holes and shove them right up Donald Trump’s ass! The guy is a complete and fucking idiot, or #fuckidiot because reasons! I usually lead off with something serious then go into the weird inane bullshit because I want to lead away from the topics I’m thinking about, kind of like a certain fuck headed tiny limbed, shit burger fucking Placeholder in Chief.

Donald Trump is like the edgy teen that kicks geesein the face, then claims the police reports are #fakenews. Only thing faker than his perception of the news is how much longer his marriage is going to last and I don’t see that bit of reality being disproven any time soon!

Did you know cupcakes are a thing? I think they are but I’m not too sure. I once wanted to be a porn star, but now after seeing the news, I nolonger feel that way. I should run for President, they’d vote for a porn star? They would, because if people have already seen junk go into your trunk, there’s not much else they can really say. I mean yeah, Stormy would get lots of questions in regards to how thick the dicks were, what position was her favorite, and eventually it would fade into the usual polotical questions and her leanings. Which wouldn’t surprise me in the least. But have no fear, Oprah’s winning the 2020 and we won’t have to worry about a god damned thing anymore.

Call me a Snawflake, but when I shake the mountain, your asses are dealing with a fucking blizzard! Speaking of which, I redownloaded Starcraft Remastered out of nostalgia, and… well, it’s pretty much the same game it’s always been, not going to lie. Like it’s the same game, same way of playing, same everything, but at the same time, youre left wondering what was the point? True, you could use the remastered to introduce new players to the old game play conepts and then ease them into the sequel, but at the same time… I need something new.

I like the map making aspect of it, and I used to be completely boss at making UTGOTY maps like crazy! I came up with some pretty fucking badass map designs, and I’d spend hours making, texturing, and placing the wlak path nodes for the bots. It was a fucking blast! There was this one map, set in space, two basses on a connecting asteroid orbiting the planet? Hell fucking yeah, I loved that shit! I also dabbled in RPGMaker, which I haven’t checked to see if they updated or released a new version of yet.

But I had a pretty bad ass concept, there’d be the classic good versus evil concept, but it wasn’t the usual case of “WE’RE GONNA DEFEAT YOU BECAUSE CHEESECAKE!” It was more like they were an old married couple, and they’d do this as foreplay for when the REAL shit was about to go down, so they’d flip a coin, who ever lost had to be the “Evil”  one, so they’d create four blank souls each with their own story line, but always leading to the outcome of having to face off against the “Evil” side. I put so much fuckign effort into the first attempt, always working on it whenever I had the time and patience for it.

And then the file crashed, so I tried it again, same concept, it was always the same concept, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn’t get it to stick. I thought at first the problem was the scope of the game, so I tried making a small game to ease into things, set the bar low, y’know? No dice, couldn’t even finish a “Point A to point B” game.

Finishing something, getting to the goal. Knowing that you never had to look at it again and that it was off in the world doing it’s thing… That’s my issue. I mean, the process of writing, editing, formatting, and publishing books is a pretty good example of that… I’ve published a number of books:

The Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change

The Dorikame Saga: Broken Omen

Songs of the Soul

The Wrath of Puppy Monkey Baby

Messages to an Illegitimate President

The Debate of Factions

The Six Strings of the the Highlander’s Guitar

But… This is the way of things… Y’know?

You’re doing alright.

You’re doing just fine. Seriously kiddo, you’re going to be alright. I want you to take a beat, and take a breath. I want you to know that no matter how much you think your life sucks at the moment, there will always be somebody out there who can top that. so just don’t go that route, huh? you’ve got a family, biological or adopted, they’re your family. And they love you, I dunno if you have siblings, but if you do, they love you too. I got your back kiddo, I got your back. If you’re Emo, and you think the world doesn’t understand you pain or angst, or love of the darkness? think again, I know perfectly well of the Gothic scene, and it’s just not good for the soul! yeah, good for the complexion if you’re albino, but they can’t really stand the sunlight, that’s where that comes from, you know?

so, do us all a favor, because if you do that thing you’re thinking of, a lot of people are going to be hurt in short term, and far more in the long term. Do I know what you’re going through? the humiliation, the bullying, the thoughts that’re going through your head at the moment? Damn fucking skippy I do. And it’s going to be really fucking hard for you if you keep on thinking those thoughts. trust me, I’ve been in your shoes, I’ve walked more than a few miles,, and I’ve been through that dark tunnel of damnation. Let me tell you right here, right now. you’re better than this, no ones going to think less of you for backing down, for stepping away from the edge, from putting the gun down. No one’s going to hate you, no ones going to say you ruined their life.

We’ve got too much hatred in the world already, and 2015 was a pretty good year to show that. Shootings every other day, mass murders popping up like Tuesday taco vans, and more pain and mourning then any country ever needs. you can trust me kiddo, whatever disgrace or slight you think might’ve been done to you, that you feel you need to return. It’s just not worth it, you can always come back from the edge, calm down, let those close to you help you get back to your old self! hell, maybe one day i’ll come across you, and we can grab a bite to eat just for the hell of it! that’d be something right? just… Don’t do it… you’ll thank me later, I’d never lie to you, not when it comes to preventing a greater tragedy from happening.

It’s said that the only things we are capable of as a species is inflicting untold amounts of pain and misery on others that we know not. I want you to prove them wrong. Take those words and cram em up their asses, because they don’t know what you’re truly capable of! If this reached you, in one way or another, and you actually stopped what you’re planning on doing? that’s actually an amazing thing. Instead, just write out a short story, post it somewhere other than facebook, because that shit’ll come back to bite you in the ass. Change a few names and locales, add some redemption stuff, and it’ll turn out platinum!

Trust me kiddo, you’re going to be alright.

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