The Used and Abused

1/24/2022

With Temperance upright, you are a calm person, you like to be the peacemaker whenever possible. You are very concerned with personal economic growth, and with this current situation you find yourself in, you’re learning that everything in moderation is much better than an all at once approach. It’s with this mindset that’s led you to be very frugal when it comes to spending. Rather than side with anyone, you tend to take the middle path and keep a lot of things to yourself. With the Eight of Wands in Reverse, you are experiencing frustrations due to the delays in completing a plan you’re currently working on for quite sometime. Travel plans have had to be canceled multiple times because of unexpected road blocks, both self made, and from others getting in the way of your goal. Get your car to a mechanic, to avoid further cancelations and disappointments.

With the Knight of Pentacles Upright, even though you’re very patient, a hard worker, and efficiently methodical when it comes to getting the job done, it sometimes feels like you’re not going anywhere fast.

With the Nin of Pentacles in Reverse, you have an addiction to staying busy, to working, and this addiction to business has caused you no shortage of problems with your own personal finances. You can also be envious of others, often comparing yourself to others, leading to a negative self feedback loop which puts you in a depressive mindset sometimes.

With the Two of swords in reverse, you are currently torn between two options, or people, one of whom you love very much, but there is a distance between you two, and another who is very close, but there is very little attraction, this has led to an emotional block that has affected your decision making in this particular scenario. you’re natural intuition is required in order to sort this out, and in either case, you may have to compromise in order to finally achieve satisfaction.

With the Devil Upright, you are obsessed with a person, almost addicted to imagining various scenarios of pure and excessive pleasure with them, you also seem to have a personal unwanted bondage through materialism and the acquiring of wealth. One of your deeper seeded addictions is through compulsive excessive sexual activity, but its through this that you find one source of pleasure out of many.

With the Ace of Sword Upright, you always have new ideas, with which to hone your mental sharpness, you have an intense level of willpower, and sometimes this hidden well spring of strength can lead you to start unneeded or wanted conflicts. There may also be the need for surgery, either metaphorical, or literal.

With the Star Upright, you’re currently in a process of renewal, of fresh hope, of healing. When this renewal is completed, and the healing of your past finished, all will be calm and clear, and you may even have a new outlook on life. Have faith, and never stop believing in miracles, you may receive unexpected help by a person from your past.

With the Six of Pentacles in Reverse, when asking for help in the past, people have given charity to you with strings attached, this includes underhanded practices when it comes to legal or financial matters, and these people were often selfish, only wishing to satiate their own desires while preying on your addiction to sex, completely ignoring the core reason you asked them for help to begin with. you may also be struggling with debt.

With the high Priestess in reverse, because you’ve been preyed on for so long, your natural insight and intuition has become blocked, causing you to spiral out of control and lose touch with yourself, leading you to keep secrets and not share potentially good news with others who would only try to help you, if you so allowed.

With the Six of Wands in Reverse, you experienced a massive fall from grace, the shame of which that was only compounded further by a recent epic fail, which had you abandoning a project or a cause regretfully. There was a person you’re dealing with who was the source of this betrayal, which left you with a massive lack of confidence.

With Death Upright, this has lead you onto a journey of rediscovering yourself, and you are currently in the process of transforming who you are as a person, almost like a rebirth. You are experiencing a final ending to the past that molded you into the person you were, and experiencing an involuntary change into the person you are to become. This change would’ve occurred naturally, and for you, it’s the end of the previous chapter in your life, and the start of the next one, you are learning to let go of that which no longer works for you, and moving towards that which does

2021 in retrospect

A few things really.I know I’m kinda boring on FB but that’s fine with me, I’m kind of invisible on the whole “Let’s post shit to feel better but end up pissing one or two sad people off” scale, and I try not to buy into the fact that Social Media on the whole is meant to keep people angry and posting. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Social Media platforms, on the whole, are like babies.

Everyone likes babies. They’re the most neutral things on the planet, and it’s just like there are no bad dogs, just bad people who train them to be that way.

Facebook can be seen in a bad light, and it often does, but so can everything else when people don’t really understand.

Maybe it’s just me, but I try to see the good in people, regardless of their past, and it’s the same with the internet, it’s simply a tool, and how we use it and what we receive in turns of feedback determines how we continue to perceive it.

I was live the other night on tiktok, as I usually am, and occasionally I get cohost requests from kids, who for the most part are just being kids. True, most of the time I just hope their parents are walking by with a rolled up newspaper so they can get a smack on the upside the back of they head, but I just let them get what they want to say out of the way, most of the time it’s a few low level insults and I don’t react to it (Thank you twitter and COD community for years of emotional brutalization, assholes. :D) and then they disconnect and I simply go on like nothing happened.
And for those wondering, the spread is 99% adults, 0.5% puppets, and 0.5% random kids requesting to go live with me out of random chance. I don’t seek them out, ever.
I forgot where I was going with this, but as long as the person feels like they did a good job, in terms of how they feel using the tools at their disposal to accomplish the job they take on, they should get papa johns pizza.
Haven’t had papa johns pizza in a minute, I usually order from Dominoes, since they’ve got that sweet sweet 5 dollar pizza coupon I take advantage of and it’s pretty cool on that. Anyways, there was this squirrel I saw running across the street a while back, and I just forgot about it until this point in time, which is okay I guess, anyways, I do free readings on my lives, and it’s kind of bled into everyday things, cause a few people at work have requested them and I’m fine with that, doesn’t happen too often, and it’s been mainly people I’ve hung out with that request them.
I’ve had one or two people be a little concerned about my intent, but I pretty much tell em I just shuffle the deck, read the cards that pop out, and if it connects, it connects. If not, no biggie, it’s just a card game to me anyways. But I can understand on some level both the concern about the supernatural aspects of it as well as the need to get some kind of direction on what to do. I don’t take it to the level of fake readers where they simply spout off some rainbow out the ass, sunshine screaming from the nostrils, disney song and dance routine out the crotch, blow smoke out the nipples romance thing, I just read the cards to them and give it to them straight.
I still keep strong in my faith, still read the bible, and still contemplate what it actually is my purpose in life really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m a magnet for broken people just looking for some level of connection, those that seemingly isolate themselves, who feel sometimes out of place in some level, someone to identify with, maybe that’s my purpose, why I chose “The Doctor” as my nickname as a Learning Ambassador….
Maybe that’s why she’s holding on so tightly, despite our true time together having ended long ago… Anyways, the years 2018 to 2021… have been an experience for me. I’ve had to put a lot of things and people behind me, and accept things that I never thought I’d have to both about myself and about those I thought were my friends.

I realize that a vast majority of people I met at LGB8 won’t really think about me too much, that’s fine, after all, time marches forward, we meet new people and move on with life, and I have a difficult time letting go of people as well, and I’ve had to do that with folks that I had developed deep connections with, and had great conversations, and through these people, and they know who they are, I realized that I, and they, are merely a temporary presence in each others lives, we are meant to be stepping stones in our journeys of personal growth and become stronger for it.

I have been taught some hard lessons, and have had to make huge sacrifices, and some choices that can never be undone.
I have learned that, and this lesson comes from the Gavin side of the family, harsh but true, unless you add value to yourself, no one will ever want you to be in their lives, because they will have no reason to aspire to be as happy as you are, or happier. If you have little in terms of wealth or material possessions, you have little to no value in the eyes of society. It is only through the acquiring of such things can you ever be a part of a group. Those that cannot acquire said wealth or property or make progress in their own lives on their own to the satisfaction of others are to be abandoned by the wayside and forgotten about.
My Dad didn’t teach me that, my mom neither, it’s just been my personal experience growing up with a crippling sense of dread at the fear of rejection that has taught me this, that and because of what I’ve posted in the past, that those who try to crave their own path and believe what they will instead of following the lead of others will to be cast aside.
I have had to overcome a lot of things to get to this point of comfort with myself, and the thought of going back to that level of negative self talk is absolutely not worth it. It was that level of thinking and isolation, and dealing with those who’d think less of me that forged me into the hard worker I am today, I had to go through basic training at Great Lakes to forcibly break myself so that I could figure out what wasn’t working and what was to get here.

Did it have some damage left over? yes. But am I much better person than I was back then? Of course.
My time with Amazon further enforced what I taught myself, that I am inherently valuable to myself, and through my self evaluation and sense of self worth, I could better be of service to others. Through that hard work and that urge to be better, I have made a few true friends and a few people that still require my help till they find the next step in their lives.

I have loved fiercely and truer then I ever have, and I will never regret knowing them because of those results. I have learned to say no, to reject that which doesn’t work for me, and to stand up for myself.

I am looking forward to what 2022 brings, and where I go from here, we only live once, and love many times, it is only through expression of our passion and love that we can truly appreciate the gifts that others have brought into our lives. Harsh lessons and uncomfortable truths are what fire the steel of our souls so that we may better forge ahead and steel ourselves for the wrought iron the world will throw at us.

Are those smithing puns doing anything for you?
Happy New Years, much Love to everyone, friends past, present and future, near and far, known and unknown, and lest you forget, I love you all.
And no, I am not depressed, I just don’t post that often, get distracted by shiny things, and have a weird sleep schedule.

When is the next Dorikame Book coming out? honestly don’t know.

When is my next album coming out and will I half ass it? Soon, and maybe.

Am I single or taken or engaged? That will be revealed.

Am I happy? Are these sarcastic answers answering the question you want answered?
Will I do a reading series for FB? LOL…. I dunno…

Do I still have feelings for her? Men never fall out of love, we really do not, I don’t think there’s a person alive who can truly say that they’ve run out of love for another person. All we can do is wish them happiness and luck in whatever they choose to do with their life. Love is love after all.

Well, hey there!

Tiktoks, writing, and love, what else is there in life?

Emotional roller coaster!

I need to talk about this.
I don’t care if someone pulls me aside and goes, “Heeeeey buddy, I saw that thing, why’d you post that thing?”
Because posting about the thing is my way of pushing through my own insecurity about creating content, and for the longest time I never really cared what anyone thought about my content, it didn’t have any direct affect on my life.
I never thought my words or actions had any actual effect on peoples emotions or thoughts, and now, that I have been at Amazon for nearly two years at this point, have forged bonds and friendships. stealth relationships, and had romantic interests, (And yes god damn it I WILL talk about love, because why the hell wouldn’t I?) as well as created this weird as hell Matrix of random connections all up and down the chain of command at Amazon, from GMs, AMs, to PAs, KBS, PS, WS, and AAs, like, holy fucking shit, it’s been a trippy as hell experience, I’m finding myself at a weird stand still.
The point is this, I’m perfectly aware, I KNOW. Truly, I do KNOW where things stand on every level, and I’m trying to balance everything out in my head before I do anything.
Because I’ve been put through what feels like a 36 round championship title fight, been knocked down with a metaphorical punch to the chest and had a ten count to get the fuck back up.
I read somewhere that happiness and sadness unlock or enhance certain aspects of our psychology, happiness boosts up our creativity and sadness enhances our ability to analyze situations, whatever they may be. In order to get to the root problem of this whole thing, I needed to get to that point where my heart felt like it was dropping into a bucket of ice.
Not through conscious choice, but as a matter of the natural cycle of the seven stages of grief, I’ve been through the worst of it, and I nailed it down to the basic. The failure of not taking action, of overthinking, of seeing a straight line and deciding to let the journey curve and twist and pop up and down.
Though I do have hope that reconciliation can happen, I myself can not take any steps towards it, it’s not that I don’t want to, trust me, I do, but I’ve forgotten a very important lesson, that if you chase a squirrel, that little bastards going to dart the hell away each and every time.
However, if you’re patient, and stay very still, and feed the other birds and squirrels at the park, eventually, that squirrels going to want some of that goodness.
By the way, I AM talking about squirrels.
I create stories, songs, lyrics, and Tiktoks, because indirectly, subconsciously, they are messages or adventures for those that want, or need to hear them.
And not being able to be blunt about this is killing me, seriously, I’d much rather be upfront then have to dance around this thing.
I need an apology. I don’t care what channels I have to go through to set up to get one for what went down, but I will get one.
I think that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
I can forgive a lot, but that? That needs to be rectified, resolved.

Tiktok’o’clock!

That aside, I have reached 7k on Tiktok, so I’m getting close to my goals in terms of numbers, if I hit 10k, I can apply for the creator fund, which means I’ll be able to make some spare change with some of these vids. Which means, I’ll have to find some of the freakier stuff on there to duet or stitch.
I also need to do some more dances, and I’m always down to appear in others Toks, Snaps, Instagram posts, and so on, I’ve never been shy about that kind of thing. I have a few ideas for skits and whatnot, I want to run a few ideas across a few people and see what can be done to make those ideas happen.
Because I’ve got some really cool ideas for a cross platform series!
My largest issue that needs to be worked on is collaboration momentum, the more I do something the easier it is for me to knock it out of the park. It’s just that first initial jump into something that bothers me a little bit.

Music and the Muse!

Music wise, I’ve got three or four ideas for albums that I want to try out, I’ve been doing a ton of crooning tracks for a while, some skit tracks, one or two country tunes, a ton of rap, some tracks with back ground vocals, and some with lyrics to them.
Which I need to get back to doing the ones with lyrics because those are by far the absolute best ones, while the freestyle are OKAY for the most part, I need to find a hook, a way to bring it back in.
I do have a few of those floating around, but for the most part, I’m mostly a story teller, there needs to be a progression in the lyrics, moving forward on a journey.
It’s actually a mental requirement of mine that for a tracks lyrics to really have that OOMPH that I need a muse, which, for a while, I had… have… had… basically, a connection to the lyrics that feels amazing when I get out there to belt it out. thing is, for a while now, that spots seemingly open, as far as I’m aware, since the previous muse wasn’t feeling it anymore.
It’s this connection that allows me to dive deep into my emotional well and brings out the best in what I can do, if I’m inspired, I can just knock it out.
Although, it’s not like anyone can fill out an application for “Morgan’s Muse!” and nail the spot. This has to be a connection that I personally feel, intensely. Specifically, has to be a woman, sorry guys, just the way I’m wired when creating, and there has to be a spark that’s lit when I look into her eyes, like a fireworks display going off in the center of my mind.
Love is the most powerful of emotional connections out there, and if there’s a spark of that, and it hits me deeply, then you’ll know as well, it’s a rare thing, when it hits the CORE of your soul, lights that fire in you, and makes you feel a thing or two about a thing or two because that’s what brings you happiness.
Am I open to repeats? Sure, always happy for that kind of deal, something familiar a return to comfort and warmth, of a souls fire and forging of a reconnection that might’ve been thought lost.
The next album is going to be called “Heart’s Desire” I’ve had the album cover done for quite a while now, but the connection that was behind this has kinda frayed at the edges, but I’m still going to press through with it. I feel uneasy about the album cover, as it involves some old art work I did of a past… current… connection…
That aside, I recently made a track called “She who I’d call queen” from a set of lyrics I wrote, that song is only 1/4 of the lyrics and I’m going to knock out the other three quarters tonight, I might have to redo the original track, since the vocals are a bit on the soft side at the start. But I REALLY don’t want to. I’ll see what I can do about getting an app or two that’ll be able to raise the main vocals a little bit.
I think there’s a bit of magic to how I’ve been able to knock these tracks out, because there is LITERALLY no planning whatsoever, I just grab some coffee, pick a beat I haven’t used before and just go for it. Sometimes it works out, other times I need to do it a few times before I’m satisfied, but people seem to enjoy it.

Sexy Chocolate and the handsome potato!

I get way too excited about things sometimes, like to the point where I get nervous and giddy and everything ends up falling apart, it’s not that I intend for these things to happen, just the way it is, kind of like expecting a surprise birthday party and finding out that well, HOLY CRAP it’s a single person, with a cupcake, and they haven’t yet lit the candle, and they’re just standing there like, WELL, this is indeed a thing!

The point I’m trying to make here is this:
Dear sexy chocolate, come get this handsome potato. OH MY GOD JUST CAME UP WITH THE PERFECT TIKTOK. I need chocolate and a potato.

Author’s Block

Writing wise, I was working on a small side project called Sogno Della Dinastia: Bianco e nero, which translates to “Black and White” I began writing it on Twitter a while back and it somehow fizzled out, it was an interesting concept.
Another series was some romantic thing, IT WAS BALLS OUT AMAZING!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF PURE FICTION, ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS OR PERSONS IS… MOSTLY COINCIDENTAL, I’M INSPIRED BY MANY THINGS AT MANY POINTS IN TIME. I TAKE THOSE THINGS AND MAKE AWESOMENESS WITH IT.

Here’s a few snippets:

Even without speaking, She was telling him she wanted him too. She sighed heavily at the start of shift, the weight of the world seeming to press down on her.
He knew something was going on.
She later stopped in front of him many times, hoping he’d take notice.
He did, each time.
He smiled, for he knew she was nervous, that she wanted to tell him how she felt.
It was okay, he felt the same way too.
After all, that’s what true love was, the ability to communicate without actually talking.
It was in the little things they did while around one another.
They were in love, and the whirlpool of their journey was winding them into tighter and tighter circles.
She paused, mimicking an actions he’d seen him do many times over by putting her index finger on her pulse, just behind her jaw.
He noticed everything, his heart pounding. Still he remained composed. He loved her, after all.
When her brown eyes met his green, there was always something magical.
She needed to be sure. She didn’t want to be hurt again, she wanted to trust him with her heart.
Her mind flashed back to the first time they argued, and though she’d deny being afraid it’d happen again, she let that moment inflict a moment of fear.
He understood perfectly, he always had. He knew perfectly well that she needed to be the one to approach him.
For her to initiate the conversation, and let it flow from there. She knew he was talkative, that given half the chance he’d talk her ear off the whole day.
She also knew he followed any rules she put in place.
He sighed heavily, knowing the issues they both faced. Both were nervous, both wanted the same thing, both had problems with starting the conversation.
She’d be hesitant.
He’d talk too soft.
She wanted him close again.
He wanted her close as well.

Today was another day, and though opportunity was striking, it could also mean a shift in direction they were both headed, if everyone else had their say.
With more and more people chiming in, it seemed impossible for them.
Or was it?

He would try again, the universe seemed to be against him, maybe he had everything wrong, the fires of passion he used to have were slowly dying, he needed to remind himself of what drew him to her constantly.
A few people said she was just using him for the way he made her feel, but in a way, if she was happy, he was happy.
If her happiness meant he needed to step up and be her man…
He’d need to change his approach. He was nervous, terrified, unsure of the possible change.
He liked how he was, but she needed something more from him, she needed to see his flirty, romantic, seductive side he’d sometimes show without knowing it.
She liked that side.
But, how to bring it out again?

It was the next day, she was staffed in the same place as before.
She was excited.
Anxious.
She was sure how the day would unfold, but she was sure that no matter what, he would be hers as she once knew him.
She loved him. She wanted him.
He wasn’t like any of the other men.
He was kind, caring, had actually taken the time to get to know her instead of casually flirting and disappearing when she turned him down.
He’d gotten to know her friend, and was always curious about her life.
She was hesitant at first, offering sometimes blunt responses.

Then he’d done something no other man had done before, he started sharing his work with her.
Giving her small handmade gifts, little things that he’d cobbled together out of other things. Hair ties, bracelets, little golden rings studded with diamonds.
He told her she was his muse, that he had feelings for her, but he didn’t want to rush the friendship.
He’d been so patient with her, and let her know when she’d hit his limit.
He was understanding and forgiving beyond what any other person would be.
He had his faults, everyone did, but he more than made up for them in other ways.
She had to hold tight to him when he thought he had done something wrong and tried to pull away, she reigned him back in, and in doing so, sealed for herself, a place in his heart and mind.
They had been through so much, and yet so little at the same time. She tested him, time and again, with little things in little ways.
Both direct and indirect.
He recounted little details about her, rarely mentioned moments that had passed, small conversations and more.
He paid more attention to her then she realized, and without realizing it, began to let her guard down around him, letting him know more and more about herself that she’d have otherwise kept secret.
She dropped little hints here and there, small, sometimes obvious, moments.
She wanted him.
He wanted her.
She was tired of small moves, tired of him beating around the bush, she wanted him upfront and to the point.
He was staffed in the same place again, but something was different.
He’d been working two different areas at the same time over the past couple of days.
When one area wasn’t busy, he’d work the other, and vice versa. She looked at him, casually going about his day, he looked at her as well, they each knew somehow.
Everyone around them was putting pressure on him to move on, to forget about her, and for a while, it seemed as though he was about to.
She knew he was persistent, but he had his moral compass. She liked that, it was something else about him that was different.
He was genuine.
He’d spend a majority of the shift in her area, keeping her company since there was no one else, small conversations here and there. Nothing major, just small things to pass the time.
When the conversation had run dry, he’d play a few games with her, normally, she’d refuse.
Not today. They played four games before it was obvious they’d be locked in ties each time. She wanted him to move closer, to stop dancing around what he was after.
What she was after, he’d been resistant, but for the right reasons.
Her friends had done their parts.
For a while, he’d forgotten the one thing that drew her towards him, to be genuinely himself. The new clothes helped some, but she wanted him. Almost craved him, her heart beat loudly in her chest, and somehow, he could always tell.
He disappeared for a while, she thought he’d left again. A while later, he came back, a spring in his step that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
For the first time in a while, they had a deep conversation. He then presented her with another gift, one she thought she’d never get.
He obliged with no hesitation, putting the small object in his back pocket.
She walked down the line just a little, and reassured herself that this was going to happen, she just needed to drop slight hints again.

He’d left for break, one of her friends waiting for him at the spot he’d usually be at.
He was too smart, so he approached and went straight to the point.
They talked at length about his attraction towards her, and the situation, as well as, an ever slight hint he caught.
He was enamored by her, he explained, she charged his creative battery like no other woman in there could.
The friend listened carefully, he was playing a cautionary part.
He knew he’d be able to piece everything together.
Later, when she and the friend were talking, he let it slip, just loud enough for him to hear, and he instantly heard it, processed it, and was comforted by the fact that he had been right all along.
He just needed to stay on the right path, follow the advice given.
After shift, he gave her the gift, and during the time they had before they left, she looked at him repeatedly, long eye contact, she was nervous, but then again, so was he, but he was there, calm, collected, confident. They talked for a little while, before they parted ways.
At least, he thought she left, but was pleasantly surprised when she hung back a little to see if he was following her, when he saw, he caught up rather quickly, he knew she had hung back just for him.
Still, he’d stopped at the stairs while they continued on.
She looked back a second time, and it was that second time, telling him he knew for a fact she wanted him.
Tonight she told herself, was a very good night.

She was in tears, for so long he had been the kind gentle soul she had known and loved secretly, but lately he had been cold, distant, sometimes brash without meaning to, she disliked him for those things.
At the same time, he had never lied to her, he’d been direct.
Over the passed week, something changed within him, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was almost as if something that was there, wasn’t anymore. As if he had left his anger, resentment, and inner demons behind.
There were small moments, where the two had shared mysteries or small moments.
Private thoughts, or past memories.
He’d always try to carry the conversation, fail, but sometimes on the rare occasions, it would be all day.
He liked talking of the deeper things, the romanticizing of the soul.
She loved his willingness to goof around.
The higher ups found it charming, he was one of their favorites. He didn’t understand why, he’d always tell them she helped out immensely.
Tonight however, felt different.
Tonight he’d notice her do something he’d never seen.
She had slipped away, just for a few minutes.

He looked at her, forever entranced at this secret side of her, and for a few minutes, he acted as her guard, keeping an eye out for those that might disturb those few precious moments.
He kept an eye out for work, and worried that there were eyes on her at all times.
she returned shortly, and excused herself. for the first time in a long time, they held meaningful eye contact. and in that instance, the connection reignited, not as intense, but it was there.
For everything everyone was telling him, he stood fast, present, the warmth, returned.

Memories of innocence

Ever since then I’ve wanted to experience that feeling all over again, that feeling of being complete. I thought I had it with Ashley, and for a while, I did. Then, for the longest time now, I haven’t.

Okay, this is going to be something.
Actually, no, let’s just jump right the fuck in, no dancing around the topic, no farting around, we’re doing this shit and DAMNED BE THE CONSEQUENCES!
We’re talking love, romance, flirting, and all things I find to be either incredibly easy, or just down right hard depending on how long I hesitate before actually speaking and that just causes a cascade effect where the thoughts just fucking flip out on me like,
“Hey, you’re actually kind of-“
“LOOK AT THE PENGUIN!”
At that level.
I’m not sure th reason for the hesitancy, I know for certain that it feels like the words are there, but my mouth won’t form the words.
Or maybe it’s something simpler:
Fear of rejection.
If rejected twice already, then the probability of being rejected a third time is pretty high, or maybe on a subconscious level I’m reading the social cues being put out.
Or maybe it’s the cues I think are happening but in reality it’s not.
All I can know for sure is that it’s really hard guessing intention just based on eyes, and eyebrows alone.
Which SUUUUUUCKS.
But, at the same time, affords some practice in noticing the details.
Kind of.
black women are absolutely stunning to me for some reason, maybe it’s just that I’m looking for a change of pace, or maybe dating someone outside my skin tone of splotchy peach mixed with sunburnt tomato has been appealing to me for the longest time?
I dunno why it is.

I guess my earliest exposure to the idea of dating a black gal (This is normal thinking for me on the regular. Sometimes you just have to let it out.) was back in middle school, back in San Jose, not middle school, High School?
Yeah, high School.

Okay, so there was this bomb ass BBQ place just smack dab between my house and Oak Grove high School, no… wait, Davis Minor Intermediate School… Was it OGHS? Hard to recall specific details.
Anyways, this place was AMAZING, it was Black owned (do I capitalize Black? Do I not? well, no squiggly red line, so I guess so.) run by this elderly dude… What was his name!?
Gus? Stanley? Pete? Paul? Robert? Dan? David? It was probably Gus… We’re going with Gus.
So, Gus was similar height to Nigel, but the dude was fucking stacked, try to imagine four body builders sharing one of those full one body suits at the same time, and you’ve got Gus.
Anyways, Gus made THE BEST FUCKING RIBS imaginable.
He also had a daughter, named Bridgette, I was… what, 5’9 in middle school? So she was a few inches shorter then me.
But, my bois, my awesome lads?
She was gorgeous, I imagine she still is to this day. Wish I had kept up with her.
Anyways, she had this wild hair that wouldn’t stay combed down, so she just let it do its own thing, and it was a unique experience to watch what it decided to do from the day to day.
Coil factor on a scale of one to ten?
Between a 3 to 4. There was a bit of a twist to it, but for the most part, it looked like it was always going after a few birds.
Skin tone? Best way to describe it… Her tone was as if a glass of chocolate milk were made with a mix ratio of 40% chocolate syrup, with a dash of caramel.
Her eyes a really deep brown, almost black. Her irises had a ring of grey right around the pupil, which I was always curious about, never got around to asking.
Her build was average, nothing too fancy.
She was kind of dorky, which I had a thing for back then, so it fit pretty well.

Anyways, almost everyday, after school I’d walk her back to the store (I think it was high school… Not sure of the year, BUT I do remember that it was during the either Fall or Spring.) and we’d just talk about random things, I had no clue about flirting back then, I was just friends with someone.

So, whenever dances came around, I’d always go by myself since I could never really get up the courage to ask someone to go with me, so it was just a common thing for me to go to the school dances by myself and just do my own thing.
It became something of offline meme.
This one dance those, winter formal, I did the same thing, and Bridgette was at the dance as well.
It was during one of the slower dances that a group of her friends asked me to dance with her, and I said sure, why not?
She was wearing a pink dress, not too puffy shoulders, her hair was still wild, but she had it in a pony tail which worked in her favor.
Can’t remember the perfume, but I remember the scent perfectly, it was sweet, sugary, tropical, with a hint of Lilac and rose. It was amazing!
So, I ended up dancing with her the rest of the night, it was almost like I felt this pull towards her.
During…. what was the song playing at the time!? DAMN IT.
Boyz to Men, I can never remember the song…there was this one line, “I’ll be there for you”
But she pulled me in close, and rested her head on my shoulder and I remember feeling her heartbeat against my chest.
I didn’t think about it for the longest time, but looking back, knowing what I know now, I must have made her night. Even when the music stopped, we just kept on dancing, every once in a while she’d look into my eyes, just simply smiling, she had a gorgeous smile, it completely lit up the room.
Her eyes were bright, scary bright, as if they weren’t even real, but I felt her warmth, there was mass, weight, presence!
She must’ve been the happiest girl at the dance, because she didn’t let go of me for a full three seconds after I had of her to get to the bathroom, kind of funny.

Ever since then I’ve wanted to experience that feeling all over again, that feeling of being complete. I thought I had it with Ashley, and for a while, I did. Then, for the longest time now, I haven’t.

It’s not something common, like I look into a gals eyes and just instantly fall for them, there has to be a real connection in order for me to get worked up about a gal. A visceral and thorough understanding and almost magnetic pull towards her that subconsciously drives me towards her, as if the warmth of a campfire were just underneath my heart whenever she’s around!
There has to be a look in her eyes, that one look. Not something that screams “Fuck me”, but it’s the subtelest of tells, something that I can only pick up on if she’s close enough to where I can see the iris pattern.
A look in her eyes that silently asks, “If we could be together, would you want to?”
That “If” part. The almighty heartbreaking hypothetical question.
It’s her way of letting me know that “yeah, there’s interest, but you’ve got to meet me halfway. you’ve got to let me know what’s going on at your end, what are you looking for? Will you let me know? I might not be available now, but I will be eventually, so please remember this moment.”
That’s the look that snags my attention, that’s the look that strikes a chord on the strings of my heart.
For that woman, I’d gladly face a thousand armies, I’d conquer any obstacle I could to make her happy.

If there’s one thing I’ll never regret, it’s dancing with Bridgette and seeing those beautiful brown eyes with the ring of grey, how they shown so bright, even in the darkness of that gym and the occasional flash of the DJ’s lighting rig.
That look is universal.
So, single women, if you catch me looking into your eyes, just know I’m reading your irises, trying to find that one specific look, the slight growth in your pupil, the way the light dances off the lens, the flare of silver on the outer edges.
Love is love, regardless of the situations we find ourselves, and though societal norms may prevent us from acting upon the natural subconscious impulses we’ve learned to tame, just know it’s alright, whatever situation you’re in, everything will work itself out eventually.

Getting my attention is easy, keeping it is easy, but firing up the kiln of my creativity? That’s extremely hard, and keeping those fires lit, even if indirectly? Damn near impossible.
After all, all you have to do is reach out, and I’ll be there.

Those eyes, how they do hypnotize.

Looking into them, see how they spark
Like getting lost in a hurricane of feeling
Love, loss, joy, confusion, happiness, apathy, lust
Overbounding with love like instant sparks
A flare of joy rocketing into the sky

Technology! it’s a good thing!

Or… maybe not, it all depends on what you’re looking for. Really, look, I get it, you’re looking for quality, meme producing content, or you might be a blog snob, but fear not, for I give zero fucks, and you my friend, are in the right place after all! Sometimes i wonder if the things we think about are the things we should be focused on,. Lemme explain y’all something, right?
Okay, so the things we focus on aren’t exactly the things we need to focu on at the moment, because there are tons of other things going through our heads at any one point in time, it’s a combination of douche fuckery that’s both entertaining and dissuading at the same time, and I get it.
You have a set schedule and limited shit to do, but for me, something that might need to be focused on is suddenly and irrevocably distracted by some idiot wondering into my field of view or just a dumb ass random action which will invariably cause a mediocre avalanche or other things and…. well, nothing will get done.
I’m starting to think I might have ADHD, or maybe my blank mind is so zen that, well, I float like a butterfly and fuck like a bee…
Wait, that’s not how that saying goes, but fuck that, let’s move on to whatever random and mind fumblingly dumb bull shit we seem to have forgotten about or moved onto today, shall we?
Because that’s the law of averages, and sometimes, you just need  that fluff and filler to vacuum out the smarter shit in your life.
Those who know me and have had conversations with me while I’m in my unfiltered or unfocused state, kind of like a flashlight with courgettes, or however that words spelled, will no doubt have had one of those moments, where nothing makes senses, but at the same time, you’re like, well, this is different, let’s give it a go!

And that’s what I’m all about, the random ,the mystifying, the weirdly dumb and sometimes funny. Because while yes, I could do what the rest of the world likes, and follow one stream of thought or another on how many fucking selfies I need to take with various filters colors or stupid manufactured bull shit, that’s… not what I’m about. I can’t handle all that prep just for a single picture that will invariable be ignored by the majority of social Media addicted brain slugs that crawl among us, hidden in their own ethereal covens of giggles coffee, and tiny mustaches. I have a BEARD DAMN IT!

And that beard is like a sex magnet, if… that were only the case and I could stay focused long enough to actually try and be a sex magnet.

Let me tell you about the God of All Things, Randy. that was a weird as fuck segway, but I swear, everything will connect on a level you never saw coming, and this is why I continue to only get a few interaction on my blog at a time.

Randy is a magician at what he does, but lemme tell about something else entirely, why? Because I take a few weeks to finish blog posts for some reason, and my cats keep doing the thing, oh shit! I forgot to get the laundry started, annnnnd that’s now a thing.
but more then that is the concept of loving who you are or what you are.
Males?
We got the dick ball combo, nothing wrong with that, that’s just how we’re built.
The Ladies?
Y’all got boobs, vagina, and the uterus, which, in all honesty, put y’all one step ahead of us… I think.
Okay i’m going to talk about this, because I’m kind of tired of the whole mentality that guys are taking a step back in media, cause we’re riding the same wave as you girls, and y’a know what? it goes around the sun, and no matter what, Furbies are still fucked.

They truly are fucked in the head, little adorable creatures that for no real reason will start yapping their plastic asses off because that’s EXACTLY what I want to hear in the middle of the morning, that sweet sweet release of, “ME LOVE YOUR SOUL!”

Yeah, that’s kind of fucking priceless right there. THIS IS QUALITY CONTENT PEOPLE! Like and subscribe if you feel the need to validate my existence, which I know you don’t!
Because free will is willingly free, or we’d all be paying a subscription fee, which I think we already kind of do, since you know, Amazon Prime and all of that, but that’s neither here nor there, I use a lot of the same sayings from time to time don’t I?
Shit, now i’m a bit self conscious, but there’s smoke and fire, sometimes you’ll find a hobo whacking it with lighter while smoking a soggy cigar.
Why?
Cause that’s how this shit sometimes rolls y’all!
We got to keep it real, or virtual, because sometimes what’s being read or written isn’t really what’s being said. Because then we’d all be taken way the fuck too literally and there’s nothing wrong with that, if you can call that living.
Actually, on the topic of living, is there such a thing as too much living? I think there is, like, really living. Cells multiplying more than they should, but relatively speaking, I think that’s just called cancer.
But why is cancer called cancer?
doesn’t that feel a bit ironic for peeps who are Cancers via the astrological sign, who get cancer, and they’re like, “Well, HA!?” And that just sets up the whole domino effect of what ifs by comparing similar words to similar situations, all though I could be wrong about that.

god, I miss just being about to write whatever comes to mind, because then it’s such a freeing experience, you don’t have anyone tripping balls in your general direction and yes, I know!

this was such a promising blog post, and then the stinginess of the topic went away and I started being myself!

How fucking weird is that!?

Anyways, I’ve just reached 1030 words totals on this thing. Time to post for no reason.

 

Little side projects

You ever have one of those aha! moments where something’s going on in your head, your not sure what, and then before you know it, boom! Instant weirdness? Well I get like that almost all the time, I don’t know what it is? Perhaps it’s a lack of mental stimulation that’s causing the subconscious to reach out to the consciousness and be all “WHAT UP BITCHES, IMMA BE OUT!”
Or maybe it’s just that mental stimulation is the grease that moves the gears of innovation towards the inevitable conclusion of reinventing the wheel?
Of course, reinventing the wheel is just… making another type of wheel isn’t it?
I mean, look, it’s a fucking wheel, a round thing, a circle at it’s base, you can’t just be all, “Look honey, I can make a trapezoidal rectangle into a rhombus like structure with the matrices of a honey-bear and THAT shit’s going to get me to work  five seconds faster than my regular wheels!”
“Ok honey, I believe you.”
No, one does not simply reinvent the fucking wheel, you can only make another slightly better version of the wheel.
Can you invent something else to replace the wheel?
Yes you can, hovercraft, helicopters, anti-gravity, and furbies are prime example of someone going, “Well, looks like we’ve got ourselves a thing many people use, let’s see if we can’t make that thing even better!”
Or in the case of furbies, even worse.
No asked for you, and yet you’re still here.
You furry fucking nightmare machine.
The reason why I bring this up is the idea that all things that require some form of manual labor will eventually fall to automation, unless the system that requires the human element is somehow renovated, streamlined, and made even better than that automated system.
The problem here is the willingness of that human element to work as fast, or if not faster than said automated system.
Yes, going to leave you hanging there.
Nope, someone smarter can figure out the rest.
Yes, you bloody well knew what you were getting into when you clicked this link.

Love, love, love

I’m going to unlock a stupid door.
Why’s it stupid?
Because for the longest time I’ve tried shutting it, and there’s no point in trying to resist holding the stupid door shut.
So, let’s talk about love, and just like that, we’re off to the races!

First off, I don’t believe in the societal boundary that love in the workplace won’t work, It’s kind of a dumb thing.
Maybe people just want to fuck and forget?
Maybe they don’t?
Maybe they want something, anything, really something that’ll keep them from losing their damned minds, and love’s pretty much the only thing that’ll do the trick.
Weird thing is, no matter what corporate Earth tries to dangle the sharp stabby stick of “This is my truth, not THE truth” in front of us, we can’t help but be human, and… want to fuck. I mean, c’mon, that’s just human, mammalian nature to want to meet someone that knocks it out of the park for you.
The reason why it’s so weird for me to talk about is because of my history with it. When I’m in love, I’m the happiest, greatest person in the world (Or  it seems that way to me.), when I’m out of it, it’s almost like there’s a part of me missing, almost like a secret shame that I’m not in a relationship.
Also, my self confidence because shit for some reason.
Love is one of those things that can either make or break a person, almost like the reason you’re doing those things, the reason you’re trying to accomplish those tasks, even if they originally were started of your own gumption, while in love, that other person because almost the sole motivating factor.
Is it because we’re trying to impress them?
Or is it just a matter of personal accomplishment, like, “I did this great thing, do you love me more for it?”
It’s kind of strange when you think about it.
Or, at least, it’s strange for me to think about it, almost like I recoil from it, almost.
Well! That’s enough bitching for one post.

Oh, Shadow, where art thou?

So, yesterday was an adventure in what the fuck.
What’s this!?
An actual blog about actual things, not just random bullshit!?
FOR SHO MOTHAFUCKAS, FO SHO.
Anyways, I was Water Spidering for Universal Receive, and at the start of shift, one of our PAs, Starlight, tells me that a new guys going to Shadow me and I get to show him the ropes.
Yes! I love it when peeps Shadow me, meaning I get to teach people! This is going to awesome!
So,  I introduce myself, and the day goes smoothly, I tell him about picking up Prep, taking care of Transship, Down Stack, Palatalizing, where to put AR and NYR Prep, whether to use a Cage or U boat on certain lines because of the support beams, and we get to work.
I think everything’s going great and he gets pulled aside for another task, because hey, that happens, happened to me, and I was thrown into the deep end and had to ask a lot of questions in order for me to get my bearings, but once I did, I just knocked everything out.
So, I’m knocking things out left and right, and on occasion my Shadow pops around to ask the occasional question and  I do my best to answer him.
But then I notice something, every time I ask him to help me out with something, he asked if he could use the restroom, I think nothing of it, because as a Water spider, you don’t have to ask to use the restroom, you just go, do your thing, then come back.
Five or ten minute would pass before I see him again, and at this point, I starting to get just a little annoyed with him.
Juuuuuuuust a little.
So instead fo talking to Starlight about the issue, I think that I should try and nudge him along, so next time we’re collecting prep, I ask him how he feels about rate and recieving, and since he’s 18 and just out of High-school, he says meh, to most of it, so I ask him if he enjoys Water spidering, and he says that he’ll do it if he’s asked.
I have to remind myself of how I was at 18 in order to refrain from going verbally full bore on the kid, so I gently tell him that if the PAs, Problem Solvers, and AMs see him knocking things out left and right, that they’ll want to use him more. Anyways, gotta get ready for the day. I’ll finish this up in another part.

Work stuff.

Alrighty! Nuff feelin’ sorry for myself, or at the very least being scared to just do my thang. Because I’m adorable like that.
Update: I was called in HR on Tuesday (which is my Monday) and I knew exactly what the gal, E, was going to ask me about. She’s a very pleasant woman, had a pretty good conversation with her.
Right off the bat, she asked me what I thought I was in there to talk about, I offered two scenarios that could be possible, the first was about a guy that had lost his cell phone, so I directed him to Loss Prevention, the second being my live stream.
She smiled, and I zeroed in on that and gave her all the relevant information, from what inspired the plan, to the motivation, to the topics discussed, the series of events, my time at the hospital, how much I had drank, if I planned on doing that again, and so on.
Apparently, I had answered most of her questions.
She then asked a very interesting one, which caught me off guard.
“Why did you feel the need to do this?”
Live stream?
Post to the group?
Enjoy my weekend in my own home?

So, I gave E a very brief summary of my time on the internet, form Vine, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, myspace, that kind of thing. When I mentioned the group, she smiled slightly again, and again, I zeroed in on that.
So, I talked a little about my posting there, and she said I should try reducing my online presence, which… I understand to a degree.
After a moment or two, I talked about how as an Employee of Amazon, even if I’m off the clock on at my own place, I’m still representing the company, to an extent.
And then she said that what I had done wasn’t very Amazonian, “Was it?”
————

On that note, and after having some time to reflect on the events, I’ve got some final thoughts:
1. What I create on my own time, as long as it doesn’t put myself or anyone else in danger, is my business, if I need to put a disclaimer, I’ll do that.
2. As long as you’re respectful to HR, and give them the information they need, they’ll be respectful to you, it’s pretty simple.
3. I’ve lost the thread of whatever I was working on before I switched gears and began working on something else.
4. The only thing that matters in this world are the lessons you learn and in the ways you positively implement them.

Sorry for the long post, might be a while before I make another one of these. Just really needed to get this out of my system.
———–
The deaths on Amazon site floors really is shocking to hear about, my sympathies to the friends and families affected.
Yeah, that guy complaining about being on his feet all the time, feeling drained?
Good god man, enjoy the positives, everyone’s feet hurt, it’s called fucking gravity.

Okay, I can do this.

For those expecting some kind of massive reveal, or brightly written article about dumb ass photo filters, Y’all can stop right the hell there, cause I ain’t that guy, in fact, if I were to say anything, I’d think that whatever words I’d come up with would be a product of a heavily distracted mind, already discontent with the way the natural world seems to thrive on honey basted bullshit.
And yes, I’m talking about that fucked front page, where everything seems to be driven by the idiocy that we’ve inherently created by gradually dumbing ourselves down intellectually and wow, intelligent, insightful dumbassery already.
You know, sometimes I even surprise myself? And yet, here we are, still on this planet with our souls clearly enraptured by the use of intelligent and worthless paragraphs which are clearly nothing more than fluff for what few informational sentence words your brain eyes are mind reading!
Yes, fuck your expectations!
fuck them hard!
Like… really fuck them hard.
You… naughty expectations.
Anyways, I had a bit of a weird weekend, and yeah, I’m going to talk about this, or at least continually fluff shit up because that’s what I’m good at! I say a lot without saying much, and maybe this is just a product of my already distracted mind as I repeat shit I’ve written before?
Fuck it, we’re going live with this.
Apparently, a Florida woman stabbed a man with a squirrel.
Let that shit sink in.
Getting stabbed.
With a fucking squirrel.
Do you know how fucking monster you have to be to pull that off?
As we all know, squirrels, along with most other small, adorable, nut stealing woodland critters are f lobby and not prone to let anything touch them…
This world… It’s people… With a squirrel.

We aren’t alone in the universe?

We aren’t the only living things in the universe?
Our kind and loving god, in his many forms has more than one pet project?
Well shit.
Time to Naruto run.
So, aliens are real, which means Roswell actually happened, and that what no blimp.
So… fuck it.

I try to self motivate, caffeine usually helps out, gets me ready and pumped for the day, and sometimes chatting with Nigel or Gonzo helps out a bunch. But those chats are rare.

Annnnnd that was disappointing. So, let’s knock this out, or something, because now i’ve got shit piling up in my brain pan that’s worth venting about or something, and yes, fuck the time and dates about when the various part of this fucking thing were updated, because if there’s one thing I love, IT FUCKING INCONSISTENCY. Or incompetence.
Maybe incontinence?
Continents?
Fuck it, inconsistent incompetence incontinence stricken continents.
So, basically, a bunch of disorganized, dumb fucks who can’t control their shitting forming a country.

I know what companies going to skyrocket to the top!

Anyways, Peak 19 is here, and so are new hires, and THERE ARE A TON popping into work everyday, and some of them are memorable, and others are… well, slightly less memorable.
Yesterday, for instance, there were a few Day 1’s trying to open their lockers, Helena and… the other one, wish I’d gotten her name. Anyways, Helena was a bit more memorable because… just holy shit, she just was, they were both having trouble opening their lockers so I helped them out.
nothing special, just something to help them along, y’know?
First gal, Helena, short black gal, based on her energy level, I’d say between 18 and 24, thin frame, glasses, gauges in her ears, frosted tips,  short hair, I’m guessing she works in In/Outbound.
Second gal, didn’t get her name, roughly the same description, no glasses, either Caucasian or Latina, no gauges, just a bit shy,  they were both awesome.
The reason why I say they were both memorable is because there was something unique about them, something interesting, eye catching, a character unique to themselves.
True, there are tons of people I work with that are memorable, each with their own traits that stand out from the rest of the crowd, and I might start talking about them more, because… I don’t know, I seriously need to start blogging more…
Seems like the safest route, or at least, I’m thinking it’s the safest route for me to keep my own energy up.
But the reason the second gal was so interesting was she asked what my gmail was… normally, no one would bat an eye, but she… something caught her eye.
Kinda interesting in a way.

Outside of that, things are going well, because of Peak the managers popped into every department to make sure every part of the place was staffed to account for what I’m assuming is the safe guarding of productivity, so I was placed on 2nd floor Jackpot, and told to singulate the unsingulated. Which is less a really horrifying sex act involving two hornets nests and a pile of half melted Lego bricks and more making sure that the work pops in lengthwise, with no side by sides, and the stickers facing up.
Which, first time around, didn’t know what I was doing, the second time, nailed it LIKE A BAWS.

First half score: .20 percent, only a hundred boxes made it through. I have a feeling that it would’ve been a bit lower had I made sure all the stickers were up. But that’s a REALLY good score, considering the second half was 200 boxes, and I was thinking, dudes and dudettes need to step up their game. So, I’m predicting I might get staffed there again for either first or second half, depends on what’s going down.
One of the newer Jammers, Gonna call her D, who was staffed in the Singulators, got bored of it. She’s used to popping about, talking, doing her own thang. I dunno, kind of disappointed, but Jamming’s not for everyone, are the benefits to Jamming? Yeah, you get to learn about another aspect of the FC that you had no clue about.
Is it draining, yes.
But is the trade off worth it?
Fuck yas.

Everyone starts off White Badge, no exceptions, no matter where they staff you, everyone starts in the basics and then you work your way up. For me, it was receiving, I worked my ass off, got booped to Water spidering, worked my ass off there and eventually knocked out an application to Jam team, made the cut, learned the lay of the land rather quickly, learned a few other aspects, kept motivated, kept knocking out work. Caught the eyes of the peeps that needed a few good workers, and so on and so forth.
Will I eventually knock out Learning Ambassador? Yes, I want to, love teachings others, filling up their intellectual gas tanks with the rocket fuel of the gods!

Eventually, I want to make P.A, but I’m kind of hesitant about it, you see, being PA means early starts and late stops, meaning I’d have to find someway of getting to work earlier, not to mention data management and information analytics. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for all of that, and my shit was on point when it came to knocking notes down during the three day course.
But i needed that information to sink the hell in. Passing the class, not what I’m interested…. actually, yes. I need to stop taking the easy route and stimulate my brain in a way to the point where I feel fulfilled, I feel motivated and excited to try and light up some part of my brain with new information. Because at the moment, I’m just focusing on the physical part, and like any body, there are two sides, the central nervous system and the physical body. One can’t function without the other, ain’t possible, you can either be a really strong dumb ass or Stephen Fucking Hawking.
But to get the best of both worlds?
Y’need to be a really strong Stephen Fucking Hawking.

One more thing, so in regards to the above mentioned really strong Stephen Hawking, there’s a massive dude, named Mark, maybe eight or nine years older then me, the dude is fucking ripped, like diamonds edge ripped, ripped so hard he looks like a PS1 character made physical manifest. The later years, not… just shut the fuck up.
The dude’s a PA and really fucking ripped, the best of both worlds, so he’s just… fucking ripped.

Okay, in regards to an earlier part, Yes, Jam is awesome, y’get some tech on the floor, stay mobile, and get shit done.
Can it be an isolating thing? Yes.
the point being if you keep yourself motivated, occupied, focused on something during the down time, then you can knock it out like a snapped fart in an elevator.

I keep forgetting I have this thing

Annnd Apparently I suck at keeping this blog updated, so… Yeah? Maybe? I don’t fucking know, lmao.
So, let’s just dive right into the kibbles and bits, rather than the dick and shaft. Cause that would hurt both parties involved somehow.
So, what’ have I, the Glorious (Not glorious, just kinda normal) person been up to?
Writing a short story, originally wanted it to be a bit longer, but whatev’s, called, “Another Day and No VTO” it was supposed to be a satire about working in a Amazon Warehouse, the location being called WTF8 and it sometimes delved into some deep level shit.
Dementia, mass shootings, and sex assault. But those were the dark little bits.
On upside we had haunted robots, Hunger Games styled Candy Parades, Sentient furbies, and shit just going absolutely nuts on occasion. I was ramping up the crazy, and at the end of each part, had a poll with different options so people could vote on which one they liked that most.
It went pretty well, I’ve got all the files saved, so I might just slap that together and publish it as is.
Or not, I haven’t decided yet.
How I usually write is there’s usually a “Source”, a motivation so to speak that pops from a place or group, with the source, everything’s peachy, without the source, the project’s pretty much dead in the water.
Anyways, outside of that, everything’s going good. Can’t complain. I’ll do my best to keep everything updated, not rely on FB so much.

Can I tell you something?

I’m shy.
I know, I know… Let it sink in.
I’m normally a talkative person, at least, I was a talkative person, then I had the accident, and… well, everything kind of shifted perspective.
Everything except one aspect of my life.
Writing, it’s been the one thing I can always come back to in case anything ever falls apart of if I need to vent, because off the internet, I don’t feel very powerful.
Even on the internet, I’m not some kind of Demiinfluencer, or star, or anything like that. I’m just me.
All I have are my stories to occupy my time with, and that’s it.
Seriously.
I used to think that all I needed was a bit of luck and persistance and things would work themselves out and for a long time, that’s exactly how I thought, I’m not exactly proud of the results, but I can say that for whatever reason, I have the skillset I do, because I persisted in writing.
Maybe it’s because I have a from of control over whatever happens, or lack of control if I get too deep into the story itself?
Or maybe it’s a god complex?
You know, where you can make or break anything with a few simple keystrokes?
Authors complex, or something, outside of writing, I’m just me.
And, through a lot of self reflection, a bunch of accidents, relationships, a fuck ton of sex, and more than one time where I’ve gotten blackout drunk, or been roofied, I’ve gotten to where I am… Whereever that is.
I’ve got a lot of victories on the board, but for some reason, they don’t feel like victories, they feel like just another day, another step forward, another clank of the gears in the great clockwork of the universe.
I mean, I feel appreciated at work, and sometimes at home, and for a while, I used to feel appreciated on the internet, and in some cases I still do.

Maybe I just want someone to love now a days.
Yeah, I think that’s it.
I need someone to love, someone to come home to and talk about my day and not feel like I’m about to be over taken by some inconsequential thing.
I thought I had that with Caasi, Ashley, and Sarah, and Amy.
Amy was a sweet woman, still is. Just… I wish things had worked out with her, I was actually making real progress with her, and… I just took too long.

There it is, the thing that’s bothering me.
Things taking too long. Maybe patience, or being too patient is the problem? I need to act, need to make impulsive, but smart, decisions! I need to get out there and make short work of supposedly long decisions! I need to put myself out i nthe sun and learn to live with whatever ashes it makes of me!
But… I’m too cautious.
Ever since the accident.

Ever since the accident, survival is the only thing that matters, everything else, including finding love, is secondary…
Kinda sad.

Old post from….. I dunno when.

It’s finally off the ground, re-titled, “Evolution of a Blogger”, covering posts from 2008 to 2016, and it’s hovering around 898 pages at THIS point. Good god, it’s FINALLY happening! See, I told you it would happen eventually, People Who Didn’t Believe Me! So far it’s taken me a total of 18 hours just getting everything into its own little place, and there is a LOT of spelling errors, grammatical corrections, punctuation problems, not to mention unnecessary text in places there shouldn’t be to be corrected, not to mention the separating of the posts themselves, making sure the titles of the years months blog post is indexed correctly in that years months table of contents, and just holy shit…. Just holy shit this is the first of four MiniBosses that I’m up against.
I came up with this idea while I was still attending Victor Valley College, and I’m thinking of adding my Facebook Notes to the collection as well, but I don’t want to go overboard, Nah, I don’t think I will.
Other Projects in the pipeline.
I’m scouring Blake and I’s old chat log archive from yahoo messenger for any kind of short story and just random blurb that’s interesting enough to qualify as a short story, and so far I’ve manage to track down the book summaries, the TRUE beginning of the fourth book, a detailed synopsis of book three, 7 or 8 short story ideas, and there is so much more to go! Not to mention my own short story collection here on Facebook as well, in fact, I was about to get started on writing a post on wordpress when I remembered a short story I had written for Maddie K. called “The Ugly Pumpkin” that was total badassery, true, it only had a few parts to it, but I remember having so much passion for those kinds of stories, where there was a real person by whom I was inspired to write a story, to use them as a muse, that energy behind it!
Plus, Halloween was right around the corner, so that story ended up being pretty cathartic for a number of reasons.
Using Createspace.com to make a beach out of a mountain range.
But, So far? I’ve managed to knock out a number of titles on Amazon using a fun little site called Createspace.com, it’s fast, easy and free to use! Best of all? you have the option of either a 35% or a 70% Royalty on all of your titles, multiple avenues of distribution, they don’t force you to pay them to pay for publishing, but rather, give you the option to pay for a professional to design your books cover, not to mention the ability to publish Music CDs or DVDs from their site as well!
Here are my published works, complete with links!
Wrath of Puppy Monkey Baby (Everyone loves this one for some reason.)
Messages to a Really Bad President (Still need to get rid of the old version)
The Debate of Factions (Bush Era Politics and Smoke Monsters)
The Six Strings of the Highlanders Guitar (Story about Family…. a REALLY Fucked up family.)
Songs of the Soul (My big ass book of lyrics) Manliest Diary in the world (Literally a diary for boys.)
One Shots — Army of the Incomplete (A Collection of Short Stories I’ve written over the years.)
And if you search up Dorikame on Amazon, you’ll most likely see these, written by Blake Frazee and myself and published using Xlibris, and for future reference, we will be using Create space for the Revamp of the first book, titled “Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change, Liory King Edition” with additional content, a deeper story-line, and just… better everything mixed in with the original book y’all love so much! We will also be using the Createspace platform for A slightly touched up version of Broken Omen as well as for books 3 through 10 of the Dorikame Saga.
The Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change
The Dorikame Saga: Broken Omen
Everything will be made available to be purchased in eBook format as well for Kindle or whatever y’all have. This includes everything that I’ve written, ever, in the entirety that I’ve been on the internet as far back as I can find it. you remember how I was talking about “EoaB” Or Evolution of a Blogger” being the first of four Mini bosses that I’m tackling?
Well, here are the other three planned projects that qualify in order of size:
Minion Level:
270 Separate
One Shots – Lost and Forgotten
The Brothers Dorikame – Lost Legends
War of the Holos
Masla’s Revenge
Normal Day
Shadow Heart
Rage of the Puppy Monkey Baby
Infinite Web
Miniboss Level
working title:
Okay, Cupid, tell me a love story
Diary of the Mad Twitter
Final Boss Level: Sogno Della Dinastia (Books 1 through 10)
The Dorikame Saga (Books 3 through ten)
My invisible Facebooking…
I am well aware that I haven’t been on Facebook as much as I probably should have, but at the same time, I’ve been more active on twitter and YouTube, I haven’t been sharing my vids from YouTube as much lately because… For no real reason, really. Sometimes the videos are short, stupid, and have no purpose, and other times, I really do have things that are of relevance. I’ve missed out on whatever weirdness is playing out here, partly because I really… just don’t care about that kind of thing, partly because I’m very busy with before mentioned list of projects, writing, compiling, editing, formatting, publishing, that kind of thing, and partly because I just have better things to do. Yes, one could make the argument that could kind of make me a soulless irritating bastard for not liking whatever “cat on a roomba” GIF you uploaded in response to someone making a tart comment about a picture of you eating McDonald’s in an ugly sweater while your boss was wearing a lampshade, drunk off their ass at an office Christmas party that no really cares about anymore, but that’s your problem.
Look, i love y’all, I really do. I’m just incredibly busy knocking these things out left and right. And while, yeah, internet drama is fun and all, after a while you just notice the same repetitive pattern of weird useless BS that repeats itself with a different flavor every time. Is it important? Of course, because it affects you or those close to oyu, or offends or excites you in one way or another. Is it worth investing your time in if you grabs your eye? Hey, you do you, if that makes you happy, go for it.
Personal Evolution
At the same time, we should take a long hard look at how we’re spending our time, and ask ourselves these following questions: Are we using it to the best of our ability? What productivity will come of it? Will we learn or practice a skill or trade from it? Will others find enjoyment out of it in their own ways?
If the answer to all or most of those questions is yes, then by all means, go for it. Do what is important to you, if in the long run, you find yourself in a corner, just do what comes naturally to vent off the steam, get back to your happy place, and move forward. I see this all the time on twitter, teens and young adults getting mad about things from days or weeks ago that they just found out about, and doing their best to try and find a way to make said person feel like an idiot about it. Yeah, to some extent, it’s important for John “I keep my kids imprisoned” Whatshisfuckface to be called out on his bullshit, but if you keep your focus on the stuff that makes you angry? Then I have to ask you, “Why are you so focused on it?” Why focus on the anger and resentment and the fear that will nail your self confidence to the floor and never let up?
I ask these questions, because for the longest time, I was that teen, then young adult, and now that I’ve had some time (Two months, lmao, thank you Great Lakes Naval RTC, you taught me many a thing.) to REALLY think about everything. Every single thing that brought me to that point. I thought about what it was that everyone’s so very angry about, what we’re all so happy about, what makes the world go round and round, and I think I’ve found the answer.
Why we’re angry: We’re angry because of the things we can’t change but want to change. We’re like ants trying to push a ping pong ball up a little mole hill. Individually, a single ant cant do much, but with the support of others, we really can push that ping pong ball over the hill, and get the change we want. Why we’re so happy: Because of the many different celebrations in our lives, celebrating that which elevates us or makes us feel good about ourselves or others is very important, (No shit). Love, birth, discovery, recovery, rehabilitation, reaching our destination on whatever path we hold dear? All of those are reasons to be so very happy!
What makes the world go round: Love, joy, progress, forward momentum that never ceases. We are a collection of people, each of us facing a variety of directions, often times, the directions we face are different from those right next to us, and vice versa, and it may seem like the directions anyone of us is facing, is backwards to another person, but regardless of what direction we are looking towards, we always face forward. Am I stating that every path or facing direction is a healthy one? Nope. Am I stating that one group of people is right over another? Nope. All I’m saying is that the journey forward can face any direction it wishes, and whether or not the destination is good or bad is just another determining factor in our own personal evolution’s.
Big ass thank you to everyone in my life that’s helped me, influenced me, that We’ve talked, conversed in one way or another, or we interacted a few times. All of you are truly amazing people, and believe me, I’ve tried coming up with a list of peeps, trust me, but there are too many to name and I just don’t want to snub anyone or have y’all feel left out.
Peace.
——————–
Update:
I’m now working at Amazon full time, having become a blue badge, things are getting interesting, and I’m pretty happy, I’m guessing this post was written way the fuck in 20…18, had to re-read some of the stuff. Anyways, things are good, God, I really need to get all of those drafts posted.

Dear short women.

As you know, being short or tall has it’s advantages and disadvantages.
Keeping the ass hats away with bad vision is one of them.
I would like to think smaller boobs meaning less back pain would be another one, but then again, it’s a matter of perspective. More importantly, I would like to believe that science has been lying to us all and their are actually two brain halves, one in each breast. this explains why women in general are considered smarter than men.
Because we too have a second brain, it’s just rather unfortunately placed, and we keep sitting on them from time to time.
that being said, as a tall man, or Stretchy Boi as one would phrase it, it’s come to my understanding that Short woman plus Tall man equals Relationship goals. mainly because I’d like to think, and I’m just being blunt here, and I’m quoting a friend here, “That tall man dick just fills more.”
If I am mistaken, please let me know.
Yes, I will talk about the sex organs, whatever’s on my mind, because even though there are things that need pictures of cupcakes, exotic locales, or trips to where ever the fuck, I’m not one of those types that randomly douches it up because “Clickbaiting” means having to lie to you about how awesome I am.
So sirs and Madame’s, I’m treating you, yes YOU, like the beautiful intelligent persons you are and not having bright colorful pictures every two words.
They are pretty, they are fun.
I am neither.
I’m much better than them.
Suck it http://www.travelbanana.org.
You ass.

Right, talking about short women, meh, I really don’t like staying on topic, Short women are the shit, all women are the shit, y’all keep humanity going, no matter the height, because love is love. And We all know what’s at the base end of love, right?
Oh yeah, a shit ton of fuckin’.

But hey, we’re all adults here, and everyone has their things.
Some people like to fall in love, other’s want to love a sad clown in an iron lung.
Because there are people with a void of darkness in their hearts.
OMG THE CUPCAKE TRUCK IS HERE!
Fucking love me some cupcakes.

I’m giving myself ten minutes…

Fuck, I thought I had a lot more time than just ten fucking minutes to get a god damned post out, but that’s what happens when you schedule pretty much consists of Eat, sleep, work, repeat, and trying to find time to get something enjoyable done is a fucking nightmare when it takes someone a long ass time to get their asses where it needs to be when it needs to be there, but that’s life, right? when life gives you lemons, you get lemon aid, or Lemo Naid. The worlds lamest spy, just stands there, watching you, like you did something wrong, occasional taking a puff out of a Sherlock Holmes looking ass pipe and just… staring.
but shit… gotta go, lot is happening, wish I had more time…

Let’s talk about our DREAMS!

What if I told you, that I had a Notebook style dream about a woman in love with a Sandman enlisted in the Armed forces and the dream ends with her declaring her love for him, arms wrapped around him tightly as he slowly disappears into the winds?
Your first thought would be, “Annnnnnd now I’m crying.”
Your second thought would be, “Sand between the boobs.”
And your third thought would be, “Wait, if he’s made of sand…. Did… Did they just have sex?”
And good sirs and madams, the answers to those thoughts, theories, and questions you never knew needed asking or answering would be yes.
I cried too.

More ridiculous than that is the FB group known only as “https://www.facebook.com/events/448435052621047/” Or 1.1 million people storm Area 51 to slap some alien cheeks. What the “Clapping” involves leaves little to the imagination, but I assume it involves ramming things into other alien things as revenge for all the constipated red necks claiming it’s them thar aliens done with what all that there probing!
That’s what I’m guessing anyways, people have weird kinks when it comes to sex, and yes, I do talk about penis in vagina, vagina on penis, or where ever you like to stick where ever into wherever because we’re human, sex is a thing, and I’m not about to be virtually brow beaten by some lonely chick I’ll never meet into not talking or writing about the very thing that’s kept our literally fucking species going on.

I’ll talk about whatever god damn it! Including the previously mentioned clapping of alien cheeks and questions about sand storm sex, BECAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF PERSON I AM! And as erotic as both scenarios sound, there’s the after effects of those scenarios!

For instance, if she takes a shower later on, does losing those particulates hurt the sandman? Or does he just thwip those things back into his form? Will the produced baby not be able to enjoy swimming? Will the other kids start bullying him or her by throwing glasses of water at his or her crotch and start calling them Sandick or sandtits!? Instead of Sandisk.
Because my humor is working multiple levels here!
more importantly:
If after years of enduring torment, will the sand baby morph into a mass shooter like Sand man or Sand woman, using their own body to murder those who tormented him? Not by slowly grinding away at their screaming forms, but just by straight up launching his or her fist at super speeds from the top of their heads down out their ass?
Hey, darkest timeline here.

Or will the kid turn out alright and have to be REALLY careful during puberty?
These questions about human/Desert hybrid physiology are fucking important!
Continue laughing.
Seriously, it’s humor.

But the dream was pretty sad, but satisfying, it hit all the right notes, and would’ve made for a god damned awesome movie, the questions asked, the motives behind the actions taken, the morally ambiguous sex scenes which mainly involve her, him, or the Apache helicopter rolling around in a pile of sand, while Beach boys blasts in the background?
Tear jerking… In ways.

I wish to god I was in a relationship. To love, be loved, share moments of hot steamy passion and dumb debates over whether to get the regular spicy sushi or the super spicy sushi, the quiet moments in between the sporadic conversations where we’re both in our own little worlds, only to be snapped back to the present by a brush of the hand?
The point of this post is that time is fleeting, life is fleeting, memory of the truly important moments is what keeps us going, pressing for something more, something better than what we had previously, and to always push forward, even when the task in front of us seems daunting, confusing, or down right pants shittingly terrifying.

Let’s talk about women in the lead for the moment and the disconnect I feel… Not a bad thing mind you, just… a bit left field, and this has NOTHING to do with sex… That I can tell.
Okay, take your average action movie, you know the thing:
1. Bad ass male lead.
2. Damsel in distress.
3. Asshole trying to do a bad thing.
4. Comic relief that’s more or less ignored until a crucial part of the movie.
5. Guy get’s the girl, which one, meh, don’t care.

Now, reverse the PHYSICAL and MENTAL genders involved. I get that Trans is a thing, but we’re not talking about that right now.
How much more likely are you to see that movie? how less likely?
Interesting in either case.

Moving forward:
Let’s talk about the E-girl that was deleted from life by her creepy ass boyfriend.
Let’s talk about the fact that this asshole slit her throat then posted pictures of it on Instagram, where it took a total of 72 hours for the site itself to take the account AND the photo down?

What the fuck?
First, Le Unpacking of the many levels of bullshit.

I’m no fan of E-girls.
Let me repeat that, very clearly:
If you are an E-girl, or claim to be an E-girl: You have zero self confidence in yourself in face to face situations to the point where you have to exploit yourself to get attention.
You may say that you have self confidence, but really, all your actually doing to running with the grain on the stereotype that E-girls are just a low grade version of Cam-girls, and fuck them too, because of the same reasons.

That being said, when I was 14, I have had friends that were E-girls that have tried to push their BS on me, and I was like, “Why be my E-girlfriend when I’m right in front of you?” Then they looked at me dumb, like I just farted in their pudding or something.

If you are a man or woman 18 or over in a relationship with someone 18 or younger: Fuck you, you creepy mother fucker.
The moment I turned 18 was the moment my then girlfriend broke up with me for the logical reason of, “Well, you’re an adult, and I’m still 16, so goodbyes!” and I was totally fine with it.
Sad, but totally fine with it,BECAUSE i KNOW THE LAW YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
The dude was 21, in a relationship with a 17 year old e-girl, and when they met up, he straight up murdered her and posted a picture of her corpse on Instagram.
What the flying utter fuck is up with people?
We up to some crazy fucking bullshit now a days, and we’re at the point where Mass Murder, Children living in cages, kids being shot, White supremacy being our Presidents go to move, and YouTubers being absolute shit to their kids are normal.
Now, we’re at the point where teen girls are being killed by their creepy ass 21 year old boyfriends.
Like, god damned, the cycle of crazy never fucking surprises me, but god fucking damn it! This is why y’all should be careful.
This is why parents always have more than one girl, because they KNOW there’s a chance of one of the darling little angels doing something incredibly stupid and ends up getting killed.
This is why boys are a slightly safer bet. Kind of, boys are pretty fucked up as well.

Now, for a latte cleanser. I present: A fucking potato.

Image result for fucking potato

So, yeah, last night had this dream…

We need to talk.

Alrighty folks, let’s talk a bit about not getting dicked over, or at the very least, putting up with it up until a certain point, yes?
So, I’m paying a friend 600 a month for rides to a from work, and before you say it, yes, I agree, it’s a completed fucked price.
But we’ve been friends for a long ass time, and I’m doing the right thing by helping him out.
That being said, let’s do the math.
Normally, I would’ve gotten paid between 2,200 and 2,500 a month, depending on Overtime.
that’s around 15/16 bucks an hour, pretty sizeable chunk of change right there, y’know?
My two main expenses:
Rent: 500
Rides: 600
————
1,100 a month for both.
we’re down to 1,100/1,300 a month.
That is a sizeable chunk.
That equates to about 1 and 300 a week total.
THAT is MEtroPCS money.
That is fucked.

Now, I’m down for the rent, that’s no biggy, it’s an evil fart cloud I can live with.
the 600 a month for rides that normally would’e run me around 120 a month?
Where’s this money going?
Gas, oil changes, and wear and tear.

Why the fuck am I responsible for this?
Because, we’re friends, and I’m doing the right thing… And I need a consistent ride to work, and he’s very consistent and worth the expense, and we’re good friends.

That last thing? The friendship? That’s what’s holding this thing together, and despite what everyone, including myself thinks about the arrangement, which I was able to bring down from 800.

So, “I’m doing the right thing by helping out a friend.” has become my mantra.
I’m doing the right thing by helping out a friend.
I’m doing the right thing by helping.
I’m doing the right thing.
Friendshippudden.

I’ve got nothing except love.

For some reason I always get weird when talking about love, not in the sense that it becomes perverted self inflation of how ginormous my dick is, because… that would be a gross use of power, also, physiologically, every large dicked man has a constant fear of having a heart attack caused by getting aroused, look it up, straight up fact.
Speaking of big dicks, the dude with the largest dong measures in at two fucking feet.
My question:
Does he go to Hentai cons? because people would fucking love that shit.

Anyways, today is one of the random, “Meh, I knock one out” days, I’m not active enough to garner new followers, but just active enough to keep the ones I have, and honestly, I don’t check the numbers anymore. Why? I don’t care about them, if I continually check the numbers to see how I’m doing, then I fuck myself with anxiety, and I don’t need that shit in my life again.
I get it now, when people say they turn off social media and what not, they try not to focus too much on it, because that’s just how shit is, you live, you learn, you get excited about nothing in particular, and then you move the fuck on.
I wish for the love of god it were that easy with me.
I kind of hate all my socials with a average sized dick passion. Yes, we’re floating back to that shit, because why the fuck not?
Anyways, to make matters interesting, works been going good, this MET is kicking my ass something fierce, but I’m sticking with it, with the knowledge and passion knowing that sometime in October, I’ll get converted, and with any luck, won’t have a ride situation that’s not going to fuck me out of 600 fucking dollars a fucking month just to get two and from work.
Look, I get it, you got out before they got you out, and you’ve got bills and shit to take care of, but how the fuck come I’ve got to be the one to do that, when clearly, you’ve got the scratch to do that on your own. Fuck, if I’m paying you 600 a month for rides to work and back, that I might as well move in with you, because that right the fuck there is rent levels of money and Jesus fucking Christ.
But at the same time, they’re my friend, and “Do the right thing” is ringing in my head. But momma didn’t raise no sucker, and I know when I’m getting fucked over, friendship or not.
And even when they get back in, it’s still gonna cost me 200 a week to get a ride with them, even when they’ve got their own money coming back in? Citing, gas, oil change, tires, blah blah blah when the fuck did I become responsible for MORE then just gas? Yes, the wear and tear and all that, but at the same time, at the end of each month, after taxes, rent, and gas, I’m essentially getting paid HALF of what everyone else’s is getting to take home. And I’m back to 900 a month instead of 2200 a month, so this is my main fucking gripe right there.

Yeah, we’re friends through thick and thin, but the moment you’re back at work is the moment I’m finding a better ride situation.

Work related stuff… So, yeah.

for two reasons this is going to suck, this first being I’ve got a blister on my middle finger, which ironically enough, is a big “Fuck you!” to myself while I attempt to write this. The other, simply put, is that I don’t update this enough.

Work is going fine, though people are getting antsy about conversions, with Inbound getting the first picks, the newest guys having priority, and time moving forward for those almost dangerously close to not making  the guidelines for conversions, it’s easy to see why.
Myself?
Meh, I figure I’d just not get excited over it just yet, I just need to keep check my email to see what’s going on, and even then, I know  that it’s just a matter of time. I have 0.5 points, no write ups, my rates been great, and I have a good report with nearly everyone at work. So, maybe I’m good?
Fuck it, I am.
Everything that’s been told to me so far, we’re in the running for it, so why bother worrying about a thing in the fog you can’t see? Seriously, until the thing is right in front of you, and you can see it’s a thing, no need to worry, just keep on keeping on!

The last couple of shifts have been pretty interesting, I’ve been shadowed by one of the week 1’s, Gilbert, a former Chef for 20 years. Gil is fucking amazing, quick learner, pick’s up on thing’s fast, is a bad ass motherfucker on all accounts, and pretty much the shit now that I’ve trained him in the art of WaterSpidering. He and I get along great, and we’ve got a wavelength going on, every once in a while I’ll pop him a tip or two, but the man’s intelligent, he’s not a kid, so I treat him like a man, and we’re both better off for it.
I’m kind of thankful that he was assigned as my shadow, I can get kind of lonely WaterSpidering, so these passed few days have been a blessing in disguise, you know?

Anyways, I’ll talk with Y’all later, just wanted to keep things rolling with this. Spend nearly 100 on a blog, damned well be using the fucking thing, am i right?

Fuck you forever, @realDonaldTrump

So… We’re doing this… Again.
I feel so… so happy.
Really.
I mean, let’s get the big thing out of the way, the Woodward and Mueller reports… Like, holy shit dude, first, y’didn’t want the job, then you fucked us over by taking hte job y’didn’t want, and than you fucked yourself by doing a terrible fucking job of the job you never wanted, and NOW you’ve fucked your whole family name by staining it so badly, even thatl ittle fucker from the Grudge ain’t touching your shit.
Can we please talk about the more obvious:
Your ass.
Deathrow.
2020 unrelelection.
Like, you do realize you’ve fucked yourself SO hard by not releasing your taxes right?
RIGHT!?
Not in the, “Well, there’s a dead hooker.” Fucked over, but the, “Well, there’s a dead hooker, the cops just burst in, and I’m still fucking the corpse.” kind of plain ol fucked.
You are beyond ever measure of doubt, a guilty as fuck person, BANNED from campaigning in 33 states because you won’t release your taxes.
Think hard on that, there are ONLY 51 states in the union, and you’ve fucked yourself SO hard, you don’t even stand a chance of winning 33 states without outside help, so… I hope russia is looking at this and going, “We need more potato power!” because unless putin sticks his dick in your ass again, you ain’t winning shit this time around.
And again, let’s bring your supportters into this fray again, because I don’t thinkyou think very much of them, unless their spinning rims and gold plated diamoinds, you think so little of them, really you do. your whole life was spent working from nothing to inheriting your dads money and getting bailed out so many times, it makes me think you’re actively running this country at a permanent loss, because god damned.
I stopped faulting your supporters the moment they realized what the fuck you were doing, and started faulting you directly.
Because, you’re false advertising.
You’re the fine print on a medication no one except the racist ignorant twats asked for.
You’re the exposed, hidden nazi, and we all know this to be true.
I actively empathize with your support base, they knew what they were getting into, and yet, they still stuck a fork in the outlet and were surprised at thep ain they’ve been feeling ever since.
Go ahead and lie to yourself that you’ll be fine, because you really will not be.
the law is like water, patient, still, powerful.
You, are the jackass trying to slap the flood away.
Pointless. Idiotic. Tragic.

I wish I had more anger saved up, more rage, more unkempt disgust at the very fabric of your being, but I don’t. Not after understanding the slug of a person you are.
And nah, I in’t pointing out examples, people want specifics, they can read other things, me? I’m a reactionary guy, splash damage be skull fucked with a cactus.
i’m just angry enough to point out the obvious and just lame enough not giving a fuck to publish this.

There comes a point where coffee tastes bad.

This has nothing to do with that, but it has something to do with taste.
Let’s get something out of the way here, I’ve not had sex in nearly two years.
Yes, this might be the thing we’re talking about here, my lack of penis in vagina activity.
Nope, no regrets.
I’m not going to go off, fuck it, yes I am, because in my self love journey, I’ve been to some strange as fuck place, and… I dunno how I feel about the whole thing.
The sex part, when I was having it regularly, was amazing? I dunno. I only ever finished once, and that took an amazing amount of time, and a lot of focus.
Yes, I’m an easily distracted sex machine.
No, you can’t plug your phone in my ass to charge it.
Yes, I’m very well aware that’s a kind of fetish.
No, I do no want to receive “The Power of Zues” through my ass.
No, I’m not into that kind of thing.
Look, point being, I need to get laid, but in this day and age where any attempt to either get some or get love is a frightening ordeal, because, at any point point, either you or that one super bitchy girlfriend of yours can just up and claim I’m harassing you. The very moment I detect something off, that’s it, I’m cutting myself off from talking to you, and will only engage if absolutely needed.
Now, I know how to treat women with respect, I know how to behave myself, and would much rather things develop organically as opposed to, “Well, time to fuck and see what happens.” Being a guy now a days is… to be honest, a confusing experience in everyway possible.

The basis of the Metoo movement is to make sexual assaulters pay dearly for their crimes against whatever gender their creepy little mitts are wriggling towards. That’s it, and then for a long while, it seemed like every guy was fair game, and men bounded through the tall grass like majestic walruses, “OORPH”ing their way towards a better and brighter future, only to be stopped in t heir tracks by a false claim of grabbin’ some boob.
And trust me, I get it, I truly do, Y’all have put up with enough of guys weird bullshit from the dawn of time, and the damn finally burst, and men were like, “Oh…. Well fuck.”
Now that the tables have turned, so is the dating scene steps, where it’s usually the women who have to initiate Ye Ol’ Dating Ritual.

Which, hey, more power to you.
It’s just a terrifying, scary, nightmarish, and dick shriveling level of anxiety that gets built up into the core of men’s souls wondering whether or not they should go ahead and make a move on Susie Sunshine or be left in the cold icy grip of the Night King, otherwise known as whacking off.
And let’s talk about that for a second, really. Because now there’s a law in Texas, about to pass, that states that men are legally not allowed to whack off, on the premise that it’s killing unconceived children. So, our physiological need to expel built up waste is now under attack in Texas.
Because, really, that’s all that is if it’s not being used to make babies, waste.  Like, really?

I get it, the reproductive rights of women in terms of abortion has been a hotbed of WTF for a long time, with them main question of the debate being, “When does life begin? At the moment of conception, or the moment of birth?”

Well, my answer is this: Until the heart fully develops and starts pumping and the brain develops to the point where the growth stops being a growth and starts being a little human, that exact moment is when life begins. Of course, I have no authority over what women do with their bodies, I can only give my thoughts on the matter and leave it at that.

Anyways, getting back to what I was talking about, dating…. Actually, it’s around 2:27 and I’ve got to get ready for the day.

Fuck, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog…

Although, what the hell is a proper blog post? Is it a collection of like minded thoughts?
Because, you know, if that’s the case, than I am properly fucked. I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of like minded thoughts, just a bunch of confused bullshit that people are like, “HA! Shweet.”
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with being in a world in which my channel flippy brain gets confuzzled halfway through a thought and decides that buttercream screaming butterflies are the perfect valentines day gift, for the person you REALLY fucking hate.
And, you know, I’m not blind to my underuse of exclamation points, really!

Today I want to talk about love. And Workplaces.
And amazon.
And the holy shit storm of why either their a good thing or a bad thing, or maybe I’ll just continually switch topics, because I’m a rebellious bastard and you love me for that.
“Today, we’re talking puppies and the monster trucks who love them. Way too much.”
Yeah, so strap in for some enlightened as fuck shit, because this god damned thing is filled to the brim with swearing and clown beastiality referees. I meant to write that.

Yesterday, we got put in 5S, and me being me, I began to draw, something I do to pass the time. One of my friends then asked me a bunch of questions, some personal, others not, most I can’t remember, but she was cool.
Then my other friend, Karen, Who I think might have a crush on me? I don’t like to assume anything anymore, I just leave it up to the winds of chance and whatever seems to be going on that day to figure shit out, also talked to me about my drawing, and we got to talking for a while, and it was a pretty good conversation, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and you fucking hate the fact I’m not giving you the deets!
Well, I can’t remember the deets, so we’re pretty much in the same boat here.

Anyways, i leave to go to the bathroom, come back, and I get snagged into Water Spidering, which is indirect work, but still critical, for Prep… And for about 40% I would say, I knocked things out of the park, I kept tote lines going, swept, moved pallets and cages, just in general, was an amazing beast of burden. Or unburdening, that’s like an Anti-Donkeh, right?

There was this one woman, really tiny, like, ridiculously small, looks almost like a kid, but she isn’t. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s got an amazing smile, which, hey, bonus points for getting her to smile! Anyways, she’s a sweet person, much luck to her in whatever she chooses to do in life.

Meanwhile, i’m apartment hunting, I’ve got my eyes set on a place or two, as well as the bedding needed to make sure I conserve as much space as possible, and was kind of blown away by the fact there’s a triple bunk bed, like, holy shit people! A triple bunk bed! that’s like witnessing a majestic Unicorn horn fuck a leperchaun right through the face, while the little fuckers barfing gold bars! I mean, yeah, it’s a bunk bed, but a fucking triple!?

Jesus fucking christ.

Oh, I also made my first communion.
Every once in a while I’ll still upload a video or two, but I haven’t been as interested in it. Growing my channel has become annoying as fuck, and I just decided, fuck it, not going to bother. I are there people who’ll enjoy my stuff? Maybe, I’ll never know.. I get just a bit depressed thinking about it, too many trolls, or algorithms or whatever, or maybe I just upload bad content, fuck if I know or care anymore. While there are peeps out there, my hearts just not in it anymore. That’s the long and short of it now a days. My hearts not in making vids anymore, and it’s not making me any money, so why should I bother?

Yeah, there was for the enjoyment of it, but constant criticism about the whole thing has whittled away at my enthusiasm for it, and until I get my own place, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get back into it. Things change over time, needs change,

It’s been a minute or two, hasn’t it?

So, let’s dial back the weird as fuck shit for a second and talk about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, why?
because obviously, what’s happening with me is INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER WEIRD BULLSHIT I KEEP COMING UP WITH.

That was way too many Caps in the sentence, I seriously only meant to have the infinitely in caps and nothing else.
Okay, so I’ve been working the night shift at Amazon again, which is AMAZING, because for the first time, I’m not completely screwing the pooch, my rates up, I’m regularly talking to hot chicks with no intention flirting with them (kay, I lied, maybe a little. Come on, they’re hot chicks!), I made friends with a Little Person, and he is AWESOME, and almost everyday, EVERYDAY, there’s been a shortage of work because of how great both Day and Night shifts been.

But therein lies the problem, Amazon keeps hiring on new people, despite the lack of work… So does this mean we’re looking at another Mass Hire/Fire situation, where after a few months, they’re going to let us go? hopefully not, took me long enough to snag this one again.

The reason I’m asking, is because there was a strange announcement at stand up, part of one of the programs they’ve got set up, to transfer to other locations, and I’m starting to understand why now, but at the same time, I’m not going to worry about it. Or should I?

With the increasingly apparent lack of work coming in, and more early leaving times, maybe we’re doing our jobs too well? Or is it that there’s going to be a new Cross dock location opening up soon, so more work is being sent over there and we’re being left with the overflow? I dunno, but it is a bit worrying to say the least. And I’m just spinning my wheels here on the subject, there could be a whole bunch of things I could be getting wrong here…

Anyways, nuff about that!

What else is happening?
Oh, right!
For about a week or so, my brain’s been stuck on the idea that fish are naked.
And they are.
But, my best bud Blake pointed out they aren’t.
Know why?

They’re dressed to the gills!

I know, completely stupid, but it’s the best connection i’ve made, but really. Fish are naked.
also preordered MK 11, I’m not great at fighting games, but I’ve been wanting to play Mortal Kombat again for some time, and 11 seems like a pretty good jumping point. There are a few characters that are Rushers, Zoners, and just plain Combo machines, so it’ll be cool to fuck around in practice mode to try and knock something out. 
I still haven’t finished Skyrim, I think I’m nearing the end of the main story, which is great, since in each Bethesda free roam game, I manage to kill off nearly all the not needed NPCs in the first go around, find the exploits, become suped up, and go on a in game murder spree the likes THAT instance of the game universe has never seen.
Smash Brothers still has my attention, mainly for the multiplayer aspect.
Splatoon 2 simply got boring.
Brawlhala has its moments.
I don’t bother with Onigiri anymore. Soon as it got to the “O NOEZ ANIME GIRL IN TROUBLE!” Trope, I stopped playing. I dunno know I’ve got trouble getting passed the whole “Strong Female Protagonist” thing, I personally think it’s great. Maybe it’s just a displacement of the previously natural story telling gender roles? where the male was the strong one, the female was the smart one, and the villains were just dumb asses with too much time on their hands and not enough porn?
Shit, I think that’s what Evil’s problem is just in general.
They can’t get laid, i mean, sex solves all the worlds problems, if just temporarily.
But, I’ve noticed the change myself in my own editing of Sogno Della Dinastia, with Divertenti Della Amuleto focusing on the female main character, I kind of have to make that shit work out, and so far, it’s doing a pretty good job of it.

speaking of writing, and snapping back to work, whenever there’s been a lag of work and I’ve had some time, a pen, and some scrap of paper laying around, I’ve drawn a quick picture, and started scribbling notes on it like a madman. Story plotting is kind of relaxing, breaking away from just standing there, feels like I’m recharging my batteries or something of the like.
So far, I’ve knocked of two of the little darlings:
”Azmael and the Chest of the Forever Coaled”
”Felix Hogbuny goes on Vacay”

Fun little exorcises.
Lets see, what else?

Oh, right, mah carpool buds, Paul, Joseph, and John.
Paul I’ve known for a while since Peak ‘18, great guy, passionate about work, we connect amazingly. Paul’s also a Gamer, which is awesome, since I like gaming too, and we sometimes talking about gaming. Yes, that was a dumb sentence. No, I’m not erasing it. Yes, you’re stuck with it. He’s got an amazing family, and really, that’s all I’m saying on that front.
Joseph? Also a great guy, has a faster sense of humor, good taste in music, likes to ask me random questions, and overall, he’s got a lot going for him! He too, Kicks the ass at work. That was worded weirdly. Joseph is… hard to explain exactly. He’s super intelligent, and I think it might be the super coffee wearing off at this point, but, yep, super intelligent. We all work well together, yeah, definitely the coffee wearing off.
John? Super chill guy, doesn’t say much, but doesn’t really need to when at work or when it’s just us carpooling. When the Turtles are carpooling? different story all together, the dude quips amazingly. We get along amazingly, and i’m going to have to write more about the other two just to give them all equal page time…
I call us the Turtles because we each encompass a different personality type.
Paul’s definitely Leonardo.
Joseph’s Donatello.
John’s Raph, he’s got a little bit of fire in him.
And I’m Michelangelo. Why? Mikey’s been my favorite. Also, I’m writing the post, so I’m Mikey.

Whatelse? Nothing of note, just been doing my own thing… Yes, I’m cutting this short.
Why?
The super coffee is wearing off, and I’m kind of getting bored of writing the post, plus, I’m hungry. Oh, so fucking hungry for breakfast. Not to mention, the more I write, the more I’ll have to edit. Peace!
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I seek the strange man.

You know that feeling in the back of your head when you’re onto something really great?
It’s an itching sensation that you can’t quite get to, and it never leaves you alone for long.
It’s a momentary lightning strike that leaves no trace, and like the momentary flash of brilliance, once distracted from it’s entrancing display, it’s gone, out of sight, replaced by something more ubiquitous than whatever the flying fuck is going on with the world right now.
It’s the feeling of loss, replaced by greater loss, yet still replaced by greater loss, only to be filled immediately by next small victory.
Because you have to count the small victories, you have to make those small things count, or else the whole thing would collapse, leaving you nothing more than a blubbering pile of salted insults upon an already dead horse, by which the beating stick has long since broken, but people still wish to use it on the same horse, even though there’s a perfectly good horse right next to it.
Why do people do this?
Why beat the dead horse with vileness and venom?
Why not try for a different approach that would make the next horse last just a little bit longer?
There’s no shame in revealing something old to a newer generation, but it has to be done right, or else you lose the essential impact the original content had.
Am I being vague?
Of fucking course I am!
not for vagueness sake, not for some melodramatic reveal that simply wastes the effort upon which the base of this post, or review, or whatever the hell this actually is might have.
But simply because I like doing things a certain way, to be less or more descriptive to hide a true intention, or maybe just because I like the feeling of wandering my way around a post until such time that my snappy assed brain decides right then and there to actually be direct. And by THAT point alone, I’ve already lost the original thread, but the post keeps on building, word by word, layer by layer, until there is a pivotal moment, a lightning flash that screams out into the blank void of my keyboard obsessed mind, it should scream, “Now wait just a fucking minute, you pedantic ass faced moron! Looky here! Fish string! now ain’t that a kick in the balls with a cattle prod!” and this might lead to someone questioning the logic prepared by that one statement!
How does one kick someone in the balls, or anywhere really with a cattle prod?
Do they kick the cattle prod into the balls?
Is the cattle prod already placed ball sack adjacent?
Where the fuck is this taking place and has Netflix already signed on for five seasons of build up to this one moment in which nothing is explained and we are left devoid of any joy whatsoever because we canceled our subscription and now season six is tied up on actors being dicks and demanding WAY more money than their ability should ever grant them?

The feeling is mutual, and the build up is grand, and the payoff is fucking tantamount to that of having your last orgasm before you die with a smile on your face and your preferred genital analogy writhing with utmost pleasure.

That’s how I felt watching Love, Death, and Robots.
Like a fucking god.
Now where the fuck is Season Two?

Impermanence: With the pull of a trigger

I normally don’t do scripted videos anymore, I like to be unfocused, let my mind wander. But for some reason, I can’t let this one go.
Too many dead.
Too much anger.
Too much is too much.
I’ve written scripts for videos on Mass shootings before, with the clear sight on anger, or confusion, or wondering just what the fuck is actually going on, and most of the time, it started off with anger, and then popped into a kind of cooled down rage.
Friday, Brenton Tarrant, Australian, and a former Gym Teacher who felt lost with the ideology instilled in him by his parents and society at large, who then went from place to place, trying to find something, anything that would fill his spiritual and ideological needs, went from bad to worse and finally landed on the White Nationalist ideology, and then took it one step further.
He planned a massacre with two other men and one woman.
Before he went about his merry fucked up way, Brenton wrote an 87-page manifesto filled with intolerance, hatred, and plain old racism, with phrasing in tune with ISIS, referencing Donald Trump, and calling for people to Subscribe to Pewdiepie for maximum damage beyond the scope of what a pulled trigger could do.
He carried it out, shooting and killing 50 Muslims worshipping at two mosques in Christchurch and another in New Zealand, and wounding twenty others as well, live streaming the whole 17-minute debacle through a streaming service, posting it on 8chan, and from there, the footage just spread like wild fire.
Please know that I fucking hate Brenton Tarrant, and any other person like him, someone who has lost their damned fucking mind, unsatisfied with their life, and clearly out of their damned mind. Someone who feels they need to take the lives of others in order for their own life, in their mind, to have any kind of worth.
New Zealand had been, until recently, inoculated from mass shooters because of its relatively small size and because it happens to be an island nation, yes, I know, but for simplicity sake, I’m calling it a island nation.
My focus and the effects of coffee don’t last as long as they used it.
Never the less, the response has been amazing.
Not long after the shooting, footage cropped up of New Zealand law enforcements beating the utter fuck out of Brenton, as all Law enforcement has the right to do to Mass shooters. At least, in my opinion.
Look, this isn’t easy for me to write, let alone keep my focus on, but I will say this, I’m not going to be one of those people who think that by not saying the person’s name or talking about it, you’re going to make the problem go away.
Know what that’s called? Digging your head in the sand.
Being a fucking Ostrich.
Don’t be a fucking Ostrich
Talk about the issue, talk about what the utter fuck is on your mind, stop hiding your opinion because that’s what the shooters want, if you stop talking about it, stop communicating, then how will we learn how to prepare?
I’m not one to be ashamed of my words, well, not anymore, when I state the following:
These past twelve years, in the scope of the sheer number of shootings, have been fucking horrific. Kids, teens, adults, men, women, old, young, civilian, former military, I mean, will it ever end?
The short answer is, no.
Not until we go the drastic route is making and slow and horrifying example out of the next one. I won’t go into detail, but dear god I REALLY want to.
Fuck it, let’s do this shit.
I think, we should televise the execution of the shooter, not in the classic way, not by the merciful bullet to the head or lethal injection, no, no, no, no, nooooo my friends. I think we should sit them down, and ask them one simple question:
We’re they able to get away with it, using whatever tools they had made available to them, and let them take as much time as they wanted to take their targets apart, what would they do, how would they go about it, how long would they take to get it done?
And how they responded?
Do the exact same thing to them, as per their own disgusting instructions.
Take them apart, piece by piece, as if the executioner was a mechanic, disassembling a car down its very bolts. Happen upon them what they would happen upon their targets.
Televise that shit, make it the only thing on.
Force people to watch.
Send the message that those who commit such acts on innocent lives will be dealt with in the same fashion, and their last words of disgusting intent be the words of their own undoing, and their last words will be of their own screams being cut short by the final merciful act of slowly, ever so slowly twisting their heads till they screamed like rabbits being prepped for the pot, their cries for mercy and understanding falling on deaf ears as their victims cries for mercy fell deaf upon theirs.
Tell them, in their final moment, that loved ones will not greet them, nor god, nor the devil. That their minds shall simply cease to be, their brains will shut down, and everything they ever knew will be nothing. Their body will lie, cold and in the dirt to be feasted upon and turned to compost by insects, and eventually all record of who they were shall be erased.
Whatever impact they held in life, will weigh as nothing in death.
The point being, and needing to move on to the next point of interest here, is that idiots are going to be idiots. That seems like a watered-down version of the thing I want to know, and knowing me, I’m going to say it somewhere else, but we need to do something about the chaotically unwinding clock spring of the collective Human Psyche. It’s snapped, and it aint stopping, yes, it’s slowed down some, and yes, Donald trump with his brand of crazy is absorbing the majority of the blows from this thing, but we need to figure out a way of stopping it completely.
The usual news cycle is going to play out, that Brenton’s a white nationalist, something broke in his head, thoughts and prayers are going to be flung out from across the world, and HOPEFULLY New Zealand makes good on its promise to change its gun laws, and from there, things will go the route they usually do.
Sad, but true.
And I don’t write those words easily.
I write them, knowing full well that lives were lost, families torn apart, sons and daughters will grow up never hearing their father and or mothers’ voices again, mothers and or fathers, brothers and or sisters, husbands and or wives will continue living on with a great hole in their lives where there was once comfort and joy.
We need to do better.
All of us.
In whatever capacity we can.
We need leaders that aren’t afraid of insulting their base when a tragedy strikes.
We need condemnation of Nazis.

All that we are.
All that we were.
All that we will ever be.
Within 200 years after our initial passing, everyone connected to us, all our works, all stories of our descendants, will be as nothing. Simply dust in the wind.
Data never to be viewed again.
Words never to read.
Voices never to be heard.
Within 200 years, if we’re lucky, and we’ve lived a life worth living, we will be remembered for that one spark of ingenuity that made us memorable.
All other details? Gone, until rediscovered.
If it sounds like I’m sucking the philosophical dick right now, that’s because I am. The Mosque shootings have gotten me thinking about the importance of things, the greater meaning behind it all, it’s kick started something in my mind that won’t let go, no matter how much I want it to.
Back in my twenties, when I was wild, free, not tied down by the twelve ton chains of the truth of life in general, that all actions, all words, all story lines, have been repeated countless times by countless others in one way or another, I had so many different theories about how humanity continued to be.
About how our seemingly infinite variety of facial and body designs, were in fact very limited in scope, and the only difference between you and that other, at least a hundred, at most ten thousand, other people who look almost exactly like you or had the exact same thought, interest, likes, dislikes, fears, and or non-fears like you were limited to that scope, because at our hearts, at our very cores, within that subset of values, we’re simply copies of people that came before us, and they, copies of people who came before them.
Yet, despite our similarities, what we share both mentally and or physically, the ways in which we go about achieving those interests, overcoming those fears, the technology we have access to changes with every cycle.

We are fucking amazing.

And yet, with the simple snapping of a mind, the spiral into the darker parts of the basic, primal, savage, lizard section of the human mind.
With the planning of the deaths of those incorrectly perceived to be threats to our own personal safety.
With the purchasing of weapons capable of carrying out such plans.
With the initiating those plans, aiming of those weapons, and the pulling of the trigger to take out those incorrectly perceived as threats, and the ending of those same lives…
Those copies of humans who came before, at least that particular lineage, for that person, if they do not have kids…
that persons story will end.
A kind of metaphysical, “BEGONE THOT!” moment.
We are only temporary, but the impact, the weight of what we, they, he, or she will have left behind can be felt immensely, as if to say, “Hear our voice echo throughout this mighty chamber, though I may be gone and my life now forfeit, my deeds, my actions, will haunt the ones that have done me wrong. For my soul was cast, not in the name of evil or good, but somewhere in the middle, so as I might choose my own path. Here my actions thunder throughout creation, for my name be but spoken, and judgement will come thundering down upon the that poor soul.”
Impermanence: Temporary.

How will you make your impact on history last eternal?

Fuck, that’s hot coffee.

And other amazing as fuck facts about life in general.
I mean, really. What did I think getting into this post?

That it’d be some amazing fact finding spree of inspiration, of such great heights that it would forever change the landscape of human discourse and force a great and powerful evultionary force!?
Should every post be something mindblowing?
No, I don’t think so.
If you like the post, you like the post, I’m not going to get all pissy because some fucking commentor that was marked as spam, shunts a half assed, grab bag of words into what can only be described as a brain damaged serial killers first words after losing his dick in a knife fight?

Fuck no.

And yet, I’m writing a post, simply for the fuck of it. Yes, I could discover some GREAT ANDD POWERFUL DIETY but why the fuck would I waste my time doing… whatever it was I was writing about?
More importantly, hot coffee is hot.. I mean, really fucking hot. I use Ice cubes to cool it off, because I like cold coffee, that’s just how my shit rolls, I mean, really, for all our accomplishments, you have assholes that like it hot, and those who like it cold!
I’m Mr. Winter, I’m Mr. Told you so, I’m Mr. Zero Fucks Given and no I’ll not give any to your pour.
I’ve literally forgotten the part WHERE MY FUCKING ANKLE ITCHES!
Itch taken care of.
Mission all complete.
End of Line.
Go fucking Voltron.
What the fuck am I talking about!? I don’t know, there seems to be a disconnect, there is a disconnect, I can’t remember what the utter fuck I was talking about, writing about, I’m not talking, I’m writing, why the fuck would I narrate this to myself!?

Fuck thee hard, with a rotating cactus Book of Faces!

First off, let’s get one thing straight:
Fuck Facebook, that’s all.
I mean, yeah, there’s more to it than that, and believe me when I say that I am one cynical son of a bitch when it comes to things to get mad at.
Seriously, I pitched an epic level bitch fit about an overblown beauty competition that seeks to first exploit women for their looks, than subvert the beauty pageant for and IQ quiz, as if women need to prove that they’re intelligent. They are, stop making them look like overstuffed tit fests you fucking sexist fucks.
I mean, yeah, I could be blowing that WAY out of proportion, but by todays standards, that shit was tame compared to what I would’ve put eight years back, and believe me, I was filled with fire and fury like the world would never have believed.
I was also filled with the idiotic notion that people would love my blogging skills despite overwhelming proof the only reason they ever read beyond the second word was to see how far into the post itself they could get before deciding, “Nah, fuck it, UNREADABLE GARBAGE!”
Because I did not edit worth a DAMN Back then.
I learned the hard way.
Like the Archbishop in Australia learned?

I mean, holy fuck. no worries, I’ll get back to the whole “FACEBOOK BE DOWN, EVERYBODY POST ELMO MEMES!”  shit in a second, I just want to talk about this idiot. He fucked two kids because he caught them stealing from the church, and these little guys were just minding their own damned business.
Anyways, legend has it that the guy that shit under wraps for DECADES before his own guilt ate at him to the point where he just up and turned himself in.
Whoa, and what the utter fuck?
I mean, thank god he turned himself in, but the shit storm he threw into the air among the cluster fuck sized hurrican of WTF the Catholic church is already going through?
Jesus…

Anyways, back to the point of this, fuck Facebook for being down even though I don’t really give a shit. Yes, there arep eople out there that get EVERYTHING from FB, and good for them, really… show’s something positive about the platform that ultimately means people are going to freak out every time the platforms down for a few hours to half a day.
I mean, where else am I going to see crappy adverts for games I already don’t give a shit about?
”OH MY GOD, THEY WERE RIGHT, THE GAME SO AWESOME, FACEBOOK THOUGHT IT WAS A CONSERVATIVE POST SO HARDCORE, FACEBOOK TOOK ITSELF DOWN!”  Wait… no, that doesn’t strike the right chord here.
”OMG, FACEBOOK IS NAUGHTY, DON’T LET YOUR GIRLFRIEND CATCH YOU PLAYING WITH IT, AND YOURSELF!” Nope, still not right.
”FACEBOOK WENT AND FUCKED ITSELF OFF THE INTERNET!”
Perfect.
Or, is it? I can never really tell.
I mean, really, to me, Facebook is the thing that I HAVE to keep an account on, not because I need to, but because it connects me to my fam, my friends, and my potential dates that never quite get to the actual date part. Which is, at the moment, how I prefer it.
But, for those who’ve gone the “MUST WORSHIP THINE BOOK OF FACES, OUR SOUL FOR BAD PAY TO WAIT TO PLAY GAMES!”
It’s almost as if Le Zuckerberg is testing out a theory, so he brought FB offline just to see what would happen, and holy shit, he brought out the popcorn  and had himself a marathon as people took to twitter to shit all over the website as if it were their drug of choice and their dealer was a no show.
Fucking beautiful.
Though, I could be wrong, I mean, I’ve been wrong about things before, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the given reason were that FB is going through the piecemeal process of updating its platform on a massive scale to combat misinformation campaigns launched by Trump supporters to further influence the 2020 campaign.
Now, don’t get me wrong OR right, there’s a chance we might have a second Trump Term, but then again, we might not… Like, really. I’m almost excited at the prospect of how  this election cycle is going to play out… Still, with FB being down, which might be a sign of the times, that the unyielding might of the platform, is gone, creates a vacuum.

My thoughts about working for Amazon

NOTE TO THEE: I originally wrote this while I was STILL working for them, it’s still relevant, and I’m trying to clear up my drafts, and I don’t delete any posts. what was written then, is still relevant today.

Dear god, it has been a while since I last posted, hasn’t it? Well, here I am, so let’s get this shindig out of the way! I’ve been working for Amazon for little under two months at this point, and I’m going to rant a little bit.

The hours are long, the work is simple, and since it’s ULTIMATE DEATHMATCH SPACE BATTLE EPIC PEAK SEASON ALPHA 2018!!! We’re under tremendous pressure to knock out as many packages as possible.
Dick joke, or work joke… YOU decide.
Anywho, the atmosphere is relaxed, friendly and jovial, and there are plenty of ways to keep yourself entertained throughout the ten hour shift, talking WHILE working, arcade machines in the break room, watching tv, eating, and working. They’ve even got a work based waterslide that only the packages can use! See? fun for the whole working class family! The inside of the place where I work has the design scheme of what the inside of a robotic hard boiled egg might look like, white and yellow, and it’s a maze of pillars, poles, conveyors, tape lines, barriers, and machines all over the place, it’s pretty amazing how everything fits together.

At the heart of it all, you’ve got the varying departments working in concert with each other, for simplicity sakes, I’m using abrievs bruh, abrievs, but you’ve got IB, OB, ID, OD, UR, and a few other bits and bites, each section is like it’s own little city, with it’s own little mayor and it’s weird, fun, and all that jazz. I’m in Ur, which is fun, kind of, it keeps me busy, entertained, and I get to watch other people occasionally slack off while the lines packed to the gills, but fuck them, we’re a team.

Like I said before, the work’s pretty fucking easy, and the only way to not have smooth sailing is to NOT PAY FUCKING ATTENTION, because there’s a big fucking thing right in front of your face, two of the, really, that’s telling you where each thing is going, and it’s the simplest bit of fun in the world. You’re essentially paying the easiest game of lasertag in the world, and that’s pretty much it.

That being said, the pay’s great, the options are shweet, plenty of ways to grow and climb up that ladder. The only thing some of the weaker willed people couldn’t get their heads around was the long work day, it’s only long if you pay attention to it, and it’s not like you’re bolted in place. You need to get some water? Go get it. Need to relieve yourself? Do it to it, in the restroom, obviously.

There are couples in the place, and there are plenty of chances to find love or friendship in the place, but I’m not there for that, I’m just there to work, get paid, and go back to work some more. But, humans being social creatures, finding friendship there is one of the mandatory things that happens whether you want it to or not. I’ve made plenty of awesome friends, and I’m getting the hang of things, and with the arcade machine (I LOVE THAT FUCKING THING.) I’m finding ways to keep myself entertained, I wanted to start writing again, I can probably do that during my lunch, since that seems to be the thing that’s on my mind the most.

That’s one of the weird things though, Amazon, the work afternoon, evening, night, and early morning tend to sap your creativity, or energy, so you have to wonder this: When something takes up most of your day (For good reason, you’re there to work, not fuck around, fun as it is, it IS still a job site.) I’m left wondering if I’ve got the time and energy to continue my own writing projects, after all, those are the things that’ve kept me going the longest, and I’ve thought about that very thing…. It’s all about finding a balance I suppose, one that I’ll eventually find.

There are a few gripes I have, those are far and few between, for the most part everything works as it should. For the most part. As with any tech, there are moments when things don’t work as they should, or things just go dark (Not the place, just bits and pieces of small level tech, mostly due to human error), and there are a few ways they could help improve the workflow a bit better.

As much as I want to continue, I’m reminding myself that discretion is the better part of valor.

Bottom line: Hours are excellent, pays good, plenty of room for growth, ways of keeping yourself occupied, friendly atmosphere, every level works easy AF, and blast past the goal markers, and it’s pretty cool over all!

Nazi Beer Pong, R. Kelly Crying, and Erasing Michael Jackson… What the fuck.

So, normally, or rather lately I don’t bother with the stronger stuff, I just don’t, there’s already enough examples of me getting pissed about dumb ass things that really… I shouldn’t get mad at.
Still, the Miss America Pageant can go fuck itself, I have my reasons.
So, what’s the new rager today?
I mean, if you have to ask that, ya’ didn’t read the title of this, did ya?
So let’s tackle the biggest fucker here, shall we?
Nazi beer pong. Teens who recently learned about the Holocaust, and saw the angry Austrian dude flinging hands around, who blamed Germany’s defeat on the Jewish annnnd subsequently decided, “AWRIGHT, LETS PARTAY!” first off, fuck em. fuck those idiots for thinking this was such a GREAT FUCKING IDEA in the first place,
Yes, I get it, they’re sorry, but y’know what? That’s the beauty of getting older, you start to give less of a fuck about the fact they’re sorry AFTER THE FACT and more pissed about the fact they did this shit in the first place.
Not to mention, y’know, the great sentient cheesy poof with a habit of flicking the word Fake News everywhere failed to condemn Nazis, and said there were great people on both sides… Yeah, I’m guessing that had a shit ton to do with why they thought this was a great theme for a party, which, HA, underage drinking and the usual dumbassery of thinking they’d get away with this was fucking brilliant.
Also, kudos to the dumbass that thought up the brilliant plan of flooding the principal with emails so he wouldn’t be able to expel them from school. yeah, no. If I were the principal of that place, I’d have thrown a fucking rally, invite the little bastards to the center of the auditorium, give a big ol speech, and hand them the expulsion papers, and yeah, while that’d be quick to solve the riddle of “Hurdur, can’t expel us if we’re gunna flood his emails!” and quick to piss a few parents off, I’d kindly remind the little shits that our school has no room, absolutely none whatsoever for that kind of bullshit.
And yes, the parents would have their opinions about “WE PAID SO MUCH MONEY SO OUR DARLING LITTLE ANGEL COULD HAVE THE BEST EDUCATION!”
I would have mine, “We sent good young men to their graves by the thousands to kill the Nazi sumbitch that was killing over 6 million Jewish practitioners, and the last thing we need is another rise of the Nazi, get your kid the fuck off my campus.”
My initial gut reaction over with… Let’s dial it back a little.

First, don’t get me wrong, I read the CNN article, and I’m happy that the Nazi Beer Pongers got a taste of reality, by way of Eva Schloss telling them about the horrors of the Holocaust, about how she and her Step sister, Anne Frank, hid from the Nazis in an apartment block, and survived the concentration camps while, unfortunately, Anne Frank passed away before her sixteenth birthday.
It’s refreshing to know that with the proper guidance and educational tools, as well as a little first person recounting of such horrifying events, the youth of today can become a better generation.
Seriously, Fuck Nazis.
I wanted to get that out of the way before heading into the second part.

R. Kelly crying… Just, okay, I don’t even know where to begin, so i’m going to start at the heaviest thing here:
The man’s accused of having relations with underage girls, imprisoning women in his house, being a controlling asshole, and… yeah, let’s zipline back to that first one, since, the other two pale in comparison:
R. Kelly is being accused of being a sexual predator.
Just… what the actual fuck. And when Gayle King interviewed him, and I love this part, because it shows that for a split second he premeditated and planned this shit out:
Robert asked if a particular camera was on him, and when it was confirmed, the dude purposefully flipped out, addressing the camera directly, screaming, punching his fist, flipping out, basically the god damned water works.

And I wasn’t focusing so much on the man baby being a dramatic asshole, I was much more focused on Gayle herself, she sat there, with poise, calmly trying to figure out a way to get everything under control, and she did just that.
He just continued pouring on the gas to the fire and went all out, and while I’m tempted to feel sorry for the guy, I can’t, I just can’t.
IF, for some reason, this was blackmail, or someone had kidnapped someone close to him, and he was freaking out about this, because they wanted something of his, but he’s like, “Nah motherfucker, my shit’s mine.” THEN and only then would I feel sorry for the guy. And if he’s proven innocent in the end of all of this, I will walk back my comments, but if he’s guilty of pedophilia, then all my fucks have simply run out and he deserves everything coming to him.
It’s sad to know that being a Celebrity comes with the known risk of someone destroying your life because of a fuck up, and yes, I am aware that nothing’s been proven yet, but Robert’s going to have to register as a sex offender, serve time in which he’ll get his ass handed to him many times over, his music’s getting pulled off the play lists the world over, and basically, his life’s work is over with.
Hopefully, the latter’s not the case, but if it is, fuck him. Never listened to his music that much anyways. And there will always be a dedicated fan base, no matter what. People, fans, that will listen to his music no matter what the hell is going on.

Which brings us to the final third of this: Because of a documentary aired on HBO, “Leaving Neverland”, basically the poison pill that kills the majority of love for the King of Pop, Michael Jackson is effectively and posthumously being erased from culture, why?
As stated above, there will always be die hard fans who’ve got eternal love for Michael Jackson, no matter what, but it will become more and more difficult to publicly show that appreciation for his musical genius, especially when there are parties out there, ever ready to continue their assault on his musical majesty.
The documentary has interviews from people claiming Michael molested them when they were kids, and I’m not going to lie when I ask the question, where the fuck were these assholes while he was alive?
Why did they only feel safe to come out of the woodwork ten years after he passed away, though there are people out there that say his doctor murdered him. And verdicts as well. Nother topic for another day, if I remember that.
What disturbs me the most is, that in this weird era we seem to be in, Which, hey, if it does the great deed of removing creepy fucks from positions of power, I’m all for it. But, if the movement assails the memory of the person after they’ve passed away, that’s just wrong.
Regardless of what the proof and verdict is, I will always enjoy michaels music, regardless of what the majority of die hard Celeb Status killers want to say.
Prove them guilty while they’re alive, while it has the most impact, don’t wait till their bodies have been cold in the ground for a decade to turn the cherished memory of the person into a pile of shit smelling ash.

So, in closing:
Nazi’s can go fuck themselves.
Robert Kelly needs to man the fuck up and stop pitching bitch fits at the camera.
Stop trying to kill the memory of his Musical Majesty, Michael Jackson, long may he moon walk over the haters.

Just needed to get this out of the way…

Women… Phhh

First off, y’all… are strange as fuck.
And, here’s why that’s a good thing.
you are innovators.
you are geniuses.
you are teachers.
You are muses.
you are inspiration.
You are literally the engine that keeps humanity going, and yes, talking about crotch stuff. Well, belly… you know what I’m talking about. TALKIN’ BOUT EJECTING A TINY HUMAN FROM CROTCH HOLE AFTER FUN FUN TIME!
Men are just as insecure about mating as women are about men being insecure about mating.
Here’s the thing, and fun with girl logic memes:
A gal, hanging around with some guy friends, in some cases, has to claim she has a boyfriend, (I said in SOME cases) so that any potential annoying flirts will be knocked away, like a fluffy cat, batting at a piece of string. The string of hope, it dangles. Like old man balls. Bat, fluffy cat, bat.
Getting off track, I honestly have no fucking clue where I was going with this, needless to say, it’s hard for me to transition from friend to boyfriend, because then I get caught up in what’s allowed versus not allowed because then it’s a whole new ballgame, and I’d rather meet someone new with the sole intention of getting with them, and while the friends first thing works out a ton, it just confuses the fuck out of me, because if things don’t work out, and I’m sending you the “go ahead” signal, but you don’t send it back, wtf does the mean?
Try harder?
Stop trying?
Eat at Joe’s?
Where the fuck is Joe’s?
What do they serve?
Are there annoying yelp reviews that I can make fun of?
Most importantly, with women, in this day and age, dating is fucking terrifying, because ya don’t know how the gal is going to react, what the hell is going through her head, and more importantly, what the percentage of success you’re going to have is, I’m not talking how often is it going to end up in sex, I’m simply talking getting to the next date and so on and so forth, especially with the ingrained perception that YOU MUST HAVE AT LEAST THIS MUCH TO EVEN QUALIFY FOR A DATE!
And even then, it’s a fucking mystery as to which women will reply to what messages in what style and that’s another set of SHERLOCK BOOKS THAT TAKES YEARS TO GET THROUGH and the whole time you’re thinking to yourself, ‘The fuck. Could be at home watching porn!’
But nooooooo!
That’s always the wrong answer, porn is never the right answer, unless the question being asked is “How many feathers can I get away with?”
But now you’re just focusing on the feathers instead of the date and that’s how you wind up ordering the Chicken when you REALLY just wanted the steak!

See!?
See what I mean!?
Now I want more chicken.
So, in short, dating is fucking terrifying, I want more chicken, and women are the perpetual motion machines of humanity, because you help slap the stupid out of men. Also, my cat has a furry monoboob… need to get that thing checked out.

Santa Mueller’s coming to town!

You all know my absolute disdain for donald Trump.
I do support the Office of the President.
I love my country.
I will never like Donald Trump.
Never have, never will.

So, why resume the Anti Trump rants?
Why?
There’s no point. That’s what the critics would say, hoping it’d shut me up.
But, fuck that, why?
Because, Santa Mueller is coming to town!
He’s making a list,
Checking it twice!
We’re going to find out that Trump’s guilty thrice!
And so, my friends, I open up that creaky, rusted shut vault of good ol fashioned anger that I’ve been hanging on to for dear god knows how long, and unleash the contents of it onto this post, and like a fine bottle of Champagne from the 1700’s about to be uncorked, sending thousands of chic wine… drinkers into a deep stated mental frenzy of “Oh no you didn’t!”
But what’s it going to be aimed at?
The supporters for getting him elected? Nah.
The 2016 campaign? Nope.
His various scandals and obvious crimes? Why… No.
What then?
I nailed it right off the bat when I said that Donald colluded with the Russian’s, WAAAAAY back when, like, Day Uno. Donald, is like a dug in splinter, he’s just annoying as hell, an infectious poison that’s caused a great amount of division within our country, splitting our citizens into the following:
1. Those that would gladly sacrifice a baby seal to his Golden Showeredness in the hopes for another day nothing new happening.
2. Those that supported him for the most part but when he started fucking with their paychecks and then and ONLY then did they start to have doubts about “He who shall remain an eternal AnnoyingOrange mascot”.
3. Those that Voted for him in the primaries but changed their vote once the angry glares started happening.
4. Those that, for lack of a better saying, “Simply knew what the flying fuck actually happened and began raising hell for it.”
5. And the least important of them all, the ones that didn’t vote at all because in their eyes, “Between a consistently bankrupting racist and a woman who keeps getting yelled at for her Husband, for emails, and for Benghazi even though it’s no longer relevant, neither seemed to warrant our patriotic duty and casting our vote.” You unpatriotic lazy fucks. No, no, you don’t get to complain, you lost that ability once you failed to ACTUALLY vote when it most counted.
From there, he started trying to implement an Authoritarian style of ruling, which, HAHAHAHAHA… Yeah, no. why? He wanted control, he wanted to be worshipped like a GOD, failing to realize that until too late, that the mroe fame one has, the more of ones own skeletons start falling out the closet and traumatizing little children, and, might I say?
God fucking damn, Donald “Ye Ol Moldy Cheeto” Drumpf, had more skeletons in his Closet-o-Crime than the Vietnam War claimed lives on both sides. Let’s… Let’s go through a few of the more sizeable bones, shall we?
you can be sure I’ve got a very big grin on my face while I’m writing this. This list contains charges against the FOTUS or the Fauxresident of these united states. I’m well aware he IS the POTUS for the time being, but we’ll see how long that lasts.
The more indepth version of this list can be found here: http://fortune.com/2018/09/21/donald-trump-lawsuit-investigation-charges-news-update/

I will be putting the first paragraph of each item in for clarity sake, credit goes to the authors of the original article. Yes, I know the easy target is “OH, SO YOU DIDN’T KNOW ALL THIS YOURSELF!?” MY repy: Meh, whatevs, here’s the source and credit where it’s due.”

1. Russian Conspiracy Investigation by Special Counsel Robert Mueller
The Mueller investigation is examining whether President Trump or those associated with him engaged in a conspiracy with elements of the Russian government to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election. Legally, conspiracy is a plan between two or more parties to purposely commit an unlawful act. It’s worth noting that conspiracy charges don’t require that the desired outcome be achieved.

2. Obstruction of Justice by President Trump
Due to Session’s conflicts with the Russian investigation, Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein wrote a memo used as part of the public justification for the firing of then-FBI chief James Comey. But in an interview with NBC’s Lester Holt, Trump publicly said part of the reason for firing Comey was to shut down the investigation into Russian meddling. As a result of Trump’s firing Comey, his attempts to get Sessions to reverse his recusal, and his public statements about witnesses and the investigation, Mueller is reportedly examining whether Trump obstructed justice.

3. Michael Cohen Fallout: Tax Evasion, Fraud, Campaign Violations, Lying to Congress
Michael Cohen, Trump’s long-time personal attorney, who was widely acknowledged to be his “fixer,” pleaded guilty on Aug. 21 to eight criminal charges referred by Mueller to federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York (SDNY). While some charges relate to his own actions, his pleas swept in the president because Cohen implicated Trump directly. Cohen admitted to making two payments to adult-film stars to influence the election by preventing them from speaking publicly.

4. Appointment of Matt Whitaker as Acting Attorney General
On Nov. 19, three Democratic senators who serve on the Senate Judiciary Committee—Richard Blumenthal, Mazie Hirono, and Sheldon Whitehouse—filed a lawsuit against Trump alleging that his interim appointment of Matt Whitaker as acting attorney general violated the Constitution’s Appointments clause.

5. Lawsuits by Stephanie Clifford (Stormy Daniels) on Non-Disclosure (Active) and Defamation (Settled)
Adult-film actress and exotic dancer Stephanie Clifford (better known as Stormy Daniels) says she and President Trump had a short affair in 2006. In October 2016, Cohen, acting on behalf of Trump, paid Clifford $130,000 to agree to not disclose any details. Clifford said she accepted the money out of fear for her personal safety. Cohen pleaded guilty in August to campaign-finance violations in making this payment.

6. First Amendment Violations by PEN America over Threats to Bezos, Amazon, CNN, and Others
The literary and human-rights group, PEN America, sued the president on Oct. 16 over his statements, threats, and actions that they alleged chill and suppress the expression of free speech. The group cited a number of examples.
They point to Trump as candidate and president expressing his displeasure with the Washington Post‘s coverage of him by threatening its owner, Jeff Bezos, and his company, Amazon, in a variety of ways. This includes reported attempts to have the postmaster general dramatically increase the rate it charges to handle Amazon packages. PEN also cites Trump’s behavior around CNN, again related to his unhappiness with its reporting on him, and the Justice Department’s suit to prevent a merger between AT&T and CNN parent company Time Warner.

7. Emoluments Cases Brought by Maryland and Washington, D.C., and by Democrats
Two clauses in the Constitution forbid the president from receiving things of value, effectively barring officials from enriching themselves as a benefit of holding office. They’re effectively anti-corruption rules. The first (Article I, Section 9, Clause 8) prohibits anyone holding federal office—including the president—from receiving money, gifts, compensation (“emoluments,” or pay for services), or titles from foreign governments unless the U.S. Congress approves. The second (Article II, Section 1, Clause 7) declares the president will receive a set salary for his term of office. But he or she can’t receive compensation of any other kind from the U.S.

8. Self-Dealing and Mismanagement of the Trump Foundation
The New York State Attorney Barbara Underwood has accused the Donald J. Trump Foundation of a variety of crimes, from a lack of oversight to illegal political coordination with Trump’s presidential campaign. The criminal lawsuit, filed in June, cited many instances of self-dealing in which charity directors allegedly engaged in transactions by spending the nonprofit’s money for their own interests, such as purchasing services from the Trump Organization, paying personal legal obligations (such as lawsuit settlements), and serving political ends.
The investigation was started by Underwood’s predecessor, Eric Schneiderman. (Schneiderman resigned in May after he faced a domestic abuse and sexual abuse allegations.)

9. State Tax Law Violations by the Trump Foundation
New York’s Department of Taxation and Finance is also reportedly looking into state tax law violations by the foundation, and could refer the matter for prosecution by Attorney General Underwood. This might put the lawsuit on hold, while the criminal investigation goes forward.

10. Racketeering Lawsuit Alleges Duping Vulnerable Investors in Exchange for Secret Payments
A racketeering lawsuit against Trump, his three oldest children (Eric, Ivanka, and Don, Jr.), and the Trump Organization alleges the Trumps promoted a get-rich-scheme that defrauded vulnerable investors, and that the Trumps would have known this to be the case. It also accuses the Trumps of receiving payments not disclosed to investors.
The lawsuit was brought on behalf of four plaintiffs, and the lawyers managing the suit have petitioned to keep them pseudonymous because of “serious and legitimate security concerns given the heated political environment.”

11. Defamation Lawsuit Related to Sexual Assault Allegations by Summer Zervos
While Trump has faced numerous allegations of unwanted physical contact and sexual assault, only one lawsuit has been filed in recent years—and it was for defamation. Summer Zervos, who was a contestant in 2005 on Trump’s show, The Apprentice, claimed in 2016 that Trump had kissed her on the lips twice on one occasion and groped her breast on another. While the statute of limitations on any alleged assault or harassment has passed, Zervos sued Trump for defamation because he accused her of lying.
As with Jones v. Clinton, were this lawsuit to proceed to court, it is of less importance whether Zervos prevails than the discovery process that may require Trump to produce information and depositions. Zervos’ attorneys want documents related not just to her, but to any accusation of sexual misconduct or inappropriate touching by Trump.

12. CNN Constitutional Lawsuit over Suspending Jim Acosta’s Press Credentials (Settled)
On Nov. 7, CNN White House correspondent Jim Acosta had his press credentials suspended following a rancorous press conference held by Trump the day after the midterm elections. Acosta had asked the president a question and began to ask a follow-up when an intern tried to remove the mic Acosta was holding. Acosta held onto the mic, asked his question, then yielded it. Later that day, when he returned to the White House to film a live shot, Acosta had his “hard pass,” or long-term press credentials for expedited entry, confiscated by a Secret Service agent.
Acosta was denied a one-day press pass the following day. He was also barred from attending events the president appeared at in Europe to commemorate the centenary of the end of World War I.
After attempts by CNN for a resolution, according to the network, it sued on Nov. 13, alleging violations of the First Amendment’s protections for the press to allow free reporting on the government, and the Fifth Amendment, from a lack of due process regarding the withdrawal of Acosta’s press access. The suit also states that there was no valid basis on law outside of constitutional issues on which to suspend Acosta’s White House access.
On Nov. 8, Sanders accused Acosta of “placing his hands” on the interns, despite the ready availability of video showing he had not. Sanders then posted a doctored video published by an Infowars contributor that selectively sped up portions of the Acosta/intern interaction, added color, and zoomed in. Sanders said that was the basis of the suspension. On Nov. 13, in response to the CNN lawsuit, Sanders dropped that claim.
These are some of the more Sizeable Skeletons that donald’s attempted to hide away, and while all are going on, the basis of my anger at Donald, at it’s very core, is the fact that he won using outside means, thereby cheating at the very Democracy that this great nation is based upon, that once holy and hallowed ground by which the WILL of the American citizens determines the leadership path of this land of ours.
THAT, and that alone is the reason I’m so very against Donald Trump.
Well, that and the fact he’s being sued for disgusting reasons, has been a noted racist with indirect KKK ties through his father, which means some of that Fathely Racism rubbed off on Sonny Don, what else? Oh, yeah, everything about him except his wealth. They say money is the root of all evil, that “They have more than me, so they won’t miss it if I take my fair share that I clearly didn’t earn.” mentality, so yeah.
You COULD and SHOULD say I’m excited as hell for the results of the Mueller Report to pop into our hands as soon as possible, and you can be DAMNED sure I’m going to be making a video about what I read in it. #resist #impeachtrump

Because at this point, ANYONE, including a still twitching severed hand, is going to be better than this idiot.

I want to tell you something, though… it might not make sense.

Shootings and the POTUS: Theorized connection of one crazy outweighing the other.

A while back, I wrote something about the socio-psychological clockspring of the psyche of the American people being wound as tight as it can possibly go, and when the rash of shootings, the most traumatic being those of Sandy Hook Elementary, where, for reasons unknown, Child Killer, as he will be referred to, stole the lives of 16 children… the numbers might’ve been a little fudged on my part. Anyways, the snap back hasn’t stopped, or slown down, in the least.
If anything, it’s gaining speed, and force in the form of donald trump, who’s own level of insanity is absorbing most of the blunt force from the socio-psychological snapback of the tail of the clock spring.
Think about it.
And no, still a very good supporter of covering him in honey and rolling him in a pile of cracked out fire ants. He may be the president, but he’s always been Donald “I like getting pissed on” Trump.
Anyways, for a minute, I want you to think about life without trump in office, without that “Shield of insanity” how many other shootings would have gone on?
how of those would be newsworthy?
The fact of the matter is, the only way I’m even remotely glad the glow in the dark fuck nut is in office, IS because the pool of potential shooters is a very small percentage of his support base, and, while this might sound crazy as there’s only been one shooting we’ve been notified about, the Pool-o-shooters is satiated, having their crazy ass idol be in office has cooled their angry, itchy trigger fingers for something more poisonous and yet somehow less lethal, Twitter arguments defending his royal annoying orange, the POTUS.
I’m not defending either I’m just saying, that without one, there’d be a lot more of the other, and without the other, we’d all be happier. But without both, there would be fucking peace on earth.

On a more serious note, the news of the Aurora Shooting didn’t really shock me, as it did remind me that no matter how high the level of crazy is, there will always be a HIGHER level of crazy.
And hwile this sounds like some kind of idiotic conspiracy theory, you have to wonder…

Hotdogs and Buns: The Evil Equal Conspiracy

Why hotdogs and hotdog buns are now equal in number, because I just can’t figure that shit out.
I swear to god, and yes I’m changing the subject, because I got bored of whatever it was I was talking about…. chimichangas or something, all I know is that I’m hungry, and easily distracted, so the fact that i’m still writing this is a fucking god send.

Unfinished Writtiness: Drafts of Posts Past

Y’know, I’ve got around five or ten half finished drafts that might never see the light of day? Not because I didn’t want to publish them, it’s just that I got distracted by games, girls, and being pissed off at Fortnite because….

Fuck Fortnite: Here’s why

I don’t know. I just really hate fortnite.
Yet I keep playing the damned thing, it’s fucking weird, the only modes I like playing are playground and creative where you just BUILD shit. That and when I fill the lobby, I always hide from the others and mislead them as to where I actually am.
Fun!
Because I don’t like losing, and the only way to win, is to fucking wait till everyone gets bored, which, believe me, is as fucking boring as you would think it is, so I try to keep myself entertained by fucking with people’s heads about where I am, and I take a RIDICULOUS amount of pleasure upon hearing their annoyed voices as for the twentieth time they ask me where I am.

By the power of Glitchskull: I HAVE THE ONE SHOT

Because let’s be honest here? I suck at playing games, hell the only reason I play open world games is to find and kill everything that I can, exploit the game mechanics and glitches and buggy areas to maximize my chances at winning, and ultimately, prove how much of a fucking one shot power whore I can be to the biggest baddies in the game based SOLELY on how well I’ve prepared myself!
Because, yes, I’ll play games the right way for a while, and theeeeeeeen I’ll get bored and just fuck around till I basically have an overpowered character.
I suck at multiplayer games, and single player games make me feel powerful.
Because multiplayer makes me feel how I do in real life, and fuck that bullshit.

You know, I might actually have ADHD… Weird, oh well.

Dear Amy, here’s all the things I want to say to you.

This is to a woman I’ve dated for around 7 months with no progress… And I’m not going to hold back.
Dear Amy,
You want to know the reason i’m not really talking to you?
It’s not because of your family.
It’s not because of you (Partially).
Actually, no, check that last ones… Every conversation we have online turns into you talking about how crappy your life is because you feel alone.
We all feel alone, that’s why we try to hang out with people we think have common interests.
Unfortunately, you tend to take everything and make it about you…. so, fun! This is conjunction with the fact you have a thing about long messages (which by far are more convieniant than short messages leaving me with a puzzled look on my face about what exactly it is I’m supposed to infer from the words, “Nope, I’m fine now.” apart from the following:
“I’m fucking with your head, because you wouldn’t talk to me when I wanted to talk to you but you were busy then, and now that you’re free to talk, I don’t want to talk to you.”
how is this supposed to get me to understand anything, it’s like you take every bit of advice from jokes and memes clearly not meant to be taken seriously, and while I do applaud your forwardness, calling me an asshole for just wanting to break away from my 20 year habit (I’m 34) of going from relationship to relationship, or straight on to dating, or saying something you don’t agree with, is just… .weird. And I’m not talking about anything major, it’s the littlest thing which can set you off on a tangent, and yay, great, lovely.
Whatever.
the fact of the matter is I don’t have the patience I used to.
More over, I told you I loved you annnnnd nothing, just straight on to the next clump of sadness you needed to unload. I get wanting to take your time, but my attraction to you has it’s limits, and if I’m not getting anything in return, nevermind the physical, ’cause outside of me giving you a back massage, there was nothing.
I got you nearly 150 bucks in christmas gifts, there wasn’t a thank you.
I was checking my account to see if I had enough for the rest of the week for expenses, gas money, rent, and you told me not to worry about it.
I asked straight up if you loved me back emotionally, and you basically said nope.
So, why then, should I bother continue to date someone if it’s just going to be a one way thing?
Why should I continue to bother wondering if there’s any possibility of ANYTHING happening when the closer I think We getting to that goal line, the harder you make it for there to even be an ‘Us’?
Shit happened, crappy relationships, douchebag friends, I got that, no need to go into detail,and most importantly:
You were going into nursing, studying the crap out of the subject, you showed me your workbook, and it was filled to the brim with notes, answers, references, and it showed you poured your heart into the subject, but when you got the opportunity to knock it out of the park, you let the words of some idiot teacher and a few bitchy women get in the way of you succeeding and decided instead to go for other jobs.
far be it from me to lambast you for choosing how to live your life, but at the same time, dear fucking god, woman, wtf?
So, I’m done, I’m taking a break, and this part has nothing to do with you, I’m finally taking a break for my own benefit, why, you ask?
Because for so long I’ve let my self confidence be determined by if I have a girlfriend or not, and that’s not a healthy way for ANYONE to live.
I need to have self confidence based on my own level of self esteem, nothing else.
Again, this part has nothing to do with you, even though you’ll think it definitely does, because yeah, that’s a thing.

Fun Fact: women like sex too!

For the uninformed, this will surprise and shock you to no end!
Worlds will be changed forever!
Societies will crumble and shift!
No, Butterscotch toffee won’t save your stupid man baby brain from shattering into a thousand pieces you fucking idiot.

for the informed:
Carry on as usual.
If you see men screaming in panic, they are the dumb ones.

Hello, my name is Morgan, I’m the DOVAHKIN!

Buuuut, that’s not what I’m going o talk about, afterall, it’s my blog, so whoop there it is! Happy Valentines day you sexy fucks.
There, did it.
Anyways, today I wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to, not talking about any kinds of heavy topics which will unnaturally devolve into a kind of idiot soup, as… Most of my blogs eventually do and I’ve already forgotten what it is I’m writing about because things and animals keep interrupting me. Fan fucking tastic.
I think given the blog pattern of each post, this is exactly what happens, I start in on a topic, and then, in one glorious moment of temporary self reflection I say to thee, “FUCKETH IT, I SHALL GOETH DOETH SOMETHING ELSETH!” And I know that’s not how it works out, but, let’s stay focused here.
Lately, I’ve been playing a SHIT TON OF SKYRIM for the Nintendo Switch, and I am fucking addicted…
To slaughtering every killable NPC and making game breaking weapons and armor that one shot most enemies like a son of a bit and making ridiculously leveled skill jumps, exploring new lands, murder punching every stupid face there till I get bored of murder punching people right in their stupid fucking faces, rinse and repeat.
But, I’ve done the murder punching bit OVER AND OVER AND OVER and THIS time around, I’ve actually started playing the game, or, at least, I will when I get the following enchantments on my gear:

Helm:
Magika
Magika Regen

Neck:
Barter
Lockpicking

Body:
Health
Resist Disease

Glove:
Carry Weight
Pickpocket

Ring:
Alchemy
Smithing

Boot:
Stamina
Sneak

Argonian Race Trait:
waterbreathing

(12 hours later. Not kidding, I got distracted by skyrim.)

So my thinking on this is that the Argonians, or skyrim’s version of the LIZARD PEOPLE are the only race in the game with natural Water Breathing, cause they’re fuckin’ Lizards. So, with enchanting at Level 100, that gives me access to Extra effect which allows me to put two enchantments on an item, therefor giving me 12 slots to put enchantments, so, use the Fortify Restoration glitch to make some fucking powerful potions, (we’re talking in the 200 billion percentile range here) enchant a set with fortify Alchemy, make a fortify Enchanting potion, and knock all those listed things out, though I am considering swapping out health for health Regen, because if my health is too high, or it doesn’t show the health increased by -10,000,000 or so, then the moment I take that gear off, I die. horribly.
My logic with the carry weight is that, well, I loot shit all the time, I’m a fucking thief in Skyrim, so I need my sneak, lock picking, and pickpocket to be fucking insane, and with INFINITE STAMINA my ass can run from one part of the map to the next without needing to take a break!
I think I spend nearly all my free time playing skyrim, mainly doing the Item Duplication glitch, which strangely enough, only seems to work in Whiterun, one of the first cities you come across.
I’ve tried playing the game normally, and for me, there is no normal way to play.
“But, YOU’RE RUINING THE GAME!” Am I?
for who, exactly?
you?
You aren’t playing my game, you’re playing a COPY of the game, so you play however YOU want, and I’ll play however I want. All I know is that my last five playthroughs ended with me slaughtering every killable NPC I came across and brutalizing the ones that couldn’t be killed. I must’ve killed nearly eight thousand guards alone.
So, this play through, I chose to play as an Argonian male named Dethbite. Because of course I did. I chose his coloring to be as bright as possible, why? Because in nature, in the wild, reptiles that have bright and beautiful coloring on their scales are known to be deadly as fuck.
And it’s fun as hell.
I would’ve played as one of the Elf or human races, but something about a Lizard man running around, shouting every city, hold, and farm to absolute death is just too fucking funny.
Should’ve named him Godzilla, LMAO.
Besides, I really want to one shot dragons, so that’s why I need smithing, ALTHOUGH I could just find the Absorb health enchantment and go fucking nuts on that, and somehow, in the last playthrough, i found something with the chaos enchantment, which has all three elemental attacks in it, and can literally fuck anyone’s day up. In a heartbeat.

(13 hours later. Again, not kidding.)

Update: I spent the better part of last night knocking out that level 100 Enchanting skill, and IT WAS WORTH IT. Got my carry weight up to 311 million, my health up to 200 million, and my stamina up to …. I don’t even know, but so far everything’s coming together like a BEAST! I’m so excited! Also, found an Alchemist in Markarth that I can’t outright kill. Which is a good thing, at least Bethesda had the foresight to make one of the little bastards unkillable.
This means she’s got a quest line, this also means she has a shit ton of alchemy ingredients that I can snag and clone like crazy to find every little combination, which is goooooooood.
I’ve also lost another Mercenary, so I’ve decided to get one of the unkillable NPC’s as my follower, which thank fucking god for that, because I found something out!
NPCs usually have a max carry weight of around 350 or so when trading items with them, BUT, if you simply have them pick items UP then they have no carry limit, so long as it’s one item at a time when doing the Duplication glitch.
right, also forget to add one or two things to that little bastard.
1. The trick to resetting the Item Dupe glitch is to go out and come back into the alcove again, but pick the items up yourself, this is especially useful if you want to place the items in another spot.

2. You don’t need to take the whole shebang of items from the follower to increase the number of items you want to clone, instead, take a max of 15 from them, and add it to the pile in the alcove, and just keep repeating this as needed, it saves a lot of time, and you actually end up knocking out a shit ton more picking everything up. Spent nearly an hour knocking out Gold Ingots, and I might just do the same for all the other items Craftables and whatnot.

Anyways, sorry for the late post, I just get incredibly distracted with other things. And I’ve been having trouble figuring out what to write about, so I figured I might as well write about whatever’s in front of me. And yes, before this gets preachy and idiotic- oh shit, too late- here’s something related to women:

I once asked an ex girlfriend if having boobs made standing up a challenge. She replied by asking how many times hurt mah balls just by walking. The lesson of the story being, that both PHYSICAL genders (fuck you for making me specify.) develop in ways that allow for… something… Optimum physiological development?
I mean, if that were true, women’d be able to shoot quills out of their breasts and ass cheeks as a self defense measure, and guys would have developed a bone covering for their balls, as well as a spine and tiny ribcage for their dicks.
Alrighty, nuff nightmare fuel, no matter how kinky the porcupine fetish might seem, probably not worth it.
I mean, “Pintits” would probably be a better movie series than “Hellraiser” right?

My inner child is coming out and it hurts.

I guess this would be as good a time as any to tell y’all something shocking… or maybe not so much shocking as it just an exorcism of one thing or another. Or maybe not, i mean, really, there’s a lot to unpack and if I just talking talking about how five or six months ago I tried commiting to try the suicide slide at a friends house, y’all would
flip
the
fuck
out.
That was so worth the four lines it took to write that out. But, on the down low?
Or download, or USB flash drives- oh shit, let’s talk about that instead of hte obviously more impactful topic that’s rattling around in my head wanting o get out, but, for reasons beyond my understanding, I will now speak of gerbils!
Suicidal Gerbils running a wheel of their own demise!
There’s a theme here, I just don’t know where it is, what it is, nor why it want’s me to subscribe to Tseries.
right, Logan Paul is back in the news for saying the obviously dumbfuck thing of “being gay for a month.”
The fuck that even mean!?
Is it when Logan reveals to us that he’s been gay all this time, but due to an unfortunate backwards run in with a dead person that he’s been scarred for life? Or does he have the innate genetic ability to become homosexual for 30 days at a time when making vlogs?
Like, what’s his reasoning beyond wanting to remain i nthel ime light? Because whoever his PR person is, god damned, they are fucking horrible at the job, not like, “mma put a fork inna toaster when I wuz burn” dumb, but more along the lines of, “I’m obviously an educated man, with the ability to make smart choices, yet I will obvious continue to ghost ride my whip into traffic at every conceivable turn!”
Let’s face it, Logan was never the smartest man in any room, and I’d lovingly plant my fist repeatedly into his throat given the chance.
what?
I said lovingly. Meaning I’d punch him with a tazer. Set on high. Dressed as a clown. while laughing hysterically.
that’s… not lovingly at all, is it?
Look, what slice of demented that seems ot be, it’s nothing in comparison to the fact that once again, Logan has pissed the world off, and somehow, to the level where a person made a very visible mural of him hanging. So…. fuck.
How can dumbasses be this dumbass? Is he not only appealing to 12 year olds, but also trying to be one again?
When will he learn that words have power, but video is like the Disney version of animation, meaning it will fuck your shit up and fast if you so much as even draw three circles on a dollar bill trying to buy a pack of smokes and a used condom.
That…. was disturbing as fuck imagery, and as I’ve written previously somewhere in the shit filled chasm of the 650 or so blog posts, someone’s gotta pull the plug on Logan’s channel, nay, all channels who place before them as “entertaining content” the presumption that “Making people angry enough to artistically threaten lynching you is fun and popular! Be a lemming and throw yourself into the meat grinder again…. and again.”
That’s the message behind all branding, “Be like me, or be alone.” that’s all it is, that one message.
Look, I get that people like to follow the trends but if the trend ends up becoming a materialistic annoying as fuck, snap selfie taking fashion zombie with no clue about who or what is actually entertaining… Then they’re probably Logan Paul.
Now… here’s the flipside of that.
The 18 and under crowd, despite all their god given talent, intelligence, all that “your child is the godsend of humanity” ass kissing that goes around, their entertainment choices are annoying as fuck, insane as all hell and deal with serious topics in a way that makes it look like no one actually gives a shit.
Which is further from the truth.
But the way it looks to me, obviously very fucking cynical, when I see thee news that once again, a Youtuber shit the bed by saying something that amounts to them publicly wetting themselves without wearing any pants, is that we’re fucked, absolutely fucked.
And if making an ass out of myself on the internet is the only way to combat the problem by becoming the problem to fight the problem from the inside, only to just become the problem, hey, I’ve achieved a very convoluted and confusing goal from the get go of the whole, “To fight the system, you must become part of the system to change the system, but nothing will change. So, yay!”
The saying that kids are the future isn’t just a Fortune Cookie to throw away, it’s not some cynical war veteran mutering his last words into a broken whiskey bottle in a broken down bar in an abandoned town, it’s the truth.
The older replace the younger, and while the Elders ways work for the time being, the older will eventually replace the younger and so the cycle will simply continue.
it’s the same thing with evolving content trends and what the consumer wants to consume. After all, nobody loved Flaming Hot Cheetos, and now suddenly, everyone loves them.
much like Logan Paul, or Fortnite. Or even the understanding of Keemstar’s almost Sex Kink levels of adoration for slices of ham.
It’s something that no one understands, no one ever will, but we’ll just keep going along with it because that’s what’s “In” at the moment, and we just don’t want to be one of the people left “Out”
Left out of what?
The Untidied Mental States of Idiocracy, a sub level country that’s almost been around as long as the good ‘ol USA, or whatever your preferred homeland is. Patriotism is patriotism. The UMSI isn’t a physical country, its a cultural one, and there are far more states and and rules to abide by in regards to which one you currently reside in. Don’t believe me?
Here’s a great example:
The denizens of Trumpland will simply believe anything and everything that donald trump says is real, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, this isn’t a slam, it’s simply a well known observation, and it ties into the rest of this blog, why?
Because, much like Trumpland, Paul Logan’s supporters will support him, despite overwhelming evidence as to why they shouldn’t.

This… could be interesting.

Sometimes I don’t think.
I just do.
Not in the inspirational way, not in the ‘Let’s go get ’em boys! Today’s our day!’ way, just the instinctual do.
It’s a strange thought, no more stranger than anything else I’ve tried to accomplish, but at the very same time, you have to wonder about the intellectual clockwork that might be missing from whatever thought processes weren’t there.
For instance, I decided to make a sandwich, and before I knew it, I had already eaten the sandwich.
My question:
Where did the time go?
Did it disappear into a vase only to be pushed off the ledge in a time space event known only to Dan Aykroyd and the security footage of my left nostril?
And suddenly this supposedly intellectual take on not thinking just took the metaphor, and released into the cruel world in reality, where bitches be crazy and The Bachelor and Bachelorette are shows about truly indecisive fuckwads where clearly the producer is crotch stabbing them with a cattle prod in order to the the results the Networks desire.
A… mazing.
Or is it?
for within these truly inspired works of total genius lay the one truth that has both pressed its meaty sausage against the peephole of life and hidden it’s Donald Trump sized shame in a fourteen year investigation about whether potatoes can ACTUALLY see from their, and I quote, “eyes.”
Before the very mental speaker, of which you are NO doubt mentally verbalizing a slightly drunk Ghost bosters era Dan Akroyd, lies a genie.
A Game Genie. and you, like thel ittle psychotic game hacker you are back in them id 90’s decided to put in a random code, only to watch as you NES went sailing to the cieling like a fireworks display, inside a mobile fireworks shop, being made currently, inside a fireworks factory. surrounded by fireworks.
A… Stounding.
truly, the width and breadth of humanity is on full display before your very eyes in plain black and white.
And this is why i should neverb e allowed ot have coffee at 2:33am, for this very reason.
Because the longer I make this blog post, the more insane and incomprehensible it becomes, and like every crack addicted actor in a rendition of MacBeth ever using only the power of screaming, boiling lobsters, clown puppets, and surprise punches to the crotch of every man woman, and child in that very theater, I will continue to fill your head with such vivid imagery that your brain never wanted.
Enjoy the night terrors of little Timmy Traumatized as the organ music blasts “Send in the clowns” but they are sent in the exact wrong way, and little Timmy Traumatized now spends the majority of his paychecks on Therapy and vicodin, knowing only the blind fury of the fact that now, you’re imagining Morgan Freeman narrating this, or Jerry Seinfeld, but most likely Alex Trebek as played by Stone Cold Steve Austin, POWER BOMBING THE UNDERTAKER IN WCW XIIIL!
Dan Aykroyd.
I should post this, but I won’t, but eventually, I will, fully edited to the peak of literary evolution, and made to shine like a gold plated pile of shit, andp owered by screaming nun gerbils. their little squeaks of terror bring the demon robot joy, in an ever evolving effort to turn their little adorable fur coats in the a blanket of snow white madness.
My god, the humanity would have been appropriate, but since these are currently misspelled words on a screen, humanity nor God, has anything to do with this.
And oh shit, it’s sunday, and I should get to sleep, but I refuse to, on the principle, that sometimes (you’re now reading this in Clint Eastwoods “Dirty Harry” era voice.) a man’s got to do with several jars of nondescript glow in the dark playdough, what a man’s got to do. And what that mans has to do?
Is build such a version of Frosty the Snowman that wanders the streets at night, screaming into the kitchen windows just as someones about to pour hot noodles into a strainer, and wreak his oddly specific vengeance upon the world roughly around dinner time each AND EVERY NIGHT!
This blog took a WTF turn, didn’t it?

Questions for women.

Some of these might trigger, some might not. Don’t know, but there’s your trigger warning.

1. Do you ever think about the fact that physiologically speaking, and if one were ever at WTF levels of kink, your urethra and your birth canal are separate?

2. As a mother to a daughter, do you ever think of offering advice in regards to materials to stuff ones bra with?
I actually had to think about that last one before moving on.

3. If y’all evolved an ability to shoot out clouds of PMS blood, like squids do ink to escape predators, would you use it?

4. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and worry that, while yes, your bust to butt ratio is perfect, getting in shape might reduce the fatty tissue in your breasts, therefore obliterating any chance that bottle of Cabernet is going to make you feel any better when the bitchy girl on The Bachelor gets voted off, yet again.

5. Remember, sex is only as good as long as you’re focused on it, so those women with ADHD, theoretically, only enjoy sex in minute amounts in mixture with how you feel about butterscotch candies.
I lost my thought process.

6. Yes, you can get literally married to Jesus, buuuuut your sex life will suffer, you’ll eat alone, arguments will be one sided, you won’t gain or lose anything in the divorce, and sleeping with anyone else besides a bible or wooden cross, while society will consider that perfectly normal, well… Jesus is always watching, and so is his father and the holy spirit. Kinky.

7. I get the appeal of dressing up as a Sexy anything and going to party, every other girl will have the same theme, so perfect camo for avoiding your Ex.

8. To me, if a woman I’m interested in says she’s not interested back, I’ll just accept it as that. Okay, I’ve simply run out of questions here. Conversely, if she tells me that she’s interested afterwards, I have a hard time accepting one evidence over the old and just leave it as is.

9. Why the fuck does ANYONE need to spend over 50 bucks on a dildo? No matter how much you spend on the thing, all dildos, in the end, will have the same effect. You use it, enjoy it, put it away, look at your bank account, and wonder why you’re going to late paying off your next cell phone bill… Not because of buy a $50 dollar dildo… Because of all those nights out with the girls. fuck it, can’t think of a good punchline.

Oh right, fat, thin, obese, normal, whatever shape you are? Whatever size bust you have?whatever level of education you’re achieving, always remember that we live in a society that will ultimately judge you based on your accomplishments, yeah, men kind of have a rip on things at the moment, but just know that eventually, those men in power will pass away, and leave in their absence the opportunity for you to take a spin in that big ol office.
You got this, the question is though, do you have the absolute beast mode to go after it?

Of course you do. Stop doubting yourself already.

Dear Donald John Trump, you sack of shit.

Side note to my followers:
1. This isn’t directed at you.
2. I really am going to send this.
3. I get distracted incredibly easy.
4. I’ve never liked Trump, even before he became a household name. And sold shitty steaks. And declared bankruptcy 13 times.
5. All you are awesome in your own unique ways, and I really do appreciate you all.

UPDATE: I ended up not sending it. Just feels good to write. No matter how I feel about the man, I must… blah blah blah morality and all of that.

Dear Donald “Mushroom Dick” Trump,
First off, fuck you.
Secondly, fuck you harder.
Thirdy, fuck you with a rotating cactus at 10,000RPM.
You are a fucking disgrace, you abhorrent, psychotic, bed wetting, sociopathic, tax hiding, shit faced, no name, low rated, used car salesman mime fucker. I’m sorry, that would be an insult to Mimes, cause at least Mimes know when to shut the fuck up.
Hell, do you know how much virulent anger, and dislike I have for you? Not enough dislike that I’m gonna watch the world burn, but enough dislike to write out the word dislike three or four times, and I’ve already lost the thread, because how quickly I smell raisin bran, why do I smell raisin bran?

Holy shit, am I having a stroke?
I mean, does over caffeination lead to strokes?
I’m not even focused on the blog post anymore, right now I’m just trying to figure out just what the fuck is going on with my body, unless the dog farted and yeah, I know that blaming it on the dog is cliche as all fuck, you tanned escaped offspring of a bath salts addicted oompa loompa and a moldy as fuck cheetoh, but right now, the world and I have more important things to worry about, as I sit here, caffeinated out of my gourd, writing a semi distracted insult blog post to you, you fat cod swallow of a human being!

Just what the fuck was I angry about anyways?
It feels like I don’t have the reserve of deep swelling anger that I used to, I wonder why that is, I mean, it’s kind of like how you used to think you had a regular sized dick, and then reality proved otherwise, by having your face next to the definition of the word “Nanopenis” Because Micropenis was still large large a scope for you.
At least I can say without a doubt that I am very sorry I ever searched up Multipenis in googles image search, because you can’t unsee that bullshit, and HOW DOES THAT MAN MASTURBATE!?
Good god there are so many unanswered questions related to that guy. When he gets erections, does it look like, I dunno, some kind of fleshy dick based porcupine attached itself to his crotch and never let go!?

I’M TRULY SORRY FOR THIS LINE OF THOUGHT, BUT GOD DAMN IT, THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT GOD ITSELF NEEDED TO HAVE US DISCOVER! Trump, like the multipeni’d man, you are a mushroom dicked freak of nature that somehow continues to function like a racist piece of shit that you are, and I’m back! I’m sorry, I had to just run that track till I got back to where I was going, and then I was happy again, because hey, progress right?

Anyways, I want a taco, not your problem, you ball of cancerous tumors interlocked into the somewhat distinct shape of a man, but… I really want some tacos.

Let’s talk about what guys want.

Okay, we got this.
“What women want” was an interesting premise, a peek into the female mindset through the lens of a guy… But, in truth, was it accurate in displaying what y’all ACTUALLY wanted, or was it just another dick stab in the dark?
right around the corner is the movie which asks the question, “What if the roles were reversed?”
Now, don’t get me wrong, the AGE OF WOMEN is incredible and has lead to a LOT of awesome and hilarious things popping up, (I still don’t get the draw of cat fight videos on facebook though.)
What men want, at our base is three very crucial things, to kill, to mate, and reproduce. At our base, that’s what drives us.
Now, before you get all “OMG, GUYS WANT TO KILL EVERYTHING!” To be fair, humans in general are just fucking vicious as all fuck, it’s just to the point where we don’t really notice it anymore.
What I mean, well, add protect to that list as well, is that while, YES killing is definitely there, it’s more in the metaphorical and in the need to survive. And in some ways, the most pettiest of ways.
Let’s be honest here?
300?
Spray on abs?
What the fuck.
Anyways, I’m skeptical as hell about this movie, I’ll still give it a chance, no doubt there, but at its core, will it live up to the hype?
Is it the perfect movie in the age of the #MeToo movement? OF course it is, as it’ll prove to the more intense girls and women out there that boys and men aren’t just sex driven meat machines where the only intelligent part is our dicks.
yikes, that just sounded a bit bitter, doesn’t it?
Oh well.
My point is that my lizard brain see the premise of this movie and doesn’t like it. it wants the reviews, the ratings, and the comments to be as horrific as humanly and inhumanely possible. that’s more or less my fear and natural paranoia setting in. HOWEVER on the flip side:
This could be a pretty good movie…. I don’t know why, but movies have the ability to change societies, or at least parts of society. And since all of society is one, big, psychological clockwork, those affected parts, will in time, affect the rest.

Seriously though, humans are vicious as fuck. Your sisters comment on that last dinner picture you uploaded? Holy fuck, hidden venom.

The beauty of using different headers!

I knocked out a pretty sizeable chunk of work today, and for the longest time, I struggled with trying to keep everything organized, until I discovered the FUCKING MAGICAL DREAMLAND I NEVER KNEW EXISTED, called the Headers 1 through 4.
Oh.
My.
fucking.
God.
I use the following system:
Header 1 for the title, Forward, and table of contents.
Header 2 for individual book titles
Header 3 for M/D/Y/T (month, day, year, time)
Header 4 for just a few hours ahead of wherever I marked header three.

And it’s a fucking god send. i’ve been working in Word since 95, and I JUST FIGURED THIS MYSTICAL BULLSHIT OUT! where the fuck’s Hagrid, cause its time he told me i’m a fucking wizard for figuring this out.
Expecto Mycodis!
Ooh! Awesome idea:
Take Harry Potter, the Matrix, and Tron, and blend them all together. No particular reason, just finding something to do with my time at the moment.
Anyways, I’m happy with the way things are turning out, they’re doing alright by me! More updates later, also started pulling together a character list, and I know THAT’S going to be a giant pain in the ass, I know I have another notebook floating around that has MOST of the information in it that I can just transcribe, but I have no clue where that thing is.

1,148 pages thus far

chances are I’m probably going to be splitting that up into three books, three of four. As much as I want to keep working on SDD, and I will, there’s just so much to catalogue, I once did a character count, a kind of roll call, a few years back and I tallied up 144 of the little bastards, just all kinds of fun!
But that’s the total page count AT the moment, without any editing, and I’m pretty happy about that, because it means that I have, at some point, taken the writing thing pretty seriously, and that’s doing something right.
I already know how i’m going to do it as well, since the first four books in the series aren’t that meaty (between 25 and around 100 per book, though I do believe TAC treks in in the 250 page range.) and there’s a lot of plot holes and such that I might just leave as is, since it then allows me to write smaller stories from those plot holes IF I wanted to…
basically, Imma be busy getting this shitbag transformed into a gold and diamond ring.

Cats and eyelashes are not good for your productivity.

We wake up, bright eyed, bushy tailed, ready to sit down for another productive day at work from home, and wouldn’t you know it? Sir Fluffyass McFurrytail decides to hop up on your lap and give you some love. But little do you and your workflow know about the tiny, invisible, multi pronged attack your furry four legged friend/arch nemesis has delivered unto you!
Because, like a gift from the god of irritating the fuck out of you from beyond this mortal veil, come hundreds of tiny, targeted, indiscriminate hairs, that, like any tweet from Trump, means ten fucking minutes of rubbing your god damned eyes wondering why it hurts so fucking much! Then you take care of the problem, and you feel safe, snug, why, you might even begin to work again! Hot Dog! Oh, what’s that little Timmy!? Why, it’s a random eyelash! Run little Timmy run! And like a huge clown ship of nightmares, those little fuckers get under your eye lids and decide to play “Hide and Go fuck your work day!”because you’ll be once again rubbing your damned eye and wondering just what it was in your past life you did to deserve such a hellish fate! What ancient, eldritch god did you inadvertently piss off to the point where they would command, NAY, not command, for that would belay any scent of peace and harmony! NO! DEMAND A VIRGIN SACRIFICE of the random ass eyelash that decides to fuck with you even further! And to top it off, you best fwiend in the whole woild decides to pay you another visit! Right as one irritating distraction leaves you, another hops on your lap, purrs loudly, prances around on your keyboard like a demon possessed totem about to fuck your shit up, and suddenly, before you know it, Amazon is delivering twelve pounds of Lucky Charms marshmallows, two sex dolls, a couch made of potatoes, and several calls from the FBI wondering, “WHY, just dear god why, did you order the episode of Twilight Zone where Yanni stars as a flutist taunting an empty chair with insults that seem oddly racist against the very oxygen he breathes seven hundred times!?” Then your day is FUCKED, because it’s a never ending cycle of personal torment so horrific and demented that you wonder why none of the SAW traps were just this irritating cycle of Cats, cat hair, the musical cast from cats acting out this vicious attack on your sanity from the universe itself, and your own body hair deciding NOW IS AS GREAT TIME AS ANY TO PRACTICE AT BEING INEFFECTIVE PARATROOPERS WITH THE LANDING ZONE BEING THE CENTER OF YOUR PUPIL WITH SUCH GREAT MILITARY LIKE PRECISION you begin to wonder why anything gets done at all. Then, like Bane threatening a grumpy Batman, Only when your original plans are broken and burning piles of ash, do you have your cat and eyelashes permission to work… Only for the unrelenting hell to start up again, so you give up and decide to watch Netflix, and that’s when the true douchefuckery begins.
Now you have to decide what to watch? Bitchy Bridesmaids Season 734? Because the previous 733 couldn’t possibly get any better! Assholes in Kitchens Season 7? Because nothing screams originality like someone screaming at someone else because the ovens set to 399 instead of 400 in a british accent. Idiots being Idiots to other Idiots Season 2? Every fucking reality show ever. Or that new movie about blindfolded people screaming at nothing while doing everyday tasks? Could be fun or depressing, depending on the task. Decisions decisions…. Fuck netflix, just go for a walk. Sidenote: I was originally going to talk about how weird the weathers been.

I dunno what this is gonna be about. Eff it.

Originally, I was going to write a story part, and chances are, I still might do that if I get bored of writing this post.
But, let’s talk about the bigger picture here, the LA Rams, lost their inaugural game at their new stadium during the superbowl.
Well, fuck.
Or not, look, no team needs to win two super bowls in a row, just not in the cards, and with the game played like it was, it turned into just another generic game of grabass.
Patriots won the Superbowl. Calling it.

Editing old projects…

It’s like a trip back in time. And I used to be incredibly annoyed at the prospect of working on old projects,, but a few years later, because of my increased patience, I find it relaxing, and Sogno Della Dinastia is definitely one of those projects you DON’T want to rush… Even though I tried multiple times.
I think i’ve previously stated that between this and The Dorikame Saga, Sogno Della dinastia was going to be my Magnum Opus, my ultimate work, because i’ve put so much of myself into it, I’ve spent so much time, editing, writing, adding to it, that no matter what happens next, i’ll still have editing progress, and that’s all that matters.
The first chapter, “Umore de l’amuleto” Takes me all the way back… Just the memories attached to it, where I really started to hit my stride, where everything simply started to grow.
The beginning of my long standing love affair with coffee, and it’s all worth it. Every bit of frustration ever. Just wanted to do a short piece… Got my editing done for the day.

On a side note, still have to get my Book’o’blogs knocked out. Still kind of pissed about having all the work I’ve done so far just up and fucking vanish on me multiple times, and no matter how many times I’ve tried looking, I just can’t seem to find my old myspace blogs, god damned those things were amazing… Although I do believe that I’ve imported MOST of them of wordpress… I’d have to hunt around for them some more…

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