yarp!

this blog is brought to you by giuness stout. the only beer with a plastic ball in the can, that might give you better head. wait am inute what? ok folks, been a hwile since i did one of these so let us see where this takes us. much like last nights episode of south park, i do beleive the beer has lost its head. speaking of lost… i recently read up on the series, and ofund that it has more twists and turns then ojs trail mixed with pauly shores sense of humour calling himself the weasel. why does he exist again?

well, im not saying im done iwth myspace, im certainly keeping my profile, too much work has gone into it and im not about to sign off anytime soon. as ive stated before much like john kerrys sense of humour, ive been sucked away by online gaming and im more adicted to it then rachel rays really bad hosting abilities. of course that doesnt exclude the following analogies. like chis tucker trying to say one sentence with out sounding like someone took his nads trapped them inside the bad animatronic jaws bot and set it to jet setter mode. like bud wienstien winning the national jump or die cup, like brittany spears freaking out over her self inflicted hair suicide and blaming it on al gore who blames it on global warming who blames on el ninyo, who in turn blames it on lewis black who is the root of all evil.

but im not here to get wasted write embarrassing things about myself like the fact im not going bald. ha! you thought i was going to say something really revealing about myself but i idnt. i fooled you like i did john wayne when he was looking for his cowboy hat. i never met john wayne. ahh thats the stuff. there is just way too much stuff on my mind… but since im drinking at the moment i might as well let the cat out of the bag like the almost non existent meaning of the oscars. “hey, heres a little golden ego stroker for doing what you do every day! enjoy you self centered african baby nabbing egoless self inflicting suicidaly attention craving crackheads! we love you all and your sense of ridiculos taste. morons.”

sorry… did that come out of me? yes it didnt. i tell you, if not for the fact that some aussies selling his life on ebay then i wouldve thought that the world hadnt gone insane and went the way of the olson twins and paris hilton visiting the rhab clinic and throwing up there pills because they were over 13 grams. im sorry these just arent maing any sense. but i like them so fuck off. lol. life with out menaing is like watching two strippers play basketball while taking a toxicolgy exam on a fat man mans head. it just didnt get any better then that. of ocurse now that i can relate to those that are more addicted to the thrill of pwning some poor noob online then actualy fucking there girlfriend, i can rip on the online commity by pissing them off in the worst way possible. by drinking beer laying down the smackdown and syaing the following:

you poor sons of bitches. i pity you like i pity the fact that alec baldwin has to live with the fact that his brother gets embarrassed more time then a nudist nun. i cant beleive that we spend all our time online playing a game that actually invites us to beleive that wre actually taking place in tron by taking out the main cpu then reorganizing it to the point where ever martha stewarts sense of decor would be mesed up to the point… breathe… where she thinks blue is the new red. yeah and weight watchers was made to make fat and thin people feel giulty about themselves.

look, i dont want to insult anyone, brians got less luck then a homeless bum fighting in the ufc while drunk and on crack…. but to be honest, im not really feeling the love at thisp oint, the love needs to be felt… and squeezed at times of stress. do you think that women with overly large breasts give themselves black eyes? yes i dont.  meanwhile i connection fades in and  out more times then a bad scene from employee of the month, because dane cook with his powers of shooting speghetti out of his fingers can kiss my hairy red ass. danes cool. but other then that ive learned a great amount of knowlege in game and as well as having created my best character yet, ive become quite adept at whooping that blue whistle ass. blue whistles are giant chickens that you beat the hell out of more times then that one chick that bobby brown uses as a punching bag. i think i would make a good writer for family guy.

well im done for this rant. i rate it a G for family values, crackwhores, midlly enterning failues at sexual advances, and danny devito. because you can pay him an ickel to say anyhting strange.

for the ghosts of halls there is but one thing to do, call upon the spirits of fat russian and persian people to slap them on the back while wearing niothing but a towlett to cover theo ne place no one really cares about, there forheads. my god you guys have dirty minds.

radda vadda badda nadda fuck.

you know how all thosel ittle annoying commercials mean absolutley shit…if you dont have a job to pay for what there advertising? ticks me off to high heavan. but then how would people that do the advertising make money off of poor smucks like us? easy. the lottery for red necks.or even better yet. the hilton for hillbillys. there could be suchh thingsl ike the “screw your sister saterday luncheon” or the “blow your brother bed in breakfast” or even the “fuck the father french toast.” wierd huh?

another hting that none the less bugs me is the more important issue of the failing econimy. look, its not enrolled in school and screwing around in class. there are no pta meetings regaurding the econimys behavior or if the econimy got into a fight on thursday with little jimmy thomas from down the street. its not working either. so it musta got laid off or something idiotic like that. why do we even treat the econimy like its a living thing? why cant we just say what it is that really bugging us.

we havent used a nuke on anything since hiroshima and were just itching to use one of them bad boys.

i mean come on, its just that simply. we blow something up and then were number one bad assed mother fucking nation in the world…with an econimy that screws around in class and gets into fights with little jimmy thomas. and thats a badass country right there. and probably one really fucked up kid to boot.

it doesnt surprise me in the least that we owe a bunch of money to people that arent around anymore. so why do i still not care? cause mccains going to croak anyday now and obamas going to win this thing… and hopefullt give one hell of a talking to the econimy to see if itll stop beating on jimmy thomas. i dont really know what else to say besides that. im an extremely educated man with around 76% of  the facts right. that means that the other 24% of those facts have been lost to the worlds population due to stupid things being said and or done. DAMN YOU PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY!!!!!

yes you heard right, im going to blame the imaginary person, because thats what the us has done for the past 50 years. blame stupid things on even stupider people.god were stupid. we can throw a man into space, but we cant solve our own differences… much better. had to adjust myself for a second.

its kinda stupid how everything fits together like some wierd midget infested jigsaw puzzle. in fact. thats what we need. a jigsaw like killer…actually make that 100 of the little bastards. plus they need to be dying of cancer, trained at least two apprentices, and have psychotic looking puppets that kinda look like the result of a frog fucking an albino woman. because then and only then, will the usa be tested to see if it values its own life. and the reason i said 100 instead on fifty is because new hampshire needs to get its ass kicked.

more then that, its a defenate message to the american people that if you value your lives, you need to give blood for it….wait a tic, we have something like that!!!! its called a blood drive. and yet blood is wasted again  on the stupid, irresponisible people that make up the majority of americas funniest videos. god bless you bob saget, your a real tribute to the human race. bastard.

reality shows are next on my hit list, because if ever there was a low point in american teleivsion, reality tv would be it. nowhere in the history of the human kind, and since the spanish inquisition, “nobody expects the spanish inquisition! give her the comfy pillow torture!”, has there been such a blatant disregaurd for basic human rights. in fact, reality  shows are in actuality the very essence of the patriot act thats going on in america. we have a bunch of stupid people, inside a house, with microphones and video cameras, competing for a million dollar prize. does that sound like the american dream or what?

now mind you, im all for people doin whatever it takes to make themselves happy. beleive me, its all good. but the fact remains that fox reality channel….is just evil.

now heres what i want the next president to do. im sorry, resident obama to do. GET RID OF THAT DAMNED CHANNEL!

RANTA PALOOZA!!!! NO MUSIC INCLUDED!

hello again folks, welcome to another edition…of inside edition. where we tell you absolutley every you already know about the celebreities you love…and then promptly do it again. because we CARE… oh crap… that was an acronym for “can alex baldwin really eat?” yes he can. see you already knew that and im on a roll here. who the fuck knew right? right…. beside the lack of self stating evidence that john mccain is nothing more then an attacking bully to obamas cool headed self. and i think this really stands out on a singular point, which charly could try to do at any given time, if he werent so damned drunk.

but more then alec baldwins evil message of kill the pig and spill his blood. then promptly open a fast food resteraunt and make liverworst the liver best in the nation, i think we got our selves and already decided president. there really isnt a need for the debates, or the election process because obamas going to take this thing hands down. why? because john mccain will probably die with in the next ten minutes and there will be no really impressive oppisition. oh sure there the evil dick cheney clone of sarah palin who seems to be the darth vader to john mccains emporer palpitine. oh screw off star wars fan boys. go shoot lightning out your asses and blame stan lee for fucking up indiana jones. fucking crstal skulls.

in other news, i now have a girlfriend, thank you for stating the obvios you horny old bastard. no… i really am 24… which is really freaking wierd considering the fact the john mccains 20000000000000000….. oh fuck it, he was alive before the big bang… he mightve caused the big bang when he crapped himself. most scientists would agree. sorry for ripping on the opsition here, but some odd unknown reason, ripping on mccain and palin is like watching the jackson family reunion where micheal hangs his kid out a window and janet shows off her tit while her “mysterios illness” takes the world by storm. oooo… i wonder what it could be? not enough attention from justin timberlake, or maybe it was the fact that we have not heard a single word from the other members of the family in so long, that they might be dead already. i think there dead. could they be? i dont know, ask oj…hes probably stealing things and killing people off left and right, then writing books about how he would have done it while amy whinehouse beats the hell out of him, for not giving her crack rocks….

meanwhile, in the debates, obamas like the proverbial joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat. basicly he walks on stage, crap flies out, and people beleive him for some strange reason… oh yeah i know why… the us doesnt want another republican in the white house. were fucking sick to death of idiots in the spotlight, doing shit there asses dont know anything about. yeah you heard me. fuck you mr. bush. damn you for reading my blogs for advice. DAMN YOU!!!!!!! go join charly sheen in getting drunk, screwing up the national budget, and then fuck each other while doing crack during the 1970s. ha!!!!!!! and double ha!!!!!

meanwhile other celberities are just getting powder blue priuses just for the thrill of giving birth in the back of something other then a 42 mustang convertible with all leather interior, satilite weapons capabilities, and james bond esque sex. i mention james bond esque sex because its exciting in the beginning and then nothing really happens when the credits start rolling. and then people start leaving there seats and venture off into the real world, wondering why mi6 is searching face book, for the idiot responsible for… selling a camera with top secret information. wow… good going pennywise.

to me, not much difference between the acts of falling in love, then falling out of love, then falling in the money pit, where tom hanks will rape you until your screaming out the secret of the davinci code at the top of your lungs while he plays chopsticks on a giant piano….and getting shotin the head by the godfearing rifle bearing idiot, who blames it on a flack jacket worn by melbrooks while waiting for some other rifle bearing idiot to shoot down the producers. man this things just getting evil aint it? more!!!!!

i havent been paying attention to the local news, because the local news is written like a bunch of seventh and eith grading tooks over the printing press, raped and pilaged every last respectable writing staff in the universe, bombed pearl harbor, blamed it on the japenese, then raped and pilaged nbc offices for ideas on decent shows, created joey, then wrote something down, and forced the editor in cheif to print the damned thing. its weird how everything is in the world, first you have the large communities, who by far, might be respectable if not for the fopahs of releasing stupid articles about even stupider people, and then repeat those very same veritable actions of the stupid people, making themselves look even more stupid. its a vicios circle.

then we have the medium communitiesm who just dont really give a crap about anything other then there overly obsessiv step fathers who touch them in the middle of the night, claiming to be doctors, when they really arent. there just evil peds who like touching things. then…heres the funny part, when the whole communities finds out what they already know, its SHOCKER! meaning that a wrestler, has just jammed his two fingers down your throat and made you throw up you lunch… on review… that last sentence made less sense then the mj trials of underwear versus socks. which is better to masterbait with?

speaking of which there been a little bit of debate about prop 8, which bans gay marriages. yeah… try telling that to gay people who get married in vegas just to avoid the whole rigamorale of the legal system. look, people are goin to vote for something they like, and against something they dont like. its just that simple. so what did i vote on it? no. everyone should have…wait..almost everyone. and the only person i could think of, that doesnt deserve to get married would be brian quinoness, whos just a complete assholic. lol…i dont mean that hes gay…which he is….i mean that hes a complete asshole. who likes the drink a bit too much. which explains a number of things regaurding the mind department. “oh im better then everyone else so im going to make anything i think sucks ass feel bad about the wya they do things and blah blah blah..” who really gives a shit?

there are more important things to worry about then crouching insults and flying lawsiuts against the poor, blind, deaf, tarded, monkey handed and stupid. i say stupid because…. well…. there are just stupid people out there who deserve that title, and thats all im saying.

look… its not my fault that some people are just born with the stupid gene put in them…brian…. lol… yes david i know your reading this thinking that im gay for brian… im not…. im horny for cassi. you heard right. deal. but the american justice system is onipotent in itsm any ways which make andy dick look normal. like the fact the joe olsteen whose surpisingly…other then looking like a creepy smiling idiot… is a good enough pastor that whe gets paid to yap on and on about things people already know about. good, god fearing people who that your supposed to buy the milk with the experation date thats further from the current date by at lat least six months. people, who, when they see kids on there lawn, do the world a service to the war veterans, and yell at them to get off there lawns. because thats what god wants people to do. yell at other people in hopes thell really get off there precios blue alabama grass thats crisp in the morning and ready to feed the stupid people in the afternoon. moo bitches.

if theres anything really surprising, its still the fact i have fallen completely in love with caasi, like charly sheen has the bottle. im addicted to her, i love her voice, the way she moves, the way her hair smeels like grapes all the time, its just brilliant! i love her!!!!! and she loves me! and were happy as happy can be! just like jay leno falls in love with his over sized chin that scares little children at night. because night is when mr. rogers comes out with the most evil question of them all. “would you like to be my neighbor?” but i do love her, and would pretty much protect her from any harm, because thats what dedicated boyfriends to with there girlfriends. unlike k-fed. that ass.

mean while, what zrii hasnt cured, casi has. as well as her cool looking friend ceaser! yes im probably going to write alot about the two in the following weeks and months. because hes just so fucking awesome.

i have no fucking clue what to write next because i started writing this thing and oh fuck my nose has a annoyng drip at the end of it…. it really does bug the crap out of me, but by the time you read this it will have been deleted… not the blog, god no. i would never delete any of these babies. i love em too much. there we go , wiped it away, now im all better. just like the results of the oj stalkers versus oj in the case of the mistaken murdereererererererererererererer. lol… you sound like a motor boat. congratulations. i just annoyed the hell out of you with that senseless line.

abercromby and fucking finch!!!! you hear that!? abercromby is fucking fiches. that evil bastard! HOW DARE HE FUCK THOSE TINY LITTLE BIRDS. ITS LIKE SCREWING A TUBE SOCKS!!!!!! more important, do they throw up the finisher? fatality…death by spermicide.

its actually kind of amazing but i really have to pee.and now that ive done peeing…not in my pants, but in the toilet…like you really needed to know that…. i shall embarrass you more that by revealing the ultimate answer is 42 or 43… depending on what hemisphere you live in…. OH MY FUCKING GOD, I KNOW HOW TO WRITE THE WORD HEMISPHERE! IM A FUCKING GENIUS! but im a gneius who doesnt know how to spell the wor amphipbianatical auquatic deprevationalitical casualties. MOTHER FUCKER I AM A GIANT DICKED GENIUS!!!!! lol…. not to get a big head about such trivial meanings of life, love, the persiut of happiness in which will smith made na ass out of himself for his kid by solving a god damned rubix cube in the movie before i had a to change monkeys… because the current thosuand just wrote scripts for joey. which explains why there writing yet another highschool musical!!!!!!!!

oh god… oh my mother fucking whore bashing midget slinging god. wgy on this mother fucking earth did they have to make another one!!!!!!!???? WHYYYYYYYY? what is it with these idiot fiasco fasinated people that they have to make a fucking musical about probably the most akward time in our lives. great, that to hollywood, our next couple of generations is gong to wind up, singing there way through the midterm, accompannied by semi good looking people. THERE ARE NO UGLY PEOPLE IS THE MOVIE!!!! NO FUCKING UGLY PEOPLE IN THE GODDAMNED MOVIE!!!! what the fuck is up with that shit! you know, i was just cruising along the channels and BOOOOOOOOOOOM! there it is, the worst of the worst, the most highly anticipated year of the series, its worse then the lord of the rings! it even has a better ending then this peice of shit movie! WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS CRAP!???? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

WHO?????

what its not enough that we suffer through a bunch of horrendous movie to game franchise, but we have to go through highschool all over again in the next 14 hours!!!!???? why!!!!??? why the fuck god why??? im sad, im more then sad, im fucking depressed at this pile pf crap we call the highschool musical 3…. god, i cant wait for the seqeul to this shit, colledge musical, where we get to follow the stupid beatiful people through yet another year of selfless self indulgense as they sing there way through, drunken one night stands with drunken chearleaders, both male and female. i know my target audience here. not to mention the creepy stalker song where it kind of sounds and looks like a rip off of pin ball wizard.

dont get me start on kim… because i will. shes the tainted love of my heart, the sadness that she brings with her to people she rejects, is more then enough cause to start world war through. lol. yes i went there, and im feeling a bit more evil then i originaly was, because early i was just going after stupid people., and celeberities, now im going to go after stupid people ive run into during my whole current number of years being alive. and if youve read this far, i congratulate you on your percerverence, may you do well in life alltogether.

back to the shrapnel that is a nuke in the fishball. bowl. its amazing, ive written myself to sobriety. I HAVE LETERALLY WRITTEN MY SELF TO SOBRIETY!!!!! TAKE THAT CHARLY SHEEN AND MARTIN SHEEN COMBINED!

you know, ive run into a lot of stupid people in my time and this really is the shit of them all. because he taught me so many good and bad things in life as well as the basic foundation for my current set of rules. bobby freaking zolezi. love the little bastard to death because in a way, ive had to deal with more of his drama then id like to. but it cant be all bad can it? not really, there were actually a lot of times where things were cool and we hung out and chitted about stupid things. that girlfriends stealing bastard. wish you were here. so i could hit you in the head. with a hug of friendship. and then kick you in the shin. with gifts of kindness. sending mixed messages is fun!