OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

YouTuber Parents aren’t all complete dicks.

This former channel, Fantastic Adventures, is a haven of fucked up bullshit.
Let me repeat, Fantastic Adventures is fucked up.
the content is manufactured.
The kids were forced to take part.
And if they didn’t?
They’d be fucking abused.
Now, it seems like every time YouTuber Parents are mentioned, it’s always going to be some kind of monstrous fucking act. Some kind of emotional dick punch, like society is telling us that all YouTuber Parents are complete dicks.
They aren’t, it’s fucked up what’s happening.
Not to mention that the kids weren’t even hers.
Like, seriously, what the fuck is going on?
Hold on, need to reread the article to get properly pissed, believe it or not, there’s still a bit ofgas in the engine from this mornings writing storm.
Hackneye, hackney, whatever the fuck that dumbasses name is, is just another in a long line of asshole parents exploiting their kids for YouTube fame in the ENTIRELY WRONG WAY.
Look, I’m not a parent, and I’m not here to judge, but when I have kids, you can bet your ass I’m going to post vids of them doing their thing, NATURALLY, not show them off like a circus attraction and punish em for not remembering to do a certain thing, I mean what the fuck is this crazy ass bullshit!?
https://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/adoptive-mother-accused-of-forcing-abused-children-to-perform-on-youtube-1461955139539

I really am not lying.
Look, I get it, there are dance moms who scream and bitch at their kids for not doing the right thing, and then there are abusive fucks that have the self entitled right to fuck their kids up if they ain’t on the same page.
IT ain’t right, and The moment there’s suspect behavior, which often goes unnoticed for too long,  or too late, that channel should be taken down, that parent should lose their kids, and they should be behind bars.
End of sentence.
I could’ve just said period, but you know what?
Nah.
Tazed, pinched, pepper sprayed between the legs, locked in the closet for days without food or water? Ice baths?
All for forgetting lines or not wanting to take part in the videos?
What’s her defense going to be?
”I done did it fer the lulz!”
Nah, she’s guilty as fuck, ain’t no way in fucking hell she getting off easy.
The utter FUCK is going on with that chick?
There’s a difference between forcing your own failed dreams onto your kids and letting them explore their natural talents in their own ways, and clearly Hackney fucking forgot the first rule of parenting, never to do that kind of shit that leaves a psychological scar on their kids for the rest of lives.
These are fucking children, not some high grossing actors, you fucking bitch, that was aimed at Hackney, which I know, I know, blah blah blah.

Still the fact remains, first was the precursor Daddyofive, and that asshole was taken the fuck apart.
People obviously thought that shit had calmed down enough to the point where they thought this shit was okay, and one dumb ass brave soul wanted to leap on the abusive YouTube Parent with the flying grace of a thousand fucks not given and…. Well, this happened.
Like, really?

Is this where we are now?
Where the level of crazy needs to be such that you’re hurting kids in order to get some attention?
Thank god YouTube shut that shit down.
We don’t need anymore crazy.
Lemme repeat:
Not all Parent’s with YouTube channels are abusive assholes.
There needs to be a system in place, and it’s a fucking easy as shit one:
Reward those kids that take part after helping out with the video.
If they don’t, they don’t get rewarded, therefore, it reinforces the idea that doing videos leads to goodies.

Don’t fucking abuse the little guys and gals because they don’t feel like hamming it up for the camera that particular day.
Seriously, Hackney is better off, far, far away  from any child. Even her own.

And so the Clock Spring of the Cumulative Human Psyche Snaps loose again.

First off, yay.
Another shooting.
Just, what the utter fuck.
I mean, really, so soon after 50 people died in a shooting spree that spanned two mosques in New Zealand, some random ass hat goes on a shooting spree inside a fucking train in a Dutch town Utrecht.
No deaths so far, thank god.
Wish I had more to say on the matter, but I don’t.
Except, fuck these motherfuckers that think this shit is okay. It ain’t.
Also, I thought I had some amazing insights with that long ass title, but apparently, I have the honest to god insights of a blind chimp tazing a gimp in the sack with a cattle prod, and unironically, they’re handcuffed to each other, so trust me when I say, I feel your pain.
If you’re wondering about the title, the theory is this:

The solar system is a big fucking clock, yes, I swear, I ain’t apologizing! Lol?
Lol.
Anyways, let’s try this again!
Okay, so, think of humanity as biological, disconnected clock, with each category of human being a kind of piece in the great engine of said clock. The clock spring is the sanity level of the whole thing, and the cumulative human psyche is the clock spring that binds us all together, and, as you might have noticed at concerts, we’re kind of easilly lead in sing alongs. So take that initial example and replace singing along to crappy Nickelback songs with the potential for violence.
The looser the clock spring, the less chance there is for people to lose their shit, take bath salts, and rip their room mates heart through their asshole and eat it in the name of Cthulu to prevent the end times. The tighter wound the clock spring, the closer people are to simply losing their shit and doing the afore mentioned heart eating.
So, when the clock spring of the cumulative human psyche is wound too tightly, it snaps outwards, and whatever category of human it hits, and it takes a very specific category of human for this to happen, that person or persons will lose their shit, plan some violence, and in most cases by the end of it, take their own life.
To which I say, well fuck, less ass hats that do these kinds of things, the better.
So, the question remains, how long will this snapping out of the clock spring band take?
Well, unfortunately, its been going on for quite a while, and Donald trump getting elected, took most of the bat shit crazy momentum out of the damned thing and for two years, only stupid dumb things have happened since Donald’s absorbing most of the crazy being sent out.
So, I’m guessing this fucking thing has been going for a good ten years?
So, you’re thinking, where’s the proof?
What’s the evidence that this thing exists, even if its a theoretical metaphysical entity who’s presence is only ever felt when some crazy shit goes down?
Every mass shooting. (Large impact)
Every dumb ass Florida Man/Woman story you read. (small impact)
Every dumb ass fake anger about social media influencers (Small to medium impact)
Every fucking thing Trump has said/done/tweeted since birth (small impact, absorbs the impact)
Anything that has to do with out of the ordinary, boom, proof of the Clock Spring theory, and yeah, not the most scientific, but how can you be more scientific about some massive, theoretical, metaphysical thing in our lives?

Point being, shit be cray cray, and getting sometimes less or more cray cray, depending on what brand of cray cray we’re dealing with.

My inner child is coming out and it hurts.

I guess this would be as good a time as any to tell y’all something shocking… or maybe not so much shocking as it just an exorcism of one thing or another. Or maybe not, i mean, really, there’s a lot to unpack and if I just talking talking about how five or six months ago I tried commiting to try the suicide slide at a friends house, y’all would
flip
the
fuck
out.
That was so worth the four lines it took to write that out. But, on the down low?
Or download, or USB flash drives- oh shit, let’s talk about that instead of hte obviously more impactful topic that’s rattling around in my head wanting o get out, but, for reasons beyond my understanding, I will now speak of gerbils!
Suicidal Gerbils running a wheel of their own demise!
There’s a theme here, I just don’t know where it is, what it is, nor why it want’s me to subscribe to Tseries.
right, Logan Paul is back in the news for saying the obviously dumbfuck thing of “being gay for a month.”
The fuck that even mean!?
Is it when Logan reveals to us that he’s been gay all this time, but due to an unfortunate backwards run in with a dead person that he’s been scarred for life? Or does he have the innate genetic ability to become homosexual for 30 days at a time when making vlogs?
Like, what’s his reasoning beyond wanting to remain i nthel ime light? Because whoever his PR person is, god damned, they are fucking horrible at the job, not like, “mma put a fork inna toaster when I wuz burn” dumb, but more along the lines of, “I’m obviously an educated man, with the ability to make smart choices, yet I will obvious continue to ghost ride my whip into traffic at every conceivable turn!”
Let’s face it, Logan was never the smartest man in any room, and I’d lovingly plant my fist repeatedly into his throat given the chance.
what?
I said lovingly. Meaning I’d punch him with a tazer. Set on high. Dressed as a clown. while laughing hysterically.
that’s… not lovingly at all, is it?
Look, what slice of demented that seems ot be, it’s nothing in comparison to the fact that once again, Logan has pissed the world off, and somehow, to the level where a person made a very visible mural of him hanging. So…. fuck.
How can dumbasses be this dumbass? Is he not only appealing to 12 year olds, but also trying to be one again?
When will he learn that words have power, but video is like the Disney version of animation, meaning it will fuck your shit up and fast if you so much as even draw three circles on a dollar bill trying to buy a pack of smokes and a used condom.
That…. was disturbing as fuck imagery, and as I’ve written previously somewhere in the shit filled chasm of the 650 or so blog posts, someone’s gotta pull the plug on Logan’s channel, nay, all channels who place before them as “entertaining content” the presumption that “Making people angry enough to artistically threaten lynching you is fun and popular! Be a lemming and throw yourself into the meat grinder again…. and again.”
That’s the message behind all branding, “Be like me, or be alone.” that’s all it is, that one message.
Look, I get that people like to follow the trends but if the trend ends up becoming a materialistic annoying as fuck, snap selfie taking fashion zombie with no clue about who or what is actually entertaining… Then they’re probably Logan Paul.
Now… here’s the flipside of that.
The 18 and under crowd, despite all their god given talent, intelligence, all that “your child is the godsend of humanity” ass kissing that goes around, their entertainment choices are annoying as fuck, insane as all hell and deal with serious topics in a way that makes it look like no one actually gives a shit.
Which is further from the truth.
But the way it looks to me, obviously very fucking cynical, when I see thee news that once again, a Youtuber shit the bed by saying something that amounts to them publicly wetting themselves without wearing any pants, is that we’re fucked, absolutely fucked.
And if making an ass out of myself on the internet is the only way to combat the problem by becoming the problem to fight the problem from the inside, only to just become the problem, hey, I’ve achieved a very convoluted and confusing goal from the get go of the whole, “To fight the system, you must become part of the system to change the system, but nothing will change. So, yay!”
The saying that kids are the future isn’t just a Fortune Cookie to throw away, it’s not some cynical war veteran mutering his last words into a broken whiskey bottle in a broken down bar in an abandoned town, it’s the truth.
The older replace the younger, and while the Elders ways work for the time being, the older will eventually replace the younger and so the cycle will simply continue.
it’s the same thing with evolving content trends and what the consumer wants to consume. After all, nobody loved Flaming Hot Cheetos, and now suddenly, everyone loves them.
much like Logan Paul, or Fortnite. Or even the understanding of Keemstar’s almost Sex Kink levels of adoration for slices of ham.
It’s something that no one understands, no one ever will, but we’ll just keep going along with it because that’s what’s “In” at the moment, and we just don’t want to be one of the people left “Out”
Left out of what?
The Untidied Mental States of Idiocracy, a sub level country that’s almost been around as long as the good ‘ol USA, or whatever your preferred homeland is. Patriotism is patriotism. The UMSI isn’t a physical country, its a cultural one, and there are far more states and and rules to abide by in regards to which one you currently reside in. Don’t believe me?
Here’s a great example:
The denizens of Trumpland will simply believe anything and everything that donald trump says is real, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, this isn’t a slam, it’s simply a well known observation, and it ties into the rest of this blog, why?
Because, much like Trumpland, Paul Logan’s supporters will support him, despite overwhelming evidence as to why they shouldn’t.

The Marjory Stoneman Douglas Shooting.

Again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
This keeps happening at an ever increasing rate.
Someone decides to commit a school shooting.
They plan it out.
They know the territory.
They arm up, set out, and plan on dying.

And then the bullets start flying. Children die. The police show up. News catches wind. And then the cycle simply continues. 17 teenagers are dead. Seventeen. Seven futures taken away by the selfish and unwarranted aggression by a single, stupid person.

And Congress just sits there, powerless to do anything because the NRA keeps cock blocking them on passing some much needed legislation regarding stricter gun control laws. Maybe it’s time? Maybe this time is the right time to have this very uncomfortable conversation about tightening up laws regarding the sale and use of firearms in America, when clearly, so very clearly, we absolutely need to have this discussion, even in the face of political aggression by the National Rifle Association.

This is no longer about the mentally ill carrying out the attacks, whether or not it was purchased legally or found on the corpse of a crackhead who overdosed. When lives of students, high school students, especially high school students or younger, are put in jeopardy or lost due to gun violence erupting out of no where? This is the time to have that very important discussion about how far the Fifth Amendment can be stretched.

200 years ago, when America was still being settled, and the wilds of our countries citizens were still being very much tamed, yes. Guns were a very much and very necessary part of life for survival. But now? In 2018, when we are at nearly the peak of civilization as we currently know it? No, we don’t need guns in the public’s hands, not in an era of Social Unrest stemmed by a very shifty president. Not when everything and anything can set a person off, not when grudges are held, sometimes till a very real and sometimes fatal occurrence happens because of a video game interaction, not when there have been seven mass shootings in the last month alone.

And most certainly, not on Valentines Day.
A holiday most associated with love, togetherness, the growing positive emotional outburst.

Was this a crime of the heart?
A jilted lover?
A rejected advance?
A former student, theoretically named Nicholas Cruz, for whatever reason, decided to take the lives of 17 students at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Why? What was the reasoning? Why is the question, it’s not what he did, it’s not how he did it, we know how he did it, Nicholas got a gun, walked on campus, pulled the fire alarm, took aim, and pulled the trigger.

Last week, a 19 year old fucked a dead girl, broke her legs so she’d fit in a plastic crate, made it look like she ran away, and bragged about it to his friends and co-workers.

The week before that, Logan Paul tasered a dead rat.

Clearly, the spring has been wound too tightly, the tension has grown so much, the storm of madness is slowly leaking out and it’s causing people to lose their damned minds, and commit acts of such insanity, such high levels of cruelty, such deep levels of depravity, that no one knows what exactly to do.

16 dead.
A rat tasered.
A dead girl fucked then folded like a lawn chair.

These are the low points in our countries history, at this moment. It doesn’t matter the political spectrum in which you sit. It doesn’t matter. We need change now, we’ve now breached into a new level of outrageous, when mass shootings aren’t the only things making headlines. Is necrophilia and animal cruelty going to become the new norm now? Are we going to just keep allowing this kind of shit to happen, over and over and over again until it just becomes so much that we’re passed the point of no return?

I love this country, born and raised in the good old United States America, but lately? America is slowly becoming a scary place, a place where anyone can achieve whatever they want. Good, bad, ugly, or just plain insane.

When will change happen?
Who will finally step up to the plate and simply neck snap the mass shooter on live TV to show that enough is enough?
Or rather, the question… it isn’t who….
But Rather when?

Till then… This is just going to happen again…
And again….
And again…
And again…

 

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