OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

Let’s talk about what guys want.

Okay, we got this.
“What women want” was an interesting premise, a peek into the female mindset through the lens of a guy… But, in truth, was it accurate in displaying what y’all ACTUALLY wanted, or was it just another dick stab in the dark?
right around the corner is the movie which asks the question, “What if the roles were reversed?”
Now, don’t get me wrong, the AGE OF WOMEN is incredible and has lead to a LOT of awesome and hilarious things popping up, (I still don’t get the draw of cat fight videos on facebook though.)
What men want, at our base is three very crucial things, to kill, to mate, and reproduce. At our base, that’s what drives us.
Now, before you get all “OMG, GUYS WANT TO KILL EVERYTHING!” To be fair, humans in general are just fucking vicious as all fuck, it’s just to the point where we don’t really notice it anymore.
What I mean, well, add protect to that list as well, is that while, YES killing is definitely there, it’s more in the metaphorical and in the need to survive. And in some ways, the most pettiest of ways.
Let’s be honest here?
300?
Spray on abs?
What the fuck.
Anyways, I’m skeptical as hell about this movie, I’ll still give it a chance, no doubt there, but at its core, will it live up to the hype?
Is it the perfect movie in the age of the #MeToo movement? OF course it is, as it’ll prove to the more intense girls and women out there that boys and men aren’t just sex driven meat machines where the only intelligent part is our dicks.
yikes, that just sounded a bit bitter, doesn’t it?
Oh well.
My point is that my lizard brain see the premise of this movie and doesn’t like it. it wants the reviews, the ratings, and the comments to be as horrific as humanly and inhumanely possible. that’s more or less my fear and natural paranoia setting in. HOWEVER on the flip side:
This could be a pretty good movie…. I don’t know why, but movies have the ability to change societies, or at least parts of society. And since all of society is one, big, psychological clockwork, those affected parts, will in time, affect the rest.

Seriously though, humans are vicious as fuck. Your sisters comment on that last dinner picture you uploaded? Holy fuck, hidden venom.

Oh to thine own soul, I doth speak to thee

I speak a summer’s breeze of creativity, heavy and rife with intellect and naive of the mind’s own maze of batshit craycray.

Preface:
Caffeine was involved.
Copious amounts of caffeine.
No fucks or apologies issued, you knew wtf was going to happen.

Let’s get something straight here, I fucking swear in my posts!
“BUT WHY!?”
And I say to you this, my child:
Because, the human language has over a trillion words in various dialects, each with their own unique needs and wants and kinks, and sometimes, the word ‘Is’ likes to do the butt stuff. Hard butt stuff with mimes dressed as T-rex’s, each armed with fifty dildos and a crosed of broken glass, which MUST BE INSTRUMENTALLY INSERTED INTO THEIR NIPPLES LIKE A CROSS DRESSING FUCK KING!
So, yeah, I swear.
Right now?
right now I’m about to lay some knowledge into your faces heads, and in your mind anus, some infojizz will bloom the might horny person into the wellspring net of yahaolmyspace.com!
So… if you were expecting an intelligent and thoughtful, proviking stance on why longboats needed to be shipped into the email addresses of local midget villages, than you’ve… made a wrong turn somewhere, because here? Here is the MOTHERFUCKING MINDCICLES! Where the contrast between intelligent and ALLMIGHTYWHATTHEFUCK happens just as quickly as a dick stabbing squirrel dressed as a honey bee setting fire to the orphanages of all of Christmas Day!
Plus, straight coffee fucks with my head in magical ways. And yes! Yes my friends, my followers, there will be days where madness spits in your face nipples and your eye feet will run, SCREAMING INTO THE MIDNIGHT FORESTS OF THE DEAD SOUL DEER, AND NOTHING SHALL RETURN!
Except, a higher knowing of what you just read might become the stuff of legend. I say unto thee, I speak for the worms and the wood, and the wood winds, and the woods that break wind, fart and from that fart, know that you shall launch the moon monday penis into the sky clouds and hamper the laundry of the infinite sadness!
Wait, the fuck?
I don’t care about making sense, I just need to write something, anything, something that makes me feel like you follow me so that at one point or another, this Bob ross of a painting of words will somehow inspire your to greater heights. Maybe, somehow, somewhere, the minds that crafted the intranet, the internet, may one day VENTURE TO THE OUTERNET! and holy fuck I’m looking up the OUTERNET as soon as IO finish writing this! Like, fuck me, that’s an awesome idea, the inter, the intra, the outer, the through, the around, and the undernet…. MY GOD, MOTHER OF FUCK LORD’S GOD, WHAT HAVE I INSPIRED!? Nothing? Everything? Possibly something that may make the thought raptor of Seclusiondick 5 turn vegan ONCE MORE AND SOLVE THE DINO-CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS!? Well, that’d be a fucking amazing mashup, wouldn’t it? I mean, to literally be there while a SUPERSTEGO shoots dick beams of ice and fury…. that…. truly would be a FROST JOB!
I’m not going to be serious in the post, I don’t wanna be, there’s no need to be serious in a blog post all the time! Sometimes, you just need to say fuck it with the sanity, and go with the mental flow! After all, if there isn’t a blog post out there that speaks to the psychological inner workings of the mind through abstract constructs, then you’re just wasting the time of both the reader and the writer, for every step we take is another that someone else may one day too take. Maybe you two end up in a foot race of thoughts and ideas, each step taken inspires you further along the road of life, and your souls become synched, tuned, like fine instruments to be played at such a level only those with the finest hearing can truly see where it leads!
And I KNOW for a fact that some people follow me because of the sometimes insane ramblings I post, and others for the intelligent aspect. Or maybe you read because I’m just an interesting guy, I’ll never know, really. I just want to entertain you, like the MIND SLUG SQUIRRELS OF SCOUT TROOP 555- Kidding. Just think of every non sequitur as an idea for a short story, something bottled up and shaken around for a little bit, and finally let loose. I’ve been wanting to get back into writing short stories for a while, get my thoughts out to the world, you know?

MY work schedule just kind of drains me of that, day by day, hour by hour, scan after scan. IT just seems like I’m losing a bit of who I am, and like my man Paul always tells me, “HEY! KNOCK THAT DEPRESSING SHIT OFF!” I just wanted to keep myself pumped, at the same time, I’m just a little bit freaked out by the progress in my life. For the first time in a while, a LONG while, I’m finally at a job where I’m just knocking shit out left and right, where I’m surrounded by thinkers, doers, gamers, and people with a shit ton of experience to draw from.

those who’ve followed my blog for a while, know that I’ve been around the net for a while, that my posts are unfocused, a kind of stream of consciousness kind of dealio, but it’s all good. It just takes a while for me to get to the meat of the issue, and if you’ve read this far, welcome to the format, a thick layer of insane ramblings, and underneath the prospect of learning something deeper about me. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t build a squirrel launching catapult.
Maybe, I shouldn’t dress the quirrels up in little Evil Kneivel costumes.
Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t aim said catapult in the direction of metro PCS. but this world of ours is full of surprises! and no matter what, we can all agree, that Trump is a fucking moron who’s going to kick off world war 3 by tweet alone.
Because fuck him, that glow in the dark son of a bitch! That fuck nutted shit for brains, used cheeto bag fucking, mushroom dicked, tiny handed, treasonous fuck munch of a human being! That rejected Garbage Pale Kid, that shit for brains ass face, that fucking moron, that diaper fucking ass for face! And yeah, I’m kind going all in, because like I said in the beginning of htis fucking thing, I swear in my blogs, and there are MANY MANY MANY layers to this thing, and sometimes, just sometimes, you don’t need to make sense, or focus on ap articular thing, or just fucking fuck shit up on a literary sense.
Sometimes, you just need to go all in, and as long as the thoughts are pretty much fucking unorganized little traumatized SPIDERS FROM A DEAD CLOWNS BROOM CLOSET, THE WORLD WILL SEEK THE UNDERKING OF THE NONTERNET, SLOOPY MCFARTNUTSACK! The stretchiest of Fartsacks the world has never cared to here.
Fart Sacks. The nuts of the human ass. The biological equiviliant of bending space and time so that the WORLD CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL SCREECH CRIES OF THE TERABYTE BASED FLOCKAWAVES! They shall know only SORROW! Like the creeping insect voids of Therserererer Five nine eight! Wellp, whatever sanity this particular post had, has left the building, I mean, it WAS there for a while, and then shit just went left field, right field, pitchers mound, and ran the fucking bases.
Home fucking run.
Wait, I wonder if its possible to fuck and run and the same time?
I mean, seriously, the act is possible, on some level, by the sprints of each act will REQUIRE THE BEES OF A THOUSAND HIVES AND SEVERAL JARS OF JEFF PEANUT BUTTER!
Jeff, because while Mothers like jiff, Jeff has a bitching sports car, also the latest AC/DC Compact disk. Jeff Peanut butter, tastes like blood, motor oil, and getting chicks man!
God damn it Jeff.
Um, what was I going on about? The bee population is shrinking and no one really understands why, maybe Antisex groups are mkaing tiny bee condoms? Like, how does that shit even work? OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO SEARCH UP BEE DICKS. Also, fun fact, the size of Narwhal Penis is determined by the size of their Horn. Ladies, lmao. So the larger the horn, the bigger of the balls, and thaaaaat’s…. fucking disturbing the shit out of me. Not for the normal reasons, but because now?
Now I’m imagining regular bees, with regular narwhal hors, and giant ass testicles. So, there’s a bit of Nightmare fuel. How do Narwhals jack off? By slamming their horns into rocks or something? I mean, that make sense if you think about it… And you’re thinking about it.

At the end of the day?

We all get the fuck out of there as fast as possible, love Amazon to death, really do, but there’s only so many boxes, yellow, grey, and white color schemes, and listening to submarine like sirens blaring before you start thinking about those final three minutes of the night.

I need to blog about work more, and I will. Also, dating coworkers is a big fuck nah. I don’t want to chance, are there gals there that catch my eye? Of course, will I personally persue them? Nope. Look, I get it, love is in the air, and when you’re spending nearly 40 to 50 hours in a warehouse with people, connections are made, bonds created.

There’s a reason dating coworkers is a cautionary tale, cause if you date someone a bit higher up above you, and things don’t work out? That’s a big fucking spot that can potentially screw you over long term.

But, at the same time, if things do work out? Much love to you both, I hope things work out for yall. Myself? I dunno, the future is like water, it can exist in all four states, solid, liquid, gas, and plasma. It is ever changing, and sometime,aybe, my stance will change.

It’s a pretty competitive environment, but it’s all to improve your work flow, I’m already two times faster than I was when I first started, so evolution.

Fuck you Donald John Trump and everything you do.

Trump’s a bitch tart.

Dear Treasonous Trump,

You sack of shit. You utter fucknutted bitch tart. You sickly looking, shit filled, no good, rotten, scoundrel of a human being. you should be tried, charged, drawn and quartered, but just enough so that you’re still living (barely) and drug through a path of broken glass and salt.
You want to know how I really feel? That’s it. i fucking hate you Trump, and not because of 2016 (well, mostly for that, but there are other reasons as well, I mean, come on, 2016 was 2 years ago, right? SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.) you annoy the utter crap out of me you son of a bitch, and for those politisnobs out there wondering the exact reason? fuck off! i don’t have to give an exact reason, there’s no exact reason for wanting a treasonous son of a bitch out of office and in the execution room filled with crack addled, razor toothed chihuahuas while wearing nothing but a Santa outfit made of drugs and raw meat!

There’s just justification for the incredible amounts of fucking shit that the assfucks been putting everyone through, and everything that I’ve stated FROM DAY FUCKING ONE IS COMING THE FUCK TRUE SO THE GLOVES ARE OFF YOU ORANGE FACED ROTTED DISTENDED TESTICLE LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER! Because in the end? Trump didn’t even matter after all, everything he’s ever done has fallen the fuck apart, and hwile there are great people on both sides of the dumbass spectrum, this motherfucker is king of them all! It’s like he doesn’t give a shit, yeah, he’s trying, but not hard enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got friends and fam that’re trump supporters, they’re great people, love’em to pieces.

I just really fucking hate Donald john Trump with a burning passion that makes me want to light some fireworks I guess, like, I really didn’t KNOW where I was going with that one, just lost my train of thought on ye old “Fuck Trump”¬† train.

I’m not giving any quarter to that fat assed, tiny sausage fingered little bastard, because he’s an utter fuck nutted shit brained, piece of ass fart who’s only stupid racist goal in his entire pathetic existence is to eek out an existence as an organ monkey looking for crack filled peanuts with the efficiency of a dumbass named Trump. IS there anything he’s done that I agree with?
Are you fucking with me right now? Did you NOT SEE THE TITLE OF THIS POST? It’s not called, “Fuck you DJT” because¬† I’m getting him a birthday card and was wondering whether or not to get him some birthday cake along with the egregious amount of shit I’m giving him, and the truth hurts, people, the truth hurts, but Mueller’s is going to fuck his shit up with the efficient of a god damned nuke going off in a fishbowl and there ain’t nothing anyone can do about it, not whitman, not sessions, that keebler elf looking fuckbag.

I’ve been so fucking silent on this whole thing, because I wanted to see how things were going to play out, andp lay the fuck out they did, because god damned, the soap opera that’s become out current president has become so fucking ridiculous that it makes me wonder if Stan Lee, before he passed away, in his great amazing wisdom, created the first true to life Super Villain and made him a complete fuckbag and sent him into the office. Because the only cameo that this motherfucker has going for him is a permanent place in hell, (Donald John Trump, not Stan Lee. Stan’s is in heaven, making the best damned comics the universe has ever see. RIP buddy, gonna miss ya.) Trump can suck my fat sausage, because that shit stain of a russian bitch is nothing more than everything I made his greasy fuckface out to be, a god damned traintor to these United States of America, and Treason is the reason of the season bitches, and it’s coming out in ALL THE FLAVORS OF THEM OTH, IVANKA, JARED, ERIC, DUMBASS JR. everyone of those little bastards is going to hell in one way or another, (Except Baron, that kid’s got good things coming to him, nothing against the little dude.)

Okay, nuff of this, gotta get ready for work, Morgan’s Mindcicles everybody, new and improved, and about damned time.

Stupid Teenagers piss me off.

Okay, let’s get this nailed down right off the bat. There are SMART Teenagers, and then there are fucking dumbass ones that feel like they know better. They do not. We were all Teens once, and dear god, the blissful ignorance was amazing. Look, I know I’m not going to gain any fans by saying this, and it’s a horrible thought to have, but the little fucking idiots who died from the Tide Pod Challenge? Do you think that’s the universes way of sparing us a future mass shooting or a mass cult suicide? I’ve always been on the nice side of thinking about this kind of thing.

And now we’ve got a 12 year old girl who said it was an accident and committed a school shooting in which no one was hurt.But she is being taken into custody, which makes up for something. Look, the fact she convinced the cops that it was an accident, is cool, she’s 12.

But were a 12 year old boy to do this same thing? Jesus, we’d be hearing about it nonstop for the next week! IT’s these kinds of antics that make me question whether or not teens today are smarter then us. Obviously not, because the dumb ass ones are doing the Tide Pod Challenge while being racist little shit heads on CoD and trying to outdo each other in performing the same thing, over and over and over.

Look, I’m not going to rip Teens a new one because they’re going to be dumb asses. That’s kind of their thing, that’s kind of their goal in life. Do dumb shit now, learn from said dumb shit, try not to die, and become all the smarter for it.

%d bloggers like this: