OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

radda vadda badda nadda fuck.

you know how all thosel ittle annoying commercials mean absolutley shit…if you dont have a job to pay for what there advertising? ticks me off to high heavan. but then how would people that do the advertising make money off of poor smucks like us? easy. the lottery for red necks.or even better yet. the hilton for hillbillys. there could be suchh thingsl ike the “screw your sister saterday luncheon” or the “blow your brother bed in breakfast” or even the “fuck the father french toast.” wierd huh?

another hting that none the less bugs me is the more important issue of the failing econimy. look, its not enrolled in school and screwing around in class. there are no pta meetings regaurding the econimys behavior or if the econimy got into a fight on thursday with little jimmy thomas from down the street. its not working either. so it musta got laid off or something idiotic like that. why do we even treat the econimy like its a living thing? why cant we just say what it is that really bugging us.

we havent used a nuke on anything since hiroshima and were just itching to use one of them bad boys.

i mean come on, its just that simply. we blow something up and then were number one bad assed mother fucking nation in the world…with an econimy that screws around in class and gets into fights with little jimmy thomas. and thats a badass country right there. and probably one really fucked up kid to boot.

it doesnt surprise me in the least that we owe a bunch of money to people that arent around anymore. so why do i still not care? cause mccains going to croak anyday now and obamas going to win this thing… and hopefullt give one hell of a talking to the econimy to see if itll stop beating on jimmy thomas. i dont really know what else to say besides that. im an extremely educated man with around 76% of  the facts right. that means that the other 24% of those facts have been lost to the worlds population due to stupid things being said and or done. DAMN YOU PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY!!!!!

yes you heard right, im going to blame the imaginary person, because thats what the us has done for the past 50 years. blame stupid things on even stupider people.god were stupid. we can throw a man into space, but we cant solve our own differences… much better. had to adjust myself for a second.

its kinda stupid how everything fits together like some wierd midget infested jigsaw puzzle. in fact. thats what we need. a jigsaw like killer…actually make that 100 of the little bastards. plus they need to be dying of cancer, trained at least two apprentices, and have psychotic looking puppets that kinda look like the result of a frog fucking an albino woman. because then and only then, will the usa be tested to see if it values its own life. and the reason i said 100 instead on fifty is because new hampshire needs to get its ass kicked.

more then that, its a defenate message to the american people that if you value your lives, you need to give blood for it….wait a tic, we have something like that!!!! its called a blood drive. and yet blood is wasted again  on the stupid, irresponisible people that make up the majority of americas funniest videos. god bless you bob saget, your a real tribute to the human race. bastard.

reality shows are next on my hit list, because if ever there was a low point in american teleivsion, reality tv would be it. nowhere in the history of the human kind, and since the spanish inquisition, “nobody expects the spanish inquisition! give her the comfy pillow torture!”, has there been such a blatant disregaurd for basic human rights. in fact, reality  shows are in actuality the very essence of the patriot act thats going on in america. we have a bunch of stupid people, inside a house, with microphones and video cameras, competing for a million dollar prize. does that sound like the american dream or what?

now mind you, im all for people doin whatever it takes to make themselves happy. beleive me, its all good. but the fact remains that fox reality channel….is just evil.

now heres what i want the next president to do. im sorry, resident obama to do. GET RID OF THAT DAMNED CHANNEL!

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