The Used and Abused

1/24/2022

With Temperance upright, you are a calm person, you like to be the peacemaker whenever possible. You are very concerned with personal economic growth, and with this current situation you find yourself in, you’re learning that everything in moderation is much better than an all at once approach. It’s with this mindset that’s led you to be very frugal when it comes to spending. Rather than side with anyone, you tend to take the middle path and keep a lot of things to yourself. With the Eight of Wands in Reverse, you are experiencing frustrations due to the delays in completing a plan you’re currently working on for quite sometime. Travel plans have had to be canceled multiple times because of unexpected road blocks, both self made, and from others getting in the way of your goal. Get your car to a mechanic, to avoid further cancelations and disappointments.

With the Knight of Pentacles Upright, even though you’re very patient, a hard worker, and efficiently methodical when it comes to getting the job done, it sometimes feels like you’re not going anywhere fast.

With the Nin of Pentacles in Reverse, you have an addiction to staying busy, to working, and this addiction to business has caused you no shortage of problems with your own personal finances. You can also be envious of others, often comparing yourself to others, leading to a negative self feedback loop which puts you in a depressive mindset sometimes.

With the Two of swords in reverse, you are currently torn between two options, or people, one of whom you love very much, but there is a distance between you two, and another who is very close, but there is very little attraction, this has led to an emotional block that has affected your decision making in this particular scenario. you’re natural intuition is required in order to sort this out, and in either case, you may have to compromise in order to finally achieve satisfaction.

With the Devil Upright, you are obsessed with a person, almost addicted to imagining various scenarios of pure and excessive pleasure with them, you also seem to have a personal unwanted bondage through materialism and the acquiring of wealth. One of your deeper seeded addictions is through compulsive excessive sexual activity, but its through this that you find one source of pleasure out of many.

With the Ace of Sword Upright, you always have new ideas, with which to hone your mental sharpness, you have an intense level of willpower, and sometimes this hidden well spring of strength can lead you to start unneeded or wanted conflicts. There may also be the need for surgery, either metaphorical, or literal.

With the Star Upright, you’re currently in a process of renewal, of fresh hope, of healing. When this renewal is completed, and the healing of your past finished, all will be calm and clear, and you may even have a new outlook on life. Have faith, and never stop believing in miracles, you may receive unexpected help by a person from your past.

With the Six of Pentacles in Reverse, when asking for help in the past, people have given charity to you with strings attached, this includes underhanded practices when it comes to legal or financial matters, and these people were often selfish, only wishing to satiate their own desires while preying on your addiction to sex, completely ignoring the core reason you asked them for help to begin with. you may also be struggling with debt.

With the high Priestess in reverse, because you’ve been preyed on for so long, your natural insight and intuition has become blocked, causing you to spiral out of control and lose touch with yourself, leading you to keep secrets and not share potentially good news with others who would only try to help you, if you so allowed.

With the Six of Wands in Reverse, you experienced a massive fall from grace, the shame of which that was only compounded further by a recent epic fail, which had you abandoning a project or a cause regretfully. There was a person you’re dealing with who was the source of this betrayal, which left you with a massive lack of confidence.

With Death Upright, this has lead you onto a journey of rediscovering yourself, and you are currently in the process of transforming who you are as a person, almost like a rebirth. You are experiencing a final ending to the past that molded you into the person you were, and experiencing an involuntary change into the person you are to become. This change would’ve occurred naturally, and for you, it’s the end of the previous chapter in your life, and the start of the next one, you are learning to let go of that which no longer works for you, and moving towards that which does

2021 in retrospect

A few things really.I know I’m kinda boring on FB but that’s fine with me, I’m kind of invisible on the whole “Let’s post shit to feel better but end up pissing one or two sad people off” scale, and I try not to buy into the fact that Social Media on the whole is meant to keep people angry and posting. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Social Media platforms, on the whole, are like babies.

Everyone likes babies. They’re the most neutral things on the planet, and it’s just like there are no bad dogs, just bad people who train them to be that way.

Facebook can be seen in a bad light, and it often does, but so can everything else when people don’t really understand.

Maybe it’s just me, but I try to see the good in people, regardless of their past, and it’s the same with the internet, it’s simply a tool, and how we use it and what we receive in turns of feedback determines how we continue to perceive it.

I was live the other night on tiktok, as I usually am, and occasionally I get cohost requests from kids, who for the most part are just being kids. True, most of the time I just hope their parents are walking by with a rolled up newspaper so they can get a smack on the upside the back of they head, but I just let them get what they want to say out of the way, most of the time it’s a few low level insults and I don’t react to it (Thank you twitter and COD community for years of emotional brutalization, assholes. :D) and then they disconnect and I simply go on like nothing happened.
And for those wondering, the spread is 99% adults, 0.5% puppets, and 0.5% random kids requesting to go live with me out of random chance. I don’t seek them out, ever.
I forgot where I was going with this, but as long as the person feels like they did a good job, in terms of how they feel using the tools at their disposal to accomplish the job they take on, they should get papa johns pizza.
Haven’t had papa johns pizza in a minute, I usually order from Dominoes, since they’ve got that sweet sweet 5 dollar pizza coupon I take advantage of and it’s pretty cool on that. Anyways, there was this squirrel I saw running across the street a while back, and I just forgot about it until this point in time, which is okay I guess, anyways, I do free readings on my lives, and it’s kind of bled into everyday things, cause a few people at work have requested them and I’m fine with that, doesn’t happen too often, and it’s been mainly people I’ve hung out with that request them.
I’ve had one or two people be a little concerned about my intent, but I pretty much tell em I just shuffle the deck, read the cards that pop out, and if it connects, it connects. If not, no biggie, it’s just a card game to me anyways. But I can understand on some level both the concern about the supernatural aspects of it as well as the need to get some kind of direction on what to do. I don’t take it to the level of fake readers where they simply spout off some rainbow out the ass, sunshine screaming from the nostrils, disney song and dance routine out the crotch, blow smoke out the nipples romance thing, I just read the cards to them and give it to them straight.
I still keep strong in my faith, still read the bible, and still contemplate what it actually is my purpose in life really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m a magnet for broken people just looking for some level of connection, those that seemingly isolate themselves, who feel sometimes out of place in some level, someone to identify with, maybe that’s my purpose, why I chose “The Doctor” as my nickname as a Learning Ambassador….
Maybe that’s why she’s holding on so tightly, despite our true time together having ended long ago… Anyways, the years 2018 to 2021… have been an experience for me. I’ve had to put a lot of things and people behind me, and accept things that I never thought I’d have to both about myself and about those I thought were my friends.

I realize that a vast majority of people I met at LGB8 won’t really think about me too much, that’s fine, after all, time marches forward, we meet new people and move on with life, and I have a difficult time letting go of people as well, and I’ve had to do that with folks that I had developed deep connections with, and had great conversations, and through these people, and they know who they are, I realized that I, and they, are merely a temporary presence in each others lives, we are meant to be stepping stones in our journeys of personal growth and become stronger for it.

I have been taught some hard lessons, and have had to make huge sacrifices, and some choices that can never be undone.
I have learned that, and this lesson comes from the Gavin side of the family, harsh but true, unless you add value to yourself, no one will ever want you to be in their lives, because they will have no reason to aspire to be as happy as you are, or happier. If you have little in terms of wealth or material possessions, you have little to no value in the eyes of society. It is only through the acquiring of such things can you ever be a part of a group. Those that cannot acquire said wealth or property or make progress in their own lives on their own to the satisfaction of others are to be abandoned by the wayside and forgotten about.
My Dad didn’t teach me that, my mom neither, it’s just been my personal experience growing up with a crippling sense of dread at the fear of rejection that has taught me this, that and because of what I’ve posted in the past, that those who try to crave their own path and believe what they will instead of following the lead of others will to be cast aside.
I have had to overcome a lot of things to get to this point of comfort with myself, and the thought of going back to that level of negative self talk is absolutely not worth it. It was that level of thinking and isolation, and dealing with those who’d think less of me that forged me into the hard worker I am today, I had to go through basic training at Great Lakes to forcibly break myself so that I could figure out what wasn’t working and what was to get here.

Did it have some damage left over? yes. But am I much better person than I was back then? Of course.
My time with Amazon further enforced what I taught myself, that I am inherently valuable to myself, and through my self evaluation and sense of self worth, I could better be of service to others. Through that hard work and that urge to be better, I have made a few true friends and a few people that still require my help till they find the next step in their lives.

I have loved fiercely and truer then I ever have, and I will never regret knowing them because of those results. I have learned to say no, to reject that which doesn’t work for me, and to stand up for myself.

I am looking forward to what 2022 brings, and where I go from here, we only live once, and love many times, it is only through expression of our passion and love that we can truly appreciate the gifts that others have brought into our lives. Harsh lessons and uncomfortable truths are what fire the steel of our souls so that we may better forge ahead and steel ourselves for the wrought iron the world will throw at us.

Are those smithing puns doing anything for you?
Happy New Years, much Love to everyone, friends past, present and future, near and far, known and unknown, and lest you forget, I love you all.
And no, I am not depressed, I just don’t post that often, get distracted by shiny things, and have a weird sleep schedule.

When is the next Dorikame Book coming out? honestly don’t know.

When is my next album coming out and will I half ass it? Soon, and maybe.

Am I single or taken or engaged? That will be revealed.

Am I happy? Are these sarcastic answers answering the question you want answered?
Will I do a reading series for FB? LOL…. I dunno…

Do I still have feelings for her? Men never fall out of love, we really do not, I don’t think there’s a person alive who can truly say that they’ve run out of love for another person. All we can do is wish them happiness and luck in whatever they choose to do with their life. Love is love after all.

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