Okay, I can do this.

For those expecting some kind of massive reveal, or brightly written article about dumb ass photo filters, Y’all can stop right the hell there, cause I ain’t that guy, in fact, if I were to say anything, I’d think that whatever words I’d come up with would be a product of a heavily distracted mind, already discontent with the way the natural world seems to thrive on honey basted bullshit.
And yes, I’m talking about that fucked front page, where everything seems to be driven by the idiocy that we’ve inherently created by gradually dumbing ourselves down intellectually and wow, intelligent, insightful dumbassery already.
You know, sometimes I even surprise myself? And yet, here we are, still on this planet with our souls clearly enraptured by the use of intelligent and worthless paragraphs which are clearly nothing more than fluff for what few informational sentence words your brain eyes are mind reading!
Yes, fuck your expectations!
fuck them hard!
Like… really fuck them hard.
You… naughty expectations.
Anyways, I had a bit of a weird weekend, and yeah, I’m going to talk about this, or at least continually fluff shit up because that’s what I’m good at! I say a lot without saying much, and maybe this is just a product of my already distracted mind as I repeat shit I’ve written before?
Fuck it, we’re going live with this.
Apparently, a Florida woman stabbed a man with a squirrel.
Let that shit sink in.
Getting stabbed.
With a fucking squirrel.
Do you know how fucking monster you have to be to pull that off?
As we all know, squirrels, along with most other small, adorable, nut stealing woodland critters are f lobby and not prone to let anything touch them…
This world… It’s people… With a squirrel.

Questions for women.

Some of these might trigger, some might not. Don’t know, but there’s your trigger warning.

1. Do you ever think about the fact that physiologically speaking, and if one were ever at WTF levels of kink, your urethra and your birth canal are separate?

2. As a mother to a daughter, do you ever think of offering advice in regards to materials to stuff ones bra with?
I actually had to think about that last one before moving on.

3. If y’all evolved an ability to shoot out clouds of PMS blood, like squids do ink to escape predators, would you use it?

4. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and worry that, while yes, your bust to butt ratio is perfect, getting in shape might reduce the fatty tissue in your breasts, therefore obliterating any chance that bottle of Cabernet is going to make you feel any better when the bitchy girl on The Bachelor gets voted off, yet again.

5. Remember, sex is only as good as long as you’re focused on it, so those women with ADHD, theoretically, only enjoy sex in minute amounts in mixture with how you feel about butterscotch candies.
I lost my thought process.

6. Yes, you can get literally married to Jesus, buuuuut your sex life will suffer, you’ll eat alone, arguments will be one sided, you won’t gain or lose anything in the divorce, and sleeping with anyone else besides a bible or wooden cross, while society will consider that perfectly normal, well… Jesus is always watching, and so is his father and the holy spirit. Kinky.

7. I get the appeal of dressing up as a Sexy anything and going to party, every other girl will have the same theme, so perfect camo for avoiding your Ex.

8. To me, if a woman I’m interested in says she’s not interested back, I’ll just accept it as that. Okay, I’ve simply run out of questions here. Conversely, if she tells me that she’s interested afterwards, I have a hard time accepting one evidence over the old and just leave it as is.

9. Why the fuck does ANYONE need to spend over 50 bucks on a dildo? No matter how much you spend on the thing, all dildos, in the end, will have the same effect. You use it, enjoy it, put it away, look at your bank account, and wonder why you’re going to late paying off your next cell phone bill… Not because of buy a $50 dollar dildo… Because of all those nights out with the girls. fuck it, can’t think of a good punchline.

Oh right, fat, thin, obese, normal, whatever shape you are? Whatever size bust you have?whatever level of education you’re achieving, always remember that we live in a society that will ultimately judge you based on your accomplishments, yeah, men kind of have a rip on things at the moment, but just know that eventually, those men in power will pass away, and leave in their absence the opportunity for you to take a spin in that big ol office.
You got this, the question is though, do you have the absolute beast mode to go after it?

Of course you do. Stop doubting yourself already.

Dear Women, yes… ALL of y’all.

I don’t understand breasts.
Let’s be frank here, and if you don’t like being Frank, there’s always Luanne. Which, I GUESS is kind of the female version of being frank, although, you COULD be Gina, or Gary!
Anyways, I’m not talking about breasts in the kinky way that might make one cringe when thinking about a gal rolling in a dogpile of porcupines…. Fuck it, the crazy train left the station and it’s building up steam, so why not keep going?
Anyways, breasts have always intrigued me, naturally, and in some cases, unnaturally.
I really don’t know where I’m going with this.
What mystifies me the most is how something on your upper torso can cause you to have lower back pain… Oh wait, the additional weight of both breasts, especially with larger chested women, causes slight spinal compression, which puts pressure on the nerves in that area, causes a risk for paralysis and the evolution of shooting nipple lasers.
Wait, no, that’s wrong.
But it sounds FUCKING AWESOME! The niplasers, not the paralysis…
I forget where i was going with this, parttly because my energy drink addled brain is twitchy as fuck, and my dog needed to go outside, so… Yup! something about the inherent natural beauty that women have, adding to the mystique about hte female mind from the male perspective.
Though really, y’all probably want the more assholish guys or gals to stop cat calling you, among other things, like I said, completely blanked on where I was going with this…. I want a bowl of doritos now.
Right, also, to my new followers, sometimes I write random posts, it ain’t always going to be thought provoking… well, it always provokes the thought of why I ever think any of these posts are a great idea.
But, fortune favors the bold… i guess.
Right, boobs serve a function, nutrition, signaling, and if large enough, the absolute destroyer of watermelons… but at what cost?

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