OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

Oh to thine own soul, I doth speak to thee

I speak a summer’s breeze of creativity, heavy and rife with intellect and naive of the mind’s own maze of batshit craycray.

Preface:
Caffeine was involved.
Copious amounts of caffeine.
No fucks or apologies issued, you knew wtf was going to happen.

Let’s get something straight here, I fucking swear in my posts!
“BUT WHY!?”
And I say to you this, my child:
Because, the human language has over a trillion words in various dialects, each with their own unique needs and wants and kinks, and sometimes, the word ‘Is’ likes to do the butt stuff. Hard butt stuff with mimes dressed as T-rex’s, each armed with fifty dildos and a crosed of broken glass, which MUST BE INSTRUMENTALLY INSERTED INTO THEIR NIPPLES LIKE A CROSS DRESSING FUCK KING!
So, yeah, I swear.
Right now?
right now I’m about to lay some knowledge into your faces heads, and in your mind anus, some infojizz will bloom the might horny person into the wellspring net of yahaolmyspace.com!
So… if you were expecting an intelligent and thoughtful, proviking stance on why longboats needed to be shipped into the email addresses of local midget villages, than you’ve… made a wrong turn somewhere, because here? Here is the MOTHERFUCKING MINDCICLES! Where the contrast between intelligent and ALLMIGHTYWHATTHEFUCK happens just as quickly as a dick stabbing squirrel dressed as a honey bee setting fire to the orphanages of all of Christmas Day!
Plus, straight coffee fucks with my head in magical ways. And yes! Yes my friends, my followers, there will be days where madness spits in your face nipples and your eye feet will run, SCREAMING INTO THE MIDNIGHT FORESTS OF THE DEAD SOUL DEER, AND NOTHING SHALL RETURN!
Except, a higher knowing of what you just read might become the stuff of legend. I say unto thee, I speak for the worms and the wood, and the wood winds, and the woods that break wind, fart and from that fart, know that you shall launch the moon monday penis into the sky clouds and hamper the laundry of the infinite sadness!
Wait, the fuck?
I don’t care about making sense, I just need to write something, anything, something that makes me feel like you follow me so that at one point or another, this Bob ross of a painting of words will somehow inspire your to greater heights. Maybe, somehow, somewhere, the minds that crafted the intranet, the internet, may one day VENTURE TO THE OUTERNET! and holy fuck I’m looking up the OUTERNET as soon as IO finish writing this! Like, fuck me, that’s an awesome idea, the inter, the intra, the outer, the through, the around, and the undernet…. MY GOD, MOTHER OF FUCK LORD’S GOD, WHAT HAVE I INSPIRED!? Nothing? Everything? Possibly something that may make the thought raptor of Seclusiondick 5 turn vegan ONCE MORE AND SOLVE THE DINO-CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS!? Well, that’d be a fucking amazing mashup, wouldn’t it? I mean, to literally be there while a SUPERSTEGO shoots dick beams of ice and fury…. that…. truly would be a FROST JOB!
I’m not going to be serious in the post, I don’t wanna be, there’s no need to be serious in a blog post all the time! Sometimes, you just need to say fuck it with the sanity, and go with the mental flow! After all, if there isn’t a blog post out there that speaks to the psychological inner workings of the mind through abstract constructs, then you’re just wasting the time of both the reader and the writer, for every step we take is another that someone else may one day too take. Maybe you two end up in a foot race of thoughts and ideas, each step taken inspires you further along the road of life, and your souls become synched, tuned, like fine instruments to be played at such a level only those with the finest hearing can truly see where it leads!
And I KNOW for a fact that some people follow me because of the sometimes insane ramblings I post, and others for the intelligent aspect. Or maybe you read because I’m just an interesting guy, I’ll never know, really. I just want to entertain you, like the MIND SLUG SQUIRRELS OF SCOUT TROOP 555- Kidding. Just think of every non sequitur as an idea for a short story, something bottled up and shaken around for a little bit, and finally let loose. I’ve been wanting to get back into writing short stories for a while, get my thoughts out to the world, you know?

MY work schedule just kind of drains me of that, day by day, hour by hour, scan after scan. IT just seems like I’m losing a bit of who I am, and like my man Paul always tells me, “HEY! KNOCK THAT DEPRESSING SHIT OFF!” I just wanted to keep myself pumped, at the same time, I’m just a little bit freaked out by the progress in my life. For the first time in a while, a LONG while, I’m finally at a job where I’m just knocking shit out left and right, where I’m surrounded by thinkers, doers, gamers, and people with a shit ton of experience to draw from.

those who’ve followed my blog for a while, know that I’ve been around the net for a while, that my posts are unfocused, a kind of stream of consciousness kind of dealio, but it’s all good. It just takes a while for me to get to the meat of the issue, and if you’ve read this far, welcome to the format, a thick layer of insane ramblings, and underneath the prospect of learning something deeper about me. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t build a squirrel launching catapult.
Maybe, I shouldn’t dress the quirrels up in little Evil Kneivel costumes.
Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t aim said catapult in the direction of metro PCS. but this world of ours is full of surprises! and no matter what, we can all agree, that Trump is a fucking moron who’s going to kick off world war 3 by tweet alone.
Because fuck him, that glow in the dark son of a bitch! That fuck nutted shit for brains, used cheeto bag fucking, mushroom dicked, tiny handed, treasonous fuck munch of a human being! That rejected Garbage Pale Kid, that shit for brains ass face, that fucking moron, that diaper fucking ass for face! And yeah, I’m kind going all in, because like I said in the beginning of htis fucking thing, I swear in my blogs, and there are MANY MANY MANY layers to this thing, and sometimes, just sometimes, you don’t need to make sense, or focus on ap articular thing, or just fucking fuck shit up on a literary sense.
Sometimes, you just need to go all in, and as long as the thoughts are pretty much fucking unorganized little traumatized SPIDERS FROM A DEAD CLOWNS BROOM CLOSET, THE WORLD WILL SEEK THE UNDERKING OF THE NONTERNET, SLOOPY MCFARTNUTSACK! The stretchiest of Fartsacks the world has never cared to here.
Fart Sacks. The nuts of the human ass. The biological equiviliant of bending space and time so that the WORLD CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL SCREECH CRIES OF THE TERABYTE BASED FLOCKAWAVES! They shall know only SORROW! Like the creeping insect voids of Therserererer Five nine eight! Wellp, whatever sanity this particular post had, has left the building, I mean, it WAS there for a while, and then shit just went left field, right field, pitchers mound, and ran the fucking bases.
Home fucking run.
Wait, I wonder if its possible to fuck and run and the same time?
I mean, seriously, the act is possible, on some level, by the sprints of each act will REQUIRE THE BEES OF A THOUSAND HIVES AND SEVERAL JARS OF JEFF PEANUT BUTTER!
Jeff, because while Mothers like jiff, Jeff has a bitching sports car, also the latest AC/DC Compact disk. Jeff Peanut butter, tastes like blood, motor oil, and getting chicks man!
God damn it Jeff.
Um, what was I going on about? The bee population is shrinking and no one really understands why, maybe Antisex groups are mkaing tiny bee condoms? Like, how does that shit even work? OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO SEARCH UP BEE DICKS. Also, fun fact, the size of Narwhal Penis is determined by the size of their Horn. Ladies, lmao. So the larger the horn, the bigger of the balls, and thaaaaat’s…. fucking disturbing the shit out of me. Not for the normal reasons, but because now?
Now I’m imagining regular bees, with regular narwhal hors, and giant ass testicles. So, there’s a bit of Nightmare fuel. How do Narwhals jack off? By slamming their horns into rocks or something? I mean, that make sense if you think about it… And you’re thinking about it.

Coffee Thoughts in the morning!

God I fucking love coffee!

Seriously, nothing more satisfying in the mornings then hcocking down some random shit I no longer care about writing.

Well, not that topic anymore, I don’t write these morning blogs just to be all philosophical and shit, I write them to just fucking say what’s on my mind, and there’s not really much on my mind, no, really!

I used to try and make sense of the world, try to unlock it’s various dick shaped puzzles, and try to be something more than my mind actually was:

Infinite confuckled about everything stupid and trying to be more intelligent than a methed out gerbil being stupid funny on a facebook live of a Captain Hook porn parody where no one’s having fun, and everything just seems fucked.

More or less, I’m sure the clown in the corner, sadly jacking it to a rendition of “hurt me more” by the Sugarpops and Daddy6969 is truly just wonderful.

Outside of that, I drink coffee and slap my face against the keyboard because i need to more freeform with my thoughts, try not to bog em down with the heavier shit, because that’s what the fuck I was doing for a long fucking time, you know?

Understand the mysteries of the universe, logic it all out.

There’s nothing to logic out, it’s all impulse!All fuck this, blow up that, make fun of this person, why?

What’s the point?

Aren’t we fucked enough already without that added pressure of the constant shit talking?

Maybe we just need to shut our minds down for a bit and relax, not worry about what the others are doing as Jack and beanstalk simply refers to the act of getting a blowjob from a snaggle toothed, broken jawed hooker during an earthquake on a rickety roller coaster.

Or maybe it’s something more which I don’t have the mental patience to deal with?

I dunno…

I just do not know.

I’ve spent so much of my life looking at a keyboard that it’s really the one constant thing, more constant than staring at a screen for one reason or another.

Although it does seem a bit more fun than backwards fisting a zombie in the ass.

Maybe?

Yeah definitely don’t want to think about reverse fisting anything that’s decomposing.

Ha… You’re thinking of it aren’t you?

LMAO!

that’s the thing I love about coffee thoughts, you can just say whatever’s on yer mind and not really have to worry about a fucking thing!

It’s a freeing feeling, something I’ve continually missed as i’ve plugged away at this project or that project, wondering when and if I’d get back to the one thing that really matters, randomly blogging about nothing at all, or making some sort of sense to the five people that actually read this thing, all over the world…

Did you know I used to be read all over the world?

Seriously, that shit was insane, yeah, I used to talk mad shit about people over at VVC back when there was shit talking to be done, but I was fucked read all over the place.

Sometimes for good reasons, other times for bad, sometimes for reasons that  seemed a bit obtuse, no, no intelligent words.

BAD BRAIN, BAD FUCKING BRAIN!

Point being, I guess no matter what I do, I’m going to have some kind of draw, some kind of gravitational pull, even if I don’t think I have one. After all, hits are hits, regardless of how many times or how many minutes people read or watch. not that i’m complaining, it’s just a natural fact of life that now a days, if you’re aren’t shit talking someone, you’re not a part of the cool crowd, though to be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of the cool crowd?

Maybe?

I’m not really sure anymore, everything’s a bit fuzzy in the memory, sometimes I get flashes of the person I used to be in my twenties, and I look back at the things I wanted to accomplish, and look upon my many failings, and see that there is a veritable graveyard of them. But I can’t give up!

Not giving up!

Ever since I tried to hang myself, I’ve come to the realization that my life, my efforts, my everything really, is more important than just some one off project that for one reason or another needs to be slapped together in the form of a blog or something to make others happy.

It’s a way of keeping myself motivated for the future, to punch that sun right in the fucking dick!

To proclaim to the world that all should HAIL BILL FUCKING WATSON!

To make the most badass shoutout videos in the world and keep people smiling.

I lost the goal of that in the course of chasing high hit counts and wanting people to subscribe to me.

I lost that point, maybe that’s why my follower count hasn’t risen or fallen? Maybe that’s why I’m struggling to get anymore traction?

Or ,maybe I just secretly gave up the rat race once I figured out the truth of the matter, that no matter what I try, there’s always going to be someone to shit on my parade.

So I need to shit on theirs first, because of course that’s going to be a thing, right?

I create because it’s what I’m excellent at, I’m godlike when it comes to creating things.

the question is, how do I turn that creation into profit, more importantly, how did I go from using all of my finger to only using five? that shit confused the hell out of me.

Is it to match my internal voice when it comes to… thinking?

I dunno, don’t care, batshit crazy thought time:

So a penguin with a machete and a tiny top hat went on a tiny adorable rampage at a library and that shit went sideways with the chihuahua FBI showed up and was all “BARK BARK MOTHERFUCKER!”

I KEEP FORGETTING THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG, TO NOT MAKE SENSE, TO HAVE FREE FLOWING THOUGHT IN A WAY THAT’S NEITHER CONSTRICTING NOR CAUSES ME TO PAUSE, LIKE AN ECLECTIC COLLECTOR OF LECTURES. HA! I DID A THING THAT MADE ME SMILE ON THE INSIDE.

PEOPLE SAY I NEED TO SMILE MORE, WHY? WHAT’S THE POINT? WHAT AM I SMILING AT?

THE SUN?

THAT SHIT’S BEEN THERE FOR TRILLIONS OF YEARS, AND NO AMOUNT OF SMILING IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT.

OH, SHIT, I’VE HAD CAPS LOCK ON THIS ENTIRE TIME.

There we go, that’s going to read very weird, people are going to be like “Why is he yelling about smiling at the sun?”

Puppies, I don’t know, that’s just the word I was focused on when my fingers hit the keyboard, and now this blog is getting more metaphysical than I’d actually like. I need to practice using more than just two fingers- SHUT THE METAMINDFUCKING PHYSICAL BULLSHIT DOWN!

There we go, hate it when that happens, because than I’m just focused on the random bullshit that’s going on, and you see what’s ACTUALLY going on instead of enjoying a nice nonsensical blog about shit that no longer matters ten minutes down the road as you focus on which Forte Nite skin to use to do the same thing over and over and over and over again. Because really, that’s all gaming really is, and maybe I’m over extending my reach as John Wick 3 is just about John Wick going on a murder rampage because someone took his plate of nachos at golden Corral, and john’s had enough of that shit.

The movie will be a veritable and verifiable week long in running time. And it will be just millions of senior citizens rushing John in an attempt to fuck with death itself.

Wow, that’s on my mind heavily, maybe it’s something more, or something less.? I need to go to the mental gym more often and work on the mental gymnastics required to keep this train of thought going?

Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t give a fuck anymore about trying to make sense, nope, old topic, moving forward, moving on!

I like writing songs, it’s a pretty fun experience, to hear the flow of the music as you slap a ham sandwich against the way and make fart noises and than you think, well this isn’t making music, just making a mess.

Okay, I got this

i haven’t really written any decent blogs of late because my keyboard has been acting pretty damned funny. Hell, I’ve been so wrapped up in abunch of different things that I haven’t really had time to breathe, between the youtubing, discord server managing and god knows what else, I’ve barely had time or energy to edit part 1.1 of Toro Cancro, and that shit has become pretty damned epic! In truth I’ve been feeling run down as of late, between moving into the garage to make room for all the visitors, dealing with a whole slew of other problems. not to mention that my k key has been acting a little weird. So my opportunities to keep this thing alive are pretty much in the shitter. but I am getting the hang of things.Like how to not to freak the hell out when something’s not going your way… that was solved a while ago. Anyways, there’s this idiot from my past, Chuckles2979, really fun guy, great sense of how to keep a grudge on fire, the kind of guy who’d make a game of bridge with the granfolks seem like a horrible idea. Anyways, guy keeps bringing up shit from the past with his own embellishments… God, I really don’t need to learn how to spell. So this kid, Luke, goes by the name of Cancer420 on youtube, really cool, really talented, makes this awesome tribute vid, admiring and all that, and all of a sudden, 2979 just goes and rips me a new one with this revelation of my past!

Like, WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!? Honestly, I’ve buried my past for a fucking great reason, because it isn’t the type of thing I actually want to talk about, ever again! Needless to say, I had to go through this guys post and take it apart piece by piece, in the end, he e ends up repeating himself a few times, like that’ll help his case I hope to god I haven’t lost a potentially awesome friend with this idiot running his fucking mouth like that. And yes, I get that my K key is acting the fool. At this point, that’s not the point.

I’m kind of tired of this whole thing coming back to bite me in the ass, every time I’ve moved past it, someone wants to rub it in my face. It was six years ago, I’d rather not go through all those memories again and again, and it’s actually pointless. I’m trying to get everything that’s stuck behind a miles worth of bullshit out in the open, I have this terrible habit of not blowing through all the crap to get to the heart of the matter, also, let’s talk about this constantly having to scroll the fuck down to see just what the shit we’re up to writing! This is just fucked up, more ways than one! It’s like WP.com wants us to stop our thought, hit the wheel, then resume our thought train like nothing was wrong.

Um, excuse me, but my train of thought is lie a hyper charged Japanese rail gun train, that shit ain’t stopping for nothing, and even though half my posts content is just random bullshit I throw in there, there’s got to be a way to not feel like I have to stop at every fucking page, and scroll down. Hell, you don’t see a fucking marathon runner stopping just because they have a dinky little glass of Gatorade do ya? NO! They splash that shit on their face and they keep moving the hell on!

But like I was saying, what happened at Victor Valley College was just the err of youth and inexperience. I’ve always had a hard time moving on from one thing to another, even though my day to day focus is more or less a rapid fire exchange of this conversation:

Brain: “Hey, let’s do this today!”
Mind: “Fuck you, I’m doing this!”
Ass: “I’ve gotta shit like a whale blows water out its head!”

It’s more or less like that. At all times. I don’t have ADHD, what I do have, is a massive list of shit to do and not enough Doc Brown DeLoreans to go around so I can get that shit done. Maybe I’m over reacting to a slight annoyance that I almost feel like i’m being eternally punished for something that doesn’t matter to me any more. … I don’t want to go through all that pain in the ass stuff again. I’m already shy as hell as it is, and the fact this guy is spreading my personal business around is fucking ridiculous. I’m not mad or anything, I just want the chance to talk it out with him, see what the fuck is going on in his head, and if it turns out to be Daniel, good god am I going to rip his ass a new one… Not Keem, Hogg. I swear to god I’m so fucking ticked at them both, but I give no shits either way… It has been waaaaaay too long since I’ve written a proper blog post like this, where I’m just free and clear to write whatever the hell is on my mind. Seriously, I could do this for as long as I have the concentration to do it, and do it for near three hours to clear my head? Oh dear god, that would be absolutely amazing.

Anyways, I’ve been so distracted with a bunch of different things that I’ve become scatter brained, and I guess that’s the word I’m looking for, scatter brained. I’m not sure people like my posts, or just read half a sentence, decide not to finish em, or whatnot, but I guess that’s alright in the long run. I try not to care too much… I know for a fact that there IS a minor slice of my subs/followers that DO watch all the way through,and I guess that’s a good thing. but, hey, that’s life. We live in an increasingly distracted era where if you ain’t doing what other people like, then to them, you’re absolute shit. That’s only around fifty or sixty percent of the peeps. Art and originality are dying. Slowly falling the way of copy cat artists trying to slam a buck or two together because they’re terrified of the ramifications of trying to blaze their own trail. It’s a ridiculous mindset in its own factual honesty…

Speaking of Originality or factual honesty… Let’s talk about Keemstar, or Daniel Keem for a second. Actually, let’s watch me own the shit out of this idiot, the moment he stops talking for a good ten or twenty seconds is the moment where he is entirely focused on just what he accomplished by posting a certain video about teen boys and their surfing habits.

The Fall of the KeemStar

In fact, Yeah, let’s talk about him. #Daniel #Keem, is a “News Anchor” Type Youtuber, in which he reports on the drama between Youtubers. He’s not an offical journalist, he’s not even a reporter. Just a guy, with a mike, a bag of pop corn, and a skype and discord connection. I’m not even sure what the fuck he was thinking when he tweeted this little gem, but I get it, it was a troll! In his words, he called it a troll, but I call it indirect controlled harassment.

It doesn’t matter… We are each made the person we through our various thoughts, wills, and actions. If we are so inclined to be the person that walks the darker path, knowing that we have abandoned the light in search for a darker route to fame and riches, then who are others to claim that they are the leash which pulls us towards the paths end?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s what new!

Holy shit, I’ve got a lot to update y’all on! first off, my YT channel has blown  the fuck up, last we talked it was in the 100 sub range, now it’s at 327 and slowly growing by the day! I mean HOLY FUCK! and on top of that, I’ve got a massive fan base that love the shit out of the stuff I post, I mean engagement and retention just fucking suck all over, but ya know what? They love my stuff anyways. It’s like the family i never knew I had!

On top of that, my Twitter folowers have gone from, I dunno, 1000 to around 1411? It’s a weird experienc,e but i love it all the same! I mean my own real life stuff will come when it comes, but i just wanted to update you on a bunch of different things, and hoefully let my mind kind of wander around a little bit. Anyways, a couple of high profile youtubers are following me, including Colossal is Crazy, and a bunch of people in the COd community! this is isane! seriosuly! If you had told me a few years ago that i’d be this fucking popular on a few websites, I’d’ve kinda laughed. but holy shit, it is a steady fucking progression and now with live streaming, it… is still pretty fucking insane. I’m not sure how well this’ll spread on wordpress, but at the same  time, it’s time i got back into the habit of, well, doing something with my time when I’m not live streaming, podcasting for god knows how long.

Another new thing is discord, it’s only been out for a few months, but already, I’ve been able to get a neat little server going, the first time around with 100 members at its peak, but we had a breach of security, and shit went down. Luckily we were able to recoup the losses, and get a majority of our previous members back onto our server, but there are still a few of them out there, that well, for the most part we aren’t able to locate. Currently we’re at 58 members, maybe more. Sorry, 54 members. We’ve even got a podcast going, so that’s a thing! anyways, writing’s going well, even got a book published out of the whole mess as well!

If you’re interested in joining us, we’d love to have you guys! Here’s the invite link!

 

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