Well, hey there!

Tiktoks, writing, and love, what else is there in life?

Emotional roller coaster!

I need to talk about this.
I don’t care if someone pulls me aside and goes, “Heeeeey buddy, I saw that thing, why’d you post that thing?”
Because posting about the thing is my way of pushing through my own insecurity about creating content, and for the longest time I never really cared what anyone thought about my content, it didn’t have any direct affect on my life.
I never thought my words or actions had any actual effect on peoples emotions or thoughts, and now, that I have been at Amazon for nearly two years at this point, have forged bonds and friendships. stealth relationships, and had romantic interests, (And yes god damn it I WILL talk about love, because why the hell wouldn’t I?) as well as created this weird as hell Matrix of random connections all up and down the chain of command at Amazon, from GMs, AMs, to PAs, KBS, PS, WS, and AAs, like, holy fucking shit, it’s been a trippy as hell experience, I’m finding myself at a weird stand still.
The point is this, I’m perfectly aware, I KNOW. Truly, I do KNOW where things stand on every level, and I’m trying to balance everything out in my head before I do anything.
Because I’ve been put through what feels like a 36 round championship title fight, been knocked down with a metaphorical punch to the chest and had a ten count to get the fuck back up.
I read somewhere that happiness and sadness unlock or enhance certain aspects of our psychology, happiness boosts up our creativity and sadness enhances our ability to analyze situations, whatever they may be. In order to get to the root problem of this whole thing, I needed to get to that point where my heart felt like it was dropping into a bucket of ice.
Not through conscious choice, but as a matter of the natural cycle of the seven stages of grief, I’ve been through the worst of it, and I nailed it down to the basic. The failure of not taking action, of overthinking, of seeing a straight line and deciding to let the journey curve and twist and pop up and down.
Though I do have hope that reconciliation can happen, I myself can not take any steps towards it, it’s not that I don’t want to, trust me, I do, but I’ve forgotten a very important lesson, that if you chase a squirrel, that little bastards going to dart the hell away each and every time.
However, if you’re patient, and stay very still, and feed the other birds and squirrels at the park, eventually, that squirrels going to want some of that goodness.
By the way, I AM talking about squirrels.
I create stories, songs, lyrics, and Tiktoks, because indirectly, subconsciously, they are messages or adventures for those that want, or need to hear them.
And not being able to be blunt about this is killing me, seriously, I’d much rather be upfront then have to dance around this thing.
I need an apology. I don’t care what channels I have to go through to set up to get one for what went down, but I will get one.
I think that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
I can forgive a lot, but that? That needs to be rectified, resolved.

Tiktok’o’clock!

That aside, I have reached 7k on Tiktok, so I’m getting close to my goals in terms of numbers, if I hit 10k, I can apply for the creator fund, which means I’ll be able to make some spare change with some of these vids. Which means, I’ll have to find some of the freakier stuff on there to duet or stitch.
I also need to do some more dances, and I’m always down to appear in others Toks, Snaps, Instagram posts, and so on, I’ve never been shy about that kind of thing. I have a few ideas for skits and whatnot, I want to run a few ideas across a few people and see what can be done to make those ideas happen.
Because I’ve got some really cool ideas for a cross platform series!
My largest issue that needs to be worked on is collaboration momentum, the more I do something the easier it is for me to knock it out of the park. It’s just that first initial jump into something that bothers me a little bit.

Music and the Muse!

Music wise, I’ve got three or four ideas for albums that I want to try out, I’ve been doing a ton of crooning tracks for a while, some skit tracks, one or two country tunes, a ton of rap, some tracks with back ground vocals, and some with lyrics to them.
Which I need to get back to doing the ones with lyrics because those are by far the absolute best ones, while the freestyle are OKAY for the most part, I need to find a hook, a way to bring it back in.
I do have a few of those floating around, but for the most part, I’m mostly a story teller, there needs to be a progression in the lyrics, moving forward on a journey.
It’s actually a mental requirement of mine that for a tracks lyrics to really have that OOMPH that I need a muse, which, for a while, I had… have… had… basically, a connection to the lyrics that feels amazing when I get out there to belt it out. thing is, for a while now, that spots seemingly open, as far as I’m aware, since the previous muse wasn’t feeling it anymore.
It’s this connection that allows me to dive deep into my emotional well and brings out the best in what I can do, if I’m inspired, I can just knock it out.
Although, it’s not like anyone can fill out an application for “Morgan’s Muse!” and nail the spot. This has to be a connection that I personally feel, intensely. Specifically, has to be a woman, sorry guys, just the way I’m wired when creating, and there has to be a spark that’s lit when I look into her eyes, like a fireworks display going off in the center of my mind.
Love is the most powerful of emotional connections out there, and if there’s a spark of that, and it hits me deeply, then you’ll know as well, it’s a rare thing, when it hits the CORE of your soul, lights that fire in you, and makes you feel a thing or two about a thing or two because that’s what brings you happiness.
Am I open to repeats? Sure, always happy for that kind of deal, something familiar a return to comfort and warmth, of a souls fire and forging of a reconnection that might’ve been thought lost.
The next album is going to be called “Heart’s Desire” I’ve had the album cover done for quite a while now, but the connection that was behind this has kinda frayed at the edges, but I’m still going to press through with it. I feel uneasy about the album cover, as it involves some old art work I did of a past… current… connection…
That aside, I recently made a track called “She who I’d call queen” from a set of lyrics I wrote, that song is only 1/4 of the lyrics and I’m going to knock out the other three quarters tonight, I might have to redo the original track, since the vocals are a bit on the soft side at the start. But I REALLY don’t want to. I’ll see what I can do about getting an app or two that’ll be able to raise the main vocals a little bit.
I think there’s a bit of magic to how I’ve been able to knock these tracks out, because there is LITERALLY no planning whatsoever, I just grab some coffee, pick a beat I haven’t used before and just go for it. Sometimes it works out, other times I need to do it a few times before I’m satisfied, but people seem to enjoy it.

Sexy Chocolate and the handsome potato!

I get way too excited about things sometimes, like to the point where I get nervous and giddy and everything ends up falling apart, it’s not that I intend for these things to happen, just the way it is, kind of like expecting a surprise birthday party and finding out that well, HOLY CRAP it’s a single person, with a cupcake, and they haven’t yet lit the candle, and they’re just standing there like, WELL, this is indeed a thing!

The point I’m trying to make here is this:
Dear sexy chocolate, come get this handsome potato. OH MY GOD JUST CAME UP WITH THE PERFECT TIKTOK. I need chocolate and a potato.

Author’s Block

Writing wise, I was working on a small side project called Sogno Della Dinastia: Bianco e nero, which translates to “Black and White” I began writing it on Twitter a while back and it somehow fizzled out, it was an interesting concept.
Another series was some romantic thing, IT WAS BALLS OUT AMAZING!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF PURE FICTION, ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS OR PERSONS IS… MOSTLY COINCIDENTAL, I’M INSPIRED BY MANY THINGS AT MANY POINTS IN TIME. I TAKE THOSE THINGS AND MAKE AWESOMENESS WITH IT.

Here’s a few snippets:

Even without speaking, She was telling him she wanted him too. She sighed heavily at the start of shift, the weight of the world seeming to press down on her.
He knew something was going on.
She later stopped in front of him many times, hoping he’d take notice.
He did, each time.
He smiled, for he knew she was nervous, that she wanted to tell him how she felt.
It was okay, he felt the same way too.
After all, that’s what true love was, the ability to communicate without actually talking.
It was in the little things they did while around one another.
They were in love, and the whirlpool of their journey was winding them into tighter and tighter circles.
She paused, mimicking an actions he’d seen him do many times over by putting her index finger on her pulse, just behind her jaw.
He noticed everything, his heart pounding. Still he remained composed. He loved her, after all.
When her brown eyes met his green, there was always something magical.
She needed to be sure. She didn’t want to be hurt again, she wanted to trust him with her heart.
Her mind flashed back to the first time they argued, and though she’d deny being afraid it’d happen again, she let that moment inflict a moment of fear.
He understood perfectly, he always had. He knew perfectly well that she needed to be the one to approach him.
For her to initiate the conversation, and let it flow from there. She knew he was talkative, that given half the chance he’d talk her ear off the whole day.
She also knew he followed any rules she put in place.
He sighed heavily, knowing the issues they both faced. Both were nervous, both wanted the same thing, both had problems with starting the conversation.
She’d be hesitant.
He’d talk too soft.
She wanted him close again.
He wanted her close as well.

Today was another day, and though opportunity was striking, it could also mean a shift in direction they were both headed, if everyone else had their say.
With more and more people chiming in, it seemed impossible for them.
Or was it?

He would try again, the universe seemed to be against him, maybe he had everything wrong, the fires of passion he used to have were slowly dying, he needed to remind himself of what drew him to her constantly.
A few people said she was just using him for the way he made her feel, but in a way, if she was happy, he was happy.
If her happiness meant he needed to step up and be her man…
He’d need to change his approach. He was nervous, terrified, unsure of the possible change.
He liked how he was, but she needed something more from him, she needed to see his flirty, romantic, seductive side he’d sometimes show without knowing it.
She liked that side.
But, how to bring it out again?

It was the next day, she was staffed in the same place as before.
She was excited.
Anxious.
She was sure how the day would unfold, but she was sure that no matter what, he would be hers as she once knew him.
She loved him. She wanted him.
He wasn’t like any of the other men.
He was kind, caring, had actually taken the time to get to know her instead of casually flirting and disappearing when she turned him down.
He’d gotten to know her friend, and was always curious about her life.
She was hesitant at first, offering sometimes blunt responses.

Then he’d done something no other man had done before, he started sharing his work with her.
Giving her small handmade gifts, little things that he’d cobbled together out of other things. Hair ties, bracelets, little golden rings studded with diamonds.
He told her she was his muse, that he had feelings for her, but he didn’t want to rush the friendship.
He’d been so patient with her, and let her know when she’d hit his limit.
He was understanding and forgiving beyond what any other person would be.
He had his faults, everyone did, but he more than made up for them in other ways.
She had to hold tight to him when he thought he had done something wrong and tried to pull away, she reigned him back in, and in doing so, sealed for herself, a place in his heart and mind.
They had been through so much, and yet so little at the same time. She tested him, time and again, with little things in little ways.
Both direct and indirect.
He recounted little details about her, rarely mentioned moments that had passed, small conversations and more.
He paid more attention to her then she realized, and without realizing it, began to let her guard down around him, letting him know more and more about herself that she’d have otherwise kept secret.
She dropped little hints here and there, small, sometimes obvious, moments.
She wanted him.
He wanted her.
She was tired of small moves, tired of him beating around the bush, she wanted him upfront and to the point.
He was staffed in the same place again, but something was different.
He’d been working two different areas at the same time over the past couple of days.
When one area wasn’t busy, he’d work the other, and vice versa. She looked at him, casually going about his day, he looked at her as well, they each knew somehow.
Everyone around them was putting pressure on him to move on, to forget about her, and for a while, it seemed as though he was about to.
She knew he was persistent, but he had his moral compass. She liked that, it was something else about him that was different.
He was genuine.
He’d spend a majority of the shift in her area, keeping her company since there was no one else, small conversations here and there. Nothing major, just small things to pass the time.
When the conversation had run dry, he’d play a few games with her, normally, she’d refuse.
Not today. They played four games before it was obvious they’d be locked in ties each time. She wanted him to move closer, to stop dancing around what he was after.
What she was after, he’d been resistant, but for the right reasons.
Her friends had done their parts.
For a while, he’d forgotten the one thing that drew her towards him, to be genuinely himself. The new clothes helped some, but she wanted him. Almost craved him, her heart beat loudly in her chest, and somehow, he could always tell.
He disappeared for a while, she thought he’d left again. A while later, he came back, a spring in his step that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
For the first time in a while, they had a deep conversation. He then presented her with another gift, one she thought she’d never get.
He obliged with no hesitation, putting the small object in his back pocket.
She walked down the line just a little, and reassured herself that this was going to happen, she just needed to drop slight hints again.

He’d left for break, one of her friends waiting for him at the spot he’d usually be at.
He was too smart, so he approached and went straight to the point.
They talked at length about his attraction towards her, and the situation, as well as, an ever slight hint he caught.
He was enamored by her, he explained, she charged his creative battery like no other woman in there could.
The friend listened carefully, he was playing a cautionary part.
He knew he’d be able to piece everything together.
Later, when she and the friend were talking, he let it slip, just loud enough for him to hear, and he instantly heard it, processed it, and was comforted by the fact that he had been right all along.
He just needed to stay on the right path, follow the advice given.
After shift, he gave her the gift, and during the time they had before they left, she looked at him repeatedly, long eye contact, she was nervous, but then again, so was he, but he was there, calm, collected, confident. They talked for a little while, before they parted ways.
At least, he thought she left, but was pleasantly surprised when she hung back a little to see if he was following her, when he saw, he caught up rather quickly, he knew she had hung back just for him.
Still, he’d stopped at the stairs while they continued on.
She looked back a second time, and it was that second time, telling him he knew for a fact she wanted him.
Tonight she told herself, was a very good night.

She was in tears, for so long he had been the kind gentle soul she had known and loved secretly, but lately he had been cold, distant, sometimes brash without meaning to, she disliked him for those things.
At the same time, he had never lied to her, he’d been direct.
Over the passed week, something changed within him, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was almost as if something that was there, wasn’t anymore. As if he had left his anger, resentment, and inner demons behind.
There were small moments, where the two had shared mysteries or small moments.
Private thoughts, or past memories.
He’d always try to carry the conversation, fail, but sometimes on the rare occasions, it would be all day.
He liked talking of the deeper things, the romanticizing of the soul.
She loved his willingness to goof around.
The higher ups found it charming, he was one of their favorites. He didn’t understand why, he’d always tell them she helped out immensely.
Tonight however, felt different.
Tonight he’d notice her do something he’d never seen.
She had slipped away, just for a few minutes.

He looked at her, forever entranced at this secret side of her, and for a few minutes, he acted as her guard, keeping an eye out for those that might disturb those few precious moments.
He kept an eye out for work, and worried that there were eyes on her at all times.
she returned shortly, and excused herself. for the first time in a long time, they held meaningful eye contact. and in that instance, the connection reignited, not as intense, but it was there.
For everything everyone was telling him, he stood fast, present, the warmth, returned.

Welcome to 2020, I’m your host, Dan Rather!

I talk about things, work, friends, projects, that kind of thing. Your kind of thing!

Holy shit, if he does NOT make that joke, I’m going to be so pissed.
So, how was your New years? Like mine, uneventful, kinda like the rest of the holidays, but I do have some slight changes to the usual programming. Annnnd that’s right… I keep forgetting that I have this thing, and rather than use  this  platform ot vent my various complaints and or treasures, I choose to instead post pointlessly bad videos and tweets that go unnoticed for a while and now I’m sad.
But, not anymore, thanks to the power of Arabian fucking coffee.
Yup.
It’s gon’ be like that today.
Anyways, I’ve been working my as off at amazon and aside from the ride situation changing for the better, apparrently, I now have a group I hang out with, well, I’ve got several groups I hang out with, but one more consistantly than the others. The weird thingis, I dunno how it all, oh wait- Yes, yes I do.
Think it might’ve been during that wonky period of time where I’m just extra flirty or something, happens every once in a while. But I just told this one gal, V, that I didn’t know what it was about her, but I liked her. And it’s true. There’s something about her I can’t put my finger on, but it’s there.
Anyways, I think I met her friend, A, first, and we had a quick conversation about something or other, then after shift, I talked her V, and then after that I introduced myself to I.
Weird thing is, thanks to I’s  wanting to hang out after shift, I now have a group of peeps That I hang out with after shift. Which is refreshing, but at the same time a bit worrying. Now, don’t get me wrong, these women are fucking amazing, and I’m really thankful I’m friends with them.
Just old paranoias and what not.
The reason I flit from group to group has something to do with a fear of rejection if interest in a gal is expressed, and then it just becomes slightly awkward, so I subconsciously fade away for a few weeks to let things cool day and act as if it’s just normal.
It’s the built up anxiety of repeated rejections and the knowledge and slight annoyance that that’s just going to be a part of things. And I really love working for Amazon.
But it really is a small town unto itself, so there is lies the problem, or, I don’t think it’s a problem, just something I’m slowly but surely pushing through.
2020 is going to be a new year, I’m no longer attached to Ashley, though the memories are bittersweet, they are slowly fading into the hazy fog that is the past.
Though I don’t believe I’m ready for dating, my subconscious has other ideas, and I’ve been noticing slight changes in my behaviour that supports that theory.
At the same time, I really do need to have some kind of social life, so if hanging out with friends after work is the way to do that, who am I to complain?
Besides, love is love, though it might be unreliable, love always finds a way. And just like every Jurassic Park movie, love is the T-Rex that will fuck yo sadness up in terrifying and hilarious ways.
Well, might as well dive into this. Or not, I’m still trying to sort everything out myself, but I think my problem is I over think things, and sometimes, I just need to dive into the deep end, and say “Fuck logic, I will enjoy mustard and toast at the same time!” Or maybe that’s my subconscious way of trying to deflect from the realization I might just have feelings for someone, and I’m slowly ramping up to asking them out.
The weird part is that it won’t be over a dating app. Which is just a fucking thing of its own.

That aside, I’ve started working on weird little pipe cleaner figures I like to call Piplaeners, why? Well… I don’t know why, but there awesome, and I’m slowly world building with every one that I create. Let’s see if I can pull a few up.80831662_471927350176422_7036172946527748096_n80900903_834241123681085_7729425855453069312_n80811702_2546410082263326_6814933365725069312_n80697408_3717571861618355_8067890323717619712_n80272528_590025335152853_5579368598624796672_n80357608_2566402456747613_7203153398026207232_n

I really like making these. They honestly don’t take that long to make and I’ve gotten down to a science, but so far, I’ve got the Golden King, The Red Queen, the Cursed Prince, the Queens Guard, and Dequadra.
Haven’t figured that one out yet. And it’s my newest work too! I’m also working on a massive one and I’m still planning out, and with every Piplaener made, I discover new ways of making them sturdier, I might actually have something going here!
Kind of exciting when you think about it!

Youtube’s still a thing, and I’ve now got a podcast going, which, I should really get cracking on the next episode, god I’m so bad at procrastinating…

OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

Technology! it’s a good thing!

Or… maybe not, it all depends on what you’re looking for. Really, look, I get it, you’re looking for quality, meme producing content, or you might be a blog snob, but fear not, for I give zero fucks, and you my friend, are in the right place after all! Sometimes i wonder if the things we think about are the things we should be focused on,. Lemme explain y’all something, right?
Okay, so the things we focus on aren’t exactly the things we need to focu on at the moment, because there are tons of other things going through our heads at any one point in time, it’s a combination of douche fuckery that’s both entertaining and dissuading at the same time, and I get it.
You have a set schedule and limited shit to do, but for me, something that might need to be focused on is suddenly and irrevocably distracted by some idiot wondering into my field of view or just a dumb ass random action which will invariably cause a mediocre avalanche or other things and…. well, nothing will get done.
I’m starting to think I might have ADHD, or maybe my blank mind is so zen that, well, I float like a butterfly and fuck like a bee…
Wait, that’s not how that saying goes, but fuck that, let’s move on to whatever random and mind fumblingly dumb bull shit we seem to have forgotten about or moved onto today, shall we?
Because that’s the law of averages, and sometimes, you just need  that fluff and filler to vacuum out the smarter shit in your life.
Those who know me and have had conversations with me while I’m in my unfiltered or unfocused state, kind of like a flashlight with courgettes, or however that words spelled, will no doubt have had one of those moments, where nothing makes senses, but at the same time, you’re like, well, this is different, let’s give it a go!

And that’s what I’m all about, the random ,the mystifying, the weirdly dumb and sometimes funny. Because while yes, I could do what the rest of the world likes, and follow one stream of thought or another on how many fucking selfies I need to take with various filters colors or stupid manufactured bull shit, that’s… not what I’m about. I can’t handle all that prep just for a single picture that will invariable be ignored by the majority of social Media addicted brain slugs that crawl among us, hidden in their own ethereal covens of giggles coffee, and tiny mustaches. I have a BEARD DAMN IT!

And that beard is like a sex magnet, if… that were only the case and I could stay focused long enough to actually try and be a sex magnet.

Let me tell you about the God of All Things, Randy. that was a weird as fuck segway, but I swear, everything will connect on a level you never saw coming, and this is why I continue to only get a few interaction on my blog at a time.

Randy is a magician at what he does, but lemme tell about something else entirely, why? Because I take a few weeks to finish blog posts for some reason, and my cats keep doing the thing, oh shit! I forgot to get the laundry started, annnnnd that’s now a thing.
but more then that is the concept of loving who you are or what you are.
Males?
We got the dick ball combo, nothing wrong with that, that’s just how we’re built.
The Ladies?
Y’all got boobs, vagina, and the uterus, which, in all honesty, put y’all one step ahead of us… I think.
Okay i’m going to talk about this, because I’m kind of tired of the whole mentality that guys are taking a step back in media, cause we’re riding the same wave as you girls, and y’a know what? it goes around the sun, and no matter what, Furbies are still fucked.

They truly are fucked in the head, little adorable creatures that for no real reason will start yapping their plastic asses off because that’s EXACTLY what I want to hear in the middle of the morning, that sweet sweet release of, “ME LOVE YOUR SOUL!”

Yeah, that’s kind of fucking priceless right there. THIS IS QUALITY CONTENT PEOPLE! Like and subscribe if you feel the need to validate my existence, which I know you don’t!
Because free will is willingly free, or we’d all be paying a subscription fee, which I think we already kind of do, since you know, Amazon Prime and all of that, but that’s neither here nor there, I use a lot of the same sayings from time to time don’t I?
Shit, now i’m a bit self conscious, but there’s smoke and fire, sometimes you’ll find a hobo whacking it with lighter while smoking a soggy cigar.
Why?
Cause that’s how this shit sometimes rolls y’all!
We got to keep it real, or virtual, because sometimes what’s being read or written isn’t really what’s being said. Because then we’d all be taken way the fuck too literally and there’s nothing wrong with that, if you can call that living.
Actually, on the topic of living, is there such a thing as too much living? I think there is, like, really living. Cells multiplying more than they should, but relatively speaking, I think that’s just called cancer.
But why is cancer called cancer?
doesn’t that feel a bit ironic for peeps who are Cancers via the astrological sign, who get cancer, and they’re like, “Well, HA!?” And that just sets up the whole domino effect of what ifs by comparing similar words to similar situations, all though I could be wrong about that.

god, I miss just being about to write whatever comes to mind, because then it’s such a freeing experience, you don’t have anyone tripping balls in your general direction and yes, I know!

this was such a promising blog post, and then the stinginess of the topic went away and I started being myself!

How fucking weird is that!?

Anyways, I’ve just reached 1030 words totals on this thing. Time to post for no reason.

 

Little side projects

You ever have one of those aha! moments where something’s going on in your head, your not sure what, and then before you know it, boom! Instant weirdness? Well I get like that almost all the time, I don’t know what it is? Perhaps it’s a lack of mental stimulation that’s causing the subconscious to reach out to the consciousness and be all “WHAT UP BITCHES, IMMA BE OUT!”
Or maybe it’s just that mental stimulation is the grease that moves the gears of innovation towards the inevitable conclusion of reinventing the wheel?
Of course, reinventing the wheel is just… making another type of wheel isn’t it?
I mean, look, it’s a fucking wheel, a round thing, a circle at it’s base, you can’t just be all, “Look honey, I can make a trapezoidal rectangle into a rhombus like structure with the matrices of a honey-bear and THAT shit’s going to get me to work  five seconds faster than my regular wheels!”
“Ok honey, I believe you.”
No, one does not simply reinvent the fucking wheel, you can only make another slightly better version of the wheel.
Can you invent something else to replace the wheel?
Yes you can, hovercraft, helicopters, anti-gravity, and furbies are prime example of someone going, “Well, looks like we’ve got ourselves a thing many people use, let’s see if we can’t make that thing even better!”
Or in the case of furbies, even worse.
No asked for you, and yet you’re still here.
You furry fucking nightmare machine.
The reason why I bring this up is the idea that all things that require some form of manual labor will eventually fall to automation, unless the system that requires the human element is somehow renovated, streamlined, and made even better than that automated system.
The problem here is the willingness of that human element to work as fast, or if not faster than said automated system.
Yes, going to leave you hanging there.
Nope, someone smarter can figure out the rest.
Yes, you bloody well knew what you were getting into when you clicked this link.

Oh, Shadow, where art thou?

So, yesterday was an adventure in what the fuck.
What’s this!?
An actual blog about actual things, not just random bullshit!?
FOR SHO MOTHAFUCKAS, FO SHO.
Anyways, I was Water Spidering for Universal Receive, and at the start of shift, one of our PAs, Starlight, tells me that a new guys going to Shadow me and I get to show him the ropes.
Yes! I love it when peeps Shadow me, meaning I get to teach people! This is going to awesome!
So,  I introduce myself, and the day goes smoothly, I tell him about picking up Prep, taking care of Transship, Down Stack, Palatalizing, where to put AR and NYR Prep, whether to use a Cage or U boat on certain lines because of the support beams, and we get to work.
I think everything’s going great and he gets pulled aside for another task, because hey, that happens, happened to me, and I was thrown into the deep end and had to ask a lot of questions in order for me to get my bearings, but once I did, I just knocked everything out.
So, I’m knocking things out left and right, and on occasion my Shadow pops around to ask the occasional question and  I do my best to answer him.
But then I notice something, every time I ask him to help me out with something, he asked if he could use the restroom, I think nothing of it, because as a Water spider, you don’t have to ask to use the restroom, you just go, do your thing, then come back.
Five or ten minute would pass before I see him again, and at this point, I starting to get just a little annoyed with him.
Juuuuuuuust a little.
So instead fo talking to Starlight about the issue, I think that I should try and nudge him along, so next time we’re collecting prep, I ask him how he feels about rate and recieving, and since he’s 18 and just out of High-school, he says meh, to most of it, so I ask him if he enjoys Water spidering, and he says that he’ll do it if he’s asked.
I have to remind myself of how I was at 18 in order to refrain from going verbally full bore on the kid, so I gently tell him that if the PAs, Problem Solvers, and AMs see him knocking things out left and right, that they’ll want to use him more. Anyways, gotta get ready for the day. I’ll finish this up in another part.

Work stuff.

Alrighty! Nuff feelin’ sorry for myself, or at the very least being scared to just do my thang. Because I’m adorable like that.
Update: I was called in HR on Tuesday (which is my Monday) and I knew exactly what the gal, E, was going to ask me about. She’s a very pleasant woman, had a pretty good conversation with her.
Right off the bat, she asked me what I thought I was in there to talk about, I offered two scenarios that could be possible, the first was about a guy that had lost his cell phone, so I directed him to Loss Prevention, the second being my live stream.
She smiled, and I zeroed in on that and gave her all the relevant information, from what inspired the plan, to the motivation, to the topics discussed, the series of events, my time at the hospital, how much I had drank, if I planned on doing that again, and so on.
Apparently, I had answered most of her questions.
She then asked a very interesting one, which caught me off guard.
“Why did you feel the need to do this?”
Live stream?
Post to the group?
Enjoy my weekend in my own home?

So, I gave E a very brief summary of my time on the internet, form Vine, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, myspace, that kind of thing. When I mentioned the group, she smiled slightly again, and again, I zeroed in on that.
So, I talked a little about my posting there, and she said I should try reducing my online presence, which… I understand to a degree.
After a moment or two, I talked about how as an Employee of Amazon, even if I’m off the clock on at my own place, I’m still representing the company, to an extent.
And then she said that what I had done wasn’t very Amazonian, “Was it?”
————

On that note, and after having some time to reflect on the events, I’ve got some final thoughts:
1. What I create on my own time, as long as it doesn’t put myself or anyone else in danger, is my business, if I need to put a disclaimer, I’ll do that.
2. As long as you’re respectful to HR, and give them the information they need, they’ll be respectful to you, it’s pretty simple.
3. I’ve lost the thread of whatever I was working on before I switched gears and began working on something else.
4. The only thing that matters in this world are the lessons you learn and in the ways you positively implement them.

Sorry for the long post, might be a while before I make another one of these. Just really needed to get this out of my system.
———–
The deaths on Amazon site floors really is shocking to hear about, my sympathies to the friends and families affected.
Yeah, that guy complaining about being on his feet all the time, feeling drained?
Good god man, enjoy the positives, everyone’s feet hurt, it’s called fucking gravity.

We aren’t alone in the universe?

We aren’t the only living things in the universe?
Our kind and loving god, in his many forms has more than one pet project?
Well shit.
Time to Naruto run.
So, aliens are real, which means Roswell actually happened, and that what no blimp.
So… fuck it.

I try to self motivate, caffeine usually helps out, gets me ready and pumped for the day, and sometimes chatting with Nigel or Gonzo helps out a bunch. But those chats are rare.

Annnnnd that was disappointing. So, let’s knock this out, or something, because now i’ve got shit piling up in my brain pan that’s worth venting about or something, and yes, fuck the time and dates about when the various part of this fucking thing were updated, because if there’s one thing I love, IT FUCKING INCONSISTENCY. Or incompetence.
Maybe incontinence?
Continents?
Fuck it, inconsistent incompetence incontinence stricken continents.
So, basically, a bunch of disorganized, dumb fucks who can’t control their shitting forming a country.

I know what companies going to skyrocket to the top!

Anyways, Peak 19 is here, and so are new hires, and THERE ARE A TON popping into work everyday, and some of them are memorable, and others are… well, slightly less memorable.
Yesterday, for instance, there were a few Day 1’s trying to open their lockers, Helena and… the other one, wish I’d gotten her name. Anyways, Helena was a bit more memorable because… just holy shit, she just was, they were both having trouble opening their lockers so I helped them out.
nothing special, just something to help them along, y’know?
First gal, Helena, short black gal, based on her energy level, I’d say between 18 and 24, thin frame, glasses, gauges in her ears, frosted tips,  short hair, I’m guessing she works in In/Outbound.
Second gal, didn’t get her name, roughly the same description, no glasses, either Caucasian or Latina, no gauges, just a bit shy,  they were both awesome.
The reason why I say they were both memorable is because there was something unique about them, something interesting, eye catching, a character unique to themselves.
True, there are tons of people I work with that are memorable, each with their own traits that stand out from the rest of the crowd, and I might start talking about them more, because… I don’t know, I seriously need to start blogging more…
Seems like the safest route, or at least, I’m thinking it’s the safest route for me to keep my own energy up.
But the reason the second gal was so interesting was she asked what my gmail was… normally, no one would bat an eye, but she… something caught her eye.
Kinda interesting in a way.

Outside of that, things are going well, because of Peak the managers popped into every department to make sure every part of the place was staffed to account for what I’m assuming is the safe guarding of productivity, so I was placed on 2nd floor Jackpot, and told to singulate the unsingulated. Which is less a really horrifying sex act involving two hornets nests and a pile of half melted Lego bricks and more making sure that the work pops in lengthwise, with no side by sides, and the stickers facing up.
Which, first time around, didn’t know what I was doing, the second time, nailed it LIKE A BAWS.

First half score: .20 percent, only a hundred boxes made it through. I have a feeling that it would’ve been a bit lower had I made sure all the stickers were up. But that’s a REALLY good score, considering the second half was 200 boxes, and I was thinking, dudes and dudettes need to step up their game. So, I’m predicting I might get staffed there again for either first or second half, depends on what’s going down.
One of the newer Jammers, Gonna call her D, who was staffed in the Singulators, got bored of it. She’s used to popping about, talking, doing her own thang. I dunno, kind of disappointed, but Jamming’s not for everyone, are the benefits to Jamming? Yeah, you get to learn about another aspect of the FC that you had no clue about.
Is it draining, yes.
But is the trade off worth it?
Fuck yas.

Everyone starts off White Badge, no exceptions, no matter where they staff you, everyone starts in the basics and then you work your way up. For me, it was receiving, I worked my ass off, got booped to Water spidering, worked my ass off there and eventually knocked out an application to Jam team, made the cut, learned the lay of the land rather quickly, learned a few other aspects, kept motivated, kept knocking out work. Caught the eyes of the peeps that needed a few good workers, and so on and so forth.
Will I eventually knock out Learning Ambassador? Yes, I want to, love teachings others, filling up their intellectual gas tanks with the rocket fuel of the gods!

Eventually, I want to make P.A, but I’m kind of hesitant about it, you see, being PA means early starts and late stops, meaning I’d have to find someway of getting to work earlier, not to mention data management and information analytics. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for all of that, and my shit was on point when it came to knocking notes down during the three day course.
But i needed that information to sink the hell in. Passing the class, not what I’m interested…. actually, yes. I need to stop taking the easy route and stimulate my brain in a way to the point where I feel fulfilled, I feel motivated and excited to try and light up some part of my brain with new information. Because at the moment, I’m just focusing on the physical part, and like any body, there are two sides, the central nervous system and the physical body. One can’t function without the other, ain’t possible, you can either be a really strong dumb ass or Stephen Fucking Hawking.
But to get the best of both worlds?
Y’need to be a really strong Stephen Fucking Hawking.

One more thing, so in regards to the above mentioned really strong Stephen Hawking, there’s a massive dude, named Mark, maybe eight or nine years older then me, the dude is fucking ripped, like diamonds edge ripped, ripped so hard he looks like a PS1 character made physical manifest. The later years, not… just shut the fuck up.
The dude’s a PA and really fucking ripped, the best of both worlds, so he’s just… fucking ripped.

Okay, in regards to an earlier part, Yes, Jam is awesome, y’get some tech on the floor, stay mobile, and get shit done.
Can it be an isolating thing? Yes.
the point being if you keep yourself motivated, occupied, focused on something during the down time, then you can knock it out like a snapped fart in an elevator.

Can I tell you something?

I’m shy.
I know, I know… Let it sink in.
I’m normally a talkative person, at least, I was a talkative person, then I had the accident, and… well, everything kind of shifted perspective.
Everything except one aspect of my life.
Writing, it’s been the one thing I can always come back to in case anything ever falls apart of if I need to vent, because off the internet, I don’t feel very powerful.
Even on the internet, I’m not some kind of Demiinfluencer, or star, or anything like that. I’m just me.
All I have are my stories to occupy my time with, and that’s it.
Seriously.
I used to think that all I needed was a bit of luck and persistance and things would work themselves out and for a long time, that’s exactly how I thought, I’m not exactly proud of the results, but I can say that for whatever reason, I have the skillset I do, because I persisted in writing.
Maybe it’s because I have a from of control over whatever happens, or lack of control if I get too deep into the story itself?
Or maybe it’s a god complex?
You know, where you can make or break anything with a few simple keystrokes?
Authors complex, or something, outside of writing, I’m just me.
And, through a lot of self reflection, a bunch of accidents, relationships, a fuck ton of sex, and more than one time where I’ve gotten blackout drunk, or been roofied, I’ve gotten to where I am… Whereever that is.
I’ve got a lot of victories on the board, but for some reason, they don’t feel like victories, they feel like just another day, another step forward, another clank of the gears in the great clockwork of the universe.
I mean, I feel appreciated at work, and sometimes at home, and for a while, I used to feel appreciated on the internet, and in some cases I still do.

Maybe I just want someone to love now a days.
Yeah, I think that’s it.
I need someone to love, someone to come home to and talk about my day and not feel like I’m about to be over taken by some inconsequential thing.
I thought I had that with Caasi, Ashley, and Sarah, and Amy.
Amy was a sweet woman, still is. Just… I wish things had worked out with her, I was actually making real progress with her, and… I just took too long.

There it is, the thing that’s bothering me.
Things taking too long. Maybe patience, or being too patient is the problem? I need to act, need to make impulsive, but smart, decisions! I need to get out there and make short work of supposedly long decisions! I need to put myself out i nthe sun and learn to live with whatever ashes it makes of me!
But… I’m too cautious.
Ever since the accident.

Ever since the accident, survival is the only thing that matters, everything else, including finding love, is secondary…
Kinda sad.

I’ve got nothing except love.

For some reason I always get weird when talking about love, not in the sense that it becomes perverted self inflation of how ginormous my dick is, because… that would be a gross use of power, also, physiologically, every large dicked man has a constant fear of having a heart attack caused by getting aroused, look it up, straight up fact.
Speaking of big dicks, the dude with the largest dong measures in at two fucking feet.
My question:
Does he go to Hentai cons? because people would fucking love that shit.

Anyways, today is one of the random, “Meh, I knock one out” days, I’m not active enough to garner new followers, but just active enough to keep the ones I have, and honestly, I don’t check the numbers anymore. Why? I don’t care about them, if I continually check the numbers to see how I’m doing, then I fuck myself with anxiety, and I don’t need that shit in my life again.
I get it now, when people say they turn off social media and what not, they try not to focus too much on it, because that’s just how shit is, you live, you learn, you get excited about nothing in particular, and then you move the fuck on.
I wish for the love of god it were that easy with me.
I kind of hate all my socials with a average sized dick passion. Yes, we’re floating back to that shit, because why the fuck not?
Anyways, to make matters interesting, works been going good, this MET is kicking my ass something fierce, but I’m sticking with it, with the knowledge and passion knowing that sometime in October, I’ll get converted, and with any luck, won’t have a ride situation that’s not going to fuck me out of 600 fucking dollars a fucking month just to get two and from work.
Look, I get it, you got out before they got you out, and you’ve got bills and shit to take care of, but how the fuck come I’ve got to be the one to do that, when clearly, you’ve got the scratch to do that on your own. Fuck, if I’m paying you 600 a month for rides to work and back, that I might as well move in with you, because that right the fuck there is rent levels of money and Jesus fucking Christ.
But at the same time, they’re my friend, and “Do the right thing” is ringing in my head. But momma didn’t raise no sucker, and I know when I’m getting fucked over, friendship or not.
And even when they get back in, it’s still gonna cost me 200 a week to get a ride with them, even when they’ve got their own money coming back in? Citing, gas, oil change, tires, blah blah blah when the fuck did I become responsible for MORE then just gas? Yes, the wear and tear and all that, but at the same time, at the end of each month, after taxes, rent, and gas, I’m essentially getting paid HALF of what everyone else’s is getting to take home. And I’m back to 900 a month instead of 2200 a month, so this is my main fucking gripe right there.

Yeah, we’re friends through thick and thin, but the moment you’re back at work is the moment I’m finding a better ride situation.

Fuck, I’m so god damned sore.

I’m back, I guess. Okay, so fuck it, I am back, but for good fucking reason! I’m fucking sore as fuck because they need their fav water spider to collect all the shit, do all the things, and basically be the annoying as fuck voice of “WAKE UP!” because these ten hour shifts?
Oh my god, let me tell you about these fucking ten hour shifts OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN BARELY GET A POST OUT WITHOUT GETTING FUCKING DISTRACTED BY SOME ANNOYING AS SHIT THING!

But let’s head back to then ice, friendly neighborhood of what the actual fuck.
So, I’ve got no problem helping out where I’m needed, I knock out the rate for the week, I’ am beautiful to help out where I’m needed, go do the things, knock everything out, but yesterday!?
Yester-fucking-day?
There were just four of us. Fucking four.
And one of us had to get audited, or something like that, so it’s all good.
But, holy shit.
We needed that woman, to help ease our burdens, I mean, yeah, three of us knocked that shit out like no tomorrow, and we did get a lot of things done, but it seemed every five minutes we were switching between Down Stack, Tetris, tote Inject, Work Inject, ATAC sweeping, Prep sweeping, Tote boosting, and everything else, and after hour 6 I was just waiting for the damned thing to go balls up!

I ain’t mad, just how I write, and it was a bit stressful you know? But, with my friends, Co-Workers, and a shit ton of caffeine, I knocked the day out and repeatedly kicked it in the balls. I woke up, so woke, and so fucking sore, holy fucking shit, I wished to fucking god, they just let me receive that day, because I was in so much pain from the last two hours of it all, I mean, four lines went into AGL, and god damned, people needed to work the fuck faster, I get it, y’like to talk, talking’s great, but at the same time, the reason we went into AGL in the first place is because there were people there who simply just did not give a shit, or were picking only the good boxes!

Like, really?
Fucking really?
I’m out there, busting my ass, taking every single fucking box that passes by my station, and you, like a fuck nut, need to next level cherry pick that shit? What the utter fuck!
I had this one gal, tiny, adorable, and … just the sweetest thing ever, tell me to get her a golden tape wrapped box, and I’m in the middle of making sure the damned line gets some fucking space on it, I’m thinking fuck no, get back to work, let me do my thing!
But, I’m not a dick, so I did the perfectly balanced, I simply moved the box to a place on the line that wasn’t so crowded.
I mean, someone else got the box, of course, and her friend was laughing her ass off, but I had work to do, so I did it. If I’m working, I’m focused on that work only. I don’t take shit from no one, and if there’s a perfectly great reason why you want to do things a certain way, I am more than happy to let you do your day, but let me know and I’ll make sure that you do your thing, that way, both our days are amazing.

Outside of that, I had a pretty standard day, got a lot of work done, stayed focus, talked to people when the work flow was a little low, but over all, I stayed busy. Today’s the final boss of the week, so I’ve got to make double my usual mix, I’m getting better at saving my money, and I’ve set a budget for myself, so I’m getting enough together for a deposit, which has been a bit hard, but I’m knocking it out, still need to find a decent place, and save up about four more weeks, so 550/week, that’s about 1,600 to 2,100, enough for the deposit, and a buffer zone for other expenses as well. So that’s the goal… 2,100 in the account. If I can save up that much, I’ll be golden, and won’t have to worry about much.

Well, that’s enough from me, despite how everything reads, I’m having a lot of fun during this mini-peak, and Prime Day is popping around the corner, so it’s good practice for when things heat up again, I’ll just be happy to have my Sundays back… dear god, I’m so fucking tired…. But, hopefully, when I’ve got my own place, I’ll be happy as shit, and be able to post vids again without hesitation…

It’s been a minute or two, hasn’t it?

So, let’s dial back the weird as fuck shit for a second and talk about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, why?
because obviously, what’s happening with me is INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER WEIRD BULLSHIT I KEEP COMING UP WITH.

That was way too many Caps in the sentence, I seriously only meant to have the infinitely in caps and nothing else.
Okay, so I’ve been working the night shift at Amazon again, which is AMAZING, because for the first time, I’m not completely screwing the pooch, my rates up, I’m regularly talking to hot chicks with no intention flirting with them (kay, I lied, maybe a little. Come on, they’re hot chicks!), I made friends with a Little Person, and he is AWESOME, and almost everyday, EVERYDAY, there’s been a shortage of work because of how great both Day and Night shifts been.

But therein lies the problem, Amazon keeps hiring on new people, despite the lack of work… So does this mean we’re looking at another Mass Hire/Fire situation, where after a few months, they’re going to let us go? hopefully not, took me long enough to snag this one again.

The reason I’m asking, is because there was a strange announcement at stand up, part of one of the programs they’ve got set up, to transfer to other locations, and I’m starting to understand why now, but at the same time, I’m not going to worry about it. Or should I?

With the increasingly apparent lack of work coming in, and more early leaving times, maybe we’re doing our jobs too well? Or is it that there’s going to be a new Cross dock location opening up soon, so more work is being sent over there and we’re being left with the overflow? I dunno, but it is a bit worrying to say the least. And I’m just spinning my wheels here on the subject, there could be a whole bunch of things I could be getting wrong here…

Anyways, nuff about that!

What else is happening?
Oh, right!
For about a week or so, my brain’s been stuck on the idea that fish are naked.
And they are.
But, my best bud Blake pointed out they aren’t.
Know why?

They’re dressed to the gills!

I know, completely stupid, but it’s the best connection i’ve made, but really. Fish are naked.
also preordered MK 11, I’m not great at fighting games, but I’ve been wanting to play Mortal Kombat again for some time, and 11 seems like a pretty good jumping point. There are a few characters that are Rushers, Zoners, and just plain Combo machines, so it’ll be cool to fuck around in practice mode to try and knock something out. 
I still haven’t finished Skyrim, I think I’m nearing the end of the main story, which is great, since in each Bethesda free roam game, I manage to kill off nearly all the not needed NPCs in the first go around, find the exploits, become suped up, and go on a in game murder spree the likes THAT instance of the game universe has never seen.
Smash Brothers still has my attention, mainly for the multiplayer aspect.
Splatoon 2 simply got boring.
Brawlhala has its moments.
I don’t bother with Onigiri anymore. Soon as it got to the “O NOEZ ANIME GIRL IN TROUBLE!” Trope, I stopped playing. I dunno know I’ve got trouble getting passed the whole “Strong Female Protagonist” thing, I personally think it’s great. Maybe it’s just a displacement of the previously natural story telling gender roles? where the male was the strong one, the female was the smart one, and the villains were just dumb asses with too much time on their hands and not enough porn?
Shit, I think that’s what Evil’s problem is just in general.
They can’t get laid, i mean, sex solves all the worlds problems, if just temporarily.
But, I’ve noticed the change myself in my own editing of Sogno Della Dinastia, with Divertenti Della Amuleto focusing on the female main character, I kind of have to make that shit work out, and so far, it’s doing a pretty good job of it.

speaking of writing, and snapping back to work, whenever there’s been a lag of work and I’ve had some time, a pen, and some scrap of paper laying around, I’ve drawn a quick picture, and started scribbling notes on it like a madman. Story plotting is kind of relaxing, breaking away from just standing there, feels like I’m recharging my batteries or something of the like.
So far, I’ve knocked of two of the little darlings:
”Azmael and the Chest of the Forever Coaled”
”Felix Hogbuny goes on Vacay”

Fun little exorcises.
Lets see, what else?

Oh, right, mah carpool buds, Paul, Joseph, and John.
Paul I’ve known for a while since Peak ‘18, great guy, passionate about work, we connect amazingly. Paul’s also a Gamer, which is awesome, since I like gaming too, and we sometimes talking about gaming. Yes, that was a dumb sentence. No, I’m not erasing it. Yes, you’re stuck with it. He’s got an amazing family, and really, that’s all I’m saying on that front.
Joseph? Also a great guy, has a faster sense of humor, good taste in music, likes to ask me random questions, and overall, he’s got a lot going for him! He too, Kicks the ass at work. That was worded weirdly. Joseph is… hard to explain exactly. He’s super intelligent, and I think it might be the super coffee wearing off at this point, but, yep, super intelligent. We all work well together, yeah, definitely the coffee wearing off.
John? Super chill guy, doesn’t say much, but doesn’t really need to when at work or when it’s just us carpooling. When the Turtles are carpooling? different story all together, the dude quips amazingly. We get along amazingly, and i’m going to have to write more about the other two just to give them all equal page time…
I call us the Turtles because we each encompass a different personality type.
Paul’s definitely Leonardo.
Joseph’s Donatello.
John’s Raph, he’s got a little bit of fire in him.
And I’m Michelangelo. Why? Mikey’s been my favorite. Also, I’m writing the post, so I’m Mikey.

Whatelse? Nothing of note, just been doing my own thing… Yes, I’m cutting this short.
Why?
The super coffee is wearing off, and I’m kind of getting bored of writing the post, plus, I’m hungry. Oh, so fucking hungry for breakfast. Not to mention, the more I write, the more I’ll have to edit. Peace!
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My thoughts about working for Amazon

NOTE TO THEE: I originally wrote this while I was STILL working for them, it’s still relevant, and I’m trying to clear up my drafts, and I don’t delete any posts. what was written then, is still relevant today.

Dear god, it has been a while since I last posted, hasn’t it? Well, here I am, so let’s get this shindig out of the way! I’ve been working for Amazon for little under two months at this point, and I’m going to rant a little bit.

The hours are long, the work is simple, and since it’s ULTIMATE DEATHMATCH SPACE BATTLE EPIC PEAK SEASON ALPHA 2018!!! We’re under tremendous pressure to knock out as many packages as possible.
Dick joke, or work joke… YOU decide.
Anywho, the atmosphere is relaxed, friendly and jovial, and there are plenty of ways to keep yourself entertained throughout the ten hour shift, talking WHILE working, arcade machines in the break room, watching tv, eating, and working. They’ve even got a work based waterslide that only the packages can use! See? fun for the whole working class family! The inside of the place where I work has the design scheme of what the inside of a robotic hard boiled egg might look like, white and yellow, and it’s a maze of pillars, poles, conveyors, tape lines, barriers, and machines all over the place, it’s pretty amazing how everything fits together.

At the heart of it all, you’ve got the varying departments working in concert with each other, for simplicity sakes, I’m using abrievs bruh, abrievs, but you’ve got IB, OB, ID, OD, UR, and a few other bits and bites, each section is like it’s own little city, with it’s own little mayor and it’s weird, fun, and all that jazz. I’m in Ur, which is fun, kind of, it keeps me busy, entertained, and I get to watch other people occasionally slack off while the lines packed to the gills, but fuck them, we’re a team.

Like I said before, the work’s pretty fucking easy, and the only way to not have smooth sailing is to NOT PAY FUCKING ATTENTION, because there’s a big fucking thing right in front of your face, two of the, really, that’s telling you where each thing is going, and it’s the simplest bit of fun in the world. You’re essentially paying the easiest game of lasertag in the world, and that’s pretty much it.

That being said, the pay’s great, the options are shweet, plenty of ways to grow and climb up that ladder. The only thing some of the weaker willed people couldn’t get their heads around was the long work day, it’s only long if you pay attention to it, and it’s not like you’re bolted in place. You need to get some water? Go get it. Need to relieve yourself? Do it to it, in the restroom, obviously.

There are couples in the place, and there are plenty of chances to find love or friendship in the place, but I’m not there for that, I’m just there to work, get paid, and go back to work some more. But, humans being social creatures, finding friendship there is one of the mandatory things that happens whether you want it to or not. I’ve made plenty of awesome friends, and I’m getting the hang of things, and with the arcade machine (I LOVE THAT FUCKING THING.) I’m finding ways to keep myself entertained, I wanted to start writing again, I can probably do that during my lunch, since that seems to be the thing that’s on my mind the most.

That’s one of the weird things though, Amazon, the work afternoon, evening, night, and early morning tend to sap your creativity, or energy, so you have to wonder this: When something takes up most of your day (For good reason, you’re there to work, not fuck around, fun as it is, it IS still a job site.) I’m left wondering if I’ve got the time and energy to continue my own writing projects, after all, those are the things that’ve kept me going the longest, and I’ve thought about that very thing…. It’s all about finding a balance I suppose, one that I’ll eventually find.

There are a few gripes I have, those are far and few between, for the most part everything works as it should. For the most part. As with any tech, there are moments when things don’t work as they should, or things just go dark (Not the place, just bits and pieces of small level tech, mostly due to human error), and there are a few ways they could help improve the workflow a bit better.

As much as I want to continue, I’m reminding myself that discretion is the better part of valor.

Bottom line: Hours are excellent, pays good, plenty of room for growth, ways of keeping yourself occupied, friendly atmosphere, every level works easy AF, and blast past the goal markers, and it’s pretty cool over all!

There’s Conversion Blood in the water

And people are starting to talk about it constantly, Conversion in Amazon is like puberty for teenagers, in that it’s about growing from a White badge to a Blue Badge, ya don’t know when it’s going to kick in, and generally, there’s a lot of confusion about how to go about it. People have, reportedly, begun sprouting hair in strange places, and their voices are getting higher in the males, and lower in the females.

Ball is life, but ball should not be life.

Just remember:
Ball is Life.
But, Ball should not BE Life.

What is the ball in your life?
The thing that you can’t resist going after when it’s thrown in front of you?
Netflix?
Facebook posts?
Clickbaity videos?
Gaming?
VTO?
Sex?
We all have a ball in our life, and much like the retriever, we can’t help but go after it, but at what point does it stop being just “Fetching the ball” and more letting the ball fetch us?
I struggled with this for a long time, and much like the dog playing fetch, I went after gaming like a madman, I’d spend days just playing the same game to death until I either got a new one or finished that one.
“Ball is life” isn’t just a meme to some people, it’s an addiction, a thing they can’t help not separating themselves from, merely because it’s thrown in front on them.
One of the many balls I’ve become resistant to fetching is gaming. Right now, I’ve my Switch right next to me in it’s dock, just sitting there. I know that I could be playing it right now, enjoying some time in either Smash Brothers Ultimate or Fortnite (fun game BTW) but really, I know that getting some game time in wouldn’t really be productive to my time. I’ve got a blog to run, and maybe sometime in the future,getting back to writing Sogno Della Dinastia.
What’s the Ball in your life?

Another “Ball is Life” story.
I’m a youtuber, and I used to upload Videos every chance I got, we’re talking every half hour, just whip out the phone, record a quick video, post it, and forget about it, lol! And I used to knockout shoutouts every 30 seconds on Vine, Twitter, and the such. That was my Ball, and the shout out requests were the people playing fetch with me.
At some point I realized that I didn’t need to fetch the ball all the time, that I could be a good Doggo just by fetching the Ball well enough to satisfy myself, and let whatever happens happens.
I learned that not everything on my mind needed to be said, or recorded, and for a while it went very much against my own instincts, grating against my own impulsiveness to reach new Subscribers or followers.
Now, working for Amazon, there’s a new, mandatory Ball, getting making over 100 on my rate. i’m still fetching the Ball, but now it’s because i’m getting paid to do it, and this ball? I like fetching it.

But, I’m not going to let the Ball become my life. I want you to know that this post was inspired by a number of people and situations, across a good number of years. That no one thing is the core reason for this post being written.

Just remember:
Ball is Life.
But, Ball should not BE Life.

Intelligent Title for a dumb fucking post.

Now that we’ve cleared up the intent of this thing, let’s make one thing perfectly clear, I’m a dumbass, and you’re a dumbass. By which I mean, there are things about which we know plenty, things in which we know not so much, and things in which we know absolutely nothing at all.
It’s all right, there’s nothing wrong with that, especially since 95% of our knowledge base comes from shouty, day glow traffic cones pretending to be something they aren’t. Fuck you donald Trump.
That being said, it’s been a minute, I’ve not found any time to make a quick post, or put some serious thought into what I’d like to talk about. And drunk blogging is out of the question as well, since no matter what, the quality of my works is just going to be crap when drunk blogging. There’s literally nothing of quality in those things. And I think I ACTUALLY included them in the book I … Don’t think I published. there was a shit ton of work put into the book, and for some fucking reason, it just up and vanished on me. Along with several hundred other little projects i had going on at one point or another.
I dunno, sometimes I think having a job is the greatest thing in the world, because money, and being able to afford things, and other times, I’m like, great, this shit again. because as hard as I work? I can never seem to get ahead, like, it’s the strangest thing in the world. Last week I was at a 104% rate, which was great, but my dailys are sucking ass, 95,81, 84, nothing above a hundred unless I’m caffeinated out of my fucking gourd and just completely in my Zen state of being… kind of frustrating. But it ALWAYS comes down to numbers, not the struggles, not the advancements, not anything.
“If you don’t make those numbers, just going to be one of those days!”
The bottom line is always more important than the needs of the individual, which is kind of sad when you get down to it, but at the same time, one of the tips that I learned from a PA, was to not let this job define who you are.
But it’s kind of hard to do when you don’t know who you were to begin with. Or maybe it’s just the motion of it all, the way things could and often do change at any point in time, and you just have to go with the flow, which is a mentality that I’ve adopted many times over the course of my life!
I got distracted and forgot what the fuck I was writing about, I know that to you, it’s just a millisecond between paragraphs, but I’ve spent the better part of ten minutes trying to dry my hands and figure out why my hands still kind of felt like crap. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just a thing of mine, but I fucking hate distractions, they’re… just so unneeded, just stay focused on the goal, and work towards that end… i’m sure whatever it was I was going on about had some importance to it… Maybe, it’s hard to tell anymore.

… fun.

Nother day, nother dollar, new ride situation for Wednesday knocked out, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about, however, a few other thoughts have popped up, nothing major, just some small things.

The fact that my ride mates wanted me to drop some bars on the way to work kinda drained me, in a good way i suppose, it’s been awhile since I’ve knocked something out, but it felt good to cut loose.

I’ve got a few bits of unused footage I might upload, or not, I dunno. But work was alright, nothing too hectic, just tired from the day I suppose.

Something popped into my mind, if butterfly’s could scream like howler monkeys, would that make the flight of flocks of monarchs less beatific to behold?

My brains not working right. Gonna tag and post this. No featured pictured.

Dear Amazon

Since i’ve been working for you for almost a month now, (almost said a Moth, mua ha ha… Why is evil laughter needed!?) I’ve noticed a few things, and I’ve learned a few things:

  1. Your facilities need a way for people to see the sky when working. Hear me out, I’ve done some thinking on this one, at first I was like “Make the cieling a window into our souls!” but then I realized how fucking stupid that sounded and went with the OBVIOUSLY super better awesome of building an FC with the ceiling being covered in large screens, those screens would be connected (Hardwired of course, if you did wifi signal, it’d be easy enough for any assfuck with a whitehat training program to stream porn 24/7 and wouldn’t THAT be fucking amazong?) into a series of upwards facing cameras that would capture the transitions from night to day, giving your FC a future look that’d remind people of HARRY FUCKING POTTER!
  2. Let’s talk about Jams, those fucking things that stop work flow and piss people trying to get their rate up for whatever the fuck reason. Okay, the robosorts y’all have lining the place are fucking amazing, I feel like if you wanted to, y’all could make a prize grabber game that actually doles out the prizes. Anyways, that aside, the problem with the sorter is that it spews out products left and right, and I get that we’re supposed to be fast as fuck boi, but we’re only human, and people can only move so fast, or get distracted by yapping to their friend about the tentidildo they just scanned.
    The problem is the conveyors themselves, they just keep bringing stuff on down like an extra crazy episode of the prize is right, if y’all implemented an AI subsystem that would involve a few sensors here or there and stop at around 12 totes, wait for ten of em to be cleared before sending the next 10 down, you’d find that the sorter stops happen less frequently, and products get to their customers more.
  3. The Rate system, oh my fucking god, this one I have the biggest gripe with. I don’t mind the rate system itself, that fine. what I have a problem with is the fact that in the beginning, I’d be trying to knock out my rate, first thing in the afternoon shift, and suddenly I get waterspidered, which, hey, happy to help out where I can, but at the same time, when the rate system in UR is the determining factor of who stays and who goes, and you never know if you’re going to get waterspidered or not, it gets a bit mindbreaking trying to keep a balance on things. I get that URA’s need to break a certain package amount in order to make rate, but couldn’t the people who decide who gets waterspidered in the first place make it every other day with people they haven’t used?
    Again, all this was explained to me, and I get it, just throwing some quick questions out there. That’s all.
  4. Pre shift and post lunch group huddles need to be a bit more engaging. I get that we’ve got work to do, and I get that everyone’s going to be batshit tired after lunch, but make those huddles a bit more engaging, entertaining, and eye catching. I’m not saying hire and fire Chris Angel on the spot, but hey, that’s be one hell of a MIND FREAK. Anyways, this comes from day after day of watching and struggling to hear the peeps upfront talk about the same things and no one really pays much attention.
    I get it, they’re boring as hell to go through, but at the same time, put some damned spit shine on that sumbitch and make it sing! It’s almost heartbreaking to hear them tap on the mic a few times, beg someone to come lead stretches, and begin with a prepped announcement that reads like a GI82 crapping out graphics for World of Warcraft.
    Announcements are important, and it’s rather unfortunate that people would rather yap their heads off then pay attention to what the higher ups are talking about.
  5. The fucking Vest colors. Orange, Yellow, Neon, Green, Red, and Black. Sometimes pink. This one is a bit of a clusterfuck for those who can’t tell the difference between close, but different colors. Yellow, Neon, and Green. Did you know that there are a crap ton of clashing color combos? They’re pretty fun to mess around with, and I’m sure y’all chose the schemes you did because they offered the most visibility. Anywho, that’s all I wanted to get off my chest for now.

At the end of the day?

We all get the fuck out of there as fast as possible, love Amazon to death, really do, but there’s only so many boxes, yellow, grey, and white color schemes, and listening to submarine like sirens blaring before you start thinking about those final three minutes of the night.

I need to blog about work more, and I will. Also, dating coworkers is a big fuck nah. I don’t want to chance, are there gals there that catch my eye? Of course, will I personally persue them? Nope. Look, I get it, love is in the air, and when you’re spending nearly 40 to 50 hours in a warehouse with people, connections are made, bonds created.

There’s a reason dating coworkers is a cautionary tale, cause if you date someone a bit higher up above you, and things don’t work out? That’s a big fucking spot that can potentially screw you over long term.

But, at the same time, if things do work out? Much love to you both, I hope things work out for yall. Myself? I dunno, the future is like water, it can exist in all four states, solid, liquid, gas, and plasma. It is ever changing, and sometime,aybe, my stance will change.

It’s a pretty competitive environment, but it’s all to improve your work flow, I’m already two times faster than I was when I first started, so evolution.

Lunch thoughts. I have none.

Alrighty, what the fuck will I come up with?

Not much. Amazon is… well… Amazon. Works decent, hours are nice, and while it’s a bit stressful at times, the experience over all is very much worth it.

There are a few things I’d change if I could, but for the life of me, I can’t really think of anything important.

My mix, redbull, cold brew, and monster works pretty well in keeping me focused on the work, and I’ve got plenty of peeps to talk to at breaks and lunch.

Anywho, I’m pretty much done with this thing at the moment, …need more food in my gut. Lol.

Dear Markiplier… I know that feeling.

Dear Mark, hi! It’s a me! Morgan, and I just wanted to tell you that the feeling of constantly wanting more when you’ve got everything is perfectly normal, we’re human, it’s our constant drive to be better than who we were the day before that makes us- NO, DRIVES  us to be better. You say that you’ve got everything you could possibly want and more?
What’s the one thing you’re lacking? What’s the one thing you’ve not yet achieved?
Easy, getting married and having a family. That’s what you’re missing out on, that’s the ULTIMATE  let’s play, the grandest of all unboxings, the top tier of all challenge videos, the greatest role you’ll ever play.
Parenting, being a married man, you’ve strived for so much, and accomplished so much, that you’ve yet to see the pond in the middle of the grouping of trees from the forest, you, my good sir, want to raise a family.
The man who has everything, or claims to have everything, has nothing until he creates from his and her body, a being from both. That’s the truest, and purest form of a collaboration ever, and it’s no lie my man. You need to focus on yourself.
Getting older, means looking back and becoming wiser from your experiences, and the clothing brand, Cloak, which you and Sean launched? That’s a step in the right direction, you’re already a brand in and of yourself, you’ve got that going and much more!
Turning 30 means you’ve accomplished something, reached a new goal, become another person in a way. It doesn’t mean saying goodbye to the 20 through 29 year old you, it means welcoming in the new set of skills you’ve yet to unlock! And trust me, after watching your channel from your Shark fin hairstyle days to now?
you’ve undergone the transformation of a lifetime! Do I think you’ll discover this blog? Not by a long shot, do I think writing this will help alleviate my own concerns about growing older?
Every little bit helps….
Growing older can have it’s drawbacks.
You become more concerned about the state of the world, you become more weary, more cautious, more planning and plotting, you become more skilled at the things you’ve never taken notice of before, and honestly? It’s all part of the process of rowing, we never stopped at 21, we’ve only continued, and that’s a great thing! To know yourself is to know who you’ll become just based off of you’re experiences and surroundings. Even if you somehow turn into an antisocial hermit who still lives at home with no drivers license and oh god I turned this into something about me…

fuck it, not like he’s going to read this anyways, and who am I kidding? All those things and more are true. But folks, I’ve gotta level with you, the night shift is fucking killing my creativity, and I’m just fucking wiped out. I was able to write a short story the other day, but that… I guess it worked out? Maybe? I dunno… for the man who has nearly nothing but a job, a place to call home, and a few pieces of tech to his name, what more could I want? Like I was saying earlier. My drive at the moment is killed, I have no sex drive, lol… God I wish that were a joke. Between being terrified of rejection and not being in a relationship… kind of a mood killer, but then again, these things usually are.
But, money’s money, and I ain’t about tah start complainin’ about that kinda thing, you know? Sometimes the greatest thing in the world is to sometimes bitch and moan about how working at Amazon can be a  little bit of a mind fuck.

Starts to drive out who you were before you started working there, little by little. And that’s why you’ve got to anchor yourself, that’s why you’ve got to keep pressing forward against whatever blistering conditions you might’ve otherwise succumbed to. sometimes it feels like I’m not even myself, just someplace else entirely, with no real voice except to agree with everything just to keep moving along. And I guess that’s important too, right? Maybe… No- no doubting myself, no more second guessing or trying to fly under the radar, no more hiding in plain sight, no more of that BS. I’ve hid long enough, and I’m tired of hanging back because everyone else is.

Amazon is about one thing, and one thing only, okay, well, two things, : Customer service and growth.

so, like the company itself, I’ve got to grow as well, and make damned sure that the growth is sustained, my energy levels are fucked at times, so I’ve got to mix together a starbucks cold brew, a monster, and a redbull just to get through the day.  Oh well, i guess that’s the post. Peace.

Howdy! I’ve got nothing but… love?

So, a big thing with me is trying to either figure out if I’m in love, out of love, or if someone’s smitten with me or not. Usually it’s not, but there are some weird exceptions to the rule, and this isn’t coming from some egotistical point of view where I constantly think, EVERYONE WANTS TO FUCK ME HARD AND BREAK MY BED SPRINGS!” God, as awesome as that would be, I still hold out hope that a bus full of cheerleaders wants me to…. well, fuck em… what else? A MAN CAN DREAM DAMN IT!

Anyways, at work, I’ve been trying to keep to myself and I’ve been failing at that with as much grace as a flame in a wind storm, you know? But, when you spend ten hours a day around the same people, day after day, eventually, something’s going to click, and so, that kind of thing has happened, maybe, I might be reading too much into the whole thing, and maybe I’ve stepped into it yet again, but hey, always hold out hope for love, you know?

Anyways, there are a couple of cute gals at work, and we get along pretty well, and I’m pretty much straight forward with the work type things, and so are they, because, you know, co-workers and all of that.  I need to clip my nails, drives me nuts when I’m writing and they keep popping against the thing, anyways, I finally got the gumption to be all casual like and suggest to one of the gals that we should exchange numbers when we get the chance, and she seems pretty down for the idea, which is cool.

Like i said, I’m trying to be as calm as possible here because you never know if something’s going to go sideways, down, or up, which is just me being cautious, because that kind of thing is always a bit terrifying, maybe it’s just my own hormones kicking the crap out of whatever doubt I’m currently facing down? Or maybe i’m finally becoming a bit more confident at work, since it’s a professional environment and not some college campus where shit is just crazy as fuck sometimes.

The stories I could tell you and probably already have. i’ll keep you guys and gals updated, maybe I’ve found a new gal pal, or maybe just another friend to chat with between bouts of work, who knows? I’m just excited to be on the market again, even though I think I always might’ve been from the moment I switched from being being in a relationship to being single… There is that bit of recovery time though, right? The resetting of the way how one thinks about things… It is an adjustment. Anyways, work awaits, and I’m pretty psyched about the the day, one more day till PERDER!!!! Or, you know…

Payday! Woot motherfuckers!

I see the little things, and fuck em. right in the skull.

Ello, ello, ello, ello! And how are we doing today? i’m going to ramble on a bit because fuck logic and let’s just see where this goes? Yes, we’ll see where it goes! So first off, sorry I haven’t posted in forever, my work schedules been fucking me creative wise for a while, and I figure getting this shit out now is a better use of my time, since I love Amazon and everything the company does, so you know, work where you shop and all will be well? I guess, I mean, pizza guys don’t eat pizza very often since they’rearound that stuff all the tiem and you know, stuff and thangs and work related bull shit. Speaking of which, let’s talk about work related bullshit, shall we?

I’m a UR. No, not an URUK, that’d be a UK based Universal Reciever, anyways, my job, or task, actually, somedays I get trained on a few things at once and I’m like, woot! But my task is to take a box, boop the box, and make things go in order. Too complicated? Fuck nah, it’s simple, but what really fucks me over is te fact that some of the other UR’s in the line I’m working in just let the work fucking float on by, it’s like, seriously? These idiots fucking run around thep lace talking to their friends, play fighting in the lines ando ther shit when boxes are rolling passed them, like do they even care? Are they not understand that while, yeah, rates are fun and all of that, work is fucking work, not a chance to ask fifty fucking questions in a god damned row and slow down whoever the fuck is on the other side of the station because you have some unimportant idiocy going on in your life that you have the need to share. And that’s anothe hting, usually, if I can help it, I’ll try to get placed somewhere in the middle, and that’s great and all, usually in them iddle or at the end, because that’s where the majority of the leftover work tends to fall on the busy days.

Sunday we had these wierd little breaks between boutis of box booping, which is fine, let the work pile up, we boop the shit of the boxes, get them to where it needs ot be going and all that fun shit, at the same time, I’m silently flipping out because the day before a PS gets on my case for going to fast with those boxes of little items that are usually 150 to 200 little things, pretty much a easy game of pokemon where you don’t want to catch ’em all.

Anywho, the gal across from me, bless her heart, K, tells me she’s an LA, and based on what she’s seen, I’m doing pretty well for myself, which is amazing news to hear, because my DR is fucking terrible, and my WR is fucking amazing, so the differencei s fucking crazy, not to mention I finally got around to buying a watch which will save me a shit ton of time not having to look at the time every five minutes wondering when FB and SB are and which one I should take. Speaking of which, Sunday, also learned how to PrEd, pretty simple, no DR or WR to worry about, which is nice, but there’s no variation between booping, but there is a variation in where the stuff goes, so that’s nice, no need to worry about ST shooting it to OB, IB, or the SoTo’s, the AT’s or the DT’s, which is fucking amazing. i’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, and I needed a while to figure out the lingo, so hopefully, I can nail down a schedule where i’m posting blogs on the regular. Speaking of which, I’ve been cranking out chapters left and right when it comes to Compiling parts, pretty simple stuff.

I haven’t really worked on the game too much lately, my creative’s been fucked, because I sleep, wake up, get ready for the day, go to work, come home, rinse and repeat, there’ve been some days where I get some writing done, which helps out in the long run, but the goals still the same, anyways, it’s getting a bit late in the day and the evenings and nights in the High Desert are a bitch to deal with when it’s cold… Should most likely invest in a head lamp and an extended battery, which I desperately need. Or a new laptop… That might actually go the distance, or try upgrading this one… Need to figure out what parts are compatible with it, no need to spend more money than I actually need to.

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