Welcome to 2020, I’m your host, Dan Rather!

I talk about things, work, friends, projects, that kind of thing. Your kind of thing!

Holy shit, if he does NOT make that joke, I’m going to be so pissed.
So, how was your New years? Like mine, uneventful, kinda like the rest of the holidays, but I do have some slight changes to the usual programming. Annnnd that’s right… I keep forgetting that I have this thing, and rather than use  this  platform ot vent my various complaints and or treasures, I choose to instead post pointlessly bad videos and tweets that go unnoticed for a while and now I’m sad.
But, not anymore, thanks to the power of Arabian fucking coffee.
Yup.
It’s gon’ be like that today.
Anyways, I’ve been working my as off at amazon and aside from the ride situation changing for the better, apparrently, I now have a group I hang out with, well, I’ve got several groups I hang out with, but one more consistantly than the others. The weird thingis, I dunno how it all, oh wait- Yes, yes I do.
Think it might’ve been during that wonky period of time where I’m just extra flirty or something, happens every once in a while. But I just told this one gal, V, that I didn’t know what it was about her, but I liked her. And it’s true. There’s something about her I can’t put my finger on, but it’s there.
Anyways, I think I met her friend, A, first, and we had a quick conversation about something or other, then after shift, I talked her V, and then after that I introduced myself to I.
Weird thing is, thanks to I’s  wanting to hang out after shift, I now have a group of peeps That I hang out with after shift. Which is refreshing, but at the same time a bit worrying. Now, don’t get me wrong, these women are fucking amazing, and I’m really thankful I’m friends with them.
Just old paranoias and what not.
The reason I flit from group to group has something to do with a fear of rejection if interest in a gal is expressed, and then it just becomes slightly awkward, so I subconsciously fade away for a few weeks to let things cool day and act as if it’s just normal.
It’s the built up anxiety of repeated rejections and the knowledge and slight annoyance that that’s just going to be a part of things. And I really love working for Amazon.
But it really is a small town unto itself, so there is lies the problem, or, I don’t think it’s a problem, just something I’m slowly but surely pushing through.
2020 is going to be a new year, I’m no longer attached to Ashley, though the memories are bittersweet, they are slowly fading into the hazy fog that is the past.
Though I don’t believe I’m ready for dating, my subconscious has other ideas, and I’ve been noticing slight changes in my behaviour that supports that theory.
At the same time, I really do need to have some kind of social life, so if hanging out with friends after work is the way to do that, who am I to complain?
Besides, love is love, though it might be unreliable, love always finds a way. And just like every Jurassic Park movie, love is the T-Rex that will fuck yo sadness up in terrifying and hilarious ways.
Well, might as well dive into this. Or not, I’m still trying to sort everything out myself, but I think my problem is I over think things, and sometimes, I just need to dive into the deep end, and say “Fuck logic, I will enjoy mustard and toast at the same time!” Or maybe that’s my subconscious way of trying to deflect from the realization I might just have feelings for someone, and I’m slowly ramping up to asking them out.
The weird part is that it won’t be over a dating app. Which is just a fucking thing of its own.

That aside, I’ve started working on weird little pipe cleaner figures I like to call Piplaeners, why? Well… I don’t know why, but there awesome, and I’m slowly world building with every one that I create. Let’s see if I can pull a few up.80831662_471927350176422_7036172946527748096_n80900903_834241123681085_7729425855453069312_n80811702_2546410082263326_6814933365725069312_n80697408_3717571861618355_8067890323717619712_n80272528_590025335152853_5579368598624796672_n80357608_2566402456747613_7203153398026207232_n

I really like making these. They honestly don’t take that long to make and I’ve gotten down to a science, but so far, I’ve got the Golden King, The Red Queen, the Cursed Prince, the Queens Guard, and Dequadra.
Haven’t figured that one out yet. And it’s my newest work too! I’m also working on a massive one and I’m still planning out, and with every Piplaener made, I discover new ways of making them sturdier, I might actually have something going here!
Kind of exciting when you think about it!

Youtube’s still a thing, and I’ve now got a podcast going, which, I should really get cracking on the next episode, god I’m so bad at procrastinating…

OH MY FUCKING GOD

I was thinking about the grand scope of the universe and why it was the squirrels get the best stick in life, like an ACTUAL fucking stick, I mean, if it were an actual FUCKING STICK that’d be questionable, because then you’d see sweet old ladies screaming for their lives with bags of broken crackers, all the while a fuck ton of squirrels with oddly bloody twigs would be chasing her, and you KNOW shit’s about to go down when you see that kind of bullshit happen.

I once saw an octopus. No reason really, it was just there, and I was having the time of my life just looking at this fucking thing, and I was like, “Hey, octopus.” And the thing did say a word, because it has an ass mouth. That’s right, you heard, Octopi have ass mouths, they can be masters of talking shit, because of their ass mouths, and there’s nothing you or I can really do about it.

There’s such a thing as redundant torture, where you do something utterly inane to someone else over a large or short period of time, and they’ll finally be all, “Hey, what the fuck.” All calm like, but you know deep down they’re sad.
Or… something, I don’t fucking know.

Maybe we’re all just in a simulation and the robots are the real players here, because that’d be absolutely amazing, if ready player one wasn’t about the time space-continuum because a vacation inditing the mass roach riot of 20:14 military time, because I like fucking with people’s perception of things every now and then. It’s just a thing I do, you know how I know? Because you aren’t me, and even if you were, I’d still be the one writing this fucking thing, so you can’t stop me no matter who you are!
Yes, I ripped that from Ace venture, which is honestly my favorite movie of all time.

I don’t wonder why time traveling eggs don’t time travel, they’d be too chicken by the end of it. Ha.

Dumb jokes for smart people include:
1. My dating life.
My hair line.
The fact I more famous than a regular potato.
Every knows a regular potota. Or potato.
Fuck pototas. They’ve done nothing for humanity.

Those assholes.
This blog was brought to you by the overwhelming need to fuck around on the interenet and write some weird bullshit that’ll make you question if I’m high or not.
I am 6″5 or six foot five inches. Why does my jaw feel like a peice of toast ready to pop the fuck out of a toaster? Oh yeah, gravity. I keep forgetting that’s a thing.
Kinda like Brangolina. Or Bracheal.
Or Bennigan’s.

I keep forgetting I have this thing

Annnd Apparently I suck at keeping this blog updated, so… Yeah? Maybe? I don’t fucking know, lmao.
So, let’s just dive right into the kibbles and bits, rather than the dick and shaft. Cause that would hurt both parties involved somehow.
So, what’ have I, the Glorious (Not glorious, just kinda normal) person been up to?
Writing a short story, originally wanted it to be a bit longer, but whatev’s, called, “Another Day and No VTO” it was supposed to be a satire about working in a Amazon Warehouse, the location being called WTF8 and it sometimes delved into some deep level shit.
Dementia, mass shootings, and sex assault. But those were the dark little bits.
On upside we had haunted robots, Hunger Games styled Candy Parades, Sentient furbies, and shit just going absolutely nuts on occasion. I was ramping up the crazy, and at the end of each part, had a poll with different options so people could vote on which one they liked that most.
It went pretty well, I’ve got all the files saved, so I might just slap that together and publish it as is.
Or not, I haven’t decided yet.
How I usually write is there’s usually a “Source”, a motivation so to speak that pops from a place or group, with the source, everything’s peachy, without the source, the project’s pretty much dead in the water.
Anyways, outside of that, everything’s going good. Can’t complain. I’ll do my best to keep everything updated, not rely on FB so much.

Fuck, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog…

Although, what the hell is a proper blog post? Is it a collection of like minded thoughts?
Because, you know, if that’s the case, than I am properly fucked. I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of like minded thoughts, just a bunch of confused bullshit that people are like, “HA! Shweet.”
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with being in a world in which my channel flippy brain gets confuzzled halfway through a thought and decides that buttercream screaming butterflies are the perfect valentines day gift, for the person you REALLY fucking hate.
And, you know, I’m not blind to my underuse of exclamation points, really!

Today I want to talk about love. And Workplaces.
And amazon.
And the holy shit storm of why either their a good thing or a bad thing, or maybe I’ll just continually switch topics, because I’m a rebellious bastard and you love me for that.
“Today, we’re talking puppies and the monster trucks who love them. Way too much.”
Yeah, so strap in for some enlightened as fuck shit, because this god damned thing is filled to the brim with swearing and clown beastiality referees. I meant to write that.

Yesterday, we got put in 5S, and me being me, I began to draw, something I do to pass the time. One of my friends then asked me a bunch of questions, some personal, others not, most I can’t remember, but she was cool.
Then my other friend, Karen, Who I think might have a crush on me? I don’t like to assume anything anymore, I just leave it up to the winds of chance and whatever seems to be going on that day to figure shit out, also talked to me about my drawing, and we got to talking for a while, and it was a pretty good conversation, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and you fucking hate the fact I’m not giving you the deets!
Well, I can’t remember the deets, so we’re pretty much in the same boat here.

Anyways, i leave to go to the bathroom, come back, and I get snagged into Water Spidering, which is indirect work, but still critical, for Prep… And for about 40% I would say, I knocked things out of the park, I kept tote lines going, swept, moved pallets and cages, just in general, was an amazing beast of burden. Or unburdening, that’s like an Anti-Donkeh, right?

There was this one woman, really tiny, like, ridiculously small, looks almost like a kid, but she isn’t. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s got an amazing smile, which, hey, bonus points for getting her to smile! Anyways, she’s a sweet person, much luck to her in whatever she chooses to do in life.

Meanwhile, i’m apartment hunting, I’ve got my eyes set on a place or two, as well as the bedding needed to make sure I conserve as much space as possible, and was kind of blown away by the fact there’s a triple bunk bed, like, holy shit people! A triple bunk bed! that’s like witnessing a majestic Unicorn horn fuck a leperchaun right through the face, while the little fuckers barfing gold bars! I mean, yeah, it’s a bunk bed, but a fucking triple!?

Jesus fucking christ.

Oh, I also made my first communion.
Every once in a while I’ll still upload a video or two, but I haven’t been as interested in it. Growing my channel has become annoying as fuck, and I just decided, fuck it, not going to bother. I are there people who’ll enjoy my stuff? Maybe, I’ll never know.. I get just a bit depressed thinking about it, too many trolls, or algorithms or whatever, or maybe I just upload bad content, fuck if I know or care anymore. While there are peeps out there, my hearts just not in it anymore. That’s the long and short of it now a days. My hearts not in making vids anymore, and it’s not making me any money, so why should I bother?

Yeah, there was for the enjoyment of it, but constant criticism about the whole thing has whittled away at my enthusiasm for it, and until I get my own place, I don’t think I’ll be able to really get back into it. Things change over time, needs change,

It’s been a minute or two, hasn’t it?

So, let’s dial back the weird as fuck shit for a second and talk about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, why?
because obviously, what’s happening with me is INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER WEIRD BULLSHIT I KEEP COMING UP WITH.

That was way too many Caps in the sentence, I seriously only meant to have the infinitely in caps and nothing else.
Okay, so I’ve been working the night shift at Amazon again, which is AMAZING, because for the first time, I’m not completely screwing the pooch, my rates up, I’m regularly talking to hot chicks with no intention flirting with them (kay, I lied, maybe a little. Come on, they’re hot chicks!), I made friends with a Little Person, and he is AWESOME, and almost everyday, EVERYDAY, there’s been a shortage of work because of how great both Day and Night shifts been.

But therein lies the problem, Amazon keeps hiring on new people, despite the lack of work… So does this mean we’re looking at another Mass Hire/Fire situation, where after a few months, they’re going to let us go? hopefully not, took me long enough to snag this one again.

The reason I’m asking, is because there was a strange announcement at stand up, part of one of the programs they’ve got set up, to transfer to other locations, and I’m starting to understand why now, but at the same time, I’m not going to worry about it. Or should I?

With the increasingly apparent lack of work coming in, and more early leaving times, maybe we’re doing our jobs too well? Or is it that there’s going to be a new Cross dock location opening up soon, so more work is being sent over there and we’re being left with the overflow? I dunno, but it is a bit worrying to say the least. And I’m just spinning my wheels here on the subject, there could be a whole bunch of things I could be getting wrong here…

Anyways, nuff about that!

What else is happening?
Oh, right!
For about a week or so, my brain’s been stuck on the idea that fish are naked.
And they are.
But, my best bud Blake pointed out they aren’t.
Know why?

They’re dressed to the gills!

I know, completely stupid, but it’s the best connection i’ve made, but really. Fish are naked.
also preordered MK 11, I’m not great at fighting games, but I’ve been wanting to play Mortal Kombat again for some time, and 11 seems like a pretty good jumping point. There are a few characters that are Rushers, Zoners, and just plain Combo machines, so it’ll be cool to fuck around in practice mode to try and knock something out. 
I still haven’t finished Skyrim, I think I’m nearing the end of the main story, which is great, since in each Bethesda free roam game, I manage to kill off nearly all the not needed NPCs in the first go around, find the exploits, become suped up, and go on a in game murder spree the likes THAT instance of the game universe has never seen.
Smash Brothers still has my attention, mainly for the multiplayer aspect.
Splatoon 2 simply got boring.
Brawlhala has its moments.
I don’t bother with Onigiri anymore. Soon as it got to the “O NOEZ ANIME GIRL IN TROUBLE!” Trope, I stopped playing. I dunno know I’ve got trouble getting passed the whole “Strong Female Protagonist” thing, I personally think it’s great. Maybe it’s just a displacement of the previously natural story telling gender roles? where the male was the strong one, the female was the smart one, and the villains were just dumb asses with too much time on their hands and not enough porn?
Shit, I think that’s what Evil’s problem is just in general.
They can’t get laid, i mean, sex solves all the worlds problems, if just temporarily.
But, I’ve noticed the change myself in my own editing of Sogno Della Dinastia, with Divertenti Della Amuleto focusing on the female main character, I kind of have to make that shit work out, and so far, it’s doing a pretty good job of it.

speaking of writing, and snapping back to work, whenever there’s been a lag of work and I’ve had some time, a pen, and some scrap of paper laying around, I’ve drawn a quick picture, and started scribbling notes on it like a madman. Story plotting is kind of relaxing, breaking away from just standing there, feels like I’m recharging my batteries or something of the like.
So far, I’ve knocked of two of the little darlings:
”Azmael and the Chest of the Forever Coaled”
”Felix Hogbuny goes on Vacay”

Fun little exorcises.
Lets see, what else?

Oh, right, mah carpool buds, Paul, Joseph, and John.
Paul I’ve known for a while since Peak ‘18, great guy, passionate about work, we connect amazingly. Paul’s also a Gamer, which is awesome, since I like gaming too, and we sometimes talking about gaming. Yes, that was a dumb sentence. No, I’m not erasing it. Yes, you’re stuck with it. He’s got an amazing family, and really, that’s all I’m saying on that front.
Joseph? Also a great guy, has a faster sense of humor, good taste in music, likes to ask me random questions, and overall, he’s got a lot going for him! He too, Kicks the ass at work. That was worded weirdly. Joseph is… hard to explain exactly. He’s super intelligent, and I think it might be the super coffee wearing off at this point, but, yep, super intelligent. We all work well together, yeah, definitely the coffee wearing off.
John? Super chill guy, doesn’t say much, but doesn’t really need to when at work or when it’s just us carpooling. When the Turtles are carpooling? different story all together, the dude quips amazingly. We get along amazingly, and i’m going to have to write more about the other two just to give them all equal page time…
I call us the Turtles because we each encompass a different personality type.
Paul’s definitely Leonardo.
Joseph’s Donatello.
John’s Raph, he’s got a little bit of fire in him.
And I’m Michelangelo. Why? Mikey’s been my favorite. Also, I’m writing the post, so I’m Mikey.

Whatelse? Nothing of note, just been doing my own thing… Yes, I’m cutting this short.
Why?
The super coffee is wearing off, and I’m kind of getting bored of writing the post, plus, I’m hungry. Oh, so fucking hungry for breakfast. Not to mention, the more I write, the more I’ll have to edit. Peace!
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Hello, my name is Morgan, I’m the DOVAHKIN!

Buuuut, that’s not what I’m going o talk about, afterall, it’s my blog, so whoop there it is! Happy Valentines day you sexy fucks.
There, did it.
Anyways, today I wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to, not talking about any kinds of heavy topics which will unnaturally devolve into a kind of idiot soup, as… Most of my blogs eventually do and I’ve already forgotten what it is I’m writing about because things and animals keep interrupting me. Fan fucking tastic.
I think given the blog pattern of each post, this is exactly what happens, I start in on a topic, and then, in one glorious moment of temporary self reflection I say to thee, “FUCKETH IT, I SHALL GOETH DOETH SOMETHING ELSETH!” And I know that’s not how it works out, but, let’s stay focused here.
Lately, I’ve been playing a SHIT TON OF SKYRIM for the Nintendo Switch, and I am fucking addicted…
To slaughtering every killable NPC and making game breaking weapons and armor that one shot most enemies like a son of a bit and making ridiculously leveled skill jumps, exploring new lands, murder punching every stupid face there till I get bored of murder punching people right in their stupid fucking faces, rinse and repeat.
But, I’ve done the murder punching bit OVER AND OVER AND OVER and THIS time around, I’ve actually started playing the game, or, at least, I will when I get the following enchantments on my gear:

Helm:
Magika
Magika Regen

Neck:
Barter
Lockpicking

Body:
Health
Resist Disease

Glove:
Carry Weight
Pickpocket

Ring:
Alchemy
Smithing

Boot:
Stamina
Sneak

Argonian Race Trait:
waterbreathing

(12 hours later. Not kidding, I got distracted by skyrim.)

So my thinking on this is that the Argonians, or skyrim’s version of the LIZARD PEOPLE are the only race in the game with natural Water Breathing, cause they’re fuckin’ Lizards. So, with enchanting at Level 100, that gives me access to Extra effect which allows me to put two enchantments on an item, therefor giving me 12 slots to put enchantments, so, use the Fortify Restoration glitch to make some fucking powerful potions, (we’re talking in the 200 billion percentile range here) enchant a set with fortify Alchemy, make a fortify Enchanting potion, and knock all those listed things out, though I am considering swapping out health for health Regen, because if my health is too high, or it doesn’t show the health increased by -10,000,000 or so, then the moment I take that gear off, I die. horribly.
My logic with the carry weight is that, well, I loot shit all the time, I’m a fucking thief in Skyrim, so I need my sneak, lock picking, and pickpocket to be fucking insane, and with INFINITE STAMINA my ass can run from one part of the map to the next without needing to take a break!
I think I spend nearly all my free time playing skyrim, mainly doing the Item Duplication glitch, which strangely enough, only seems to work in Whiterun, one of the first cities you come across.
I’ve tried playing the game normally, and for me, there is no normal way to play.
“But, YOU’RE RUINING THE GAME!” Am I?
for who, exactly?
you?
You aren’t playing my game, you’re playing a COPY of the game, so you play however YOU want, and I’ll play however I want. All I know is that my last five playthroughs ended with me slaughtering every killable NPC I came across and brutalizing the ones that couldn’t be killed. I must’ve killed nearly eight thousand guards alone.
So, this play through, I chose to play as an Argonian male named Dethbite. Because of course I did. I chose his coloring to be as bright as possible, why? Because in nature, in the wild, reptiles that have bright and beautiful coloring on their scales are known to be deadly as fuck.
And it’s fun as hell.
I would’ve played as one of the Elf or human races, but something about a Lizard man running around, shouting every city, hold, and farm to absolute death is just too fucking funny.
Should’ve named him Godzilla, LMAO.
Besides, I really want to one shot dragons, so that’s why I need smithing, ALTHOUGH I could just find the Absorb health enchantment and go fucking nuts on that, and somehow, in the last playthrough, i found something with the chaos enchantment, which has all three elemental attacks in it, and can literally fuck anyone’s day up. In a heartbeat.

(13 hours later. Again, not kidding.)

Update: I spent the better part of last night knocking out that level 100 Enchanting skill, and IT WAS WORTH IT. Got my carry weight up to 311 million, my health up to 200 million, and my stamina up to …. I don’t even know, but so far everything’s coming together like a BEAST! I’m so excited! Also, found an Alchemist in Markarth that I can’t outright kill. Which is a good thing, at least Bethesda had the foresight to make one of the little bastards unkillable.
This means she’s got a quest line, this also means she has a shit ton of alchemy ingredients that I can snag and clone like crazy to find every little combination, which is goooooooood.
I’ve also lost another Mercenary, so I’ve decided to get one of the unkillable NPC’s as my follower, which thank fucking god for that, because I found something out!
NPCs usually have a max carry weight of around 350 or so when trading items with them, BUT, if you simply have them pick items UP then they have no carry limit, so long as it’s one item at a time when doing the Duplication glitch.
right, also forget to add one or two things to that little bastard.
1. The trick to resetting the Item Dupe glitch is to go out and come back into the alcove again, but pick the items up yourself, this is especially useful if you want to place the items in another spot.

2. You don’t need to take the whole shebang of items from the follower to increase the number of items you want to clone, instead, take a max of 15 from them, and add it to the pile in the alcove, and just keep repeating this as needed, it saves a lot of time, and you actually end up knocking out a shit ton more picking everything up. Spent nearly an hour knocking out Gold Ingots, and I might just do the same for all the other items Craftables and whatnot.

Anyways, sorry for the late post, I just get incredibly distracted with other things. And I’ve been having trouble figuring out what to write about, so I figured I might as well write about whatever’s in front of me. And yes, before this gets preachy and idiotic- oh shit, too late- here’s something related to women:

I once asked an ex girlfriend if having boobs made standing up a challenge. She replied by asking how many times hurt mah balls just by walking. The lesson of the story being, that both PHYSICAL genders (fuck you for making me specify.) develop in ways that allow for… something… Optimum physiological development?
I mean, if that were true, women’d be able to shoot quills out of their breasts and ass cheeks as a self defense measure, and guys would have developed a bone covering for their balls, as well as a spine and tiny ribcage for their dicks.
Alrighty, nuff nightmare fuel, no matter how kinky the porcupine fetish might seem, probably not worth it.
I mean, “Pintits” would probably be a better movie series than “Hellraiser” right?

The beauty of using different headers!

I knocked out a pretty sizeable chunk of work today, and for the longest time, I struggled with trying to keep everything organized, until I discovered the FUCKING MAGICAL DREAMLAND I NEVER KNEW EXISTED, called the Headers 1 through 4.
Oh.
My.
fucking.
God.
I use the following system:
Header 1 for the title, Forward, and table of contents.
Header 2 for individual book titles
Header 3 for M/D/Y/T (month, day, year, time)
Header 4 for just a few hours ahead of wherever I marked header three.

And it’s a fucking god send. i’ve been working in Word since 95, and I JUST FIGURED THIS MYSTICAL BULLSHIT OUT! where the fuck’s Hagrid, cause its time he told me i’m a fucking wizard for figuring this out.
Expecto Mycodis!
Ooh! Awesome idea:
Take Harry Potter, the Matrix, and Tron, and blend them all together. No particular reason, just finding something to do with my time at the moment.
Anyways, I’m happy with the way things are turning out, they’re doing alright by me! More updates later, also started pulling together a character list, and I know THAT’S going to be a giant pain in the ass, I know I have another notebook floating around that has MOST of the information in it that I can just transcribe, but I have no clue where that thing is.

1,148 pages thus far

chances are I’m probably going to be splitting that up into three books, three of four. As much as I want to keep working on SDD, and I will, there’s just so much to catalogue, I once did a character count, a kind of roll call, a few years back and I tallied up 144 of the little bastards, just all kinds of fun!
But that’s the total page count AT the moment, without any editing, and I’m pretty happy about that, because it means that I have, at some point, taken the writing thing pretty seriously, and that’s doing something right.
I already know how i’m going to do it as well, since the first four books in the series aren’t that meaty (between 25 and around 100 per book, though I do believe TAC treks in in the 250 page range.) and there’s a lot of plot holes and such that I might just leave as is, since it then allows me to write smaller stories from those plot holes IF I wanted to…
basically, Imma be busy getting this shitbag transformed into a gold and diamond ring.

Cats and eyelashes are not good for your productivity.

We wake up, bright eyed, bushy tailed, ready to sit down for another productive day at work from home, and wouldn’t you know it? Sir Fluffyass McFurrytail decides to hop up on your lap and give you some love. But little do you and your workflow know about the tiny, invisible, multi pronged attack your furry four legged friend/arch nemesis has delivered unto you!
Because, like a gift from the god of irritating the fuck out of you from beyond this mortal veil, come hundreds of tiny, targeted, indiscriminate hairs, that, like any tweet from Trump, means ten fucking minutes of rubbing your god damned eyes wondering why it hurts so fucking much! Then you take care of the problem, and you feel safe, snug, why, you might even begin to work again! Hot Dog! Oh, what’s that little Timmy!? Why, it’s a random eyelash! Run little Timmy run! And like a huge clown ship of nightmares, those little fuckers get under your eye lids and decide to play “Hide and Go fuck your work day!”because you’ll be once again rubbing your damned eye and wondering just what it was in your past life you did to deserve such a hellish fate! What ancient, eldritch god did you inadvertently piss off to the point where they would command, NAY, not command, for that would belay any scent of peace and harmony! NO! DEMAND A VIRGIN SACRIFICE of the random ass eyelash that decides to fuck with you even further! And to top it off, you best fwiend in the whole woild decides to pay you another visit! Right as one irritating distraction leaves you, another hops on your lap, purrs loudly, prances around on your keyboard like a demon possessed totem about to fuck your shit up, and suddenly, before you know it, Amazon is delivering twelve pounds of Lucky Charms marshmallows, two sex dolls, a couch made of potatoes, and several calls from the FBI wondering, “WHY, just dear god why, did you order the episode of Twilight Zone where Yanni stars as a flutist taunting an empty chair with insults that seem oddly racist against the very oxygen he breathes seven hundred times!?” Then your day is FUCKED, because it’s a never ending cycle of personal torment so horrific and demented that you wonder why none of the SAW traps were just this irritating cycle of Cats, cat hair, the musical cast from cats acting out this vicious attack on your sanity from the universe itself, and your own body hair deciding NOW IS AS GREAT TIME AS ANY TO PRACTICE AT BEING INEFFECTIVE PARATROOPERS WITH THE LANDING ZONE BEING THE CENTER OF YOUR PUPIL WITH SUCH GREAT MILITARY LIKE PRECISION you begin to wonder why anything gets done at all. Then, like Bane threatening a grumpy Batman, Only when your original plans are broken and burning piles of ash, do you have your cat and eyelashes permission to work… Only for the unrelenting hell to start up again, so you give up and decide to watch Netflix, and that’s when the true douchefuckery begins.
Now you have to decide what to watch? Bitchy Bridesmaids Season 734? Because the previous 733 couldn’t possibly get any better! Assholes in Kitchens Season 7? Because nothing screams originality like someone screaming at someone else because the ovens set to 399 instead of 400 in a british accent. Idiots being Idiots to other Idiots Season 2? Every fucking reality show ever. Or that new movie about blindfolded people screaming at nothing while doing everyday tasks? Could be fun or depressing, depending on the task. Decisions decisions…. Fuck netflix, just go for a walk. Sidenote: I was originally going to talk about how weird the weathers been.

Editing old projects…

It’s like a trip back in time. And I used to be incredibly annoyed at the prospect of working on old projects,, but a few years later, because of my increased patience, I find it relaxing, and Sogno Della Dinastia is definitely one of those projects you DON’T want to rush… Even though I tried multiple times.
I think i’ve previously stated that between this and The Dorikame Saga, Sogno Della dinastia was going to be my Magnum Opus, my ultimate work, because i’ve put so much of myself into it, I’ve spent so much time, editing, writing, adding to it, that no matter what happens next, i’ll still have editing progress, and that’s all that matters.
The first chapter, “Umore de l’amuleto” Takes me all the way back… Just the memories attached to it, where I really started to hit my stride, where everything simply started to grow.
The beginning of my long standing love affair with coffee, and it’s all worth it. Every bit of frustration ever. Just wanted to do a short piece… Got my editing done for the day.

On a side note, still have to get my Book’o’blogs knocked out. Still kind of pissed about having all the work I’ve done so far just up and fucking vanish on me multiple times, and no matter how many times I’ve tried looking, I just can’t seem to find my old myspace blogs, god damned those things were amazing… Although I do believe that I’ve imported MOST of them of wordpress… I’d have to hunt around for them some more…

Random ass potential storylines

1. Thestral Gina

Gina Thestral has a long history of shooting destructive, city destroying lasers beams out of her vagina when she’s on her Period. this causes great concern for the U.S. military who dispatches a close knit group of Science Friends to stare at her crotch for long periods of time and scribble nothing on a clipboard while grunting incoherently amongst themselves.

Meanwhile, John and Gary are about to have some sexy time when Frank and Jessica interrupt them with news that a goats in the kitchen, but when investigated, it’s not a goat, its SATAN, and he needs gas money to fill his 1788 Buick grand Conquistador.

God and Terrence are fist fucking the Cactus Warriors of Sential 8 when CAPTION FALCOHN makes an appearance and blocks the whole screen with a big ass paragraph about the time he knitted a sweater out of blue yarn, instead of his favorite red yarn.

2. Balance of the Quinox

Lead Designer Trim Slim Mgrine who heads up the team for Syper, an improved version of viagra with the almost immediate effect of causing people’s penis’s to explode whenever they think Donald trump is neato, has been having strange visions for the past eight days whenever Jennifer from HR is on her break eating a Sesame Bagel with Hot cheetos.

In these visions, he’s punching his father, but his father is a moose named Ted, and there’s a hunter named bill, and a dog voiced by a dead comedian named Ruffass. Ted tells Trim the balance of the Quinox is fast approaching and also to nail the hot Mail lady, Nancy, a recently retired School lunch lady at the up and spry age of 95 five, before the next sunrise, or he’ll have spastic Smurf Shit Syndrome, which will bring about the election of a man with little oxygen in his skin.

Meanwhile, his wife of two hours, Trandy, is having an affair with herself, because she’s Bipolar and Gender, a condition that results in her reproducing assexualy and punching the resulting evil twin clone baby daddy in the dick till he takes a bottle of Syper, thinks donald trump is neato, and his head exploads, cause he was kind of a dick anyways.

3. Shlong

At the local zoo, a bunch of intelligent kangaroos commit Zooicide in a hyperviolent ritual to summon the Snake Demon Estrix the tiny dicked one, a foot long garden snake with two minutes to live if it doesn’t consume half a ton of Viagra ever five minutes.

The local Zoo keepers are at a loss to explain this so they are forced to summon, CAPTION VEINY JOHNSON! who decides to explain why Spiderman stole his back story by robbing his uncle Ben and doing the Running Man causing him to have a heart attack.

There are no morals to any of these, and I have now wasted many minutes of my own life bringing these literary atrocities into being.

Ball is life, but ball should not be life.

Just remember:
Ball is Life.
But, Ball should not BE Life.

What is the ball in your life?
The thing that you can’t resist going after when it’s thrown in front of you?
Netflix?
Facebook posts?
Clickbaity videos?
Gaming?
VTO?
Sex?
We all have a ball in our life, and much like the retriever, we can’t help but go after it, but at what point does it stop being just “Fetching the ball” and more letting the ball fetch us?
I struggled with this for a long time, and much like the dog playing fetch, I went after gaming like a madman, I’d spend days just playing the same game to death until I either got a new one or finished that one.
“Ball is life” isn’t just a meme to some people, it’s an addiction, a thing they can’t help not separating themselves from, merely because it’s thrown in front on them.
One of the many balls I’ve become resistant to fetching is gaming. Right now, I’ve my Switch right next to me in it’s dock, just sitting there. I know that I could be playing it right now, enjoying some time in either Smash Brothers Ultimate or Fortnite (fun game BTW) but really, I know that getting some game time in wouldn’t really be productive to my time. I’ve got a blog to run, and maybe sometime in the future,getting back to writing Sogno Della Dinastia.
What’s the Ball in your life?

Another “Ball is Life” story.
I’m a youtuber, and I used to upload Videos every chance I got, we’re talking every half hour, just whip out the phone, record a quick video, post it, and forget about it, lol! And I used to knockout shoutouts every 30 seconds on Vine, Twitter, and the such. That was my Ball, and the shout out requests were the people playing fetch with me.
At some point I realized that I didn’t need to fetch the ball all the time, that I could be a good Doggo just by fetching the Ball well enough to satisfy myself, and let whatever happens happens.
I learned that not everything on my mind needed to be said, or recorded, and for a while it went very much against my own instincts, grating against my own impulsiveness to reach new Subscribers or followers.
Now, working for Amazon, there’s a new, mandatory Ball, getting making over 100 on my rate. i’m still fetching the Ball, but now it’s because i’m getting paid to do it, and this ball? I like fetching it.

But, I’m not going to let the Ball become my life. I want you to know that this post was inspired by a number of people and situations, across a good number of years. That no one thing is the core reason for this post being written.

Just remember:
Ball is Life.
But, Ball should not BE Life.

Oh to thine own soul, I doth speak to thee

I speak a summer’s breeze of creativity, heavy and rife with intellect and naive of the mind’s own maze of batshit craycray.

Preface:
Caffeine was involved.
Copious amounts of caffeine.
No fucks or apologies issued, you knew wtf was going to happen.

Let’s get something straight here, I fucking swear in my posts!
“BUT WHY!?”
And I say to you this, my child:
Because, the human language has over a trillion words in various dialects, each with their own unique needs and wants and kinks, and sometimes, the word ‘Is’ likes to do the butt stuff. Hard butt stuff with mimes dressed as T-rex’s, each armed with fifty dildos and a crosed of broken glass, which MUST BE INSTRUMENTALLY INSERTED INTO THEIR NIPPLES LIKE A CROSS DRESSING FUCK KING!
So, yeah, I swear.
Right now?
right now I’m about to lay some knowledge into your faces heads, and in your mind anus, some infojizz will bloom the might horny person into the wellspring net of yahaolmyspace.com!
So… if you were expecting an intelligent and thoughtful, proviking stance on why longboats needed to be shipped into the email addresses of local midget villages, than you’ve… made a wrong turn somewhere, because here? Here is the MOTHERFUCKING MINDCICLES! Where the contrast between intelligent and ALLMIGHTYWHATTHEFUCK happens just as quickly as a dick stabbing squirrel dressed as a honey bee setting fire to the orphanages of all of Christmas Day!
Plus, straight coffee fucks with my head in magical ways. And yes! Yes my friends, my followers, there will be days where madness spits in your face nipples and your eye feet will run, SCREAMING INTO THE MIDNIGHT FORESTS OF THE DEAD SOUL DEER, AND NOTHING SHALL RETURN!
Except, a higher knowing of what you just read might become the stuff of legend. I say unto thee, I speak for the worms and the wood, and the wood winds, and the woods that break wind, fart and from that fart, know that you shall launch the moon monday penis into the sky clouds and hamper the laundry of the infinite sadness!
Wait, the fuck?
I don’t care about making sense, I just need to write something, anything, something that makes me feel like you follow me so that at one point or another, this Bob ross of a painting of words will somehow inspire your to greater heights. Maybe, somehow, somewhere, the minds that crafted the intranet, the internet, may one day VENTURE TO THE OUTERNET! and holy fuck I’m looking up the OUTERNET as soon as IO finish writing this! Like, fuck me, that’s an awesome idea, the inter, the intra, the outer, the through, the around, and the undernet…. MY GOD, MOTHER OF FUCK LORD’S GOD, WHAT HAVE I INSPIRED!? Nothing? Everything? Possibly something that may make the thought raptor of Seclusiondick 5 turn vegan ONCE MORE AND SOLVE THE DINO-CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS!? Well, that’d be a fucking amazing mashup, wouldn’t it? I mean, to literally be there while a SUPERSTEGO shoots dick beams of ice and fury…. that…. truly would be a FROST JOB!
I’m not going to be serious in the post, I don’t wanna be, there’s no need to be serious in a blog post all the time! Sometimes, you just need to say fuck it with the sanity, and go with the mental flow! After all, if there isn’t a blog post out there that speaks to the psychological inner workings of the mind through abstract constructs, then you’re just wasting the time of both the reader and the writer, for every step we take is another that someone else may one day too take. Maybe you two end up in a foot race of thoughts and ideas, each step taken inspires you further along the road of life, and your souls become synched, tuned, like fine instruments to be played at such a level only those with the finest hearing can truly see where it leads!
And I KNOW for a fact that some people follow me because of the sometimes insane ramblings I post, and others for the intelligent aspect. Or maybe you read because I’m just an interesting guy, I’ll never know, really. I just want to entertain you, like the MIND SLUG SQUIRRELS OF SCOUT TROOP 555- Kidding. Just think of every non sequitur as an idea for a short story, something bottled up and shaken around for a little bit, and finally let loose. I’ve been wanting to get back into writing short stories for a while, get my thoughts out to the world, you know?

MY work schedule just kind of drains me of that, day by day, hour by hour, scan after scan. IT just seems like I’m losing a bit of who I am, and like my man Paul always tells me, “HEY! KNOCK THAT DEPRESSING SHIT OFF!” I just wanted to keep myself pumped, at the same time, I’m just a little bit freaked out by the progress in my life. For the first time in a while, a LONG while, I’m finally at a job where I’m just knocking shit out left and right, where I’m surrounded by thinkers, doers, gamers, and people with a shit ton of experience to draw from.

those who’ve followed my blog for a while, know that I’ve been around the net for a while, that my posts are unfocused, a kind of stream of consciousness kind of dealio, but it’s all good. It just takes a while for me to get to the meat of the issue, and if you’ve read this far, welcome to the format, a thick layer of insane ramblings, and underneath the prospect of learning something deeper about me. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t build a squirrel launching catapult.
Maybe, I shouldn’t dress the quirrels up in little Evil Kneivel costumes.
Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t aim said catapult in the direction of metro PCS. but this world of ours is full of surprises! and no matter what, we can all agree, that Trump is a fucking moron who’s going to kick off world war 3 by tweet alone.
Because fuck him, that glow in the dark son of a bitch! That fuck nutted shit for brains, used cheeto bag fucking, mushroom dicked, tiny handed, treasonous fuck munch of a human being! That rejected Garbage Pale Kid, that shit for brains ass face, that fucking moron, that diaper fucking ass for face! And yeah, I’m kind going all in, because like I said in the beginning of htis fucking thing, I swear in my blogs, and there are MANY MANY MANY layers to this thing, and sometimes, just sometimes, you don’t need to make sense, or focus on ap articular thing, or just fucking fuck shit up on a literary sense.
Sometimes, you just need to go all in, and as long as the thoughts are pretty much fucking unorganized little traumatized SPIDERS FROM A DEAD CLOWNS BROOM CLOSET, THE WORLD WILL SEEK THE UNDERKING OF THE NONTERNET, SLOOPY MCFARTNUTSACK! The stretchiest of Fartsacks the world has never cared to here.
Fart Sacks. The nuts of the human ass. The biological equiviliant of bending space and time so that the WORLD CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL SCREECH CRIES OF THE TERABYTE BASED FLOCKAWAVES! They shall know only SORROW! Like the creeping insect voids of Therserererer Five nine eight! Wellp, whatever sanity this particular post had, has left the building, I mean, it WAS there for a while, and then shit just went left field, right field, pitchers mound, and ran the fucking bases.
Home fucking run.
Wait, I wonder if its possible to fuck and run and the same time?
I mean, seriously, the act is possible, on some level, by the sprints of each act will REQUIRE THE BEES OF A THOUSAND HIVES AND SEVERAL JARS OF JEFF PEANUT BUTTER!
Jeff, because while Mothers like jiff, Jeff has a bitching sports car, also the latest AC/DC Compact disk. Jeff Peanut butter, tastes like blood, motor oil, and getting chicks man!
God damn it Jeff.
Um, what was I going on about? The bee population is shrinking and no one really understands why, maybe Antisex groups are mkaing tiny bee condoms? Like, how does that shit even work? OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO SEARCH UP BEE DICKS. Also, fun fact, the size of Narwhal Penis is determined by the size of their Horn. Ladies, lmao. So the larger the horn, the bigger of the balls, and thaaaaat’s…. fucking disturbing the shit out of me. Not for the normal reasons, but because now?
Now I’m imagining regular bees, with regular narwhal hors, and giant ass testicles. So, there’s a bit of Nightmare fuel. How do Narwhals jack off? By slamming their horns into rocks or something? I mean, that make sense if you think about it… And you’re thinking about it.

An actual blog! Yay?

First off, fuck you morning wood. You cantankerous bastard. Seriously, you wake up, your dick’s hard, and there’s the cat like, “FUCKING PLAY TIME BITCHES!” and before you know it, your dong’s turned into a very much attached fun time sprinkler. God help you if you have high blood pressure.

Lately, I’ve been working on these pipe cleaner men/creatures, whatever, and I’m pretty decent at making them, nothing fancy, just something to do in my spare time. My problem is when that hobby becomes  a regular thing, just it overcomes you, and you feel like you ABSOLUTELY have to do it., Why? what’s the point?
I mean, yeah, it’s something to do, keeps you anchored, and plus, you get to work on your crafting skills, (1 pipe cleaner needs twenty redstone, a skull, two coal, and dyed wool) but at the same time it’s like if you get TOO good at it, you might want to start selling them, and that’s a whole nother bag of worms right there.

Or not, because it might not be about the pipe cleaner guys themselves, and more about the time it takes to make one. and it does take quite a bit of work to make one the way I like it. True I could just take 7 pipe cleaners and knock out a basic bitch model like that, but where’s the challenge in that? If anything, I’d like to knock out something that I can be proud of, something that I can be like, Yep, I made that shit, took me a while to do, but I made it.

Because this is going to sound weird, but to me, when I make one of those little guys, to me, it’s like I’m creating life, but they aren’t TRULY “Living” until I add something, a little bead, a coin, a ring, something with some history or value, or some weight to it. Not physical weight, but metaphysical, something that attracts the energies of the universe to it. In that regard, I don’t like trying to pop out one everyday, because then, in my mind at least, it reduces the value of the creation. They become less of a unique thing, and more of a “Well, I’ve got some many orders to knock out, so I might as well mass produce these little shits” And that’s not something I want to happen.

Do you ever have something that you’re passionate about, that you love or loved to do so much that it just becomes second nature to you? Same, i love creating things, working with my hands, bending the materials to my will and watching that creation take shape, whatever it may be. I used to write books, then I started working for amazon.

Here’s the thing, writing books takes an ENORMOUS amount of focus, and daily sessions to knock out a book. Working for Amazon, and dealing with as many of the distractions I do, utterly makes that impossible to do. So, I stopped writing them. It came down to a question of “Where should I place most of my focus? What’s the most pressing thing in my life right now?” And, well, that answer for me was keeping my job. Unfortunately, that meant having to let go of the one thing I cherished beyond everything else. The ability to create, to write, to make stories.

So, these pipe cleaner men, these “Liory” are my way of continuing to create stories. Stories only I will know how to truly read, because each one is unique, each one has immense value to me, and from my very soul, I brought them into the world. Seems kind cheesy when you put it that way, but you know what?
I’m a cheesy kind of guy! 😀 I need a book shelf or something to put these little guys on. Hanging on my lap is fun and all, but I need to find a way to display them better.

I see the little things, and fuck em. right in the skull.

Ello, ello, ello, ello! And how are we doing today? i’m going to ramble on a bit because fuck logic and let’s just see where this goes? Yes, we’ll see where it goes! So first off, sorry I haven’t posted in forever, my work schedules been fucking me creative wise for a while, and I figure getting this shit out now is a better use of my time, since I love Amazon and everything the company does, so you know, work where you shop and all will be well? I guess, I mean, pizza guys don’t eat pizza very often since they’rearound that stuff all the tiem and you know, stuff and thangs and work related bull shit. Speaking of which, let’s talk about work related bullshit, shall we?

I’m a UR. No, not an URUK, that’d be a UK based Universal Reciever, anyways, my job, or task, actually, somedays I get trained on a few things at once and I’m like, woot! But my task is to take a box, boop the box, and make things go in order. Too complicated? Fuck nah, it’s simple, but what really fucks me over is te fact that some of the other UR’s in the line I’m working in just let the work fucking float on by, it’s like, seriously? These idiots fucking run around thep lace talking to their friends, play fighting in the lines ando ther shit when boxes are rolling passed them, like do they even care? Are they not understand that while, yeah, rates are fun and all of that, work is fucking work, not a chance to ask fifty fucking questions in a god damned row and slow down whoever the fuck is on the other side of the station because you have some unimportant idiocy going on in your life that you have the need to share. And that’s anothe hting, usually, if I can help it, I’ll try to get placed somewhere in the middle, and that’s great and all, usually in them iddle or at the end, because that’s where the majority of the leftover work tends to fall on the busy days.

Sunday we had these wierd little breaks between boutis of box booping, which is fine, let the work pile up, we boop the shit of the boxes, get them to where it needs ot be going and all that fun shit, at the same time, I’m silently flipping out because the day before a PS gets on my case for going to fast with those boxes of little items that are usually 150 to 200 little things, pretty much a easy game of pokemon where you don’t want to catch ’em all.

Anywho, the gal across from me, bless her heart, K, tells me she’s an LA, and based on what she’s seen, I’m doing pretty well for myself, which is amazing news to hear, because my DR is fucking terrible, and my WR is fucking amazing, so the differencei s fucking crazy, not to mention I finally got around to buying a watch which will save me a shit ton of time not having to look at the time every five minutes wondering when FB and SB are and which one I should take. Speaking of which, Sunday, also learned how to PrEd, pretty simple, no DR or WR to worry about, which is nice, but there’s no variation between booping, but there is a variation in where the stuff goes, so that’s nice, no need to worry about ST shooting it to OB, IB, or the SoTo’s, the AT’s or the DT’s, which is fucking amazing. i’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, and I needed a while to figure out the lingo, so hopefully, I can nail down a schedule where i’m posting blogs on the regular. Speaking of which, I’ve been cranking out chapters left and right when it comes to Compiling parts, pretty simple stuff.

I haven’t really worked on the game too much lately, my creative’s been fucked, because I sleep, wake up, get ready for the day, go to work, come home, rinse and repeat, there’ve been some days where I get some writing done, which helps out in the long run, but the goals still the same, anyways, it’s getting a bit late in the day and the evenings and nights in the High Desert are a bitch to deal with when it’s cold… Should most likely invest in a head lamp and an extended battery, which I desperately need. Or a new laptop… That might actually go the distance, or try upgrading this one… Need to figure out what parts are compatible with it, no need to spend more money than I actually need to.

Well, let’s do this!

I’ve been through a thing or two, because I’ve seen a thing or two, and I’m not sure at what point those things or two can get fucking bored of this joke, also it takes me five or so minutes to get settled in when I’m getting ready to write a post, so I’m thinking, GREAT… another word I’ve misspelled. I always have trouble with spelling certain words correctly, it’s craaaazy.

Want to know what else is crazy? The fact that I’ve not written in this thing for so long. I’ve got some hard truth’s to nub out, but I’m not going to focus on them, because I’ve only 4.5 hours of sleep, and people keep slamming into my room to try and distract me from what I’m doing, which is now a thing I have to deal with.

I’ve been busy with writing, with game making, with a bunch of crap that I’m easily distracted by or I just feel like I needed to switch gears on. Oh, right, about 5 weeks ago I tried to hang myself in the garage, and now my folks are trying to crush the story so that way people don’t get freaked out by that fact.

Anyways, floating around is tweet thread about the whole thing, so if I remember about it, I’ll link it at the bottom of this post. Writing… Well, let’s get to that thing very quickly, lately, I’ve been using a writing engine called twinery 2, a kind of branching writing program that’s fucking simple to use, and you don’t need any prior experience to use it.

I’m using it because I love writing books and I love writing expansive stories that are amazing.

What I don’t love are people trying to tell me how to use the program, because that’s when I try to cram as much stuff in it, they either lose interest in what I do, or I just lose interest in that particular thing for a time. But that’s neither here nor there, again, I’ll put a link in the description below.

Those who’ve been following my blog for years, know that I have a passion for creating things, and my latest endeavor in RPG Maker MV, is a triumph in it’s own right. I LOVE making things, it’s what I’m good at, even if the results are a bit shoddy, I know this because I always put 9,000,000% into whatever I’m working on at the moment, and always try to make it the best thing I can.

This current project I’m working on, “Project 1” is the working title, is no different. It still has the same basic premise as my other works, with Darkness and Light being a married couple who need to be extra fucking kinky in bed. So their idea of foreplay is to send newly created souls on adventures and live vicariously through them, because they aren’t so much as people as they are the physical manifestations of the very concepts of Light and Darkness, and who the fuck are we to think they have genitals. Who knows? Maybe their idea of shitting and pissing is summoning the Old Eldritch gods to consume and kill virgins in the upper northern tip of West Virginia, we’ll never know, because that’s just way too meta-physical, and we’ll never know the truth of WHY THEY CHOOSE TO CARRY PIZZA ON THE SIDE INSTEAD OF FLAT WAYS LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE, YOU LOUSY SHITS!

Anyways, I…  I think I channeled my inner John Oliver there, weird. So, this time around, instead of smacking together four random characters and flinging them to the wilds, you’re instead playing as a ghost who takes over the bodies of six characters, in one case, you’ll be switching between creepy twins, no reason, just a gameplay mechanic, and seeing the world through their eyes. The interesting part about this, is you’re told right off the bat “that you’re nothing more than a sex toy to the couple, now go out there and start adventuring you freshly baked fuckboi!” In essence, dear god folks, I put a bit more work into it than that, lol.

So, because I’m so interested in branching paths and separate but connected storytelling, there are three paths to take, Light, Neutral, Darkness, and each has five to six paths, making it 15 to 18 possible adventures, including one where you just wander around a library, and due to some interesting flaws in the editor and my own laziness to go any deeper than I have to, get repeatedly yelled at for climbing on the bookshelf in increasingly more hilarious ways.

Not to mention I might make a fourth path with an actual story behind it,  well, the whole thing will have an overarching story behind it, I just don’t like to pigeonhole myself into specifics or else I’ll just end up getting bored with it trying to find tune the shit out of everything OVER AND OVER AND OVER again,

On top of that, I’ve got two different Discord servers I’m running, which I need to transfer ownership over to myself, so that way I can really get things kicked off. A fresh start so to speak, though I really do have having to delete anything, though I’ve already have a few other things on my plate already.

Hrm… what else? Not much… Anyways, have a good one!

Link to the tweet thread about my suicide attempt:

Link to my Philome.la page:
http://www.philome.la/MorganGavin

Writing can be harsh with a broken heart.

Self motivation is what keeps me going, self motivation to punch through whatever is slowing me down, selfm otivation to prove that I can knock something out each and everyday, even if it’s just adding a little bit more to the part I’m working on. It’s tough, harsh, and unbelievably hard to pull off, but somehow each day, with a cup of joe and a blaring playlist of Happy Hardcore music, i’m able to get both a little ifction written, as well as a blog post about whatever the fuck I’m feeling at the moment.

And at the moment? i’m feeling great… Not really. I’m stuck in a quagmire of slow thoughts turned exhaustion, I write about being tired, I become tired, bored, and start to yawn, and there goes the day.

I’m punching through this as much as i possibly can, because how else am I going to get through writing. To me, at least, the worst enemy you can have is yourself. Because, as you know, your own brain is actively working against you every step of the way, trying to slow you down, trying to make you sluggish in whatever you try to accomplish, and right now, my brain is slowly but sure tryng to keep me from accomplishing my goals. Which can be an incredib;ly frustrating feeling.

Especially when you’ve got a book of blogs and other things to knock out which I will. I’m tired of not working on that thing, I’m tired of not pulling though on the one thing that’s been haunting me for such a long time. And yes, It is a very dull, boring, and exrutiating process, and I sometimes think I won’t be able to stand on my own two feet, but god fucking damn it, I need to make this happen, I don’t want to be stuck at my parents house forever, and it’s incredibly draining on my self confidence, because I’m feeling up then down, and it fucks with you, it truly does screw with your head.

I know I can get through this massive headache, i know that it’s just a matter of time before something launches me forward in life, and I NEED to start writing about what’s going through my mind instead of just dancing around the topic like I’m afraid of what the consequences are going to be. Yeah, posting on Facebook can be lethal because of FB politics, but at least here? Here, oi can roar to the mountains and back about whatever the fuck is own my mind and try my damndest to get through the day.

Motivation is key in anything we do, and it’s only those moment where we falter that we’re truly happy for what we’ve accomplished with our lives. I need that happiness more than ever right now! not that i’m complaining, well, fuck it, I am, I’m not going to sit idly by and let others just roar whatever the fucks going on in THEIR lives and cast me into the fucking flames of perdition to whomever the fuck they want and i’m just stuck here like I’m useless and powerless to say whatever the fuck I need to to get through the dya, I need to vent, I need to destress, and right now?

donald Motherfucking Trump is a cuckolded dumpster fire on wheels, that shit stained motherfucker is screwing everything up and NO I don’t need to post specifics, because why the fuck would I do something incredibly boring as point out hte fucking prom baby abortion he has been to our allies and enemies! I Donald trump is the kind of guy that would fuck his own daughter than separate her from the family, just so no one can claim incest.

donald trumps a fucking traitor to this country, I don’t give two fucking shits what you think or feel, the mother fucker is treasonous and we all know, the Republican party just won’t admit to shitting on the floor because they know that the moment they do, the fucking moment they DO, that their chances of getting another Republican in office just slimmed down faster than a starving kid in the fashion industry.

fuck you, you know that shits real, and that’s why it’s so god damned dark.

Donald trump is the abortion the country needs to happen. Let me rephrase that, the country needs to have an abortion and remove this fat, orange, tantrum throwing, pants shitting, face rash having shit bag forcibly removed from office as fast as fucking possible!

And no, I’ve stated this in the past, if the fucktard hadn’t been in bed with Putin, and he’d run an honest campaign, and hadn’t shit all over himself on Twitter, then maybe MAYBE THE 80% OF THE COUNTRY WOULDN’T BE PISSED OFF!

Here’s an update to EoB.

20180220_190001Alrighty, so here’s an update for the massive undertaking that is “Evolution of a Blogger” So it booped up from 898 to 916 pages, and given createspace’s page limitations based on book sizing, I think it’s a safe bet to say that instead of one MASSIVE book, like I was originally planning, I’ll probably end up breaking it up into two or three books in a series. So I’ve got word opened up and I’ve created a header system to better organize the fuck out of things, because, as we all know, searching through a fuck ton of pages is a great way to spend time better used editing! Here’s a screen cap:

Okay… Apparently that feature does not fucking work. I’m not angry, I just swear a lot when I’m writing. It’s a bit off putting, I know, but at the same time, it’s like you’re getting to know a very angry Sailor who’s verbally abusive towards an empty bottle of scotch. It makes more sense if you tend not to think too hard about it.

Anyways, the header system actually saves a shit ton of time when trying to keep track of everything, because not only do I have to edit, and keep track of the post titles, because i’m more micromanaging than a South Korean Starcraft player, later on, after everything is all said and done, I have to reorganize everything so that the posts that aren’t in order, are now in order from Oldest to newest, and that’s… Not going to be fun at all… Not one fucking bit, it’s actually stressing me out just thinking about how much work i have to knock out.

But it’s a good, motivational stress that I know for a fact comes with the job. And i’m pretty psyched about the whole prospect. At the moment, I just got into the 2010 blogs, and I dunno about you, but in 2010… ugh. I don’t even want to think about it. Anyways, so here’s how I have things broken down:

Title>Table of contents>Year>Month>Title

It doesn’t make much sense when put like that, not because i’m lazy, but because i just drank half a pot of coffee by mixing three scoops of coffee grounds  and some water into a thermos, swooshed that around, let it sit over night, and drank nearly half of it in the morning. So yeah, moving on, staying focused.

So, There are three levels of Table of Contents:

  1. The MAIN Table of contents which lists the years covered in the book itself.
  2. Those years have their own table of contents, which lists the months covered.
  3. Those months then have their own table of content directing the reader to individual posts.

I figured it’d save a bunch of time in the long run doing that instead of a massive table of content listing every post in order of appearance, because you know how it goes, right? you’re sitting there, scouring the internet for every single blog post you’ve ever made, trying to find the greatest source of them all, because we all have that giant core of blogs that’s our main hub of weird bullshit, then we have our ‘Secret’ Blogs that aren’t on face book. For myself, I have several places where I’ve blogged.

  1. Facebook
  2. WordPress
  3. Blogger
  4. Blogit
  5. Myspace
  6. Pastebin
  7. Twitlonger
  8. Twitter
  9. Discord
  10. Fubar
  11. Black planet
  12. Bigente
  13. Matchdoctor
  14. Adultmatchdoctor
  15. Tumblr
  16. Posterous
  17. LiveJournal
  18. OKCupid
  19. and more…

So far, Word press, blogit, Facebook, pastebin, and others are the largest repository for blogs I’ve posted in the past, and while i’m going to have an Extra’s section, I am also scouring old chat logs and other sources for older posts than 2007… Because I will document every scrap of my own rambling stupidity if it’s the last thing I do!

Though i’m trying to stay focused, I’ve also got a number of other projects under my belt that i’m trying like hell to get published, edited and formatted and off the table. The biggest, thus far was One Shots: Army of the Incomplete, basically a huge collection of short stories that I just kind of left by the wayside for so long that they no longer mattered to me. Sometimes these things were a paragraph long, other times had the potential to become something more than they currently were, but for whatever reason, I just didn’t have the time or focus to work on them like I truly wanted to.

There are some projects with a branching story path, which is why I loved website with a treegraph system in place so I can just pick up where i left off on that particular adventure, but Storymash, Protagonize, and other such giants fell by the wayside.

Sucks, but that’s how things usually are when it comes to creative writing, and unless you update the UI or color scheme for these kinds of websites to reflect modern times, or it’s basically just a big ass bloated monster with many hands writing many things all connected to each other at one point or another, you never truly know the impact such a thing might have, or the hole it’ll leave behind when it’s gone. I just reminded myself to search on those various sites, If you’re interested in seeing what other things i have up my sleeve, feel free to join my discord server, probably the only non-racist server on the platform. I’m also on Sola under Gripmonkey, here are the links to both:

https://sola.ai/gripmonkey
https://discord.gg/7dCKpZu

So far, my first “Miniboss” Project is 898 pages long.

So, I’ve been working on a giant ass book of blogs for a few weeks now, …. Dear fucking god, I had NO idea what level of asshole I was back in the day, I mean, yeah, there were quite a few eff ups here and there, but GOD DAMNED was I mistaken at just how many fucking idiocies I wrote into my own lexicon of spoken word.

Well, time to kick ass and take names!

First off, I’m an author, just search up Morgan James Gavin on amazon.com and you’ll most likely come up upon these fine titles:

  1. Wrath of Puppy Monkey Baby
  2. Messages to an Illegitimate President
  3. The Debate of Factions
  4. The Six Strings of the Highlanders Guitar
  5. Songs of the Soul
  6. Manliest Diary in the world
  7. Year End Review
  8. One Shots – Army of the Incomplete

And if you search up Dorikame on Amazon, you’ll most likely see these:

  1. The Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change
  2. The Dorikame Saga: Broken Omen

All of these are available to purchase in paperback, and a few of them are available to download to your kindle or smartphone for 99 cents. And while many of those titles are huge swathes of work I no longer have to focus on, mind you, the page counts for those sons of bitches range from 50 pages to to 724 pages (Songs of the Soul).

Now then, are you ready for the real shit? Here we go, those were just cannon fodder, seriously. those, up there? Total cannon fodder. These next ones, these are the big guys that’re going to take a LOT of hutzpah to fucking get out:

  1. Evolution of a Blogger
  2. Morgan Gavin’s Tweet Storm
  3. Sogno Della Dinistia (Books 1 through 10)
  4. The Dorikame Saga (books 3 through 10)
  5. The Lost Nightmares of OKCupid (Dear God Help me.)

So… Yeah, not to mention all the other projects that I have lined up that I’ve been itching to get into book form for the longest fucking time. Some of these things have been YEARS in the making, and ya know what? I’m pretty damned psyched. There are also projects that I’ve begun working on from other sites that really just need to be out there.

My ear feels weird…

Last night I had a weird dream, and in the dream, I was trying to figure something out. It was like I was lost in the woods, trying not to focus on what was right in front of me, even though that was the important part, and focus on everything else that was happening in the area. It seems stupid, I know, but that’s how I am now a days ever since coming home from being Separated from the Navy for catching pnuemonia andfalling behind in training.

They did something to me, something that I’m not able to account for, they broke me, and in turn, broke a little bit of who I was away. I can’t find that peice, I’m easily distracted if over stimulated, and more prone to getting angry than I was before. Normally, I’m a pretty calm person, but lately, I dunno, it’s almost like I’m not my old self anymore. Like I’m trying to fight my way through a smokeyroom, but I’m the only one there, left to my own paranoia about who else might be in there with me.

It doesn’t make any sense to continually dwell on this, but at the same time, it feels perfectly normal for me to want to talk about this kind of thing. And while I know for a #realnews fact that my Lady Love, friends and family will be there to talk to, there’s always been this more visceral, more thorough satisfaction in writing out whatever’s bother me!

Lately it’s trying to get past that initial wall of surface level thoughts, but that’s like diving into wet cement trying to get through to the other side, there’s always so much resistance, that I can only write or say what’s on my mind, whats ACTUALLY on my mind, after repeated attempts to breach the subject. Sometimes they are depressing, other times enraging, and other times there’s nothing there.

I’ve been blogging nearly my whole adult life, and in some instances, way before then. So I’ve got a lot of pages under my belt… I still need to get everything organized… But I’ll get it done, and published. I just need to stay focused…. My ear feels weird.

I have blogger’s anxiety.

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry here, like for a REALLY long time I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write. I was worried that whatever I was going to write wasn’t going to be trendy or funny, or catch people’s eyes, not to mention that the pressure of social media to be trendy or cute, or whatever the fuck is happening in the world is almost too much.

So I trapped myself in the world of fiction, I put myself there for so long that I no longer felt like I had anything else to write about in the real world, where as in the past I was BOLD, brave, reckless, ready to offend and not give two shits about whatever it was I was oging to go off about. That route made me somewhat popular, but at the same time it had me worried that I was going to offend the wrong people with my words. MY FUCKING WORDS.

In truth, my parents kept interrupting me whenever I was writing something down, almost to the point of being a super coincidental annoyance. I Guess that’s my biggest gripe about blogging, I want to start there and work my way out, because it’s super hard for me to stay focused, and sometimes I need to talk about what’s bothering me. After all, this IS morgansmindcicles.wordpress.com right? RIGHT!?

I love my parents, I REALLY really do. thing is, I’m a writer, writing is what I love to do. It’s my morning bread and butter, it’s the thing that makes me want to reach my arms in the air and fist fuck the sun until it explodes! I don’t consider it a good blogging experience until I’ve written about ten to fifteen paragraphs, which also explains my publishing speed when it comes to Sogno Della Dinastia. brb.

Thing is, mother fucker…. every single god damned time…. No wonder I have fucking anxiety. God that coffee is fucking weak as shit! Anyways, I dunno where my anxiety is stemming from, but I do know for a fact that I’d likje to punch the air so hard it creates mini black holes and shove them right up Donald Trump’s ass! The guy is a complete and fucking idiot, or #fuckidiot because reasons! I usually lead off with something serious then go into the weird inane bullshit because I want to lead away from the topics I’m thinking about, kind of like a certain fuck headed tiny limbed, shit burger fucking Placeholder in Chief.

Donald Trump is like the edgy teen that kicks geesein the face, then claims the police reports are #fakenews. Only thing faker than his perception of the news is how much longer his marriage is going to last and I don’t see that bit of reality being disproven any time soon!

Did you know cupcakes are a thing? I think they are but I’m not too sure. I once wanted to be a porn star, but now after seeing the news, I nolonger feel that way. I should run for President, they’d vote for a porn star? They would, because if people have already seen junk go into your trunk, there’s not much else they can really say. I mean yeah, Stormy would get lots of questions in regards to how thick the dicks were, what position was her favorite, and eventually it would fade into the usual polotical questions and her leanings. Which wouldn’t surprise me in the least. But have no fear, Oprah’s winning the 2020 and we won’t have to worry about a god damned thing anymore.

Call me a Snawflake, but when I shake the mountain, your asses are dealing with a fucking blizzard! Speaking of which, I redownloaded Starcraft Remastered out of nostalgia, and… well, it’s pretty much the same game it’s always been, not going to lie. Like it’s the same game, same way of playing, same everything, but at the same time, youre left wondering what was the point? True, you could use the remastered to introduce new players to the old game play conepts and then ease them into the sequel, but at the same time… I need something new.

I like the map making aspect of it, and I used to be completely boss at making UTGOTY maps like crazy! I came up with some pretty fucking badass map designs, and I’d spend hours making, texturing, and placing the wlak path nodes for the bots. It was a fucking blast! There was this one map, set in space, two basses on a connecting asteroid orbiting the planet? Hell fucking yeah, I loved that shit! I also dabbled in RPGMaker, which I haven’t checked to see if they updated or released a new version of yet.

But I had a pretty bad ass concept, there’d be the classic good versus evil concept, but it wasn’t the usual case of “WE’RE GONNA DEFEAT YOU BECAUSE CHEESECAKE!” It was more like they were an old married couple, and they’d do this as foreplay for when the REAL shit was about to go down, so they’d flip a coin, who ever lost had to be the “Evil”  one, so they’d create four blank souls each with their own story line, but always leading to the outcome of having to face off against the “Evil” side. I put so much fuckign effort into the first attempt, always working on it whenever I had the time and patience for it.

And then the file crashed, so I tried it again, same concept, it was always the same concept, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn’t get it to stick. I thought at first the problem was the scope of the game, so I tried making a small game to ease into things, set the bar low, y’know? No dice, couldn’t even finish a “Point A to point B” game.

Finishing something, getting to the goal. Knowing that you never had to look at it again and that it was off in the world doing it’s thing… That’s my issue. I mean, the process of writing, editing, formatting, and publishing books is a pretty good example of that… I’ve published a number of books:

The Dorikame Saga: Birth of Change

The Dorikame Saga: Broken Omen

Songs of the Soul

The Wrath of Puppy Monkey Baby

Messages to an Illegitimate President

The Debate of Factions

The Six Strings of the the Highlander’s Guitar

But… This is the way of things… Y’know?

I feel invisible…

I can’t seem to tell if it’s just the way I’m aging, or if I’m actually kinda losing my mind. I’m staring a cup of coffee, black, no creamer, and I’m instantly snapped to focus on something else. As if the urge is telling me that I’m out of focus, out of energy, that I need to get back to the basics of who I was before the internet came along and shrouded me in the never ending parade of stupidity, videos, and various little obsessions that never amount to much more than a bad headache and lost time.

I can’t really put a finger on it, or maybe I can. I’m trying to search for something, anything to write about that isn’t main stream, that makes me invisible for the time being. Almost like I’m forgetting something. Something near and dear to me, something that’s always at the edge of of my thoughts, just past where the light of creativity touches, something forbidden. I don’t know what that is though, like a writers block almost? you know that feeling where you take a hard look at your life in the moment, and you think, just where the fuck am I right now?

I’m at that point, and whether I like it or not, I have a following, a slightly small one, but a following none the less.
Maybe I’m just too serious?
Too ridiculous?
Too… Me?
But I look at the posts I’ve made in the past, and wonder at what I was aiming for when I wrote those. And half the time, I’m too terrified to go through them to edit, because maybe I already know what’s lurking in the darkness of my memory of that time? An indirect trauma, a lashing of forgotten nightmares, so pent up inside a few trigger words that I might scream for help for nothing more than a few digitized words?

I don’t know if I’m being overtly dramatic or what not, but that’s honestly the way I feel when I look at a blank post, a clean slate for that precious few minutes wherein the only thing I need to worry about isn’t making a video, or starting a live stream, or even dealing with the dramas and annoyances of the discord server. It’s just a visceral feeling, like your mind finally feeling free, released, relaxed and in its own way, creative at long last.

It’s a kind of zen in a way, a way to unwind, letting your thoughts melt away into the ridiculous depths of your own psychosis, your own psychological instability directing the way you travel. Eventually you’ll get to the heart of the matte,r and no matter how much you trumpet your intentions, there’s always one thing or another to deal with. I don’t mean to be vague, but the fog of my mind will eventually clear up and we’ll get to the heart of the matter rather quicker.
I guess I’ve always been this way, meandering thoughts, loosely connected by little tidbits here and there of faceted reality that might not otherwise be known to the outside observer. But wander away we must. Not that I’m trying to figure out a deep meaningful story, or waste your time. I’m just traveling my own path, and if for some reason you seem to be aligned with me, for whatever length of time, then I guess we’ll be travelling together.

I don’t usually get into the habit of deep intellectualism, or intelligent discourse, or something more than the garden variety idiocy that I’ve come to accept as part of of my everyday life. I just like writing, the way the click of the keyboard matches up in an awkward way with the music eventually. I know that I’m going to run out of things to talk about, or write about, or I might simply get distracted yet again.
It’s a worrisome habit of mine. And I do rather like taking the scenic route to reach the heart of the matter. But I like it, there’s no rush, no demand on my time, nothing of the sort. In fact, regarding the discord and Youtube and twitter weirdness, the fervor of the fan bases, the dumbed down regency of the varying users that tend to try and make my life a living hell… You don’t notice it here, on this blank slate of a blog post, you are truly in your own head.
Truly without a companion in the writing sense, and yet, sometime in the future, after I’ve posted and forgotten about this, a random person will read this, and I won’t even get a chance to thank them. But such is the way of things, and such as they will forever remain.

I don’t get many commenters on my posts, never have. I don’t know why that is, I guess I’ve always been a bit bad at getting a following going, despite what the numbers say on twitter, or vine, or live.me, or Youtube, audience interaction is always low. I don’t really have access to engaging topics, or even entertaining stuff. I just have to make do with my own quick witted mind and hope that’s enough…

In the end, I am alone, on my own. And while it does on occasion depress me, I never that I’ve got friends that are just a phone call away, or even fans that I can tweet at for a quick conversation. Although they only want a fan sign, or a video, or something of that meaning, they are kids, so I shouldn’t judge them too harshly. All I know is that I’m far stronger than I was when I first started writing. though I’m mostly just flailing in the darkness, I know that eventually something or someone will latch onto me.

After all, we bloggers are a lonely bunch.

Aren’t we?

 

 

 

 

 

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